You need to experience a significant neurochemical change in your brain and body to end your out-of-control behavior with pornography and masturbation.
There needs to be a paradigm shift that affects your entire lifestyle.
Porn addiction changes your brain. There’s no denying the severe effects that consuming hundreds of hours of pornography has on your mind. It alters your neurochemical makeup which affects your emotional processing and becomes a hindrance to your growth as a man.
I want to cover a few self-destructive behaviors that I’ve noticed in men over the years. These are things that lead to consistent relapses and loss of self-esteem. Men who don’t address these behaviors eventually end up in a place where they feel stuck with no motivation to keep going. I want to keep you from ending up here.
These are some of the self-destructive behaviors that you need to avoid if you want to be successful in your reboot.
It may seem silly or self-explanatory to include porn addiction but it’s the most important behavior to avoid. Again, pornography addiction alters your brain. Quitting isn’t as simple as making a few changes, setting some boundaries, and checking in with an accountability partner. If you’re here, you most likely have a full-blown addiction to pornography.
You might think you’re immune to developing an addiction problem. Maybe you come from a good family or you live in a nice area. You might have a great career and plenty of money in the bank. But if you can’t not only stop watching porn but stay stopped, then you have a serious problem on your hands.
Eliminating your pornography use is the first thing you need to do before any other measures can help.
Ignorance is the next self-destructive behavior that’s holding you back in your reboot. Most men who try to end their behavior with pornography relapse within the first year. Okay, I’ll admit that’s not an official statistic. But I will say it seems pretty accurate according to the hundreds of emails I receive every week.
There’s a great quote that I appreciate: “In the age of information, ignorance is a choice.” Men who refuse to recognize that porn addiction is a serious problem, who remain willingly ignorant to the reality of their situation, will never overcome their addiction.
I have plenty of information available on my channels alone. Between this blog, my YouTube channel, my podcast, and my free Facebook group, there is so much you can learn. But if you choose to ignore the information available to you and remain ignorant about the truth of pornography addiction, you’ll continue to relapse.
Emotional dependence is another severe self-destructive behavior that affects your reboot. Another word for this is emotional neediness. Needy men never take responsibility for their place in life and are unable to stand on their own two feet. You should never depend on other people to provide you with respect, security, or prestige.
I’ll give you a quick, simple test to determine whether you’re emotionally dependent. Ask yourself these two questions:
- Are your feelings hurt easily in relationships?
- Do you consider yourself to be a highly sensitive person?
If you answer yes to either of these, you have some work to do in the emotional dependence department. You allow others to define your reality and your worth when you’re emotionally dependent. You become highly reactive in relationships because you’ve placed the other person on a pedestal and given them power over you. Overcoming your emotional dependence is crucial before you can be successful in your reboot.
Self-loathing is one of the most insidious of these self-destructive behaviors. It holds you back not only in your reboot but in every area of your life. Self-loathing keeps you from accomplishing everything that you’re capable of. And whether you realize it or not, you’re capable of a lot.
Most of us have an idealized image of ourselves that we built up over the years. We believe we should have certain levels of achievement in life by now. There are things we should accomplish by a particular period. And we double down on these expectations as we scroll through social media and see others meeting these milestones.
When you struggle with porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior, though, you usually fall short of these ideals. Your expectations and your reality are two different things. As the divide between these grows wider, you begin to question your self-worth. You do not like who you’ve become and the sense of self-loathing sets in.
These assumptions of who you “should” be are false, though. You don’t have to hold yourself to any particular standard. Even if you’re overcoming pornography addiction, it’s not a moral failure on your part. It’s simply the situation that’s developed over time that you now have to work through and overcome.
Seeking Support Along the Way
It’s difficult to overcome these self-destructive behaviors. Looking at these less-than-helpful parts of ourselves is a painful reality check. Other times it’s difficult to even recognize your self-destructive behaviors in the first place. That’s why it’s important that you don’t try to approach your reboot on your own.
This is the exact reason I created the free Porn Reboot Facebook group. I want every man trying to overcome his porn addiction and compulsive sexual behaviors to have a place where he can find support. If you haven’t joined us already, come check it out. There are no requirements to join other than a drive to leave your behaviors behind.
If you’re looking for some help, come join us today!