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Choosing Sets You Free

When you say that something will happen someday, all you’re saying is that it’s not happening right now.

There’s no power behind the statement. It only does one of two things: it wastes energy and lowers your self-esteem.

I can hear you pushing back now.

“J.K., what does that mean? I’m planning ahead when I say that something will happen one day. It’s not a waste of time and it definitely doesn’t lower my self-esteem.”

Here’s the thing, brother. You might think it’s a helpful way to look at things but I promise that it’s not. Pushing things off to the open-ended “someday” is a weak way of saying it’s never going to happen.

It’s a waste of energy because there are plenty of men who sit around talking about all the things they’ll do someday. They’re convinced they’ll overcome their behavior with pornography as they sit around on forums online but all they’re doing is lying to themselves.

It lowers your self-esteem because you’re telling yourself that you’re not able to get there right now. Even if you can get there, empty hopes of “someday” remind you that you feel like you’re behind in life and not where you should be. 

Talking about the idea of “someday” deteriorates your motivation and drives you into a negative feedback loop. It places you in a space I think of as mental masturbation, where you’re talking about all the things you want to do but never take action to follow through on.

At 23 years old you’re insisting you’ll end your behavior, start a business, and be in a relationship. Before you know it, though, you’re 33, none of those have come to fruition, and you’re in an even worse place than before. Sometimes you’re 38 or 45 or 50 before you break out of this feedback loop. But how do you break out of it?

By choosing. Choosing sets you free. The power of choice is the key.

Highly successful men in the Porn Reboot program make decisions and make them quickly. You’ll never hear them talk about timing. They’re not speculating. They don’t give excuses. Instead, they gather as much information as they can and then make a decision.

I read a book years ago where the author said something that stuck with me: “Just make a decision and make it right.” It’s one of the best things I’ve ever heard and I come back to it regularly. It doesn’t always matter what the decision is because there are consequences to every choice. The act of deciding is what matters.

Men who sit around talking about doing things “someday” never choose to actually do them. They simply B.S. themselves and their friends about the things they want to do but don’t follow through on those things. They don’t make a decision.

The fear of making the wrong choice is often what holds men back. Learning to make decisions puts you in a position of power. I guarantee you that once you learn to decide it will change everything. Even when it’s a hard decision, it’s better than not deciding at all. 

After all, you never know whether something was a good or bad choice until after you chose it. You can gather as much information as you want but there’s ultimately only one way to find out if your choice is right: you have to make it.

It’s not something that happens all at once; it’s a skill you develop over time. In fact, it’s something I still struggle with sometimes. To this day I can still hesitate when making decisions at times.

For example, I recently invested in a coaching program for myself. The price tag of the group in question is rather high, though, so I wasn’t sure whether to follow through in joining. The people in the group are people who operate at a high caliber, they’re ahead of me by miles. I want to learn from them but it’s also a hefty sum to pay every month.

I felt huge fears surrounding the decision. What if the program isn’t what it’s cut out to be? What if these guys have so much wealth that the sum is nothing to them, but it puts me back financially? What if I can’t keep up with the people in this program, whether mentally or spiritually? What if I’m not poised enough to take full advantage of it?

I had all these concerns that went through my head on a loop. But I had to remind myself that I would only know if this was a good choice after I made the decision. And even after that, it would be up to me to make it a good decision. So I sat there for another quick moment then decided to join the group.

You’re going to face fears that accompany each of your decisions. Every choice that you make has an alternative that you’re leaving behind. But you’ll never go anywhere if you don’t make any decisions. You’ll remain in that feedback loop, that downward spiral until the end of your life.

I hope that you can finally decide on whatever choices you’re facing right now. I hope that you can choose to overcome the things holding you back right now. I hope that you can apply this power of choice to your life and that the choice sets you free. 

Until next time, brother.


J.K Emezi

Hi! I’m J.K. I’m here to help you quit your porn and sex addiction, and achieve a healthy, happy and fulfilled life.

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