Today I’m answering another question from one of our brothers in the Porn Reboot group.
He brought an excellent question to the group and it’s one of those that needs to be shared here. Our brother asked:
“I don’t understand why having a coach, or even accountability in general, will speed up the recovery process. I can see how it increases your likelihood of success but I don’t see how it speeds up the recovery process. If you can stay away from pornography and masturbation for a while without coaching or accountability, you’ll still heal just as well as those who had them, right?
“I understand the biological process of porn addiction. I get how it works and I realize the brain needs time to rewire itself. You’ve explained a ton about the concept of neuroplasticity and helped me understand I just need to stay away long enough for my brain to rewire. So do I really need a coach?”
I think this is such a great question because he verbalizes a subconscious thought that a lot of men have. You might have asked yourself this at one point or another. Maybe you’re new to the program and asking yourself this question right now. There’s plenty of information available online so why should you need a coach?
Here’s another way to look at it: why would having a professor or lecturer speed up the education process? You could read the textbook and complete the workbook yourself; how does having a teacher help?
That line of thinking sounds a bit sillier when you look at it that way, right?
Having someone to guide you, whether it’s a professor or lecturer or coach or accountability partner, is crucial if you want prompt results. These people have been through the process before and know what you need to do. They can tell you which pitfalls to avoid because they’ve already fallen into them themselves.
Coaches and accountability partners also relieve the immense weight of shame that many people carry around. Their presence reminds you that you aren’t alone on this journey and gives you hope that you can recover, too.
Another part I noticed in this brother’s question was when he mentioned “staying away from pornography and masturbation.” Thinking you can control your behavior with willpower alone is another mistake thousands of men make. Very few are successful when they attempt to do this with willpower.
Here’s the thing about addiction to pornography and masturbation. Rewiring your brain sounds simple in theory, a straightforward process you can follow out of a book. But it’s not as easy as it sounds. You’re rewiring learned behavior that you developed over months and years of pornography addiction.
During the process of creating that compulsive behavior, you lost your time, clarity, good judgment, and values. You eroded existing relationships as well as the ability to communicate with people and form new ones. As a result, you drove your self-confidence and self-esteem into the ground. And ending your behavior doesn’t result in these things magically returning.
You can’t rewire your brain using half-steam effort for two weeks. It takes months and years of work to undo the months and years of destruction. Trying to do it on your own may lead to success, but having accountability makes the process much smoother. Having a coach during your reboot keeps you on the road to recovery as your brain rewires.
You’re used to doing what you want to do when you want to do it. You wouldn’t be in this position if that wasn’t the case. Maybe it’s time to consult someone with more experience than you have when it comes to controlling your out-of-control behavior. And that’s where working with an accountability partner or coach comes into play.
When you join the Porn Reboot group, we keep you incredibly accountable at the front end. If you don’t show up to something we’re going to check in with you. We want to find out where you are, what you’ve been doing, and why you aren’t participating. The Reboot differs from other programs because you aren’t just another guy in the group; we genuinely care about you and your recovery.
That’s also why this program is for men who are serious about controlling their behavior. You might think serious accountability sounds like babysitting and that’s fine, but that means Porn Reboot isn’t for you. It’s for men who are finally ready to end their compulsive behaviors with pornography and masturbation.
Bringing a coach or accountability partner into your recovery is a fantastic tool and can very much speed up your recovery process. They’re going to help you avoid all the unnecessary detours you’re likely to make if you’re approaching it alone. They know the areas that cause problems and will try to keep you from making the same mistakes they did.
After working with men for over a decade, I can confidently say that you can rewire your brain within two years. When you apply the system, including the use of accountability partners, it takes between a year and a half to two years to rewire. It’s worked for me, it’s worked for the brothers in our group, and it can work for you too.
Ready to make a change? Join us in the Porn Reboot program today.