Whats better than an orgasm, really?
Its one of the most exhilarating and pleasurable experiences we can have as human beings. Im sure there is a mental equivalent with drugs, but orgasm comes without any side effects a precisely for that reason, there is nothing that competes with it.
I always laugh when I hear people who are anti-drug or anti-alcohol, preach against these things, yet they are addicted to releasing a chemical cocktail in their brains several times a day.
When you have access to something that feels so good, that satisfies you on such a deep level, there is a tendency to go back to it over and over again. The problem is, you are not considering the consequences of your decision to chase orgasms over and over again. Many times, men who struggle with porn and sex addiction tell themselves that they are going to masturbate, but they are not going to orgasm but what happens when you get to the critical decision making point? Well, you choose orgasm, because you want it NOW.
There have been several studies done which show that children who dont have much self-control frequently grow up to lead less successful lives as adults. However, you CAN control your immediate gratification. You can learn how to put off short-term gratification, for long-term benefits. The short-term benefit is almost always smaller than the long-term benefit. This immediate gratification habit from orgasm also extends into other areas of your life such at your eating habits, your financial habits, your sleeping habits, your internet browsing and entertainment habits and much more. It’s a very powerful thing.
So what are some of the long-term benefits of not having an orgasm right now:
You are able to work on other areas of your life such as developing intimate relationships. An addiction to orgasms before you have developed intimate sexual relationships not only puts that relationship at risk but makes it less likely that you will even enter one. For those of you having casual sex, an immediate gratification problem with orgasms can lead to you making bad decisions, expose you STDs, as well as emotionally unstable individuals whom you should not be having sex with.
Youll spend less money and time chasing orgasms. Less money on cam sites, less money on escorts and less time on porn. From personal experience, I can tell you that the amount of time that was freed up from watching porn was has allowed me to accomplish so much more in my life.
Youll also avoid drama with your friends family and youll avoid breaking the law. All of this creates incredible amounts of stress- the secrets, the risky behavior, the guilt, and the fear of being found out.
This is not just for an orgasm. This is done all the time. People hold back on eating out, buying clothes, gadgets and entertainment in order to save money to buy a home. Others avoid eating sugar and carbs in order to lose weight. To put myself through college, I drove a junky 1990 ford Taurus and sold books door to every summer with no weekends off for many years.It took me a long time to graduate, but I didnt want to graduate with debt.
So how do we fix instant gratification?
There is only step to this.
Separate the emotional part of the orgasm process from the rational.
Im going to give you an exercise that will help you to do this, but before that, let me give you an example from my life.
When I was in college, I had the choice to take out a student and pay for summer classes, or take the summer off like many college students and enjoy myself. Everyone else was doing the same thing. Instead of focusing on all the fun I could have in the summer, I instead chose to focus on what my life would be like in the Fall and after I graduated. I wanted real-world experience through an internship or a job, and I didnt want to be broke as a college student. That intense focus on the things I wanted in the long term caused me to put off having fun till later. As a result, all through college years getting multiple degrees, I never had Spring Break, a summer break or a fall break. I was either doing an internship, selling door to door or building a business. If I only focused on the pleasurable things- video games, going on trips, getting high and drunk, I would have given in to it.
Dont get me wrong, the temptation was there, and I wasnt perfect, but I learned through that process that you can become adapted to seeking long-term gratification as opposed to short-term pleasure.
Heres the Exercise:
Write out your immediate sexual gratification problem with orgasm:
It could be:
The need to watch porn and masturbate immediately
The need to have an orgasm through sex, so you call or visit an escort. There are also men who need the gratification so much that they will seek orgasm with another man or a transgender individual when they cannot find a woman and those who identify as straight men, but they have become opportunistic with orgasms.
It could be the need to get on a cam site and watch someone live in order to orgasm.
It could be cruising, driving around, spending time on dating apps or going to a club to pick someone up to have sex with immediately
Whatever your instant gratification problem is, write it out.
Then write out the Pleasurable Emotional aspects of it and the Rational Aspects of it.
For example, you may have the desire to pay for sex with a prostitute. The emotional aspects could be the physical feeling of penetrating another human being, it could be certain sounds, maybe you get high when to do it and that increases how pleasurable the experience is. All those are emotional and may even cause physical reactions when you write them down.
On the other side of the page, write out the rational aspects. One could be that you would be spending money that was budgeted for something else- like paying your rent. And because of that, you would be short on your rent by the end of the month and have to go through the embarrassment of borrowing money as a grown ass man from your parents in order to pay rent. Another could be that you run the risk of contracting an STD from having sex with a prostitute. You could also consider the fact that this time its a police sting or youre in a shady situation paying for sex and get robbed.
The more you practice this, the better youll get at it. Now, this exercise is not meant to be done when you feel an urge- if you can do it then, that great too, but its to be done now, right after watching this and perhaps every morning and evening. Instead of using your willpower, you simply use your minds ability to think about thinking. Thats what separates you from every other creature on earth. You can think about thinking. And you have that ability precisely to improve your condition as a human being.