As men, we’re commonly raised to believe we can’t ask for help.
We’re told we should be able to handle whatever life throws at us and remain strong and stoic throughout it. There’s more of a push now for men to share their feelings, but that doesn’t immediately undo all the years we’ve been taught to stuff things down.
That’s left many men feeling hopeless but unable to ask for help. If you want to be successful in your reboot, you have to know how to ask for help. You need to learn to put aside your ego and reach out to other men in the group. A simple post can release a lot of pressure and shame you’re feeling.
A couple of big things are holding you back in your reboot. You’re not going to make the progress you hope for until you overcome these issues, either. How are you getting in your own way during your reboot?
You’re Not Helpless
Something I’ve noticed with some men in the group is this attitude of learned helplessness. They’ve taken on a challenging task and are having a hard time, so they hold the belief that they’re helpless and can’t do it.
Sometimes men are raised like this. They have parents who bailed them out whenever they had problems. If you got into trouble or had a difficult time, someone was always there to help. So you became this adult who always needs help and relies on others to get him through whatever he’s facing.
I know this because I used to be that kind of guy, too. My mom bailed me out of a lot of things when I was younger. Even the littlest things like not having money for gas, she would send me $20 or more. I was dependent on her kindness in my late teens and became this helpless young man who couldn’t do things on his own.
The problem with this, aside from the glaring neediness of being a helpless adult man, is that it spills into every area of your life.
I remember one of my good friends finally pointing it out to me. I was complaining to him one night about my problems, about a woman who flaked on a date and how challenging things were in my life at the time. And I remember him stopping me and saying, “Dude, why are you complaining about this, man? Why don’t you just figure it out?”
That was the best thing he could have done for me.
And that’s my point, brother. Sometimes you need to put your ego aside and ask for help. But there’s a difference between sticking to this helpless mindset and asking for help.
Don’t Sell Yourself Short
I know sometimes when you first end up in the system that you feel out of place and aren’t sure what you’re doing. You have a hard time figuring things out and it seems like there’s something you aren’t implementing. The idea of overcoming your out-of-control behavior is so daunting that you can’t imagine you could be doing it right.
But I’m here to tell you that you’re probably doing better than you believe you are.
You might find yourself in a place where you feel like you’ve plateaued. Maybe you used to slip every day but now you’re slipping every two weeks. Even if it has been going on for two months, it takes 90 days alone just to learn how to control your behavior. And remember that it takes a year and a half to two years to fully rewire your brain.
I’ve written before about the way I prefer to view slips. Too many men look at slips and relapses as a moral issue or personal failure. Don’t attach these labels and emotions to them, though. Look at slips as data. Break them down and look at why they happened. Use them as opportunities to build your awareness.
Then implement the right coping strategies to deal with your slips. Continue practicing the tools and skills you learn in the Porn Reboot system. Don’t use your steps back as a reason to give up completely. That’s what helpless men do. Instead, look at them as an opportunity for learning and growth.
Accept that you’re not going to be perfect at the very beginning. It’s going to take time for you to learn the skills you need to rewire your brain and control your out-of-control behavior. But don’t sell yourself short before you’ve given yourself a real chance.
Recognize that you’re going to need some help, move forward knowing that you’re going to make mistakes, and watch how much your life will shift. You have so much awaiting you if you only give yourself the chance to make the change. Join us in the Porn Reboot group today and reach out. You don’t have to deal with your addiction alone, ever again.