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How to Deal With Your Hatred for Women

How to Deal with My Hatred for Women

If you’re here, you’re probably wondering how to overcome your hatred for women. You might not even know how it happened but you’ve realized you can’t connect with the women around you. You’ve tried everything but it feels like your anger is only getting worse

You’re not alone in this struggle. Unfortunately, many men reach this point of complete frustration. They don’t understand what’s going on but the longer they live with it the more difficult it gets. 

I’m here to tell you there’s hope! You can overcome your frustrations and learn to interact with women. Eventually, you’ll be able to form successful, positive relationships with the intimacy you’ve been looking for. Before you can effectively deal with your hatred for women; though, you need to understand how it formed.

How Your Hatred For Women Formed

You didn’t naturally start out hating women but men who view pornography compulsively often reach this point. They rarely express their true feelings because it’s not an acceptable thing to say. But, this is the reality for many men with pornography addiction. 

I believe there are three main reasons that men who view pornography compulsively grow to loathe women: objectification, inability to handle rejection, and a lack of understanding about the nature of women. Let me explain…

1. Objectification

Whether you like it or not, when you compulsively view pornography you eventually start viewing women as objects. Pornography portrays women as objects for you to experience pleasure from; it also shows women as objects for you to hurt.

I’m serious when I say this because modern pornography is not intimate. It is not about love. It is not about connection. It is about violence and it is ab sex. It fills you with a false idea of the relationship between women and men.

Once you start viewing someone as an object, it’s very difficult for you to have compassion for that person. So when you’re trapped in the cycle of pornography addiction, you’re going to view women quite differently from the way you view other men.

2. Inability to handle rejection

The second thing is the inability to handle rejection. Eventually, you’ll reach a point in life where you realize that you want a woman in your life for friendship, companionship, intimacy, or even just for sex. When you start pursuing women; though, you may find that you get rejected sometimes. Rejection is just a part of the human mating game. That’s just how it works.

Unfortunately, many men who are addicted to pornography have trouble expressing their feelings. They often end up “frozen” at the age when they started watching porn as a coping mechanism. So when you were 14, 15, 16 years-old, maybe even younger, you started using it to numb many of your strong emotions. 

These are the ages when things like anger, fear, sadness, and of course all the emotions that come with rejection, start to surface. Instead of learning to deal with them effectively, you started using pornography, masturbation, and orgasms. 

When you get rejected nowadays, sometimes you’re still reacting like you did when you were rejected as a teenager. You get very upset. You don’t have any way to appropriately deal with your emotions. 

The difference is now you’re a grown man full of testosterone. It’s a dangerous combination if you don’t do something to address it. This is one of the reasons why there’s a lot of violence towards women. It’s often at the hands of men who have no coping strategies or ways to deal with rejection.

3. Lack of understanding for women

Now, when men are rejected and not able to get the women they want, they start looking for answers. This might even be the case for you and that’s how you found yourself reading this blog post. Maybe you ended up here because you’re searching for a solution. Men start looking for other men who understand what they’re going through. 

Unfortunately, there are a lot of communities out there filled with men who objectify women, who have been rejected by women, and who don’t understand women’s nature. They haven’t found a solution to the problem and blame women as a whole.

If you find yourself in these communities, you’re going to notice they promote certain beliefs. These include the ideas that women are conniving and out to get you. Communities of these men believe that all women are manipulative, all women lie, and no women care about you.

All of these things are massive misunderstandings of women and their nature. Most of these communities focus only on the negative parts of certain women because they feel rejected by all women. If you put yourself in an environment where all the men are feeling your pain, all that’s going to do is magnify your hatred. 

How to Deal With Your Hatred for Women

Now that you understand how your feelings formed you can start to deal with your hatred for women. It’s all misunderstanding that stems from objectification and the inability to deal with rejection. Once you realize this truth you can make a change. I have five main ways to confront and solve your frustration.

1. Put a stop to your pornography addiction

Dealing with your hatred starts with putting a stop to your pornography addiction. It’s going to stop you from objectifying women. Eventually, your brain is going to rewire and you’re going to learn how to appreciate women for who they are. Even if it takes a while, you’re going to learn how to be intimate with women again.

I know this sounds crazy, especially if you’re still struggling with pornography right now. When you quit porn; though, you can actually reach the point where you’ll meet an attractive woman and not immediately feel an urge to have sex with her. You can appreciate her for her beauty and then go on with your life.

You need to stop viewing and treating women like objects. You need to realize that they’re just other human beings, exactly like you. That begins with letting go of your compulsive behaviors with pornography.

2. Learn how to interact with women without sexualizing them

Most men can interact with and speak perfectly with other guys. If you put some of them in front of a woman; though, they just don’t know what to say. But think about it, she’s just another person. She’s probably not thinking of you intimately, but you’re acting completely different around her. 

You have to learn how to interact with women without sexualizing them. Developing confidence and holding conversations with women in social situations is important. Speak with them normally, the way you would speak to another man you’ve never spoken with. You don’t have to sexualize every woman you see.

The funny thing is…you don’t realize how not sexualizing women is exactly how you generate eventual intimacy. Men who objectify women, who don’t understand women’s nature, who feel they’re always rejected, don’t understand that constantly sexualizing women turns them off. 

Many of you have great personalities! There are so many guys in my program, many of my clients who are just funny, normal, cool guys I would hang out with. But, they don’t understand how to interact with women, because they have all this junk in their heads from pornography.

If you just spoke to women the way you spoke to guys, many women would find you attractive. You don’t need to learn “game” or become a pick-up artist or anything. You just need to be yourself and talk to enough women. Your life will change before you know it. 

3. Be honest with women about your intentions

I’m big on honesty when it comes to your intentions with women. There’s a lot of junk around interacting and speaking with women, both because of shame in our society, and the way we’re socialized.

At a certain point early in my pornography reboot, I started being very upfront about what I wanted with women I took on dates. I would be having a conversation with them and say, “Hey, I know this is random, but I just wanted to say that you’re all kinds of attractive.”

She’d either be like, “Oh, thank you!” or she would think it was weird. Most of the time, though, 9 times out of 10, women would just say, “Thank you.” It didn’t matter if anything came out of it. What mattered is that I actually started getting intimate with more women than I ever had before. 

I wasn’t walking around, just handing out compliments everywhere. If I felt a woman was attractive; though, I would let that woman know. As long as there were no boundaries like her being married, being with a boyfriend, or while at work, I would tell her how I felt.

I believe that when you hide and repress your intentions, there’s more of a possibility that you’re going to objectify the woman. You’re going to fantasize about her and create this world that just isn’t real.

It’s so much more freeing for you as a man to let that woman know how you feel. You’ve told her what you’re thinking and whatever comes from it, that’s cool. You’re also less likely to fantasize about her because you let those thoughts out after verbalizing how you feel.

4. Stop trying to control a woman’s life and behavior

You need to stop trying to control the women around you, especially if you’re in a relationship. If you’re thinking about controlling her, then there’s no real relationship. It doesn’t matter how long it lasts because eventually, it will backfire on you.

Although many women indeed like to be led, being controlled is a whole different story. No human being likes to be controlled. Yet, many men believe they should control women in order to find intimacy or have a happy relationship.

Pornography also perpetuates this belief that you need to control women. It lies to you, telling you that’s what they really want. Porn has you believing women want to be dominated and controlled, and if you do that, then the sex is better.

Trust me on this, though. Let women do what they want to do and instead focus on being the best man you can be. If she really cares for you, she is going to be with you. You won’t have to control her. Your success with women and eventual relationships will be a lot better this way.

5. Let go of your expectations

Finally, you need to let go of your expectations. Whether you’re dating or you’re in a long-term relationship, letting go of your expectations is crucial. This isn’t always easy to do, especially when you’re battling pornography addiction.

Pornography creates so many false expectations on a timeline. The understanding of the time between meeting a woman and having sex with her is warped. There is no courting or dating period in pornography. She simply shows up, there’s a brief interaction, and then they have  sex. 

Think about it. If you’re watching pornography hundreds of times per year, it’s framing your understanding of sex. You’re giving your unconscious mind the idea that sex just happens. Naturally, your mind is going to have the same expectations from real life after a certain point.

These expectations are skewed. You might think, “She came home with me on the first date so she must want to have sex.” Or, maybe you’re in a relationship and expect that you should have sex whenever you want it.

When these expectations aren’t fulfilled; though, you end up back at the starting point: objectifying women. At this point, you’re not thinking of her feelings of whether she should feel safe. You’re only thinking of the expectation that if you’re attracted to each other you should be having sex.

Remember, if you struggle with pornography, you are most likely using porn, masturbation, and orgasm to medicate some sort of emotion. You’re filled with unmet expectations and anger, but you don’t have any coping strategies to handle it.

Letting go of expectations and learning to understand women is crucial. I rarely find guys in our group who come in and talk about a rejection situation but talk about how the woman feels. They always say things like, “Aw, man, I didn’t do anything but she didn’t want to have sex with me.” 

But, they’ll rarely talk about her feelings. What do you think she was thinking? How was she feeling? Was there something about your behavior that made her feel a certain way? Men are rarely putting themselves in the partner’s shoes. When you put yourself in the woman’s shoes, it’s easier to let go of expectations.

Looking For Some Help?

Whenever you’re ready, there is a solution to your out-of-control sexual behavior. From pornography to masturbation to compulsive sex, you can escape the cycle. The Porn Reboot system and group is formulated to provide a path out of the darkness of pornography addiction.

Are you ready to take the first step?

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J.K Emezi

Hi! I’m J.K. I’m here to help you quit your porn and sex addiction, and achieve a healthy, happy and fulfilled life.

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