If you’re a high performer, an entrepreneur, a business owner, or just an ambitious professional man, you already understand how to work hard.
You’re disciplined and focused, you know how to accomplish your goals, and you likely have a system for getting the things you want in life.
However, the problem I’ve noticed with these types of men when they join the Porn Reboot program, is that they handle their reboot the same way they handle their business. After they find the right system that works for them, they follow it in the same the way they do everything else in life: with unrelenting, regimented discipline and focus.
They wake up in the morning, do their morning routine, and move through their list of particular relapse prevention methods. They keep in regular contact with their accountability partners during scheduled check-ins. Some see a therapist. Others stick to meetings with me. They all have a system in place that works and they don’t stray from it at all.
If this is the case for you, your work ethic and dedication likely yield plenty of positive results. At the same time, you’re also likely to reach a point where things feel monotonous. Your reboot becomes just another checkbox on the list. You take it on with all the diligence you apply to other areas of your life, but there’s no fun in it.
The problem with arriving at this place is you put yourself at risk for a relapse. You might feel the need for a sense of relief from this endless loop day-in and day-out. So you don’t want to forget why you started your reboot in the first place.
There’s no need to reach this point! Your reboot doesn’t need to be just another checkbox on your list. You can have fun with your reboot and enjoy your life. I want to help you consider the way you’re approaching your reboot and whether you could benefit from lightening up a bit.
How Many Days Do You Remember in a Positive Way?
How many days do you remember having fun? Which days were memorable or had something interesting happen? I used to ask myself these questions often at the beginning of my reboot attempts. When I first did it years ago, I realized I couldn’t think of more than three days to count.
At this point, I was so focused on overcoming my out-of-control behavior that it consumed all my attention. I had figured out my reboot system but it didn’t have a name yet. It was a few things I’d put together and noticed I had positive results and I didn’t slip when I lived that way. But I was missing out on the fun parts of life.
This might be the case for you, too. Once you found the system that worked for you, you applied the same high level of performance that you do in other areas of your life. You’re committed to checking every single box off every single day. But you’re missing out on the things in life that are there for you to enjoy.
If you’ve reached this point, it’s time to let up on taking things so seriously. You’re dedicated to your system and already know how to hit your goals. So you need to start thinking about how you can have a bit more fun in your life.
Write It Out – How Many Days Do You Remember?
I want you to take out a pen and paper right now and give yourself five minutes to write. In the past year, how many days do you remember in a positive way? You don’t need to remember the exact dates but think of some events during the last year that were fun, enjoyable, or impactful. Stop reading this for five minutes and go write.
Okay, have your list? Now I want you to grade yourself. If you couldn’t do it in five minutes, you have a problem. If you had to scroll through your social media feed, that’s a problem, too. The goal is to remember these things off the top of your head; you want to work on being present during the moments that are worth remembering.
You’re doing well if you remember 9 to 12 days, especially if you’re someone who runs a business or has multiple avenues going on at once. You have a lot that occupies your time but you still slow down enough to appreciate the fun moments in life.
You’re alright if you remember 4 to 8 days. That’s about average. If you’re at this point, though, it’s likely that number will drop going forward. I want you to start paying attention to the enjoyable times in your life – you don’t have to take things so seriously all the time.
If you only remember 3 or fewer days over the last year, you’re at the point I was. You might have a deeper issue at play, something like depression or isolation. I know I felt depressed when I was working very hard but not producing anything. You can be a high-performer and still struggle with depression. But you have some work to do when it comes to enjoying your days.
Start Trying New Things
If you’re struggling with having fun in your reboot, it’s time to try some new things. Schedule something exciting or a new experience twice a month, every other week. It can be something you do on your own, with a friend, or with a partner. Preferably it should be outside your comfort zone.
If you’re a busy man you might push back against this idea. I hear it all the time. “J.K., I’m so busy, I can’t take that time off.” I’ve heard every excuse in the book – work, girlfriend, family. If you’re concerned about your spouse and kids, bring them with you. Take them to the movies, go for a hike, take them on a short road trip.
There are so many things you can try both with your loved ones and on your own. Once you detach from the idea that you can’t take any time away, you’ll start realizing that you’re having a good time. The monotony of life will slip away and you’ll have fun with your days and weeks and years. You’ll reconnect with the parts that make life worth living.
So, what’s the first new activity you’re going to try?