Feelings are the result of how you interpret events and circumstances in your life.
If you interpret certain experiences as beneficial, then your brain will generate positive emotions when those experiences come up again. Conversely, if you interpret an experience as negative, your brain generates negative emotions when you have a similar experience.
Let’s say you’re an independent consultant, made the mistake of taking on too many clients, and failed at delivering certain tasks. Some of your clients decided to terminate their agreements with you because you failed to deliver.
Later on, you again find yourself in a similar situation where you have too many clients and not enough time to complete the work. Your brain will still conclude that you’re going to end up with more terminated agreements, even if you haven’t lost the client or even failed to deliver yet.
These negative emotions aren’t necessarily bad because they let you assess your current situation. But the benefits of those emotions depend on how you choose to interpret them. If you give in to the negativity then you’ll inevitably lose your clients. If you instead let it push you to find alternative solutions, you may find yourself with a bigger business and increased income.
The same thing applies to your out-of-control sexual behavior. There are two main things you experience: the strong urge to watch porn or act out on your behavior, and the feeling of powerlessness over those urges. How you interpret these two feelings has everything to do with your success in your reboot.
When you experience strong urges to act out, you can either interpret it as a normal male desire or you can recognize that you’re different from other men. The first interpretation serves as an excuse to continue acting out on your compulsions. The second interpretation helps you realize that you can’t carry yourself the same way as most other men.
Realizing that you need to take a different approach to these urges keeps you from internalizing that urge. You understand that it has no bearing on your worth as a person. It doesn’t mean that you’re a terrible partner. It simply means that you have a predisposition to compulsive sexual behavior and you need to use tools to deal with those urges.
When it comes to feelings of powerlessness, you also have two choices. You can view yourself as hopelessly addicted to pornography with no choice in the matter, or you can view yourself as a man who has a problem with porn but who can make a decision for himself whether he’ll act on his impulses or not.
You don’t have to fall into self-pity or believe that you’re the victim of some unfair hand that life dealt you. You’re not powerless over your pornography addiction and compulsive sexual behavior. It takes work to reach a place where you can interpret your strong sexual urges in a positive way rather than a negative one, but it’s very possible to get there.
The less you allow your sexual urges to control you, the more successful you will be with your reboot. It’ll be a difficult but rewarding experience because you know the freedom that awaits you on the other side of rebooting. You’re more than capable of controlling your urges, brother, and we’re here to help you along the way.