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How to NOT Rely on Willpower

Are you relying on willpower to control your out-of-control behavior?

Tons of men use the white-knuckle approach to control their out-of-control behavior. It might work for a couple of weeks or even a few months but it’s not a long-term strategy. Willpower only gets you so far and if you’re relying on it right now, you need a different approach.

How do you know if you’re relying on willpower, though?

That’s what I want to cover today. 

Willpower: Working Against Your Brain

Your willpower is finite, meaning it’s going to run out at some point. Once it’s gone you can’t rely on it anymore. Depending on something finite to cover you in the long run is setting yourself up for failure. It’s not going to keep you from relapsing as you get further and further from your last slip. 

I’ve covered the difference between working with your brain and working against your brain. Everyone has an identity, a self-image, and a set of beliefs that works for them. If you try to make a sudden, drastic change that goes against your identity and beliefs, you have to rely on willpower. 

For example, you might see yourself as the type of guy who needs some form of sexual relief when he feels stressed out. You believe pornography is a healthy way to release that tension. If you firmly believe these things, you’re not going to end your behavior. You’re going to rely on willpower alone to make any changes but those changes won’t last long.

On the other hand, working with your brain means you understand your existing beliefs. You realize that your self-image and idea of things that are healthy and beneficial is skewed. You might see yourself as a guy who can’t live without pornography right now but also accept that you can change this slowly over time.

So how do you work with your brain?

Systems: Working With Your Brain

Again, willpower is finite. You can only turn to self-control for so long before it runs out. Using willpower to control an out-of-control behavior is a ticking time bomb. You’re going to stretch yourself too thin and eventually snap.

This is where systems come into play.

You can’t rely on your willpower but you can rely on a system. Good systems are predictable, consistent, and reliable. Following a system gives you the same results day after day, week after week, month after month, year after year. Systems aren’t finite, either. They’re a simple, straightforward set of guidelines to follow and that’s why they work.

Sure, it might take some willpower when you first implement a new system in your life. It’s going to take some self-reliance to get you out of bed earlier, to clean your room, and to go to the gym. They’re counterintuitive to your normal state of being. You’re going to have to rely on willpower at first.

You have to take it slow when you’re starting. You need to look at each day individually and choose to commit to the system one day at a time. Choose to get out of bed on time today, to dress well today, to go to the gym today, to go to sleep on time today. Each time you decide to stick with one or more of these things it’s a win.

Recording your wins day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year leads to a change in your mindset. The system will slowly change your self-image, identity, and beliefs. It rids you of debilitating old ideas and reinforces your new understanding of yourself.

Willpower vs. Systems

Willpower is finite. Systems are infinite.

Implementing a system into your life might require some short-term willpower. Over time it becomes habitual and doesn’t require any willpower at all. This is what I’m talking about when I bring up the Porn Reboot system. It’s exactly how the Porn Reboot system works. 

It provides a framework for your day. You develop a routine that works for you and replaces your old habits. You learn to work with your brain while incorporating these new behaviors into your life. Relying on the system replaces your need to rely on your willpower. If you’re ever feeling uncertain or unsure, simply turn to the system for the next action you need to take.

It’s also important to turn to the group. The Porn Reboot community is full of men living out this system one day at a time. They understand the struggles and difficulties that come with retraining your brain. These men know where you come from and they also know where you’re heading. They can guide you through the difficult days, the days when it feels like you can’t make it through.

They’ve implemented the system into their lives and don’t rely on willpower to do what’s right. The men in the Porn Reboot community make choices to move their lives forward every day. If you’re still relying on willpower to control your out-of-control behavior, these men are here to help you.


J.K Emezi

Hi! I’m J.K. I’m here to help you quit your porn and sex addiction, and achieve a healthy, happy and fulfilled life.

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