Can you spot the difference between these two statements?
“I will not bring my phone to bed.”
“I do not bring my phone to bed.”
There’s obviously a one-word difference between the two but do you know what that difference is?
The phrasing. How you phrase things matters. If you’ve been around, you’ve read my thoughts about working with your brain instead of against it. Too many programs for porn addiction use methods that work against your brain. They employ willpower to control your behavior which never works long-term.
If you know that bringing your phone with you to bed is something that causes you to slip, then leaving your phone outside your room is important. But how you get to that end goal is just as important as the end goal itself.
When you tell yourself, “I will not bring my phone to bed,” you’re automatically working against your brain. The negative statement implies a fight. It activates your willpower and your brain is ready to push against the statement.
When you tell yourself, “I do not bring my phone to bed,” you’re stating a fact. It’s a simple, straightforward statement about something you do not do. Your brain is on board with the plan because it sees it as something you already do.
It might seem like this minor difference doesn’t have much effect on the outcome but think about it. Tell yourself those two phrases in your head right now, one at a time.
When you say you will not bring your phone to bed, it sounds like you’re a parent giving instructions to a child. When you say you do not bring your phone to bed, you sound like an adult taking charge of your own life.
Apply it to other things you struggle with. Social media during work hours, navigating to other tabs in your browser, going to the gym consistently, or eating foods that strengthen your body instead of foods that break it down.
Remember, you’re not fighting a war in the Porn Reboot system. It’s not a battle against yourself or your evil addiction. It’s a strategic system put in place to overcome your out-of-control behaviors and live a life free from pornography addiction.
See? Phrasing matters!