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PIED and the Women in Your Life

Porn-induced erectile dysfunction is going to be a part of your early reboot stages.

You flooded your brain with dopamine from porn for so long that getting and maintaining an erection is going to be challenging from time to time. PIED and the resulting anxiety are overwhelmingly difficult to deal with, but it’s just part of the process. 

I want to tell you about one of my own experiences with PIED and the anxiety that came with it. I struggled with my out-of-control sexual behavior back when I was in college. By that point, I knew I had a problem and had started trying to get it under control but I still couldn’t manage to.

One night we were out at the bar for college night and this beautiful Brazilian girl was there. She was on one of the sports teams at school and I’d been interested in her for a while. Long story short, we got a few drinks, danced together, and made out a little bit. I suggested taking it back to her place and she agreed.

We headed back to her place and were about to have sex, but I couldn’t perform. I finally had this gorgeous girl in front of me but nothing was happening. I started thinking about some porn scenes and managed to get a little bit hard but couldn’t maintain it. No matter how hard I tried it just wasn’t working. 

I wasn’t only anxious that I couldn’t follow through on what I started but was also worried about her judging me. It was an awkward, embarrassing, and, frankly, a pathetic situation to be in. It felt terrible.

Eventually, it prevented me from getting close to women that I was attracted to out of fear that I wouldn’t perform. Over time, this led me to throw away plenty of opportunities and I started creating issues for myself.

How many times have you found yourself in a situation like this in your own life? Maybe it was with your wife, maybe it was with your girlfriend, or maybe it was a woman you randomly met. It’s an awful predicament to be in and it only makes your anxiety worse the next time around. 

You might even be at the point I was where you can’t get close to the women you’re interested in. You’re wondering what’s the point of anything moving forward when, at the end of the day, you’re just going to disappoint her and embarrass yourself. Before long you’re internalizing all these limiting beliefs and negative self-talk. And on the cycle goes.

It’s a dark place to be in once you get to this point. I’ve been there and I know how terrible it is to feel trapped in it. Even if you might be right about some of those negative beliefs, though, you’re probably wrong more often than you think.

The truth I’ve learned about PIED and women over the years is that the extent of the problem really depends on one thing: the woman. Now, I don’t mean that your PIED is her fault. What I do mean is that not all women see it the same way. While you might think it’s a huge, embarrassing deal, there are plenty of women who don’t think it is.

See, women who are experienced with sex know that ED is something that plenty of men deal with. They’ve been with men before who have the same exact problem. These women won’t make assumptions about you based on your inability to perform. They know that it happens sometimes and they’re not going to shame you for it.

Inexperienced women tend to be the ones who have more of a problem with men who have ED. They don’t realize that ED is a common problem for many men, so they’re more likely to personalize it. These women believe your inability to perform has something to do with them, that you don’t find them attractive enough or you aren’t interested. 

When you’re in the beginning stages of your reboot, experienced women are the types of women you should look for. They’ll be more understanding of your troubles and less likely to make a big deal out of it. Because ED is far more common than you might realize.

It’s going to take time to overcome your PIED. If you’ve struggled with your out-of-control behavior for years, it isn’t going to go away in a few days or weeks. The more experience you get having sex after quitting pornography, the better you’ll perform over time. 

Check out this post to find out some tips on overcoming PIED during the early days of your reboot. You can also check out our YouTube channel where there are a few hundred videos outlining the Porn Reboot program. 
Finally, the Porn Reboot Facebook group is a free resource where you can connect with other brothers in the struggle who are ready and waiting to support you. You’re never alone as you step into this new phase of your life and leave pornography behind for good!


J.K Emezi

Hi! I’m J.K. I’m here to help you quit your porn and sex addiction, and achieve a healthy, happy and fulfilled life.

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