How do you draw the line between success and failure in your reboot?
What does failure mean to you and what does success look like?
Men who are working to end their out-of-control behavior with porn and masturbation often have a goal attached to it. Maybe you hope that you’ll have a happier, more fulfilling relationship with your partner once you control your behavior. You might think that you’ll find freedom from shame and guilt on the other side of your reboot. Perhaps you believe that you’re going to accomplish your physical goals, find peace of mind, or focus on your career.
However, when you slip or relapse it all seems to fall out of your reach. It feels like all of these goals slip away and you have to start over again, worried you’ll never accomplish what you’re ultimately hoping to do.
I want to challenge that belief, though. I want you to reconsider the way you look at what success and failure in your reboot mean.
Too many guys come in here thinking that the only path to reboot success is never slipping again. They think that Porn Reboot will wipe away their desires immediately, that they’ll never deal with an urge to act out again.
If this is what success looks like to you, brother, I’m here to tell you that you’re wrong. Sure, some guys have never slipped, but I find that slips are a common part of the experience in the beginning. You’re working to rewire your brain after years of pornography addiction and compulsive behavior. It’s not all going to change at once.
Guys who carry this mentality are the ones who lose all hope when they slip. They’re the guys who feel their goals are out of reach when they relapse, falsely believing that they lost all their progress. They fear they’re going to be stuck in this painful cycle forever.
I want to challenge you to look at it differently. We’ve talked before about the idea that slips are data and nothing more. A slip doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person, that you’re not going to accomplish anything, that you’ll never overcome your behavior. A slip is simply a slip. It’s a side effect of the process of rewiring your brain away from porn and masturbation.
You need to reframe your view on it. Having a slip doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It doesn’t mean that you’re a horrible person with no willpower who doesn’t deserve to reboot. It means you’re a man who’s on a path to better himself and is working one day at a time to get closer to the man he knows he’s capable of becoming.
If you’re still having a hard time and feel like a failure, you can join us in the free Porn Reboot Facebook group. You’re not the first person to struggle with these feelings and I guarantee you won’t be the last. Rebooting is a long process that takes dedication and drive, but anyone who sets their mind to it can reboot. It helps to have support along the way, though, so come join us in the group and let us know where you’re at.