No one will tell you that rebooting is easy.
You already know how difficult it is to control your out of control behaviors. There are dozens of different ways men try to cut back on or quit watching pornography. Porn Reboot probably isn’t the first program you’ve read about before. The difference between the Porn Reboot system and the other alternatives is the effectiveness of our system.
Still, just because it’s effective doesn’t mean it’s easy. There is work involved. On the surface, men new to the program, or even those who have been around for some time, know that work will improve the quality of their lives. It will help them reach their potential, make them happier, fix their relationship issues, and more.
Despite this knowledge, though, many of us find ourselves unmotivated from time to time. We can’t seem to find the drive it takes to fulfill our reboot responsibilities some days. On the other hand, we still go to work knowing we need to make a living to pay our mortgages and buy things for our families. But we can’t apply that same understanding to our reboot at times.
Reframing Your Reboot Perspective
Overcoming your pornography addiction and compulsive sexual behavior doesn’t happen all at once. It doesn’t happen automatically, either. It happens slowly over time as a product of consistent, intentional action. Controlling your behavior comes from small changes implemented over days, weeks, and months. These small changes, or reboot skills, stack up as time goes on and results in rewiring your brain.
Reframing your perspective on the work involved in your reboot is one way to combat the occasional lack of motivation. Your reboot work is just as important as the work you do for your livelihood. Without it, you’re probably not performing your best at work, anyways. How can you reframe your perspective, though?
One way to look at it is you’re stacking different reboot skills. You’re building confidence and mastery in an array of areas so you can feel less depressed, become happier, and improve your life. You don’t need to look at the system as a whole on days like these. Instead, focus on the particular skill you’re working on at the moment.
What are some of the skills you need for a successful reboot?
Emotional regulation is a key component of the Porn Reboot system. Many men watch pornography as a way to numb out or avoid emotions. As you start on your reboot, you start feeling these emotions you spent years avoiding. It’s easy to let these feelings advance into extremes, though. Sadness becomes depression, frustration becomes rage, and so on.
You can’t let these emotions grow out of control and get the best of you, though. You’ll feel tempted to turn back to your old behaviors when these emotions rise up. Slips and relapses happen when men don’t learn to control their emotional natures. Learning to regulate your emotional responses is necessary for a successful reboot.
Dialoguing is what I call having a conversation with your “addict mind.” This is that part of your brain that’s active when you’re at the start of a relapse. It tries to convince you that you can deactivate the filter on your phone or computer to watch “just one” scene. Your addict mind insists that this will be the “last time” over and over again.
Learning to dialogue with that inner addict and talk yourself through to the end result is an important skill. You have to learn to play the tape out and realize that nothing good comes from this inner voice. Stacking other reboot skills helps you quiet that voice over time, too.
Self-talk and dialoguing are two different things. While dialoguing talks to your inner addict, self-talk refers to the ways you talk to yourself throughout the day. It’s those negative thoughts and attitudes that judge not only yourself but those around you, too. Self-talk is the thing at play when you’re having imaginary conversations with people, coming up with the perfect response.
Controlling your self-talk is crucial. It’s easy to start your day out with some negative self-talk that ends up taking over your morning then steamrolling your entire day. Learning to stop these negative thought patterns is an important reboot skill to have.
Setting boundaries is imperative if you want to be successful in your reboot. They’re one of the more difficult reboot skills to acquire, though. It takes time to determine your boundaries. You learn more about your triggers and sticking points the longer you practice your reboot skills then set limits for yourself based on what you find.
For example, a common boundary for many men is setting up filters on their electronic devices to block any tempting sites. Others have boundaries with the amount they drink to avoid lowering their inhibitions too far. Over time you’ll learn which areas are troublesome for you and create boundaries to control their impact.
Accountability is one of the most important reboot skills available to you. It’s almost impossible to control your out of control behaviors on your own. You spent years isolating yourself and keeping your behaviors a secret. Trying to control them in the same way is only setting yourself up for failure.
You need accountability in your reboot. Using your girlfriend as your accountability partner is a bad idea, though. You need someone neutral who realizes the severity of your problem but won’t judge you as you work through it. You might find accountability from a trusted friend or therapist. Others look for it in 12-step groups or other recovery support meetings.
You can also find accountability in the Porn Reboot Facebook group. We’re a group made up of thousands of men who know the pain that out of control sexual behaviors causes. We work individually and together to overcome our compulsive sexuality and pornography addiction. And we’re here to support you during your reboot, too.
Understanding the skills required for a successful reboot is crucial but finding a group to hold you accountable helps it stick. Which skill are you currently working on? Join us in the Porn Reboot group and let us know where you’re at!