If you are just tuning in, up till the age of 23, I was a total failure- a direct result of my porn use.

You may be able to relate to some of the things that keep me down:

• Social anxiety: I couldn’t speak to strangers, let alone women. Due to my inability to keep a part-time job, the only thing I could do was a job that took anyone- door to door sales. I failed at that too because one rejection would knock me out emotionally for several days.
• Inability to concentrate: Do you have issues sticking to a task for long hours? I sucked at this. I couldn’t sit still in a class for more than an hour. After 20 minutes, I was done. All the jobs I took were boring and I dreaded showing up to work because I would hate being there within an hour.
• Mood Swings: Can you relate? I could go from excited to losing my temper and rolling in anger for hours- replaying an event in my mind over and over again. I’d wake up feeling the same way. As I mentioned earlier, I was frequently depressed and the hopelessness was real.
• Brain Fog: Simply put, I felt stupid. I mean, I know I’m not a disabled human being, but I really felt that way sometimes. I would decide to complete a college project and it was just so hard! Writing papers was like Frodo’s Journey In Lord of The Rings- epic and full of pitfalls. In all my years of college, there were probably two occasions I can remember where I sat down and knocked out a paper without holding my head in my hands in confusion.
• Lack of Motivation: I don’t even need to explain this one, do I? Excuse my language, but I didn’t want to do jack shit. Get a job? Nope. Go to class? Zero motivation. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I literally quit going to several classes in college because the first two classes bored me to tears. Pay bills on time? Nah. I’ll pay late fees.
• Irritability This was my trademark. I don’t even know how I managed to have friends. Maybe the weed I smoked back then made me tolerable. I would complain whenever I was asked to do anything. If something didn’t work out, you can be sure I would be the first person to complain.

These issues ALL stemmed from my compulsive porn use. I know because, once I quit porn, every single one of them disappeared!

I am far from perfect, but I have no social anxiety- in fact, I became well known in my company for my cold calling skills. Today, I can sit down and coach clients for ten hours straight with only four 15 minute breaks in between. I am extremely motivated to touch the lives of 1 million men by making them aware of the dangers of pornography and showing them the easy way to quit using the Porn Reboot system.

Brain fog was probably one of the first things that disappeared when I quit porn.

Studies have shown that this porn addiction effects our memories and focus in two main ways:

PORN DISRUPTS YOUR WORKING MEMORY

Pornography’s effect on your working memory: Working memory is basically a cognitive function which helps keep information in our brain readily available. By keeping important information available, you are able to access it quickly, and apply it when working on important tasks. For instance, if you work at a hectic job, or if you study a course that often requires periods of uninterrupted focus, your working memory is often needed. It helps you quickly decide which tasks are important and which can be moved to another time- these actions happen in seconds. This is crucial when eliminating distractions and staying focused on a task. For instance, if you are in college, your working memory helps you:

• Set plans to study and stick those plans until your exam is passed/ you achieve a passing grade
• Become a reliable group member and participate in achieving group goals in a structured way
• Staying focused on lectures from beginning to end.Having the ability to pull your attention back to a lecture even when it is boring.

When porn erodes your working memory, however, you instead:

• Often find yourself procrastinating or “cramming” right before exams
• Find group activities “irrelevant” and never pay attention
• Zone out by daydreaming or even fall asleep during lectures

For professionals, or individuals with full-time jobs, your working memory is negatively affected by your problems with porn and sex when:

• You experience problems breaking projects down into logical smaller steps
• You constantly underestimate the amount of time required to complete a task
• You find yourself losing your temper all time with your spouse and kids
• You are consistently late to work.

PORN AFFECTS YOUR ABILITY TO DELAY GRATIFICATION

Delayed gratification is your ability to put off a reward till later in the place of performing a more important task. A simple example would be the decision to eat a sweet dessert before or after your main meal which contains the majority of healthy nutrients you need.

Porn users have been found to have serious issues with delayed gratification. Inability to delay gratification leads to impulsive behavior. Impulsive behavior leads to lack of self-discipline.

My favorite definition of Self Discipline comes from Robert Ringer:

“ Self- Discipline- a single trait that every human being has the capacity to develop-gives me the power to outperform people who are far more intelligent and talented than I am. Self Discipline is about restraining or regulating, one’s actions- repressing the instinct to act impulsively in favor of taking rational actions that are long-term oriented.”

A key phrase in that quote is: “Repressing the instinct to act impulsively”. If biologically, porn has negatively affected your ability to control your impulses, you have a snowball’s chance in hell of developing self-discipline until your recover.

This study, published in Biological Psychiatry: http://www.biologicalpsychiatryjournal.com/article/S0006-3223(17)31005-3/pdf

The researchers investigated the relationship between dopamine receptors and adults suffering from depression.

They found that adults who suffered from depression and lowered receptor availability ( which can be caused by overuse of porn) were associated with “worsened episodic verbal memory and poorer executive function.”

In conclusion, porn not only makes your depressed, but it makes your memory worse AND affects your ability to get tasks done.

As I finish up this email, I’m going to leave you with a secret about recovery from porn as well as three gifts:

So many men- young and old want success in their lives. Whether its a thriving business, a job they enjoy, a partner or family to enjoy life with, healthy or feeling mentally balanced, happy and fulfilled most of the time; achieving these things takes work.

As Will Smith said:

“You don’t set out to build a wall. You don’t say ‘I’m going to build the biggest, worst, greatest wall that’s ever been built.’ You don’t start there. You say, ‘I’m going to lay this brick as perfectly as a brick can be laid. You do that every single day. And soon you have a wall.”

The secret is that the wall never gets built to completion. It was never meant to be so. You build the wall, then you die. The only thing you can do is make sure that the PROCESS is as mindful and fulfilling as possible.

When I began my recovery at age 23, I was FULL of ambition. Porn nearly took everything away from me. I just wanted to be done with it so that I could move on with my life. Because of my hunger for ambition and my lack of patience in recovery, several times during the past 10 years, I tore down the entire wall in self-sabotage and frustration- but I always picked myself up and painstakingly started again brick by brick. I’m 33 years old now- and I’m still building. The one thing that has made a difference – the one thing that makes waking up every morning worth it is the thought of laying another perfect brick.

Our time is finite. I know from first-hand experience that some people who read an email of mine or watched one of my videos last week will not open this one -because their time on earth expired over the weekend.

Begin your recovery today and actually enjoy the process. Enjoy marking a big red “X” on your calendar every night you go to bed because you just won that day. Tell your spouse and kids that you love them , and stay in control of your habits for one more day. You don’t know if you’ll get another.

The post How Porn Makes You Depressed appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

Around ten years ago, I had to face the reality of being addicted to pornography and masturbation. After so many years of fighting my urges, I had completely run out of options. It’s a moment that I will not like to relive for the rest of my life.

I felt I was the only person with that catastrophic feeling. I was wrong. And the best part was that many other people have had a fantastic comeback.

I decided to find out which was the winning track and follow it.

Reading a quote from a therapist who treated sex and porn addiction, he mentioned some things about the destructive nature of all sexual addictions:

“Often these destructive behaviors are compulsively performed in the face of, and even due to the threat, of these dangers. I think the point to understand about this behavior (porn addiction), is that the individual believes that they are worthy of self-destruction. In other words, the individual may be aroused by destruction but for him to continue seeking self-destruction, he must believe that this is what he deserves.”

After reading this I knew I had to change if I wanted a better future. My life was rapidly falling apart and I was already acting out.

I decided to do some research on my own through books and interviewing people who had successfully overcome their pornography and other sexual addictions and gone on to live amazing lives. After many months of research and tons & tons of notes, I started to look for a common denominator among them…, for their most common behavior….most repeated vehicle to start free of porn…, as well as their personal input on the “porn addiction recovery world”

One night I felt my head was about to explode

INFORMATION…INFORMATION…INFORMATION… and not a clue how to connect all this super valuable information given by all these super-successful recovered people…!

Then all of a sudden I felt something like an electric shock inside my head…!!( Oh shit!- a short circuit caused by working too hard- I thought-!)…But to my surprise, I was fine, better than ever before…and with all the information making sense for the first time in months!!!

‘I got it…I got it…!!!” And I started writing for hours & hours without even stopping for a second. I was able that night to arrange my valuable information…!!!

I came up with a “7 Step Plan” (yes, I know it sounds corny, but it did have 7 steps) to obtain my freedom from porn. It became my everyday companion, my “insurance” for a better future. I kept it in an easy place to reach and read it every day…many, many times…

After a few weeks of doing the same thing with consistency, I started noticing a change in me…and in the people around me ( my change made them change toward me!)

Not too long after that, I found my vehicle to obtain my “Porn Freedom”. In my first year after having started my “ 7 Steps Plan” I had completely quit watching pornography and masturbation, was back with my beautiful girlfriend, and had gone from losing my sales management job to running my own sales organization and on track to pay off my $18,000 student loan ..!!!

My life has changed like I never thought possible, I had been able to not only become the partner and man I always dreamed of being…what’s more important…I believe in myself again and I stopped being afraid of the future…!

Friends who knew me before and witnessed my “personality and life transformation” approached me with questions on how I did it. For those who were open minded enough to talk about porn, I told them how, and shared my “7 Step Plan”. They were able to quit porn, masturbation and one of them even quit his obvious sex addiction after a few months.

I had found a proven system to become PORN FREE…!!!

…And this same “7 Step Plan”, my friend, is what I would like to share with you today…

************************************************

Since early times it has been mans desire to escape the grip of his self-destructive addictions, to RECOVER and have control and mastery over his desires and urges in order to obtain happiness, wealth, social freedom, health, and a partner to share his life with. Not too many people have been able to achieve it all.

But before we get into the “7 Steps” let’s briefly define what SEX & PORN ADDICTION RECOVERY is:

Certain therapists and treatment methods believe that recovery is something that you keep up your entire life.You attend meetings for a few years often, and then periodically, perhaps take a lie detector test at your therapist office once a year (seriously), and check in with an accountability partner ever so often.
Others believe that once you abstain from the stimulus of pornography long enough, your brain is rewired biologically, then you are good to go.

Either way, the goal is to be FREE from all forms of sexual addiction.

THE SEVEN STEPS that I will share with you now, will help you draw a plan to reach that dream objective…and more…!
Let’s start…

First Step: YOU MUST DEFINE CLEARLY AND PRECISELY WHAT YOU REALLY WANT.
Many people fail in recovery because they don’t really know WHAT they want out of life. You can hear them saying: “ I want to be in a great relationship….I would love to run my own business…I would love to have a big happy family…I would love to travel the world…I would love a six pack…I would love to have a beautiful house….I want this or that….etc etc.” But the truth is that they don’t really know what they want…!

So our first step now will be to take pencil & paper and write down what you really desire out of life in a clear and precise way.

I can hear you asking…

Is that really needed….? Why…?

It’s very simple…

If you don’t know where you are going, how do you know when you have arrived…? How to strive for something if you don’t know for what…?

That’s why you’ll take a 3×5 card and put it in your pocket or wallet or any other place that will be easy to reach. For a whole week, every time you think of something that you would like to have or do, write it down in the card.

Let me give you some ideas of things you might want: a loving, fulfilling relationship…to wake up the morning free from guilt and shame…where you go for your dream vacation…the spark and passion back in your marriage…how much you want save…your exact body fat percentage….etc”

Once you do this, you will have taken a big step towards your RECOVERY.

Next, you will:

1- Write everything in the order you feel is most important for you.

2- Write the date when you would like to reach the goal

3- Figure out the price you will have to pay/ sacrifice to make to reach that goal.

Let me give you an example to make it easier: Let’s say you have decided to completely quit porn and masturbation 6 months from now. (This might sound impossible to you, but you are capable of permanent and dramatic change in your life in a short period of time, (you can do it …if only you can believe in it).
Write this goal and date clearly…and keep it in a place where you can see it every day as a reminder of your goal or goals.

With this you have finished STEP ONE toward your FREEDOM FROM PORN. It wasn’t so difficult, was it…?

Second Step: FIND A RECOVERY VEHICLE THAT WILL HELP YOU SECURE YOUR GOAL.
There are proven ways that will help get you to PORN FREE. The first one everyone thinks of is WILL POWER(something like NoFap), SELF-HELP/IMPROVEMENT and CHANGING HABITS: but willpower is finite- it doesn’t last forever and if porn was just a bad habit, you would have quit by now..!!

The reality is that just a handful of individuals may claim that they got PORN FREE through willpower. It really does not make sense to repeat the same mistakes other people have already encountered:

FACING THE REST OF THEIR LIVES WITH THE ACCEPTANCE THAT THEIR ONLY CHOICE TO TO “LIVE WITH” OR “MANAGE” THEIR PORN PROBLEM.

Definitely, this is not a way that I will suggest you follow.

USING WILLPOWER for many people is the way to go, although anyone can tell you that having willpower will not give you the long-term peace of mind and freedom you are seeking.

More and more men every day find out that must be really lucky to last up to a year using willpower while avoiding multiple triggers, especially if they live busy, stressful lives.

AND MY OPINION IS that developing willpower is a necessity, but will not eliminate porn from your life at all. You must find a vehicle that will lead you to obtain your freedom from porn goals.
I will mention three “ways or vehicles” that you can look at…and I will share the one I have chosen.

VEHICLE NUMBER ONE: Join a Support Group (online or in person)
Joining a support group, whether it’s an online forum, a church group, or a 12 Steps group.

Being part of a support group will give you a lot of positive things, like the knowledge that you are not alone in your struggle…, being able to open up about your secrets in a safe environment, a sense of community access to accountability partners and so on.
Also, being part of a support group will give you a lot of headaches with things such as an obligation to attend every meeting and not “let down” the group, listening to people who have a completely different experience from you, hiding your group activity from others in your life, being around uncommitted/ distracted / complainers in an online forum,…etc.

Statistics show that the success rate of 12-Step and similarly designed groups is 5 – 10%. 12 % of attendees claimed sobriety for five to 10 years, 24% were sober for one to five years, and 31% were sober for under a year.

To join a support group you will need time, commitment and willingness to trust strangers. If you have access to a group and don’t mind the challenge this will be a great option…Instead of using willpower where you are all alone, you’ll be with others and have accountability.

VEHICLE NUMBER TWO: Therapy.
This can give you all the advantages of a support group and will also eliminate the low success risk a traditional 12 Step Group offers.

Out there you can find a lot of great therapists, but they all require a HUGE amount of time and financial investment to see results. If you don’t have that kind of time to devote to a therapist over the long run, chances are you will not be able to take that path.

Therapists are not allowed to speak about their own personal experiences with porn or sex, so there is the slight risk of spending time and money without getting the connection or empathy which you need. Some therapists still believe that uncontrolled masturbation and all sorts of pornography are healthy and improve relationships. That’s just like how doctors in the 1930’s believed that smoking was good for your health.

On the other hand, if you have the time and access to an experienced therapist this could be a fantastic vehicle to achieve freedom from porn.

VEHICLE NUMBER THREE: Recovery Coaching

These days, you can find a great number of addiction treatment facilities, health centers, hospitals and community recovery organizations bringing in trained recovery coaches; and in a consistent way, recovery coaching has helped a lot of people to be become porn free.

These facilities give their patients and clients access to recovery coaching merely because the only way for these companies to be successful is by helping their clients to end their addictions successfully first!

Most facilities are effective at helping men manage their porn and sex addiction, but none of them can help you STAY free, which is one of the biggest doubts all men struggling with porn face.

“Sure, you can help me get free…but what happens later? Will I stay free?”

One of the big secrets of rehab centers, hospitals and treatment facilities are becoming reliant on recovery coaches for aftercare because they and their patients realize that it is not always that we find -when starting to quit porn and sex addiction- experienced recovered people willing to share their knowledge and experience with us, so we can obtain freedom…!!

This is the vehicle I chose for my recovery, and these are the four main reasons for my decision:

1) Affordable
2) Tremendous change in a short amount of time- 3 to 6 months.
3) Freedom to work at a pace I was comfortable with
4) To maximize my self-development and accountability in quantum leaps. It gave me the opportunity to help myself and obtain other things I wanted in life.

The freedom to also apply the self-development skills I had gained over my years of struggling with porn really appealed to me!

Third Step: STAY AWAY FROM NEGATIVE & SKEPTICAL PEOPLE
Take this suggestion very seriously.

PLEASE…PLEASE…stay away from those people who only talk, think or act in negative ways. Those who don’t believe porn addiction exists…those who are incapable of seeing a woman as anything other than an object…anyone who tell you that your goals are impossible…Negative people will take you down with them…Don’t let anyone steal your dream…!!!

Find new friends if you must…Life is too short to let it be jeopardized by negative influences.

Fourth Step: ACCEPT THAT ITS UP TO YOU
I will include a poem by James Metcalfe that explains very clearly what I mean by “It’s up to you”

IT’S UP TO ME

I get discouraged now and then
When there are clouds of grey
Until I think about the things
That happened yesterday
I do not mean the day before,
Or those months ago,
But all the yesterdays in which
I had the chance to grow
I think of opportunities
That I allowed dying,
And those I took advantage of
Before they passed me by
And I remember that the past
Presented quite a plight
But somehow I endured it and
The future seemed alright
And I remind myself that
I am capable and free
And my success and happiness
Are really up to me

( This step does not need further explanation). JUST ACCEPT THAT ITS UP TO YOU!!!

Fifth Step: TAKE ACTION !!
If you decide to do something…you know you want it with all your heart…but don’t take action, nothing will happen…!! You MUST research, you MUST think, but by all means, you MUST take action..!!

Not making a decision is a decision itself.
You have to ask yourself…how can you get where you want to be if you don’t start any movement…? If you don’t take the first step…?

Act today. DO NOT leave for tomorrow what you can do today !!!

Sixth Step: ALL EXCUSES ARE EQUAL
No matter which excuse you can give…, or which excuse you choose to give…there is NOT a good reason to be still addicted to porn, sex or masturbation…!!!

Look back five years…three years…two years, can you see yourself at that time…?
What happened during those five years…? Did you get what you wanted…? If not…, WHAT IS YOUR EXCUSE…?

It’s hard to face reality…It can HURT to face reality…I can understand that…I’ve been there many times…But I can also tell you… ” Don’t look back to blame yourself…Now is the time to move forward…, now is the time to make the decision…, Now is the time to make the necessary changes to have a fantastic, porn free future!!!”

Seventh Step: START WRITING YOUR GOAL AND PLANNING…!!! PLAN…PLAN…AS MUCH AS YOU CAN…!!!
You can take every step to recovery that you want, but if you don’t have a plan or written goals, you will never get to your ideal destination!!

Start with little goals and a simple plan to achieve them…Then increase your goals step by step as your confidence grows…You MUST write your goals down and plan…plan…plan….and remember…all excuses are equal!!

These are the seven steps I promised you, but I must add two more that I learned after I finished with my original plan:

Number Eight: SURROUND YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE THAT KNOW WHAT THEY’RE DOING, LEARN FROM THEM, APPLY WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO RECOVER AND GET WHERE THEY ARE NOW.

Number Nine: (This is the most amazing step of all, that’s why I saved it for last) :

HAVE TOTAL, UNSHAKEABLE BELIEF IN YOURSELF… NO MATTER WHAT…!

Following these seven steps…plus two, you may achieve what you really want out of your recovery from porn…I can’t promise for sure you will be successful, but…These STEPS worked for me…they worked for others who, like me, were willing to pay the price…why not for you?

I’m looking for a few individuals who are ready for transformation. If you are a person willing to learn how to become porn free…how to turn years of disappointment into success…how to be the best you can be…PLEASE act now!!
If you are one of them, please don’t hesitate to respond to the offer in this message.

An exclusive offer, just for Y-O-U.

Without further ado, I now present the mystery offer you’ve been waiting for.

This one-time, super-special offer includes two parts.

Part I: One 60-Minute Recovery Coaching Session

Before
A pre-session agenda so you know exactly what to expect.
One goal-setting email exchange so I know exactly what you’re hoping to get from the session. Tell me EVERYTHING.
My own pre-session brainstorming, so we can hit the ground running with a recovery plan customized for YOU. (I reserve an hour before each call to put together a custom plan. Let’s take advantage of that.)

During
A 60-minute Skype call (video or audio – your choice!) to collaborate and craft your perfect recovery plan.
This all depends on your needs. If you’ve already made some attempts to recover, we’ll review what you have accomplished so far and improve on it, making it perfect for you. If you’ve yet to begin your recovery we’ll get into some deep coaching and draft a solid plan.

After
Google (or Word) documentation of our deep coaching results and your recovery plan (for your own use, of course!).
A custom-created executive summary of key takeaways from our session, along with suggested next steps.
Helpful, easy-to-digest resources to keep your recovery momentum going!

Here are some of the issues we can cover:
Pornography
Masturbation Addiction
Anonymous Sex
Serial Infidelity
Escorts, Prostitutes
Sexual massage
Cybersex, Webcams
Tinder, Bumble, POF, Grindr compulsions

And now, here’s where the offer gets good… In addition to the first 60-minute style session, you also get:

Part II: One FREE Bonus 30-Minute Follow-up Improvement Session ($100 value!)

NOTE: This session must be booked within 30 days of your original 60-minute session to ensure the freshest results.

Before
One pre-session goal-setting email exchange so I know exactly what we’re following up and improving on.
My own pre-session brainstorming so we can maximize this half-hour of power.

During
After you follow the recovery plan from our initial session, you’ll learn a few new things about yourself. Some emotions and feelings you have been medicating with porn will express themselves.
You’ll see your challenge with pornography in a new light and come up with some deep questions. This session is designed to get into those questions, develop skills to handle those emotions (without porn or masturbating) and incorporate these skills into your recovery plan!
A 30-minute Skype call to make any needed revisions, changes or clarifications to the recovery plan we created during the 60-minute style session.

After
Post-session summary email and final drafts via Google or Word docs.
An energizing, positive and optimistic recovery coaching high that will last you until our next time together!

Does this sound like a ridiculously effective way to get you started on your recovery or what?

Before we go any further, it’s important I say this: My philosophy is to empower my clients through asking deep recovery questions, motivating, teaching and encouraging. If you’re looking for someone to just give you the “magic key” to recovery we’re probably not a good fit.

In order to make our collaboration successful, you have to bring some serious brain power to our sessions. That means, specific goals and concerns, a solid work ethic, and most importantly – a positive attitude!

I believe that everyone can recover with the right guidance and the right recovery plan. (And yes, I also believe that I can give you the right guidance and the right recovery plan!)

So let me tell you how to get there from here.

Any other week, this recovery coaching package would be an investment of $300.

But this is a special offer, brother!

When you reserve your first session before Tuesday, September 26th, you can make this brilliant investment for only $199.

Seriously.

I guarantee our time together will be both eye-opening and productive. It’s not going to feel like work for either one of us!

Here’s how it works.

Even though you’re reserving your spot by claiming the deal this week, this offer is good for the next four months (through early January). Like Groupon, but cooler.;)

NOTE: At this stage of the game, I book my appointments about one month in advance. Now that you’re part of the inner circle, though, you’ll always know how to find me

Ready ?

Have a pressing pornography or sex-related emergency you need to address ASAP? Here’s the process.

1. Click here to take advantage of the offer via PayPal.
2. Very important: Once your payment is completed, please wait for an hour for a link to my private calendar to schedule your session.
Once you claim the deal and schedule your first session, I’ll send you another link to schedule your free bonus session.

The rest is your history waiting to be made!

The most important thing to do (if this offer feels right for you) is to invest in your recovery today. We will make it work. That’s a Promise.

Alright, brother. That’s it. Hope it makes you as excited and motivated as it makes me!

In the next newsletter, we’ll get back to our regularly scheduled programming. I’ll be talking about the link between Porn, Anxiety and Depression. You’ll be receiving a cool free tool I developed to regulate my anxiety

In the meantime, know this:

Whether we work together now, four months from now, or even a year from now after you’ve consumed lots of my free recovery material, I am SO pumped to be a part of your recovery journey and watch your new life unfold!

Your porn free life is out there waiting for you.

Let’s go get it!

The post 7 Steps To End Your Porn Addiction appeared first on Elevated Recovery.