I want to spend the next few posts sharing some tips on how to level up your reboot. I’m going to break my three-step process down into three separate posts and cover each step in-depth. These three steps are crucial in ensuring I follow through on whatever I set my mind to. Each is a crucial part of the process when I accomplish the goals I set for myself.
The first step I use when setting and following through on goals is making a decision based on my current reality without comparing myself to others. I can’t make any progress if I’m constantly using others as a measuring stick to determine what move to make next.
The second step is developing resolve. Resolving is a vital skill for any man who wants to succeed. I recommend you resolve to transform any challenge you experience into an opportunity. Developing this mindset will help you succeed at anything you decide to do, even if that means making a calculated decision to pivot away from your current goal.
Roadblocks are a part of life. Things don’t always go according to plan. Sometimes we have to adapt to circumstances as they arise. If you have no resolve, you’ll find yourself giving up before the challenges ever really begin. And we already covered the fact that giving up is no longer an option in your new approach to life.
Say you’re in a committed relationship with a woman who knows about your out-of-control sexual behavior. However, she doesn’t know that you relapsed and are struggling to get your behavior under control again. You’re keeping it a secret and hoping she doesn’t find out, but what if she does? Are you prepared to deal with the obstacles that arise?
What if you join the Porn Addiction Recovery – Reboot program and stay off pornography and masturbation for a few months, but eventually you relapse? What would you do if you threw away seven porn-free months? Or what if your behavior escalated to a more severe degree than before? Do you have enough resolve to keep going and try again?
Ultimately, brother, you cannot stop just because you hit an obstacle. If I stopped every time I ran up against an obstacle I would never get anything done. That’s why resolving is the second step in this process. Try to remember that every obstacle you face is simply training for the next stage of your reboot and your life.
I have a few tips to help you along the way to embodying this practice of resolve, and a few action steps to help you bridge the gap between the first and second steps.
- Decide if this is a journey you’re willing to commit to.
I define commitment as continuing to do something you said you were going to do long after the emotion of making the decision passes. Everyone wants to quit their out-of-control behavior when their life is falling apart, but what about when it starts coming back together? You must be willing to stick with this long after the desperation wears off. This isn’t an overnight process; it takes 90 days to end your behavior but up to two years to rewire your brain. Are you willing to commit no matter how many tries it takes?
- Start thinking about what winning in your reboot looks like.
Define what your reboot looks like to you. What do you want it to feel like? What do you want to accomplish after you end your out-of-control behavior? Where do you hope to be in six months or a year? Start thinking about these things and use them to propel you forward. There’s an important caveat, though; you need to think about what winning looks like for you, not for anyone else. Don’t define it by what I think it should look like, or your wife, your pastor, or your friends. Define it for YOU.
- Start taking small actions toward your goal.
You don’t need to take on the entire goal at one time. Break it down into smaller steps. Achieving small wins helps you build momentum so you can keep going once the excitement dies down. The action steps are what separate the people who are willing to work for success from those who only stick around for as long as desperation holds.
- Schedule regular reminders to get inspired.
Not taking your reboot seriously is a primary way to kill your inspiration, but another way is to let go of your resolve. For example, say you’re going through an extremely challenging experience that takes a lot of effort to overcome, but you’re negative throughout it and resistant to the process. Sure, you might make it through the obstacle, but you didn’t take anything from it. Remember that every obstacle is an opportunity to grow, and sometimes you need to schedule reminders to keep your perspective in check.
- Surround yourself with people on the same journey as you.
I’ll never miss an opportunity to stress the importance of community on your journey, especially the one we’re on. Accountability is a critical part of the reboot process. While your reboot is a very personal journey, none of us have to do it alone. It’s so much easier to commit to the process and keep moving forward when you’re surrounded by other people doing the same thing.
So the first two steps: decide and develop resolve. Both of these lay the groundwork for the third step that I’ll share with you in the next post.