“If my wife made more of an effort to care for her appearance we would probably have sex more often.”
“If I wasn’t so stressed about my career, business, and finances, I wouldn’t need to use pornography and masturbation.”
“If I had the right coping strategy and tools, everything would be alright.”
As you started your reboot, did you ever find yourself thinking any of these things? How often did you look for outside solutions to your problem with porn and masturbation?
Today I want to help you understand that this is the wrong approach. Your insistent drive to discover an external solution is a big part of what still holds you back. The solution to your problem with pornography is within the problem, not outside of it. But how can you find it?
Be Still to Seek Solution
When you’re running around looking for solutions, whether external or internal, you’re making yourself unnecessarily busy. You think you’re doing the right thing by seeking out answers. You’re watching videos, reading articles, listening to podcasts. You’re going to a therapist, trying a 12-step group, installing filter apps.
Sure, all of these things are helpful in their own right. They add up to a system that helps you overcome your out-of-control behavior. But until you’re sure you’re moving in the right direction, all that busyness only serves as a distraction. You can’t see yourself clearly if you never slow down enough to find the answers within yourself.
No one knows you better than yourself. Not me, not your parents, not your mentor. Not your therapist, not your partner, not your friends. You are the best expert on you. But you need to divorce yourself from seeking the answer everywhere outside yourself.
It’s like trying to see the bottom of a muddy puddle of water. The murky sediment rises and blocks your view to the bottom when the water is disturbed. You have to wait for the water and sediment to settle before you can see through to the bottom.
You have to do the same thing with your life. If you’ve run full-speed looking for solutions to your problem and are still in the same position, you have to stop. Stop looking outside at the distractions of your wife, your career, or anything else you’re blaming for your problems with pornography. Take time to be still and seek the solution within yourself.
No One Can Solve Your Problem For You
It’s not about counting days or being a recovering addict. It’s about getting to a point where you can take back control of your behavior. But it’s only from a place of stillness that you can set up the system you need to change your life.
The solution to your problem lies in understanding that you alone hold the key to ending your out-of-control behavior. There’s no therapist, 12-step group, or NoFap challenge that can keep you from turning back to pornography. Until you develop a system that you can follow, you’ll stay trapped in the cycle of pornography addiction and blaming everyone but yourself.
You are the only one who can set up and implement the system that will free you from your behavior. The Porn Reboot system is here to help you identify the things holding you back, set up your system, and support you along the way. But we can’t adhere to your program for you. You and you alone are responsible for uncovering and sticking to the solution to your problem.