Today I’m continuing the series on my tips for high-performance rebooters. If you’re just joining in, a high-performance individual is someone who achieves exceedingly better results in different areas of his life. This could be in his business, career, family, health, or any other aspect of his life.
High-performance individuals are successful in many areas but find they struggle with their compulsive sexual behavior. When it comes to rebooting, high performers tend to find themselves stuck. Since we have a lot of these men in our group, focusing on tips for high performers is important.
It’s also important to note that you might not feel like a high performer right now when you’re starting your reboot. You might not even qualify as a high-performance individual. Maybe you’re more of a Type B guy and struggling to control your behavior. That’s okay – that’s where I was when I started out too.
Over time, both high performers and Type B guys alike can regain control of their out of control behaviors. Each group can also outstrip their past performance and become a better, more successful version of themselves. That’s what we work together to do in the Porn Reboot group.
So far I’ve discussed putting mindset before strategy and realizing that you’re your biggest investment. Today I’m going to pivot slightly and talk about 3 mistakes that high-performance rebooters make. Understanding your mistakes is a crucial part of not making the same error moving forward.
1. Setting ambiguous reboot goals
Think about the goals you set for your business or for yourself in your career. I get on calls every single day with guys who are very clear and specific when it comes to goals in these areas.
“I’m going to grow by 40% this year.”
“I want to do $50,000 in sales this week.”
“I will take home a check for $15,000 this month.”
But when I ask them about their reboot goals, they give me half-baked, ambiguous answers.
“I just want to understand the root cause.”
“I want to stop using porn, masturbation, and orgasms to medicate my emotions.”
“I want to perform normally in bed.”
Those are not specific goals. You would never let that type of goal fly in business or in your career, right? Think about it. If you had a sales rep tell you that he’s going to “make more money” this week, you’d push them to make that goal more specific.
If you keep setting ambiguous goals, you’re going to continue getting poor results. You’ll keep slipping and relapsing. Take the same drive for success that you use when setting business goals and apply them to your reboot goals.
2. Having a clear goal but no set timeline
Another mistake I see from high-performance rebooters is creating a clear goal but not applying a timeline. You might have clarified what you plan to work on but you avoid setting a timeframe during which you’ll achieve it.
I want to clarify that I’m not talking about counting days. I’ve gotten into my opinions on counting days before and I’m not a big supporter of it. I don’t get behind approaches like NoFap or 90 Days because they’re short-term fixes, not long-term solutions.
Setting a timeline for your goals doesn’t mean setting out to reach 30, 60, or 90 days porn-free. Doing that only sets an unrealistic expectation for how you’re going to feel once you reach that mark. When you realize you don’t feel any different after only cutting out porn, you’re going to go back to what you were doing.
What you can do instead is set a goal and attach a period of time to it. For example, you could set a goal of having sex with a full erection once this month, 9 times in the next 3 months, and 24 times in the next 6 months. That’s a clear, measurable goal to achieve within a defined period of time that has nothing to do with counting days.
3. Lacking leverage for your goals
If you lack leverage for your goals, you’re going to give up on them sooner or later. You need to have a clear understanding of why your goal really matters. The deeper your understanding of its importance, the more committed you are to achieving it.
Remember: the Porn Reboot system is about more than controlling your out of control behaviors. It’s about becoming the best man you can possibly be. It’s one thing to stop watching pornography or to have sex with your wife more often. But it’s another thing to also become a person who is filled with passion, has elevated standards, and is wildly fulfilled in life.
Having leverage for your goals keeps you feeling inspired and driven to work toward them. The work ethic and consistency you develop as you work on your goals carry into every other area. These qualities will secure your position as a high performer in your business, your career, your family, and your life.