I like to cover the topic often, though, because it’s something that men ask a lot of questions about. Many brothers want to know which stage of their reboot they’re in and when they pass from one stage to the next. 

We’ve had some changes in the system since I last wrote about the Porn Reboot stages so it’s time for an update. 

Stage One: Pre-Reboot

The Pre-Reboot stage occurs when you’re still realizing that you struggle with out-of-control sexual behavior. You’re motivated to find something that will help you change your habits and behavior that you’ve struggled to control on your own. But you’re still not sure whether the problem is truly as serious as you think.

There are three primary goals during the Pre-Reboot stage. First, you need to fully recognize your compulsive behavior. You must understand that you have a problem with pornography and out-of-control sexual behavior and that it’s negatively impacting your life. 

Second, you need to agree to behavior control. This doesn’t mean you have to decide to quit for good from the very first day but you do have to acknowledge that something needs to be done about your behaviors.

Third, you need to prepare yourself for dealing with the current crises in your life and the inevitable withdrawal that occurs. Maybe your marriage or long-term relationship is breaking down. You might feel stuck in your career or business, held back by your compulsive behaviors. Or worse, your porn use may be progressing into illegal material.

Finally, you need to allow others to help you. You’ll feel a lot of fear and resistance during the Pre-Reboot stage. Your limiting beliefs will crop up and try to convince you that you can’t fully commit to the process. But you’ll also begin to develop the trust and hope you need to move forward with your reboot when you open up and let others help you along the way.

Mastery of Stage One happens when you fully trust the Porn Reboot system with no excuses. You have no excuses to backtrack, quit, procrastinate, wait for the right time, speak to the right person, or even the old, threadbare idea that you can do it on your own. Once you have no more reservations left and are ready to commit, you’ve completed the Pre-Reboot stage.

Stage Two: Early Reboot

Stage Two is the Early Reboot stage. You’ve accepted that you have a problem with porn and compulsive sexual behavior and are ready to do something about it. You’re part of the Porn Reboot system now, whether that’s our free group or the implementation group, and know that it’s time to do some work.

The first goal of the Early porn addiction recovery stage is to finish processing the crises that brought you to the Porn Reboot system. Whether you lost your family, drove your business into the ground, ruined your career, or simply had a “come to Jesus” moment when you realized you couldn’t keep going doing what you were doing.

The second goal is to overcome any distractions that might arise and derail you from rebooting. You must be ready to deal with the strong emotions, the unresolved issues, and the stress that arises once you remove your coping mechanisms. Stage Two is when you recognize and eliminate these distractions without turning to porn and masturbation to do so.

Think about how many times you jerk off during the day. Wake up in the morning? Masturbate. Come back home after a heavy day at the gym? Masturbate. See a hot girl at the grocery store? Masturbate. Finish up a long day at the office? Masturbate. Get into an argument with your wife? Masturbate. 

This is exactly what we’re trying to combat during Stage Two. You’re going to learn skills to handle these situations without masturbating. You will set goals, develop routines, cultivate strong motivation, generate discipline and diligence, and learn to be fully present in each moment of your day.

Each of these skills is a win. You want to begin working to reach a place where you rely on these skills instead of pornography to make it through difficult moments. Developing them and experiencing these early wins is critical to building back your self-esteem. As self-esteem grows, you gather motivation and momentum that pushes you further along in your reboot.

The dangers of Stage Two include resistance, procrastination, fatigue, impatience, boredom, and apathy. You might find yourself feeling like you want to move through the process faster or bored with the routine of your new behavior-free life. If you choose not to apply your newfound skills and instead give in to these feelings, you’ll relapse before you even realize what’s happening.

The post Mastery of the Porn Reboot System: Part 1 appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

I’ve found over the years that men who were raised in a religious household or are still a practicing Christian have trouble ending their out-of-control sexual behavior. It’s not impossible but these men do face a unique challenge.

I was indoctrinated into Christianity at a very early age. I’m not religious anymore but I was raised in a strict Catholic household. This meant praying every evening, saying the rosary, going to Catholic school, and attending mass every Sunday. I developed a very binary view of the world; something was either sinful or it was not.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not out to attack Christianity. Just because it doesn’t work for me doesn’t mean that it can’t work for you. There are plenty of Christian brothers in the Porn Reboot program working to end their compulsive behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation. I do believe this gives me some insight into the particular struggles our Christian brothers have.

Christianity holds a very conservative view of sexual behavior and sexuality in general. Growing up I believed that sex was a bad thing because of all the rules surrounding it. I believed that having sexual relations with a woman outside of marriage meant I was doing something very, very wrong. Something sinful.

This concept of sin is a powerful idea and it’s something that leaves my Christian brothers conflicted. It holds them back subconsciously as they start the reboot process. They can accept the scientific parts of their out-of-control behavior but it’s almost impossible for them to let go of the idea that they’ve sinned.

When I was in my 20s I worked as a door-to-door salesman selling books for one of the leading publishers in the world. Our best-selling book was a high-quality study Bible. They included the Greek translations as well as a Latin and Greek dictionary to give readers deeper insight into the texts.

I spent much of my free time reading and studying the Bible during my time at that job. Admittedly, I didn’t study it because I was religious; I studied it because it was the primary product I sold. However, I did enjoy reading the Bible immensely, especially having the Greek translations alongside the verses.

As I read it, I came across the definition of the word sin. Sin is called “harmatia” in Greek, which means a tragic flaw. I’ve carried that definition of sin with me ever since because it makes perfect sense. If sin is a tragic flaw, something we need salvation from, that means sin is part of our nature. It means that we have something within us as men that we cannot outrun, escape, or deny.

This also implies that your compulsive behavior with pornography, sex, and masturbation is part of your intrinsic makeup. This is where my Christian brothers find themselves stuck. They develop the belief that something is inherently wrong with them because of this sinful nature. They believe they aren’t worthy of being loved because they cannot seem to control their sin.

The more I read that study Bible, though, the more I learned. Eventually, I realized that there was an even earlier definition for “harmatia”: to miss the mark. Sin isn’t some inherent tragic flaw in your makeup; it’s simply missing the mark. It’s falling short in some way but it also implies that you have another chance to hit the target.

Your struggle with porn addiction effects, sex, and masturbation doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. Your compulsive behavior doesn’t make you a terrible person. Missing the mark doesn’t mean you’ll be a failure forever. It doesn’t mean you can’t change. All it means is that you make mistakes just like every other person in the world. That’s just part of being human.

I understand that Christianity frames the way you view the world. I know that reframing your idea of sin may feel like a challenge to your beliefs. But all I’m suggesting is that you’re no less worthy of love than anyone else because of your out-of-control behavior. You may have missed the mark but now you have the opportunity to take another shot.

The idea that you’re inherently flawed and not worthy of love will hold you back until you challenge it. It’ll keep you from moving forward and finding success in your reboot.  But once you accept that you can maintain your Christian beliefs while also recognizing some of the burdens that your beliefs placed on you, you’ll step closer to freedom from your behavior. 

You’ll find nothing in the porn addiction recovery program that runs contrary to your beliefs; in fact, you’ll likely find yourself capable of building a deeper connection with God once you clear away your out-of-control behavior. Once you overcome this roadblock, your path to a porn-free life and a stronger faith becomes clearer than ever before.

If you’re struggling to balance your Christian beliefs with your reboot, come join us in the free Porn Reboot Facebook group. We have plenty of brothers who are both working through and have overcome their battles with self-loathing brought about by their Christian upbringing. You’ll find plenty of understanding and support to keep you from feeling like you have to struggle alone!

The post The Number One Thing Holding Christian Men Back appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

1. I can do this with willpower alone

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, brother, but statistics suggest that about 4% of men succeed and 96% of men fail by trying to use willpower alone. Sure, there is a slight chance you might be part of that 4% but there’s a much higher chance of you being part of the majority.

2. I can do this on my own

I see tons of men who believe they can learn to manage their out-of-control behavior on their own. They’re confident that their motivation will propel them to success. You’re far from alone if you’re thinking this, but how many times have you tried the isolated motivation approach before?

3. I’ll try SLAA or another 12-step program instead

Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous is a spiritual-based 12-step approach to overcoming porn and sex addiction. However, like the willpower approach, studies show that SLAA fails 92 to 94% of people who try it.

4. I don’t really have that big of a porn problem

I hear this from so many men who show up to Porn Reboot and I have a hard time not chuckling. If you didn’t have a serious problem with porn, brother, then how did you reach this site in the first place? Why are you still reading this blog post?

5. I shouldn’t have to pay to quit watching porn

Sure, that’s an understandable way of thinking. I didn’t want to have to pay to end my out-of-control behavior, either. But if your alternatives leave you with a 4 to 8% success rate, wouldn’t you rather use a more effective approach? Investing in yourself could be the thing that finally helps you end this behavior.

6. I shouldn’t have to pay what your programs cost

No one is telling you that you have to pay for the Porn Reboot program. You’re more than welcome to use a cheaper alternative, but you’ll receive the results that the cheaper alternative offers. You’ll be hard-pressed to find a program that provides the same results at a lower price point.

7. I can spend my money on better things

I won’t argue with you about that. There are plenty of more entertaining ways to spend your money. However, you got yourself to a point where you can no longer control your behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation. Could there really be anything better to spend your money on than learning to control the behaviors actively destroying your life?

8. My wife, friends, or church group can hold me accountable

Tony Robbins, the famous motivational coach, says that friends and spouses are the worst people to look to for accountability. Most of the time your friends and spouse allow you room to cut corners. Your porn problem is not something you can cut corners with, though, or it will only get worse.

9. I fear people will find out that I’m doing this

That’s a reasonable fear, but everything in the Porn Reboot group is private and confidential. Our entire program is hidden from the general public; no one will know that you’re in the Porn Reboot program unless you tell them.

10. I’ll be embarrassed if people know I’m in a porn addiction program

I get it, brother. I felt embarrassed when I first shared that I had a porn addiction problem with others, too. One of the most important things we do in the Porn Addiction Counseling – Reboot system is to teach members to be confident while powerfully owning and celebrating a porn-free lifestyle.

11. I worry I won’t really like the Porn Reboot community

If you’re like most men who struggle with compulsive behaviors with porn, sex, and masturbation, chances are you’ll enjoy the group. We share a lot of similar traits and tendencies. I’m selective about who I work with which means our community is fun, welcoming, educated, smart, and successful. It’s a fantastic group of men.

The post The Top 22 Objections to the Porn Reboot Program: Part 1 appeared first on Elevated Recovery.