• Spiritual
• Mental
• Emotional
• Physical
• Social

Next up in our reboot capital series, brothers, is social reboot capital. Social reboot capital consists of activities that promote wellness within your interpersonal relationships. This includes your family, your friends, and your colleagues.

Human beings are social creatures and naturally seek the comfort and support of healthy relationships with others. However, as men who struggle with out-of-control behavior with porn addiction problems and masturbation, most of us do not have healthy relationships. We isolated ourselves because of the shame and guilt we felt. 

When we did have to spend time with others, more often than not we were irritated. Being around people took time away from what we really wanted to be doing: acting out. It drives a gap between us and those around us, making us more frustrating and difficult to be around.

A pivotal part of the reboot process involves learning to reintegrate with people. Building social reboot capital means building caring relationships with others while engaging in positive social interactions and behaviors.

I remember early in my reboot realizing that, while the friends I had around me were good people, they lived a lifestyle that could have easily led to me slipping. They went out to the bars every weekend, occasionally smoked weed, and were an overall party-oriented crowd. There’s nothing wrong with living life this way for normal people but you and I are far from normal, brother. We can’t balance that kind of lifestyle with a successful reboot.

Take stock of your friend group and consider how you all spend time together. What is the focus during your interactions? Where do you guys go? What is the driving force behind these relationships? Is there substance to them or is it all surface level with no depth?

Building social reboot capital requires looking at these things. Men who are successful in the porn addiction recovery Reboot Program consider every aspect of their lives. Consider whether your friends are helping you move toward the kind of man you want to be or further from it. Does spending time with them support your reboot practices or make them more difficult to follow through on?

If you find your friendships don’t strengthen your life in any way, it may be time to take a step back from some of them. I had to recognize which friendships were building me up and which were bringing me down. It doesn’t mean you have to cut out every single one of your friends but it does mean you need to expand your friend group.

The thought of spending time with new people triggers a lot of anxiety in many men, though. You’ve spent so many years isolating yourself from people around you and trying to scrape by with the relationships you already have. You likely feel some social anxiety whenever you do get out of the house and into social situations.

Addressing and working through this social anxiety is the first part of building social reboot capital. You can’t find new friends if you struggle to spend any time outside of your comfort zone. Overcoming social anxiety takes work but it is possible. And I say this as an introvert, brother!

Joining a class, group, or club is a great way to face your social anxiety head-on and begin building reboot capital. Join a small gym instead of a large box one, look for a hiking group in your area, or consider taking a class at the local community college. These will all surround you with people who share similar interests and give you something in common right away.

I chose to join a dance class when I first started building my social reboot capital. I know, can you believe that? I’m not a dancer, per se, but had a friend who invited me to check out a swing dancing class. I never would have checked it out on my own but because that friend invited me to go I was willing to try it.

He ended up not showing for the class and I remember feeling so uncomfortable and awkward at first. I felt silly for joining in and berated myself for even considering such a ridiculous thing. But by the end of it, believe it or not, I had a great time. I danced with a few girls as we learned and rotated partners which was more female interaction than I’d had in over two years.

Getting out and joining a group is a far cry from living in front of a computer screen the majority of your day. It brings you into the real world, encourages you to interact with real people, and teaches you real skills in the process. I believe participating in groups, classes, and clubs is by far the most effective way to build social reboot capital in the beginning.

As you build confidence through your activity of choice, expand your social practice into other areas of your social life. Once you become comfortable in the class, invite some of the people to hang out outside of the group. Go out to dinner, watch a movie, check out a museum. This builds more social reboot capital and allows you to engage outside of the structured environment.

Family is the most challenging part of building social reboot capital. Family members know which buttons to press and how to frustrate us the most. You may think the things they say don’t bother you too much but oftentimes they pick at our deepest insecurities. 

If your family is particularly difficult to interact with, I recommend keeping them at a comfortable distance until you develop more reboot capital. As you learn to reconnect with others, redevelop your sense of self, and maintain boundaries, you can let your family further into your life.

In the meantime, lean into brothers in the Porn Reboot group. Talk with men who have similar difficulties. Connecting with them keeps you from feeling alone in your struggles. Building relationships with your Porn Reboot brothers solidifies your social reboot capital, too. Join us in the free Porn Reboot Facebook group and find someone to connect with if you need it!

The post Building Social Reboot Capital: Strengthening Connections appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

Whether it’s on our YouTube channel, the podcast, during calls, or here on the blog, the importance of a system is something I can never stress enough. I firmly believe that all lasting change begins and ends with a system.

There is a great acronym that I use when talking about systems. A system is:

• Something
• You
• Stick 
• To 
• Emphatically (and)
• Methodically

Every system is based on a primary goal: you want predictable and improved results. Developing a system, or the same actions repeated over and over again, is the most efficient route to those predictable and improved results.

Many men confuse the end goal, thinking that the repeated actions will provide the same results over and over again. But the key phrase here is predictable and improved. It outlines something you’re working towards that you’ve never experienced. Sure, you have an idea of where you will end up but you don’t know what exactly that looks like.

A system lays out the most efficient path for you to take on the way to a result. While you may know what that result should be, chances are you might end up with something better. And if you continue adhering to that system, those results will continue to improve over time.

When you find something you stick to emphatically and methodically, the results will be unimaginable. You’re going to unlock new possibilities, opportunities, and experiences. You’ll find that you’re capable of more than you ever thought possible.

However, when you first arrive at the Porn Reboot Program, sticking to a system may feel impossible. You’ve spent years doing what you want to do when you want to do it. Developing the discipline necessary to stick to something emphatically and methodically takes practice and time.

You’ll probably find that implementing the entirety of the porn addiction recovery program – The Porn Reboot system is too big a challenge at the beginning. Instead, I recommend starting with one non-negotiable. Pick one part of the system that you will adhere to without fail. Maybe it’s reading in the morning, writing in the evening, or going to the gym. 

Decide which aspect you can best stick to and do it every day for two weeks. Make sure it’s non-negotiable, and that no one can talk you out of it. This means your wife or girlfriend, your friends, your kids, or your job. You must ensure that it doesn’t impede your time in these areas; you cannot neglect these things for the sake of your non-negotiable. It must be something you add to your existing responsibilities, not something that takes away from them.

Once you pick that first something you stick to emphatically and methodically, choose another thing. As you stick with that thing, find another thing. You’ll find that implementing more aspects of the system becomes easier over time. You develop the necessary discipline without realizing it, and the results you receive make you more willing to further implement that system.

The Porn Addiction Counseling Reboot system is outlined specifically to help you not only overcome your behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation but to help you rebuild your entire life. We want you to grow in all areas of your life, not just end your porn addiction. The system we offer outlines a clear path to progress as long as you’re willing to stick to it. 

You’ll never stick perfectly to a system, but as long as you try you’ll find that your results are predictable and improved every time. After you recognize the benefits of a system, brother, you’re never going to search for another path to progress again!

The post S.Y.S.T.E.M.: Building Lasting Change appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

While it isn’t directly related to porn addiction recovery, it is a primary part of most men’s reboots. Building physical reboot capital is an important part of the overall porn addiction counseling reboot process. So I’m finally answering the question I often receive: “J.K., how did you build your physique?”

Firstly, I want to start by saying I’m not a personal trainer. I’m not certified to teach anything related to physical fitness. I don’t have any special education or credentials when it comes to nutrition or lifting weights. I can only speak from my experience as someone who has worked out since he was 17 years old. 

Second, I also want to remind you that everyone is different. While the same basic principles of lifting and eating apply to everyone, each person has slightly varying needs. What worked for me may not work for you and vice versa. Ultimately, take my story as one of the many paths to physical well-being, but it may be the path that gets you started on a journey of your own.

Again, my interest in fitness started when I was 17. I was tall, lanky, and looked like a beanpole. My scrawny physique was a huge source of insecurity. I knew that if I built myself up and put on some muscle, though, people would look at me differently. I was awkward and couldn’t control my porn use but knew that I could do something about my physique.

I started by going to the gym and focusing on the compound lifts. That means squats, bench press, overhead press, and deadlifts. I knew that if I increased the weight I lifted, my body composition would have to follow suit. How many small guys can bench 225 pounds?

I also knew that I needed to eat to put on size. While today it’s considered bro science, when I first started lifting I learned that I was a “hard-gainer”. This meant I needed to eat a ton of food to gain weight. I cleaned up my diet to consist of traditional bodybuilder-type foods and I ate. It took a lot of food to keep me fueled up for my workouts and putting on size steadily.

After about 9 months of consistent lifting and eating, people started to notice the changes. My friends pointed out that I was getting bigger and strangers commented on how I looked. Although I still struggled with my out-of-control behavior, I now had an aspect of my life I could control. And it helped me build my self-esteem.

Once I built a solid frame, I then shifted my focus from compound movements to isolated movements. These include things like bicep curls, tricep extensions, lateral raises, and such. They’re movements that focus primarily on a single muscle to help build it up. I worked on muscle groups that were lacking to build a more well-rounded physique.

Writing it out makes it sound so simple and, honestly, it really is. Building a physique isn’t this big complicated ordeal that many fitness influencers would have you believe. You don’t need the latest and greatest equipment. You don’t need hundreds of dollars worth of supplements. You don’t need any performance-enhancing drugs, either. All you need is some weight, some food, and some consistency.

I still go to the gym regularly to this day. My routine has shifted over the years to accommodate changing interests, such as martial arts or bodyweight exercises, but the basics are the same. Lift hard, eat well, and focus on recovery. It takes time for changes to occur but if you commit to the process, you’ll find your physique grows, too.

It’s also a vital part of the general porn addiction recovery process. I don’t mean building up a massive physique, but I do mean some type of physical fitness. You should be lifting weights, playing a sport, or participating in some other kind of activity. Trying to quit porn without getting your energy out will leave you spinning in circles.

Join us in the Porn Reboot Facebook group to see what other brothers are doing for their fitness. Share your experiences with us and let us know where you’re at in your fitness journey. We’re always working together to become better men free from the chains of our out-of-control behavior. I invite you to join us today.

The post Building Physique: Fitness Journey and Self-Esteem appeared first on Elevated Recovery.