Articles about dark masculinity or toxic masculinity have made their way into thousands of publications. I think this has created a ton of misunderstanding of what true masculinity is.

I’m not saying that there are no harmful men. There are plenty of toxic individual men, but that doesn’t make masculinity toxic as a whole. Men who didn’t have strong male figures in their lives and no one was there to help them control and channel their energy. This lack of guidance led these men to hurt and harm others, creating the idea that all masculinity is toxic. 

But masculinity in and of itself is not a negative thing. Many positive things have come from strong masculine traits. I want to outline some of these traits, so even if you lack a positive male figure in your life, you can begin cultivating and strengthening these traits.

Courage

Courage is the baseline of every masculine man. It means doing something despite your fear. Courage is what led to colonization, civilization, and triumph over evil. It’s a necessary trait because you need to take action even when you’re fearful. You can’t allow your fears to hold you back from doing what’s right and pursuing the life you want to lead.

Strength

Strength is a crucial masculine trait that you must embody. This includes physical strength, emotional strength, and psychological strength. You must be able to defend yourself and your loved ones. You must be able to maintain an even emotional keel when you feel stressed, frustrated, or annoyed. And you must be able to persevere through tough times.

Independence

Independence of thought and action are important masculine traits to embrace. Men should have the confidence to think and act for themselves. You shouldn’t allow others to sway you from your beliefs. That doesn’t mean you should act in an echo chamber and disregard constructive criticism. But it does mean that you shouldn’t let others do your thinking for you.

Leadership

Leadership is another vital masculine trait. However, too many men have an incorrect idea of what leadership means. Being a leader doesn’t mean controlling other people. It means guiding others by example and commanding respect as a result. And even if you aren’t a naturally born leader, it is something you can learn to become over time.

Consistency

Consistency is the final trait I want to emphasize today. Anyone can express courage, strength, independence, and leadership occasionally. True masculinity requires consistency. The more you practice these traits, the more you’ll embody them over time. Men who are consistently courageous, strong, independent leaders are necessary for a successful society. No one can stop you once you learn to be consistent with your actions.

Embracing Masculinity

Your masculinity is an inherent part of who you are, not something to be stifled or rejected. But embracing a healthy balance of masculine traits can feel challenging at first. This is especially true if you’re a man who didn’t have a strong male role model growing up. But it’s an important part of the reboot process. 

As you move through the Porn Addiction Counseling, you have plenty of opportunities to work on these masculine traits. They all add up to a successful porn addiction recovery. If embracing masculinity is new to you, I recommend picking up a copy of The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi. It’s a fantastic work that outlines the importance of masculinity and why we need strong men in the world. There’s nothing toxic about masculinity, brother; it’s what you do with those traits that determines who you are.

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