“I feel like I have two options. One, I can accept that she’s the only girl I will ever have sex with and potentially regret that. Or two, I could leave her in favor of living out the hookup phase that I feel like I missed out on, but I may regret that later on. I don’t want to lose her just so I can have casual sex with women that may not even be as great as I imagine.

“Will I be able to make peace with the fact that she’s the only one I will be with, or will I have to accept this unfading feeling of regret? I’m frustrated with myself for not sacking up and being with some women while I was younger, before getting into a serious relationship. Does anyone have any advice?”

This brother brings a great question to the table. It’s something lots of men who get married while young find themselves feeling once they end their out-of-control behavior. If you missed the hookup stage of your life, you likely compensated for it with porn and masturbation. But once you remove these things, you’re faced with the reality of your choices.

Ultimately, you’re the only one who can answer this question. Input from some of the brothers in the program may help but you’re the one who must live with your decision for the rest of your life. It’s useful to talk to men in similar situations and hear their experiences. However, no one is exactly like you and you need to choose for yourself.

First, I want to point out that pornography isn’t the reason you want to have sex with many women. Biology is responsible for that. Biologically speaking, you’re wired to spread your genes by fertilizing as many females as possible. Unfortunately, pornography hijacked this natural mechanism and magnified it to an unrealistic point.

Second, this brother mentions that he missed his “hookup phase.” I want to point out that there are brothers in the porn addiction recovery  group in their 30s, 40s, and even 50s who are having sex with multiple women. Your “hookup phase” is only over when you decide that it is. Our brother is only 27 – far from missing the window for having casual sex.

Personally, I don’t believe it is wrong to sleep with multiple women as long as you’re not leading anyone astray or being dishonest about your intentions. While some men see casual sex as an empty and unfulfilling engagement, I see it as the exact opposite. I never felt empty after having sex with a woman I wasn’t dating; I felt masculine, powerful, and primal.

I’ve now been in a relationship with a woman for 12 years, though, and have left my casual sex days behind. It’s not because I’m no longer attracted to other women but I was ready for the next season of my life. I made the conscious decision to let go of casual sex in favor of this next phase.

I had some time in my life when I had wild encounters with different women. It was a great time exploring myself through these different experiences. I wouldn’t trade those times for anything. But I also reached a point where I was ready to leave those escapades behind because I found a woman who was worth letting go of those casual relationships for.

No one could tell me what the right decision or right timing was. Only I could determine that for myself. Through the porn addiction counseling process, I learned what was true for me and that enabled me to make choices that I feel no regrets about.

I assure you it’s not as late as you think. There isn’t only one woman in the world who is right for you. If you believe you’ll live the rest of your life regretting not engaging with more women, take the risk and experience it. Unless you’re married with kids you likely don’t have much to lose.

If that doesn’t sit well with you, though, then coming to terms with your situation doesn’t have to be filled with regret either. Pour yourself into building a deeper relationship and a stronger sense of intimacy with your partner. It’s likely you haven’t even scratched the surface of what you can develop together.

There is no right or wrong answer to feeling like you missed the hookup phase; there is only the answer that works for your particular situation. Don’t let the opinions or judgments of others get in the way of what you know to be true for you. As you progress in your reboot, the truth will be made clear to you and you’ll know which direction to go.

Until then, brother, you can find support in the FREE Porn Reboot Facebook group. You can throw yourself into building different areas of your reboot capital. There is so much more to life than sex. You have so many opportunities and experiences awaiting you. Don’t neglect those as you wait for clarity on this one part! 

The post What to Do if You Missed the Hookup Stage of Your Life appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

Take the 12-step recovery community, for example. They have these phrases like “one day at a time” and “once an addict, always an addict.” This religion of recovery is a detrimental approach to controlling your behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation.

I see too many people latch onto these concepts like they’re the one and only approach to a fulfilling life. It makes sense because you don’t show up to recovery groups until you’ve reached at least some level of desperation. You wouldn’t ask for help if you weren’t seriously struggling. So I understand why people latch onto these concepts like they’re the sole way to a better life.

But I don’t agree with that. I don’t think adopting someone else’s foundational concepts leads to a lasting and fulfilling life. Adopting someone else’s ideas as your own and parroting them as if you wholeheartedly believe in them only sets you up for failure. You’re likely to end up in a deeper, darker place than before and I don’t want to see that happen.

I think that the “gospel of recovery” as I like to call it preys on the innocent. It scoops you up during your worst moments and promises to save you from yourself if you only think the way that you’re told to. In my opinion, anything that strips you of personal responsibility and individuality isn’t the way to go.

I believe that the person who knows you best is yourself. You sit with yourself every day, you listen to yourself think, you watch yourself move through the world. While you may have some skewed thinking when you first arrive at the Porn Reboot program, you’re still the best expert there is on you.

The Porn Addiction Counseling or Porn Reboot system is outlined to help you uncover the things that get in your way and built reboot capital so you no longer have to rely on porn, sex, and masturbation. It’s not a dogmatic set of beliefs you must adopt, it’s simply a path of simple actions that empower you to reconnect with yourself.

You’ll find nothing in the Porn Reboot program that forces you to believe any one particular thing. Instead, I encourage you to dig deep within yourself and discover the insights that are inherently there. You spend years blocking them out with your out-of-control behavior, but once you have some time away from it you’ll find those insights are still there.

Taking on someone else’s insights instead of getting in touch with your own is dishonest to your existence. It’s denying what you know to be inherently true. Every person has a fundamental understanding and idea of the world that works for them. Trying to force yourself into someone else’s mold is a recipe for disingenuous living and discontentment.

You don’t need someone to force feed you a set of insights that may or may not align with your beliefs. Instead, your morning reflection, your reading, your journaling, and your checking in with your accountability partner will outline a clear idea of what is right and wrong for you. 

Saving your insights will save your life. You don’t need me to tell you what is important. I trust that with enough time free from porn you’ll develop the mental clarity necessary to determine that for yourself. The Porn Addiction Recovery Reboot system has much more faith in you than traditional recovery programs do.

No one knows you better than you know yourself, brother. Once you truly understand that fact, you’ll find a freedom and sense of relief that you never dreamed was possible.

The post Save Your Insights and Save Your Life appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

Firstly, let’s talk about what porn addiction is. It’s a condition where a person has an uncontrollable urge to view pornography, often leading to compulsive and excessive use. Porn addiction can lead to a range of negative consequences, including relationship problems, depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.

Now, let’s talk about why porn addiction is so prevalent today. With the widespread availability of the internet and smartphones, accessing pornography has become easier than ever. Moreover, many people view pornography as a harmless and acceptable form of entertainment, not realizing the harm it can cause.

Let me level with you real quick. Porn addiction is a straight-up trap, my dude. It’s all fun and games until you find yourself deep in the rabbit hole, feeling like you can’t get out. You might think it’s harmless or just a way to blow off some steam, but let me tell you, it can mess you up big time.

First of all, let’s talk about your brain. When you’re watching porn, your brain releases a ton of dopamine, which is basically a chemical that makes you feel good. But the thing is, your brain gets used to this rush of dopamine, and it starts to crave it more and more. Before you know it, you’re addicted and you can’t get that same feeling from anything else.

And let’s not forget about the impact porn can have on your relationships, man. If you’re constantly watching porn, it can make you feel disconnected from your partner and can even lead to erectile dysfunction. Plus, it’s just not fair to your partner if you’re getting all your sexual needs met through a computer screen.

But maybe the scariest part of all is the way porn can warp your view of sex and relationships. Constantly seeing unrealistic images of men and women in pornography can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. It can make you believe that you’re not attractive or desirable enough, leading to further negative thoughts and behaviors.

So, what can you do about it? Well, the first step is to recognize that you have a problem. It takes a lot of courage to admit that you’re addicted to something, but it’s the only way you can start to make a change. From there, it’s all about taking small steps to break the addiction.

But the truth is that porn addiction is a serious problem that can have lasting effects on your well-being. Here are some of the ways that porn addiction can harm you:

Health problems

Porn addiction can also have physical health consequences. Excessive use can lead to problems such as erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and loss of libido. It can also lead to poor sleep patterns, fatigue, and other health issues.

Mental health problems

Porn addiction can also have a significant impact on your mental health. It can lead to depression, anxiety, and feelings of isolation and loneliness. It can also make it difficult to concentrate and perform well at work or school.

Hey man, if you’re feeling like porn has taken over your life, there are some things you can do to take control. Here are a few steps you can take:

First off, it’s important to admit to yourself that you have a problem. It’s not easy to do, but it’s the first step in overcoming any addiction.

Next, consider seeking professional help. There are plenty of resources out there, like therapy, support groups, and Porn Reboot, that can give you the guidance and support you need to make positive changes.

Developing healthy habits like exercise, meditation, and mindfulness can also be really helpful in coping with the stress and anxiety that can come with addiction. Plus, they’ll help you build a more positive self-image and improve your overall well-being.

It’s also important to try to limit your exposure to pornography. This might mean setting limits on your internet and smartphone usage or avoiding triggers like certain websites or social media accounts.

Finally, building a support network can make a big difference. Surrounding yourself with people who understand what you’re going through and support your journey can be a huge help. Joining a support group or online community can give you a sense of belonging and accountability. Remember, you’re not alone, brother.

The post Change Mindset: Overcoming Porn Addiction for a Better Life appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

What is porn addiction?

Porn addiction problems, which includes an addiction to internet-based sex is becoming more common.

Watching a lot of pornography online does not mean that you have a porn addiction. But there are many people who find that they can’t stop watching porn even if they really want to. That is when a hobby becomes an addiction.

How Can Porn Addiction Affect Your Life?

Now, porn addiction can affect your career, your family life, and your ability to date or develop intimate relationships.

The internet has made it easy to access various ways of fulfilling your sexual desires and have anonymous sex. This can be very problematic for anyone who feels that they don’t have much control over their sexual impulses.

Porn addiction is using pornography to the point where you experience negative consequences. Porn addicts feel an absolute lack of control over their ability to stop watching pornography even in the face of severe negative consequences in their life.

You find yourself wasting a significant amount of time, taking away from the time you usually dedicate to your family, friends, or career.

Your ability to be sexually and emotionally intimate with a real person drastically reduces. This sometimes fears of intimacy and social anxiety because it’s much easier to watch a video than to go out and interact with a real person.

Internet Sex and Porn Addiction

Porn addiction also includes an addiction to the internet or cyber sex. This happens through chat rooms, smartphone apps, various types of social media and websites.

A lot of people enjoy internet sex because it doesn’t require intimacy and your fantasies can be easily fulfilled. Internet sex is so dangerous because it is a gateway to dangerous and risky situations such as anonymous sex. This happens when you’ve used internet porn and internet sex to the point that you become desensitized to it.

Compulsive masturbation with or without pornography often accompanies internet porn addiction. Porn addicts can spend hours and hours isolated in a world of fantasy and masturbation.

If you feel an obsession with pornography and masturbation in addition to a loss of control over your life, it’s important to seek help. Working with an addiction recovery coach is a necessary step to overcome porn addiction, masturbation addiction, and internet sex addiction.

A trained recovery coach can help you stop your most compulsive behaviors and also overcome your feelings of guilt and shame.

The post What is Porn Addiction? appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

One of the bad habits we build when addicted to pornography is going to sleep late and waking up late.

It may not have anything to do with porn necessarily. Maybe you just have a habit of watching movies, TV series or playing videogames late at night.

Perhaps you justify it by saying things like: “ I have trouble sleeping.”

One of the things I learned early in my recovery was the concept of managing my schedule. If you learn this, your recovery will become MUCH easier.

You’re on a Ship.

Think of yourself as being on ship in the ocean. The ocean of life, that is.

The different things which are out of your control daily are the storms in the ocean.

For a recovering porn addict, your Morning Routine is your anchor. It keeps you grounded during a storm.

Your schedule is your lifeline. If get thrown off the ship during a storm( a particularly stressful day) , its the rope that is thrown to you to save your life and pull you back to the safety of the ship.

Your morning routine is what you do every morning to prepare for your day. It should involve:

• A recovery Exercise
• Reading a chapter from an Addiction recovery book
• Goals setting for the day
• Reviewing your boundaries
• Reviewing your Statement of Purpose (Why you want to quit porn)
• Meditation or a Feelings Exercise if meditation is not your thing

It COULD also involve:

• • Visualization
  • Gratitude
  • Exercise- Lifting weights, Calisthenics or Yoga
  • Affirmations or Self Talk

Personally, my Morning Routine involves all of the above because it anchors me for the day. No matter how crazy my day gets, my ship (me) will never sink ( relapse/slip) because I am prepared. You can be too.

With a morning routine, you will know exactly where you are going, why you are doing certain things, where you want to be a few years from now. No one and nothing will throw you off track. Nothing will dissuade you from your goals. You will become what I call “Emotionally Fit”- capable of handling very strong emotions which regular people would collapse under.

Unfortunately, you cant have a morning routine with a bad schedule.

If you go to bed “anywhere between 11pm and 2am”, you will NEVER have a solid morning routine. Your ship will always sink or get damaged in a storm and you will often find yourself drowning.

Again: Your Schedule is Your Lifeline.

Decide on a specific time to go to bed and wake up. At that time, make sure you are in bed- regardless of whether you have problems sleeping or not.

In the early days of my recovery, by 10:30 pm, I was preparing for bed. No TV screens, no devices close by. I was in bed at 11pm. No calls, no emergencies, no homework.

Nothing. It was bedtime, recovery was my priority. If it was a zombie apocalypse, I’d find out in the morning.

I was up by 6 am and done with my morning routine ( including working out, by 8:00 am).

Except for a few days , usually when I was travelling, this schedule did not change. I had a shorter version of the morning routine for days when I travelled and arrived at my destination late or the handful of occasions when I went out with friends to a bar or club. This version lasted about 40 minutes.

Excuses. Porn Addiction Counseling

During recovery, you either make excuses or you take action.

“ My shift at work changed, so I cant wake up early.”

“ My girlfriend works late at night and we don’t get to spend time together, so I stay up late”

“I’m studying for an exam.”

“I have a paper due tomorrow”

“I was hungover”

“I was at a friends party”

These are all excuses. We can’t be perfect, but if you find yourself using these excuses multiple times a year, then you are slacking on your recovery.

In conclusion, many men screw up their recovery simply because they have no discipline with their schedule. They do not respect time. Once you fix you lifeline and your anchor, you immediately cut down on the emotional incidents, the urges which you experience throughout the day.

The post Your Schedule Is Your Life Line appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

Porn addiction aside, the one thing that sucks the most is relapsing. In my years of living with an addiction to internet porn, I’ve made the decision to quit more times than I choose to remember.

I vividly remember the first time I relapsed after my longest streak without porn or masturbation. At that time, it was such a challenge to even go 1 week without getting on my favorite site. This time, I had managed 2 full months.

I relapsed on Day 92.

After that relapse I felt three main things:

1) Disbelief and Confusion: “How did this happen?” “I was doing so well!”.
2) Shame
3) Less confidence in myself. I basically looked at my self as someone who couldn’t be trusted to keep his word.

If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance that you can relate quite well to all three emotions.

I’d like you to do something for yourself for a moment, though…

Think back to your last relapse- specifically, the week BEFORE your relapse.

Now honestly answer these questions:

Did you have a recovery plan?

Did you have boundaries or actions to take if you were triggered?

Were you checking in with anyone regularly?

Was there someone who helped to keep you accountable?

Were you being proactive about your recovery?

Were you being aware of the places you went, media you exposed yourself to and the thoughts you had?  

Or were you a little more “relaxed” about everything?

Did you have a self-care plan?

A support network of people who understood your problem?

Were you meditating, using affirmations, exercising, eating right, managing stressful situations, getting enough sleep or taking time off to relax?

The truth is, if you relapsed, there is bound to be a “No” or a couple of No’s in response to these questions.

All those questions above are related to something called RECOVERY.

When you are in recovery, your brain will inevitably REBOOT with time and you will be free of your compulsive behavior with pornography. It’s that simple.

Simple- but not easy.

So why aren’t most guys in recovery?

Well, I realized- after years of relapsing myself, that our way of viewing recovery is pretty skewed.

See,

“Wanting to be in recovery”, is NOT recovery
“ Installing a filter”, is NOT recovery
“ 90 Days NoFap” is NOT recovery

“Changing my habits” is NOT recovery

Those questions you answered earlier? That’s recovery.

Many of us think that a “relapse” is an event. Something that “happened”.

NO.

A relapse is not ONE event!

A relapse begins when you start missing parts of your recovery.

For instance, before your relapse:

Were you aware of your triggers?

Did you feel entitled? Like- “I’ve been doing so well without porn and masturbation. It has been a hard day, I deserve a break to watch porn.”

Were you watching Youtube videos with “sexy” content- you know, those triggering thumbnails?

Did you quit doing something that was really good for you- such as working out regularly, or eating well?

Were you frustrated with a particular situation, or dealing with strong emotions-perhaps a family issue?

When you experience any of the above and don’t fix them immediately, your relapse has ALREADY BEGUN.

Again, a relapse is not an event.

It is a state of mind.

So how do tell exactly when your relapse begins if it isn’t a solitary event?

Well, here is another set of questions to help you determine if your relapse has begun.

Who did you call after you relapsed?

What was the consequence to applied to yourself due to that behavior?

Did you change anything in your environment after the relapse? For instance, if you found out that a certain site on your device wasn’t blocked by your filter, did you immediately block it?

What sort of self-care behavior did you engage in after the relapse to uplift your mind, body, and emotions?

Now if your answer to these is “ I don’t do any of those.” or you only applied one of the four suggested actions, then you are STILL RELAPSING.

By now, some of you may be realizing that you’ve been in a state of relapse for YEARS.

Write this down on a piece of paper and stick it somewhere you can see it:

Your relapse is never over till you bring someone else in.

Having an accountability partner pulls you out of the cycle of relapse and helps your process the events prior to to the relapse while taking the next steps.

As time goes on, you will be able to answer these questions on your own and within moments. Getting to this level will require bringing someone else into your life as an accountability partner.

But what if you don’t have access to an accountability partner, or you don’t know anyone who could help you with accountability?

Well, we’ve got you covered with a solution. Before I get into it, I’d like to share a quick story from a college student who took advantage of this.

Case Study:

I had a college student reach out to me, at his wits end about his repeated relapses- we’ll call him “S.P” for privacy purposes. S.P was 22 years old, had been exposed to porn at 10 years old and been using porn and masturbating daily since he was 12. However, he had educated himself on porn addiction and made some changes in his life. The biggest change he made was installing one of the best internet filters on his laptop. This had managed to keep him off porn for two months.

The main problem was his smart phone which eventually led him to slip.

S.P fully understood the need for an accountability partner and had got on a call with me to find out if I could be his accountability partner for a time. Unfortunately, at the time, I was fully booked and couldn’t keep up with any more clients in terms of accountability.

He was in a permanent state of relapse and desperately needed something to help him in the moments before and after a slip. I gave him access to what a few hundred guys who didn’t have accountability partners or a structure to their recovery had been using and received an email from him two weeks later.

Here’s an excerpt:

“It’s such a change from the person I was 14 days ago who could barely put together a sentence in front of new people to the guy now who can talk with almost anyone without thinking about it. Also,  a couple of people have been telling me I look different, I’m not sure if its the way I carry myself or something else but they said they could barely recognize me from a distance. I do feel different though. I can’t wait until day 30 to see how much more I can change. I’m not going to sit around and wait for the changes though. I’m going to live and have fun and what happens happens.”

So, what got S.P back on track?

I gave him access to our free Facebook Group. The group contains a collection of actionable step by step videos where I walk you through what do after and before a relapse or when you feel an urge.

Every video equips you with a different skill set to manage your triggers, overcome your urges and make sure that you have control over your porn and masturbation habits

 

If you don’t have control of your urges and haven’t developed the necessary skills to manage them, then this private group is the best place to begin

Get access to the Group

To recap, here are the 10 Questions to ask yourself after a relapse.

1)Were you checking in with anyone regularly? Was there someone who helped to keep you accountable?

2) Were you being proactive about your recovery? Were you being aware of the places you went, media you exposed yourself to and the thoughts you had?  Or were you a little more “relaxed” about everything?

3) Did you have a self-care plan? A support network of people who understood your problem? Were you meditating, using affirmations, exercising, eating right, managing stressful situations, getting enough sleep or taking time off to relax?

4) Did you feel entitled? Like- “I’ve been doing so well without porn and masturbation. It been a hard day, I deserve a break to watch porn.”

5) Were you watching Youtube videos with “sexy” content- you know, those triggering thumbnails?

6) Did you quit doing something that was really good for you- such as working out regularly, or eating well?

7) Were you frustrated with a particular situation, or dealing with strong emotions-perhaps a family issue?

8) Who did you call after you relapsed?

9) What was the consequence to applied to yourself due to that behavior?

10) Did you change anything in your environment after the relapse? For instance, if you found out that a certain site on your device wasn’t blocked by your filter, did you immediately block it?

And if you have a question or comment, please post below – I’m always interested in hearing from you and I love answering your questions.

The post 10 Questions To Ask Yourself After a Relapse appeared first on Elevated Recovery.