I’ve found over the years that men who were raised in a religious household or are still a practicing Christian have trouble ending their out-of-control sexual behavior. It’s not impossible but these men do face a unique challenge.

I was indoctrinated into Christianity at a very early age. I’m not religious anymore but I was raised in a strict Catholic household. This meant praying every evening, saying the rosary, going to Catholic school, and attending mass every Sunday. I developed a very binary view of the world; something was either sinful or it was not.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not out to attack Christianity. Just because it doesn’t work for me doesn’t mean that it can’t work for you. There are plenty of Christian brothers in the Porn Reboot program working to end their compulsive behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation. I do believe this gives me some insight into the particular struggles our Christian brothers have.

Christianity holds a very conservative view of sexual behavior and sexuality in general. Growing up I believed that sex was a bad thing because of all the rules surrounding it. I believed that having sexual relations with a woman outside of marriage meant I was doing something very, very wrong. Something sinful.

This concept of sin is a powerful idea and it’s something that leaves my Christian brothers conflicted. It holds them back subconsciously as they start the reboot process. They can accept the scientific parts of their out-of-control behavior but it’s almost impossible for them to let go of the idea that they’ve sinned.

When I was in my 20s I worked as a door-to-door salesman selling books for one of the leading publishers in the world. Our best-selling book was a high-quality study Bible. They included the Greek translations as well as a Latin and Greek dictionary to give readers deeper insight into the texts.

I spent much of my free time reading and studying the Bible during my time at that job. Admittedly, I didn’t study it because I was religious; I studied it because it was the primary product I sold. However, I did enjoy reading the Bible immensely, especially having the Greek translations alongside the verses.

As I read it, I came across the definition of the word sin. Sin is called “harmatia” in Greek, which means a tragic flaw. I’ve carried that definition of sin with me ever since because it makes perfect sense. If sin is a tragic flaw, something we need salvation from, that means sin is part of our nature. It means that we have something within us as men that we cannot outrun, escape, or deny.

This also implies that your compulsive behavior with pornography, sex, and masturbation is part of your intrinsic makeup. This is where my Christian brothers find themselves stuck. They develop the belief that something is inherently wrong with them because of this sinful nature. They believe they aren’t worthy of being loved because they cannot seem to control their sin.

The more I read that study Bible, though, the more I learned. Eventually, I realized that there was an even earlier definition for “harmatia”: to miss the mark. Sin isn’t some inherent tragic flaw in your makeup; it’s simply missing the mark. It’s falling short in some way but it also implies that you have another chance to hit the target.

Your struggle with porn addiction effects, sex, and masturbation doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. Your compulsive behavior doesn’t make you a terrible person. Missing the mark doesn’t mean you’ll be a failure forever. It doesn’t mean you can’t change. All it means is that you make mistakes just like every other person in the world. That’s just part of being human.

I understand that Christianity frames the way you view the world. I know that reframing your idea of sin may feel like a challenge to your beliefs. But all I’m suggesting is that you’re no less worthy of love than anyone else because of your out-of-control behavior. You may have missed the mark but now you have the opportunity to take another shot.

The idea that you’re inherently flawed and not worthy of love will hold you back until you challenge it. It’ll keep you from moving forward and finding success in your reboot.  But once you accept that you can maintain your Christian beliefs while also recognizing some of the burdens that your beliefs placed on you, you’ll step closer to freedom from your behavior. 

You’ll find nothing in the porn addiction recovery program that runs contrary to your beliefs; in fact, you’ll likely find yourself capable of building a deeper connection with God once you clear away your out-of-control behavior. Once you overcome this roadblock, your path to a porn-free life and a stronger faith becomes clearer than ever before.

If you’re struggling to balance your Christian beliefs with your reboot, come join us in the free Porn Reboot Facebook group. We have plenty of brothers who are both working through and have overcome their battles with self-loathing brought about by their Christian upbringing. You’ll find plenty of understanding and support to keep you from feeling like you have to struggle alone!

The post The Number One Thing Holding Christian Men Back appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

“I went to a bachelor party for my cousin not too long ago. When I arrived at the place and saw nothing but brand new BMWs, Benzes, Audis, and all these other luxury cars. There were like 50 of these different cars. Meanwhile, I pulled up in my Honda Civic with a different colored door.

“I saw a ton of guys with loads of money walking in and out of the building so I didn’t walk in. I didn’t even make it past the parking lot. I left because I was so filled with feelings of shame, anxiety, and inferiority. Have you guys ever experienced something like this?”

I appreciate these vulnerable posts because they often express something most of us deal with. You might think you’re alone in feeling a certain way but I can almost guarantee you that at least one other brother in the group relates to what you’re going through.

Feeling insecure around other men is a big problem for guys like us. As you may know, I grew up in poverty and my academic performance was terrible. When I was in my twenties and took my first job in door-to-door sales, I realized it would take many years for me to get those nice things our brother talked about in his post. 

Although I couldn’t immediately acquire these nice external resources, I realized that I could maximize my internal resources and my external physique in the meantime. I developed a dedicated gym routine. I started working on my social skills. I was determined to overcome my crippling anxiety. I knew that honing these skills would make a massive difference as I worked to get some of those nicer things I wanted. 

While these things didn’t get me a nice car or a nice apartment, they did keep me from worrying so much about the station wagon I drove around. I felt strong and confident, less concerned about what others thought of me. That confidence played into how I carried myself, how I integrated with others, and how I felt about myself as a whole.

Here’s the thing, brother: yes, it’s great to drive a nice car. It feels awesome to have a huge house, an expensive watch, designer clothing, and luxurious vacations. I won’t deny that those are all enjoyable things.

But here’s the other thing: if you don’t do any internal work and develop some confidence, none of your external circumstances matter. You could roll up in the most expensive Maserati on the planet but if you don’t know how to carry yourself then you’ll still feel insecure. You might be able to cling to your possessions for some time but they’ll eventually give way and you’ll find yourself feeling inferior again.

I truly believe that you should first focus on developing yourself. Work on your personality, your character, the energy you give out, the way you carry yourself, and your physique. When you focus on developing these things to the highest possible level, the result shines much brighter than even the nicest car you could buy.  Eliminating porn addiction problems along the way.

Of course, there’s also nothing wrong with upgrading your vehicle to one that has four doors that match. But developing yourself allows you to carry yourself with confidence regardless of your circumstances, and that is something that no one can take away from you.

The post Porn Addiction Problem: Insecurity Around Other Men appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

These brothers have been asking for help for ten years now. Some were 22 when I first heard from them, and now they’re 32 with a life that looks the same, or worse. Others were about to turn 40 and I warned them that this was their last shot to get their lives together, get into a relationship, and start a family. Today they’re 50 years old and still pitifully addicted to pornography.

We’re in a difficult time right now. The last few years were filled with adversity. The men who chose to control their behavior from the first time they reached out fared well throughout the chaos and uncertainty. Those who were focused, disciplined, and mentally strong continued to thrive during these times. 

However, men who used porn, sex, and masturbation as coping mechanisms may have survived, but they surely didn’t thrive. Relying on compulsive sexual behavior only resulted in a miserable struggling existence. 

And if you’re in that latter group, today’s message is for you. 

The stress reflects physically on your body. You found yourself soft, pudgy, and weak from stress eating. You’re fueled by sugar and caffeine. Your girlfriend or wife doesn’t want to have sex with you if you can’t achieve an erection. You can’t get hard or stay hard because you chose pornography over her. You’ve become boring. You chose a life of domesticity over adventure and learning. No one wants to sleep with the man they argue with over the dishes every night.

If you’re single, you may wonder why women won’t date you. You don’t bother to groom yourself. You dress comfortably, which is a nice way of saying you’re a grown man who dresses like a schoolboy. You’re overweight and your best features are obscured by the bloat from the fast food you shovel into yourself every day.

You feel entitled to women who are 10s because you watch them in porn while you’re barely a 5 on your best day. You lack ambition. You play video games all night. You smoke weed every day. You live to be entertained. If you ever manage to get a girlfriend, she’ll have to find a sugar daddy because you’re too busy seeking pleasure to be a provider.

You’ll likely have to settle for the lowest-hanging fruit when it comes to women. You’ll hang onto her because you know you won’t find better. And then you will spend the rest of your life secretly jerking off to women you truly find attractive online.

You’re weak. You’re stunted. You’re overwhelmed. You’re unable to prioritize. You’re mentally consumed by a constant diet of unfiltered garbage information that you allow into your head. The news, nonsense YouTube videos, pointless podcasts, endless Reddit threads, Wikipedia black holes, and perma-scrolling Twitter, of it, fill your head with useless information that makes you think you’re smart.

When was the last time you created something? What was the last original thought or idea you formulated? I’m not talking about repeating talking points that someone else gave you or buying into the hive mind of whatever group you’re a part of.

Your emotional capacity is next to nothing but you’re always emotionally charged. Your erratic emotional range consists of numbness, irritation, anger, depression, loneliness, excitement, and fear. Instead of experiencing the emotional capacity of a Boeing 747 that flies intercontinental, you’re a paper plane that can barely reach the back of the classroom and is destined for the trash.

You’re spiritually bankrupt, too, even if you believe yourself to be a Christian. Your religious affinity only pays lip service to the type of man you wish you were. But what would your congregation think if they saw your browser history, your secret apps, and your external hard drives? I bet they tell a different story.

Your behavior is a growing cancer of the soul. You’ve spent empty years lying, desperately trying to hold up your shining image while living a double life. This is no way to live, brother. You’re falling apart, relying on your limited social circle for validation while destroying yourself every day.

If you’re at all interested in rebuilding your life and thriving in the years to come, it’s time to seriously reconsider your life. You could have saved yourself this last decade of destruction had you only followed through on the help you initially sought.

Honestly ask yourself what holds you back from taking action to overcome your porn addiction problems. Maybe it’s shame. Maybe it’s pride. Maybe you just don’t care and you’re stuck in a cycle of apathy. You know you have a problem but you’re fooling yourself by thinking you can handle it alone if you’re stuck in the same place 10 years later.

I know I sound harsh today but I feel disheartened. It’s painful to look at an email thread I can follow back to 2012 with a man who has clearly done nothing to change his circumstances. It feels wrong and I can’t sit back without saying something, especially as a man who has been where you are.

I think men who struggle with porn addiction live on a slightly altered timeline. We don’t seem to realize how time flies. The years slip by but we’re so busy consumed by our porn addiction symptoms that we miss the signs. Instead of seeing ourselves as the problem, though, we blame other things for our wide range of shortcomings.

The description above is probably painful to read. It may not describe every aspect of your life but I’m sure there are at least a few attributes that describe you. And it might seem like there’s nothing you can do to change, but professional help will make a difference. I’ve watched hundreds of men change their lives throughout the last decade of the Porn Reboot program a form of porn addiction counseling only with a better and effective method proven for years.

Have you reached a point that you can’t handle anymore? Are you ready to take responsibility for your life? I would love to see you join us in the Porn Reboot group and get started. Even if you don’t participate in the intensive, getting involved in our free Facebook group is a great place to start. You can learn what the Porn Reboot program is about and start implementing the system in your life today.

Quit watching time pass you by, brother. Take control of your life. Today can be the day that shifts the trajectory and pulls you from the pit of hopelessness you’ve landed yourself in.

The post Men Who Refuse to Seek Professional Help appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

This wasn’t the case for me. When I was in the midst of my pornography addiction I was certainly not charismatic. I didn’t know how to communicate, I couldn’t focus, I couldn’t even study. I had a hard time in college because the anxiety was so overwhelming and speaking up in front of people was out of the question.

It’s interesting that many pastors I work with hide their pornography addiction for years, but still find a way to succeed in spite of it. How do these pastors, or men in other similar influential positions, stay successful while battling their out-of-control behaviors? What qualities do they have that empower them to maintain a positive public image while struggling behind closed doors?

Influential Men Share Some Common Traits

I’ve found that these influential men have several traits in common. They share a set of characteristics that let them keep up appearances while clamoring with their demons in their personal time. The following are a few of these traits I’ve noticed over time.

Narcissistic

Most of these outwardly influential men I work with share a narcissistic trait. They believe in themselves to the point of delusion. These men believe they’re here for a specific purpose that they’re uniquely designed and qualified to fill. Sometimes this masquerades as their calling. They believe they’re fulfilling a calling that they’re destined to follow.  

Obsessive-Compulsive

I also notice these men display obsessive and sometimes even compulsive tendencies. They’re obsessed with specific tasks and will not step back from or let go of them until they’re completed to perfection.

Exaggerated

Influential men tend to err on the side of dramatics, theatricality, and general exaggeration. They’re expressive when communicating and are especially capable of drawing people in with their message. Placed in the right environment, these exuberant communicators have a knack for becoming successful.

Covering the Pain of the Past

Many of these influential men I work with come from a history of trauma. They experienced some form of abandonment, neglect, or abuse that caused a deep psychological wound. Pornography or other out-of-control behaviors offered some distraction and relief from the pain of their past.

As they grow up and take on an influential role, like those who become pastors, they start to gain some form of status and power. People look up to them and appreciate their contributions to the world. 

Members of their congregation thank them for the sermon they gave. Couples appreciate the guidance and support they receive during marriage counseling. Their inbox is filled with messages from people who respect and look up to them, who are grateful for their message.

These men gain a sense of positive validation from their growing prestige. It instills a belief that they’re still okay, even if they’re struggling behind closed doors. They cover their feelings of shame with the positive feedback they receive from their parishioners. 

But How Do They Hide?

How do these influential individuals keep their behaviors hidden, though? What is it that keeps them getting away with it for so long? I’ve noticed two things in particular over my years of working with dozens of men in this position.

Trust

Influential men build trust with their congregation or their followers over time. People assume pastors, priests, and other religious leaders prescribe to the precepts of their religion. They’re seen as a direct conduit to God, someone who communicates directly with a deity. Parishioners trust their minister because of the religious beliefs that they assume their minister adheres to.

Once they’re in this position, they feel they have a responsibility to their congregation. They’ve built a sense of trust that they don’t want to break. They love what they do and want to maintain the work they’ve done, but don’t know how to stop their behaviors.

Isolation

Many of these men spend a good portion of time alone. You’ve probably heard that saying, “It’s lonely at the top.” Leaders have things they alone are responsible for. They’re in a position that places a tremendous amount of pressure on them. They feel they need to be a perfect person, one who can overcome it all. 

This pressure increases their feelings of isolation. It feels like no one understands what they’re dealing with, especially when they’re balancing a pornography addiction. This forces them to push the secret of their addiction further and further into hiding.

Facing Fear and Rebooting

It seems easier for these men to look at the appreciation and trust of their congregation and use it as a reason to keep their addiction hidden. They don’t want to disappoint their congregation, their families, or themselves. When they’ve spent years building their identity, success, and livelihood around their image in the church, it’s terrifying to confront the truth. It’s terrifying to finally acknowledge the reality of the situation they’re in.

I do want to be clear: the pastors I work with are not bad men. They’re not intentionally harming the people who trust and believe in them. That’s what makes pornography addiction such a difficult battle to fight. These men aren’t inherently bad but they have developed a harmful behavior they must overcome.

There is a ton of fear that comes with overcoming pornography addiction as a pastor. But pastors who want to overcome their behaviors must eventually accept the devastating situation they’re in. They must face the reality of their position if they want to reboot successfully. And I’m here to assure you that pastors can have a successful reboot, too.

Pastors and other influential men can reboot just like everyone else in the Porn Reboot group. As long as they commit to changing and apply the system in their life, they can leave their pornography addiction and out-of-control behaviors behind. The Porn Reboot system works for any man willing to take responsibility for his behaviors and make changes in his life!

The post How Pastors and Influential Men Keep Their Addiction Hidden appeared first on Elevated Recovery.