Its one of the most exhilarating and pleasurable experiences we can have as human beings. I’m sure there is a mental equivalent with drugs, but orgasm comes without any side effects a precisely for that reason, there is nothing that competes with it.
I always laugh when I hear people who are anti-drug or anti-alcohol, preach against these things, yet they are addicted to releasing a chemical cocktail in their brains several times a day.

When you have access to something that feels so good, that satisfies you on such a deep level, there is a tendency to go back to it over and over again. The problem is, you are not considering the consequences of your decision to chase orgasms over and over again. Many times, men who struggle with porn addiction problems and sex addiction tell themselves that they are going to masturbate, but they are not going to orgasm…but what happens when you get to the critical decision making point? Well, you choose orgasm, because you want it NOW.

There have been several studies done which show that children who don’t have much self-control frequently grow up to lead less successful lives as adults. However, you CAN control your immediate gratification. You can learn how to put off short-term gratification, for long-term benefits. The short-term benefit is almost always smaller than the long-term benefit. This immediate gratification habit from orgasm also extends into other areas of your life such at your eating habits, your financial habits, your sleeping habits, your internet browsing and entertainment habits and much more. It’s a very powerful thing.
So what are some of the long-term benefits of not having an orgasm right now:
You are able to work on other areas of your life such as developing intimate relationships. An addiction to orgasms before you have developed intimate sexual relationships not only puts that relationship at risk but makes it less likely that you will even enter one. For those of you having casual sex, an immediate gratification problem with orgasms can lead to you making bad decisions, expose you STDs, as well as emotionally unstable individuals whom you should not be having sex with.

You’ll spend less money and time chasing orgasms. Less money on cam sites, less money on escorts and less time on porn. From personal experience, I can tell you that the amount of time that was freed up from watching porn was has allowed me to accomplish so much more in my life.

You’ll also avoid drama with your friends family and you’ll avoid breaking the law. All of this creates incredible amounts of stress- the secrets, the risky behavior, the guilt, and the fear of being found out.
This is not just for an orgasm. This is done all the time. People hold back on eating out, buying clothes, gadgets and entertainment in order to save money to buy a home. Others avoid eating sugar and carbs in order to lose weight. To put myself through college, I drove a junky 1990 ford Taurus and sold books door to every summer with no weekends off for many years.It took me a long time to graduate, but I didn’t want to graduate with debt.

So how do we fix instant gratification?

There is only step to this.
Separate the emotional part of the orgasm process from the rational.
I’m going to give you an exercise that will help you to do this, but before that, let me give you an example from my life.
When I was in college, I had the choice to take out a student and pay for summer classes, or take the summer off like many college students and enjoy myself. Everyone else was doing the same thing. Instead of focusing on all the fun I could have in the summer, I instead chose to focus on what my life would be like in the Fall and after I graduated. I wanted real-world experience through an internship or a job, and I didn’t want to be broke as a college student. That intense focus on the things I wanted in the long term caused me to put off having fun till later. As a result, all through college years getting multiple degrees, I never had Spring Break, a summer break or a fall break. I was either doing an internship, selling door to door or building a business. If I only focused on the pleasurable things- video games, going on trips, getting high and drunk, I would have given in to it.
Don’t get me wrong, the temptation was there, and I wasn’t perfect, but I learned through that process that you can become adapted to seeking long-term gratification as opposed to short-term pleasure.

Here’s the Exercise:
Write out your immediate sexual gratification problem with orgasm:
It could be:
The need to watch porn and masturbate immediately
The need to have an orgasm through sex, so you call or visit an escort. There are also men who need the gratification so much that they will seek orgasm with another man or a transgender individual when they cannot find a woman…and those who identify as straight men, but they have become opportunistic with orgasms.
It could be the need to get on a cam site and watch someone live in order to orgasm.
It could be cruising, driving around, spending time on dating apps or going to a club to pick someone up to have sex with immediately
Whatever your instant gratification problem is, write it out.

Then write out the Pleasurable Emotional aspects of it and the Rational Aspects of it.

For example, you may have the desire to pay for sex with a prostitute. The emotional aspects could be the physical feeling of penetrating another human being, it could be certain sounds, maybe you get high when to do it and that increases how pleasurable the experience is. All those are emotional and may even cause physical reactions when you write them down.

On the other side of the page, write out the rational aspects. One could be that you would be spending money that was budgeted for something else- like paying your rent. And because of that, you would be short on your rent by the end of the month and have to go through the embarrassment of borrowing money as a grown ass man from your parents in order to pay rent. Another could be that you run the risk of contracting an STD from having sex with a prostitute. You could also consider the fact that this time its a police sting or you’re in a shady situation paying for sex and get robbed.

The more you practice this, the better you’ll get at it. Now, this exercise is not meant to be done when you feel an urge- if you can do it then, that great too, but its to be done now, right after watching this and perhaps every morning and evening. Instead of using your willpower, you simply use your minds ability to think about thinking. That’s what separates you from every other creature on earth. You can think about thinking. And you have that ability precisely to improve your condition as a human being.
Use it.

The post How To Fix Immediate Gratification appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

Do you have a resistance to admitting that you have a “porn addiction”?

I admit- when I began my journey to end my out of control porn addiction problems and masturbation behavior, I simply refused to categorize myself as an “addict”. After all, I came from an educated, moderately religious family with conservative values.

I experienced a relatively happy, and memorable childhood. I never tried any hardcore drugs, and in early adulthood, I tried to live my life by the book.

Yet, I would find myself acting like a possessed heroin junkie anytime I went without porn or masturbating for three days.

Many men find it really difficult to admit they have a problem with pornography because it simply hasn’t been labeled an addiction my the mainstream media or society in general. That’s going to change over the next few years, but in the meantime, I’d like to point out why porn and masturbation addiction is so much trickier to beat than other addictions.

In fact, some of my clients who recovered from alcohol and drug addictions confirm that porn, sex, and masturbation are harder to quit than those substances.

There are two simple criteria when it comes to identifying where a persons porn use is addictive:

1) You have no control over it. This means you’ve made a firm decision to quit, but gave in several times.
2) Negative Consequences. It is affecting your emotions, career, relationships, productivity, academics or lifestyle in a negative way.

Both criteria must be met for porn, sex or masturbation to be classified as an addiction.

But the LEVEL of loss of control and the level of negative consequences must also be considered when trying to stop this behavior.

In my experience, the LEVEL of porn addiction varies depending on different factors in your life.

This is one crucial fact that many things all the “quit fapping” influencers on YouTube and even therapists don’t understand.

Excuse me while I rant for a moment.

This is not a game or a “challenge”- it is a serious problem that destroys lives. A handful of techniques, tips, and philosophies MIGHT help a 21-year-old who spends 80% of his day glued to his smartphone or computer- but it will do nothing for the 28-year-old young professional who is trying to succeed at his career, or the 33 year old who realizes that he’s thrown away his twenties, or the 40-year-old who feels that he sabotaged his career and serious life relationships perhaps losing his kids to divorce, or the 52-year-old who feels that its pretty much over for him.

Just because a high testosterone 21 year old feels guilty about masturbating twice a day doesn’t mean that a 27+-year-old man going places in life has the same problems as he does.

Some young men don’t know what it like to go through a break up( because they are so stuck on porn, that they can’t get in a relationship), deal with real-life stress such as paying mortgages, keeping employees on payroll, juggling work and kids, taking care of aging parents, paying taxes, deal with workplace politics- the list goes on.

Any 18-24-year-old reading this email is without a doubt above average and has some big aspirations in life. Take your problem with porn seriously, handle it and start living your best life instead of spending years playing 90 Day challenges.

Rant Over.

Ever wonder why sometimes, you binge watch porn for weeks and sometimes you have the ability to 100% abstain for months or even years?

I used to wonder the same thing as well.

This happens because your level of porn addiction and your COMMITMENT to quit varies depending on life circumstances such as your :
1) Emotions
2) Stress
3) Relationships
4) Financial situation
5) Family

Next time you are watching a video, reading a book, or looking for a counselor to help you with your porn addiction, screen them to find out if they understand this.

Here are the levels of behavior with pornography:

Level 1

This is the person who watches pornography three or four times a year. In fact, if you can count the number of times you’ve watched porn in a 12 month period on one hand, then this is the level you are at.
Due to the highly sexualized world we live in, there is of course always a risk of increasing involvement with pornography. If you have well established healthy ways of managing your emotions, stress, and family life, you are in a good place.

Level 2

At this level- you are not addicted either. However, you have watched porn and masturbated to it 6 to 12 times in a year. In some of those cases, you were not simply aroused. One or more sessions may have been triggered by curiosity due to something you came across online or perhaps because of a reference someone made. At this level, you may have watched porn to medicate/feel better about some undesirable situation in your life.

Level 3

At this point, pornography is quite likely to become a problem. You are viewing porn at least once a month, possibly for a few months or years. You know you are at level three when you try to stop yourself each month, but no matter how hard you try, you always end up slipping. Usually, you binge for a while, then try to quit again.
This is the point where many men begin to use their willpower and count down the days which they have spent off porn. It’s not an out of control problem yet, but it does take an effort to quit since the porn you are watching at this point is no longer soft core porn- your tastes are gradually changing.

FANTASY is what moves you from level 3 to level 4.

At Level 3, when you are not watching porn, there is a very high chance that you are fantasizing or sexualizing your encounters with other people. When you fantasize intensely for prolonged periods of time- away from your device, you release chemicals which make you feel good- a feeling that only gets better by watching porn.

Level 4

At this level, pornography is having an obvious effect on your life. You may start noticing that porn is affecting your career, your family or your school work.
Your fantasies are out of control at this point. When you are not watching porn, you often find yourself fantasizing about porn and sex.

You are watching pornography a couple of times a month and you have been trying to different ways to stop. Usually, nothing works at this point and you start getting worried about why it seems so difficult to quit.
This is the point where you may search for “how to stop watching porn” online.

In my experience, this level is also your final chance to end your porn use on your own. Beyond this, your entire life, whether you realize it or not, will begin to be dictated by your porn addiction. The reason why is that left unchecked, your behavior with pornography begins to generate deeper psychological issues.

Over the years, I’ve realized that there are only TWO responses to level 4. For the purpose of simplicity, I’ve divided these responses into two groups of men which we will call “Type A” and “Type B”.

Type A:

This is an already accomplished person who understands what it takes to achieve success on a consistent basis. They have usually established themselves in their career, and have a relatively balanced lifestyle. This means that you have friends, close bonds with family, take care of your health and know how to go about getting most of the things you want in life. If you are a student, you are also relatively successful in your academic life.
Type A men, once they understand that they have a problem, see it as an obstacle to their life. Their natural reaction is the same as it is to every other obstacle in their life- to get rid of it by any means necessary because they have places to go. They will usually visit a counselor, get a mentor or invest in something actionable to get back their edge on their own. When searching for help online, they screen everyone for results and success- that is, whomever they seek help from must be moving forward in their life as well. Action has always worked for them and thanks to this habit, they usually experience positive results in their recovery.
Some of my most successful clients are driven lawyers, engineers, students in law school, student-athletes, salespeople, doctors and business owners.

It must be noted that some Type A people do not seek help- usually because they are never informed that one could have a compulsive behavior with porn, they are misdiagnosed by a counselor or they are at a level of financial success that insulates them from the true impact of their problem.

Type B:

This person has usually not achieved their goals or is lagging behind for one reason or the other. Typically, they have good intentions but already have problems motivating themselves, have developed bad habits such as social media/smartphone addiction/internet addiction, bad diets, play video games compulsively or a minor drug/alcohol problem.

They may have a career or be in college, but they would not rate themselves at anywhere near their potential. Some have a genuine desire to be successful and have tried, but their repeated failures have left them with a lot of self-doubts.

As is sadly the case of most men seeking direction, I have noticed that Type B men were often diagnosed with depression, ADD/ADHD or some other disorder at some point in their life. This diagnosis then served as a subconscious crutch throughout their lives- frequently sabotaging their attempts to excel in life.

Type B men, once they understand that they have a problem, will respond as they have to most things in life. Typically, they will seek the opinion of someone who is similar to them. They gravitate towards influencers on social media who are entertaining or are in a similar demographic to them. They are more likely to accept “popular opinion” as fact as opposed to doing their own research. The popular way, of course, is usually the “easy way”. In the case of quitting porn use, it is :

1) “Stay off porn for 90 Days and count REALLY HARD”
2) “ Improve your lifestyle and be a man”
3) “Watch more videos about not masturbating and the more you watch, the more you will understand”

Type B men take massive action- but their action is typically limited to watching a lot of videos or reading a lot of articles, comments, and opinions. When they do try to curb their behavior with porn, they usually fail since they don’t have a definite plan.
Their self-doubt, reinforced by underachieving in other areas of their lives kicks in.When the effects of porn addiction on their life become too unbearable, the Type B man start seeks help, but unfortunately, because he doesn’t believe in investing in himself, seeks cheap and “quick fixes” which usually makes them prey to scams and hustlers looking to make a quick buck online.

If you fall into the Type B category or are a Type A person with a few character traits of Type B showing up in your life, don’t get discouraged. I was in that category as well till I was fortunate enough to find a mentor who opened my eyes to my self-sabotaging way of thinking.

Level 5

At this point, viewing pornography is a daily habit and a major part of your life. You are watching porn and masturbating just to fall asleep. You sexualize every single woman ( and sometimes even men) you see.

Level 5 is when you stop growing and developing as a person. Your career, your relationships with people- everything is set up to maximize porn use.
For instance, you spend a lot of time alone in front of your computer or phone. You never initiate a social meet up of any sort for dinner or a movie. All your hobbies are solitary and you never step out of the comfort zone of those who were already in your life when you reached Level 5.

Anytime I speak to a man at Level 5, I find that he has paid a heavy price for his porn addiction.
Some of the things he has sacrificed at this point are:

1) Career: He has lost a job, or severely underperformed at his career due to his porn use.
2) Relationships: Intimate relationships have ended. Either due to his partner leaving him because of his incessant porn use or due to him sabotaging the relationship due to his inability to fully commit. He always feels that there is a “better” woman out there..always wondering if perhaps he can “upgrade”.
3) Education: Mediocre to failing performance in academics

When you try to quit at this point, you begin to experience strong withdrawal symptoms such as erectile dysfunction, irritability, extreme daytime fatigue, headaches, problems sleeping and social anxiety- worrying more than often about peoples opinions.

By this point, you quite literally do not know how to stop. Both Type A and Type B men realize that they need help at this point. Again, their responses at Level 5 are quite different.

If you are a Type A person, you will usually disclose your struggle to a trusted friend or some sort of mentor. This is usually a good step, as it brings your porn and masturbation use out of secrecy. You then have the courage to share it with more people. Many Type A men are surprised to learn at this point that the person they shared it with faces the same problem!

If you are a Type B, you will do one of two things. “Break” psychologically and “ignore” the problem-effectively incorporating Level 5 into your life. You might find rationalizations to back up your decisions such as “Everyone does it”, “Sex/porn addiction does not exist”, on and on. At this point, you fall for the ideology of “sex positive” counselors, MGTOW, or some group with relieves your guilt and shame for viewing porn.
The second thing a Type B man does is send desperate emails, comments and a one-liner to others online asking for advice. Since you haven’t developed the habit of taking action like the Type A man- which involves a small element of risk, you take action any way you know how- by seeking help in the most risk-averse way.

Level 6

This level is characterized by feelings of being completely out of control. Every single day of your life involves thoughts of pornography and in an age of free porn, you are spending money on porn in the form of paid sites and cam sites.

Depression and hopelessness are two common feelings at this level. This doesn’t mean that you have no desire to quit. On the contrary, you do want to quit, but your self-doubt and lack of hope are overwhelming. Many men at Level 6 continue using pornography, even after being caught with it.

The type of pornography you are viewing has drastically escalated to violent material including bestiality, gore, snuff ( death), incest, rape, extreme violence and other depraved material. These are the only genres of pornography that can elicit an orgasm and sometimes even an erection. Staying in Level 6 leads to acting out.

This means seeking real-life sexual encounters to satisfy your addiction. This can range from seeking female, male or transgender escorts via different websites and apps, searching for random hookups, or in some cases, predatory behavior towards vulnerable people.

At Level 6, every aspect of your life is filled with lies as you need to do so in order to cover up your secret life. A man at Level 6 can maintain this behavior for years-even decades. When discovered, there is always a very high price to pay. Relationships fall apart in traumatic ways, careers are destroyed, sometimes, men end up in jail.

The good news about Level 6 is that the stakes are so high when you get caught, that it can trigger a very strong emotional desire to quit.

The bad news is that in Levels 5 and 6, you are delusional in your beliefs- that is, while you may acknowledge that your behavior is out of control, you don’t see its true impact on your life. You have also incorporated compulsive lying and manipulation into your day to day life since your behavior must be maintained in secrecy.

Breaking The Armor

Over the years, I’ve developed an exercise which I call “breaking the armor”. The purpose of this exercise is to help a man at Level 5 or 6 drop his conditioning for a brief moment and actually see what his life could look like without porn.

In my opinion- this is VERY important. After years of porn use and masturbation- lets say you started between the ages of 8-14 and carried on for 12-15 years, you truly have no concept of what a life without pornography looks like.

Porn is your first relationship.

Its comforted you as a teen when you were anxious.
It kept you company when you were lonely.
When you were stressed and overwhelmed, porn was always there to take off the edge.
On restless nights it helped you fall asleep
It taught you about sex and perhaps even gave you some sexual confidence
It was always there for you when your heart was broken

Unfortunately, porn overstayed its welcome…

But how do you let go of the one thing you could depend on for years?

What would life look like?

That where Breaking The Armor comes in.

Through a series of coaching questions, we gradually remove all your emotional armor or conditioning. This is a temporary process- but for a brief moment, you are free of your shame, your guilt, your lies and your rationalization. You are YOU. This is a powerful moment for many men.

When some of my clients at Level 5 and 6 see the incredible damage porn has had on their families, finances, careers, relationships, self-esteem, social life and on their emotions, some break down and cry. It’s like being possessed against your will and knowledge by a different personality which pretended to be you for years…and one day realizing who you really are for the first time.

The loss, self-betrayal, and lies you told yourself become evident. You see the man you could have been if porn didn’t get out of control in your life.

At that moment, most men decide that they are done for good. This is when the recovery process truly begins- when you have actually FELT what it’s like your greatest self.

Understanding these levels are so important to your recovery. This is why I have never paid much attention to the all the “fapping/not fapping” movements. It is a willpower solution that only helps men at Level 3.

To effectively recover, you or the person guiding you in your recovery must first determine what level you are at.

Once I determine what level a man is at, I know the exact steps needed to help him recover.

He will be able to identify his boundaries, develop the right amount of self-awareness, control fantasies, dialogue with himself, anticipate urges, deal with strong emotions of sadness, loss or hopelessness, accurately examine his rationalizations and much more- depending on the Level he is at.

Withdrawal symptoms are also experienced differently at each Level. The effects of withdrawals are physical and emotional. In in the past 7 years, I have not met a single client out of 400+ who could identify more than two withdrawal symptoms. They are able to identify them weeks later.

Now, at this point- a Type B man will be thinking: “J.K…man, I really want to quit, but you make it sound so complicated and even impossible.”
If that is you, understand that your habit of taking the easy way is kicking in right at this moment. Fight it.

The Type A man will be thinking of how he can best put this information to good use.

I could keep going, but I’ll end up writing a book. The point is- take the first step of identifying your level of addiction to pornography.

Review this email again and ask yourself whether you have moved from one level to the next( up or down) over the years.

Honestly identify whether you are a “Type A” or a “Type B” kind of man. There is nothing wrong with either-such is life, although the Type B man is clearly at a disadvantage. As I mentioned earlier- I was a typical Type B guy with a few Type A traits till I broke my armor and dedicated several very painful years to change my life.

If you want to hear a little bit about how I changed myself to more of a “Type A” man, watch this Video:

Finally…

I would REALLY like to know your thoughts on what level you are at and what “Type” of man you are.

Leave your response in the comment section.

The post Why Is It So Hard To Quit Porn? appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

Dealing with an out of control behavior with porn, sex or masturbation can be tough and it definitely affects your life in negative ways.

I know many men who follow Porn Addiction Recovery Reboot have been trying to quit for a long time- there are moments when you are doing very well and times when you’re just deep in it binging, feeling shame, guilt, and loss of control.

But this does not mean that your life should fall apart. In fact, the main reason I do this is to help men realize their dreams and potential. And I don’t mean potential in some sort of bullshit motivational way. I mean- you have goals- there are things you want in life- in your career, your finances, your relationships, your health and much more. You are only here because pornography is holding you back.

When I quit porn over a decade ago, I literally entered a new reality.I took advantage of it to create the life that I wanted and I am determined in my small way to help you get there.

Pornography robs us of productivity and if you are an ambitious man, today I’m going to share with you 10 steps to increase your productivity while struggling with quitting porn.

While I struggled with porn and masturbation, I was still able to maintain very high levels of productivity in TWO careers simultaneously. This is how I accomplished that.

Step 1: Look in the mirror

Realize that as a man and as a man struggling a with a porn, sex or masturbation problem, while there may be people who support you, you are the only one who can change your life. No rehab, no counselor, no coach, no guru can impact your life the way you can. When men get on the phone with me- I always say- I just want to help you become an expert at yourself. You control your time. You may not be able to control your sexual urges as much you’d like to- YET, but the remaining hours of the day are very much in your hands-even if you feel fatigued and demotivated after hours of watching porn. Nothing is physically stopping you from doing the work.
So look in the mirror and tell yourself. “No one is coming to save me. I must save myself.” I take responsibility for my life. This one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself.

Step 2: Keep track of your time

One of the biggest time wasters for men is social media. Personally, I believe that if you are not running a business or your career does not involve social media, you really don’t need to be on it . Especially when you are recovering from porn addiction. Spend a day recording how you spend your time. Find out how much time you spend on checking email, commenting, participating, sharing, being entertained on social media. Once you find out that you’re spending hours on tasks which are not related to your number 1 goal, move them to the least important part of your day

Step 3: Fix your inbox

Many of us have a habit of making our email inbox a to-do list. You had your plans for the day, but the moment you logged into your email, suddenly random people are dictating your day. So here are some things you can do to avoid this situation.
1) Don’t check your email first thing in the morning. I don’t remember where this quote is from, but it says “The fastest way to time travel to 2 pm is to check inbox first thing in the morning”

2) Turn off all alerts on your computer. No facebook alerts, no nothing.

3) Put your phone in silent mode when working. Personally, my phone is on silent and in another room when I am writing or mentoring a client or running group sessions . Now, I do have long term clients who sign up 24 hour accountability. I never take more than 3 of these a year, so I let them know that for a certain block of time I will be unavailable.

4) The next thing is unsubscribe from anyone or anything in your inbox that you are not actively using. Be very aggressive with this .Everyday there people trying to sell you something- a product, a service or an idea. You only have so much energy to devote to these people. Not to be a hypocrite-myself included. If you are not opening every email from this person. If you are not excited to see their name in your inbox because they bring value to your life- unsubscribe. This includes me. Many of you know that I start off many of my emails with a big unsubscribe statement. Only deal with people who are engaged and invested in you.

Step 4: Create Gates

In your professional life, set up walls, gates or boundaries for certain projects. I break my years year down into 4 periods of 90 days. I have set goals for every 90 days. If during that period someone reaches out to me to collaborate on something, or speak at an event, or coach them. My staff will review the request and if its accepted- we will let them know that we will check back with them in 90 Days. If the offer expires within that time, thats o.k. The point is, I am protecting my number one goal and priority during any given 90 Day period. No distractions.I suggest you do the same. You may only have three or four major things to accomplish this year, but if you create boundaries around these periods of times, you will achive A LOT by the end of the year.

Step 5: Say “No”

Learn how to say no to people. Learn how to say no to things that take away from your time.

For instance, everyday when I open my inbox , there will be dozens and dozens of emails from men and women asking for help or feedback tor guidance with a porn, sex or masturbation related issue. Now, when someone has the courage to reach out for help with an issue like this, it usually mean that they have hit rock bottom and nothing is working. However, 9 of 10 times, the answer to their specific question is in a video or is in one of my free courses. So I send them to that resource. Sometimes, people don’t want that resource-they want someone to give them the solution or the answer-sometimes they want me to speak to me or email back and forth about the subject. If that’s the case, they are redirected to an application page to fill out an application and set up an appointment to speak to me based on my availability. Unfortunately, some people don’t want to go through any of that and demand an answer right away. At that point I say NO.

And you have to learn how to say no as well. Whether its to friends and family that want to hang out during your productive hours or people involved in your career who are asking for more than you can give. My natural instinct is to help everyone and I used to try to do that, but I realized that I had the most impact on helping people quit their porn and masturbation problems when I focused on a small group of committed people.

Step 6: Block Your Time

I believe it was Grant Cardone who said- “You wanna meet the devil? Show me white space on your calendar and I’ll show you the devil”. Block off times on your calendar for when you are most efficient. Some people are more productive in the day, and some are more productive in the evening. You know yourself. During that time or during those days put aside for important work, don’t schedule anything with anyone else. For almost a decade while I was running a training company- my parents, my family, AND my friends knew that I only took calls from them on Sundays unless it was a serious health or a life or death emergency. The rest of the time was spent on my work. If you have a family, or if you are in a relationship, I highly recommend blocking off time to spend with them. Don’t let anything come in the way of either time spent with your loved ones or your friends or with work.

Step 7: Focus

Do one thing at a time. Multitasking does not work. Some of you are reading a book, responding to a text thread, checking if a girl messaged you back on a dating app and looking at the number of likes you received on your last Instagram post. Each time you take your attention away from your ONE focus, it takes more energy to refocus. Eventually, you find yourself unable to complete the task or exhausted. So pick one thing, give yourself a time limit like 45 minutes or an hour and just go at it, till your timer goes off. Then set another timer to focus on other non-work related activities like responding to texts from friends or family. You’ll be amazed at how much you can accomplish.

Step 8: Take Care of Your Body

To keep it simple, how much you rest, what you eat how you exercise affects your productivity greatly. In terms of sleep-honestly, I’m hardly a role model because I’m used to 4-5 hours of sleep and have trained myself to do thrive on these hours over many years.. However, ideally during recovery while you are trying to quit porn and be productive, 7-9 hours is great. When you recover, feel free to cut down on your sleep hours if you desire. The earlier you go to bed the better. When you go to bed early, you’ll wake up earlier and that gives you time to start your day right. There is a huge difference between going to bed at 1 am and waking up at 9:00 am and going to bed at 10 pm and waking up at 5;30-6am. In the former, the morning is almost over -its difficult to generate a sense of accomplishment when you wake up that late. On the other hand, when you wake up at 6, you can get more done before 9 am than most people will in an entire day- I know I do. And that gives you momentum to have a great day.
What you eat is fuel for your body. I advocate eating as clean as possible because it allows your body to function like a clean, efficient machine. If you eat fast food or a lot of processed food, its going to slow you down not just physically, but it will slow down your thinking as well.
In terms of diet, find out what works for you. Personally, I fast and skip breakfast. My most productive time is in the morning and I find that when I eat first thing in the morning, I get slightly drowsy because a lot of the blood which should be going to my brain instead goes to my digestive system to digest my breakfast. I also workout in the morning and doing so on an empty stomach helps me burn fat and get my body ready for the day.
The important thing to remember is that getting adequate rest, eating clean and exercising daily is crucial to productivity during your recovery.

Step 9: Purge

Clear your life of everything which is unnecessary. The barometer to measure whether something should be in your life or not is whether you love it and if it brings you happiness. This applies to your office, your work and to your relationships. Once a year, I go through my offices and I get rid of everything I have not used for the past year. Random notes, ideas which I will never act on-even my books. Now I have a huge library, and if you are an ambitious growth-minded professional, you probably do as well. And it can be very hard to let go of some books.

Part of purging for books is going through your library and getting rid of books which you have never read and are older than 6 months. This includes those language books you bought when you thought you were going to learn a certain language, self improvement books which you are sure you will read “someday” , books which you bought on a whim and books which you only read once and never again referred to. Ask yourself- does the thought of this book or the knowledge I will gain from reading it bring me happiness? If it doesn’t, let the book go. It’s amazing, but when you reduce clutter, you create so much peace of mind. Its one of those things which you have to actually do to truly experience that sort of peace of mind and clarity.

The same goes for relationships. I have some of my clients at a point in their recovery, go through their phones and delete all contacts that they have nothing to do with anymore. Some professionals have thousands of contacts. Whether it’s for coworkers or employees from a past career, women whose numbers you got 10 years ago, random people you met while traveling, business contacts who are no longer working with you, acquaintances from college- delete their numbers if they are no longer relevant to your productivity and happiness.Keep the relevant ones.

When it comes to people in your life, the same concept applies. Are there people who are who are taking away from your schedule? If there are people in your life who are not contributing towards your growth or happiness, let them go as well. Now this sounds harsh, but remember- this is for recovering porn addicts who want to be productive. You are already struggling with quitting pornography-which is costing you a lot of time and energy. People who are in your life simply to hangout, party, entertain you, or get something for you are a waste of your precious energy. Remove them from your life and become very selective about who you bring into your life. Make sure its people who increase your happiness, are growth minded, people who are positive, people who have their own goals. Just because someone is exciting or entertaining or beautiful or “cool” does not necessarily mean that they are a positive contribution to your life.

Step 10: Positive Routines

Routines are so important to your productivity because they save you time and energy. When you have a routine, you don’t need to think. You brain is on autopilot and frees up energy for other things.
There are many things in your life which you can “automate” or make routine. For instance- your mornings. Prepare for the morning the evening before. This means, have the clothes which you are going to wear the next day laid out. Some very productive people have their meals prepped for the next day. So you wake up in the morning and you don’t need to think-you roll out of bed, put on your workout clothes and go running or go to the gym, when you come back, you shower, change, have breakfast and start the day- the same way everyday.

Compare that to waking up every morning, not knowing what you are going to do. Not knowing whether you brush your teeth first or your look at your phone first, or spending 20 minutes figuring out what to wear, sitting on the fence as to whether to go to the gym that morning or in the evening. By the time the most important tasks of your day begin, you have expended so much mental and sometimes energy on simple tasks which could been routines.
Introduce positive routines into your life.

There you go! The 10 Steps to being productive while recovering from a porn addiction!

Share this article with others if you found it helpful!

The post The Productive Porn Addict appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

Porn addiction aside, the one thing that sucks the most is relapsing. In my years of living with an addiction to internet porn, I’ve made the decision to quit more times than I choose to remember.

I vividly remember the first time I relapsed after my longest streak without porn or masturbation. At that time, it was such a challenge to even go 1 week without getting on my favorite site. This time, I had managed 2 full months.

I relapsed on Day 92.

After that relapse I felt three main things:

1) Disbelief and Confusion: “How did this happen?” “I was doing so well!”.
2) Shame
3) Less confidence in myself. I basically looked at my self as someone who couldn’t be trusted to keep his word.

If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance that you can relate quite well to all three emotions.

I’d like you to do something for yourself for a moment, though…

Think back to your last relapse- specifically, the week BEFORE your relapse.

Now honestly answer these questions:

Did you have a recovery plan?

Did you have boundaries or actions to take if you were triggered?

Were you checking in with anyone regularly?

Was there someone who helped to keep you accountable?

Were you being proactive about your recovery?

Were you being aware of the places you went, media you exposed yourself to and the thoughts you had?  

Or were you a little more “relaxed” about everything?

Did you have a self-care plan?

A support network of people who understood your problem?

Were you meditating, using affirmations, exercising, eating right, managing stressful situations, getting enough sleep or taking time off to relax?

The truth is, if you relapsed, there is bound to be a “No” or a couple of No’s in response to these questions.

All those questions above are related to something called RECOVERY.

When you are in recovery, your brain will inevitably REBOOT with time and you will be free of your compulsive behavior with pornography. It’s that simple.

Simple- but not easy.

So why aren’t most guys in recovery?

Well, I realized- after years of relapsing myself, that our way of viewing recovery is pretty skewed.

See,

“Wanting to be in recovery”, is NOT recovery
“ Installing a filter”, is NOT recovery
“ 90 Days NoFap” is NOT recovery

“Changing my habits” is NOT recovery

Those questions you answered earlier? That’s recovery.

Many of us think that a “relapse” is an event. Something that “happened”.

NO.

A relapse is not ONE event!

A relapse begins when you start missing parts of your recovery.

For instance, before your relapse:

Were you aware of your triggers?

Did you feel entitled? Like- “I’ve been doing so well without porn and masturbation. It has been a hard day, I deserve a break to watch porn.”

Were you watching Youtube videos with “sexy” content- you know, those triggering thumbnails?

Did you quit doing something that was really good for you- such as working out regularly, or eating well?

Were you frustrated with a particular situation, or dealing with strong emotions-perhaps a family issue?

When you experience any of the above and don’t fix them immediately, your relapse has ALREADY BEGUN.

Again, a relapse is not an event.

It is a state of mind.

So how do tell exactly when your relapse begins if it isn’t a solitary event?

Well, here is another set of questions to help you determine if your relapse has begun.

Who did you call after you relapsed?

What was the consequence to applied to yourself due to that behavior?

Did you change anything in your environment after the relapse? For instance, if you found out that a certain site on your device wasn’t blocked by your filter, did you immediately block it?

What sort of self-care behavior did you engage in after the relapse to uplift your mind, body, and emotions?

Now if your answer to these is “ I don’t do any of those.” or you only applied one of the four suggested actions, then you are STILL RELAPSING.

By now, some of you may be realizing that you’ve been in a state of relapse for YEARS.

Write this down on a piece of paper and stick it somewhere you can see it:

Your relapse is never over till you bring someone else in.

Having an accountability partner pulls you out of the cycle of relapse and helps your process the events prior to to the relapse while taking the next steps.

As time goes on, you will be able to answer these questions on your own and within moments. Getting to this level will require bringing someone else into your life as an accountability partner.

But what if you don’t have access to an accountability partner, or you don’t know anyone who could help you with accountability?

Well, we’ve got you covered with a solution. Before I get into it, I’d like to share a quick story from a college student who took advantage of this.

Case Study:

I had a college student reach out to me, at his wits end about his repeated relapses- we’ll call him “S.P” for privacy purposes. S.P was 22 years old, had been exposed to porn at 10 years old and been using porn and masturbating daily since he was 12. However, he had educated himself on porn addiction and made some changes in his life. The biggest change he made was installing one of the best internet filters on his laptop. This had managed to keep him off porn for two months.

The main problem was his smart phone which eventually led him to slip.

S.P fully understood the need for an accountability partner and had got on a call with me to find out if I could be his accountability partner for a time. Unfortunately, at the time, I was fully booked and couldn’t keep up with any more clients in terms of accountability.

He was in a permanent state of relapse and desperately needed something to help him in the moments before and after a slip. I gave him access to what a few hundred guys who didn’t have accountability partners or a structure to their recovery had been using and received an email from him two weeks later.

Here’s an excerpt:

“It’s such a change from the person I was 14 days ago who could barely put together a sentence in front of new people to the guy now who can talk with almost anyone without thinking about it. Also,  a couple of people have been telling me I look different, I’m not sure if its the way I carry myself or something else but they said they could barely recognize me from a distance. I do feel different though. I can’t wait until day 30 to see how much more I can change. I’m not going to sit around and wait for the changes though. I’m going to live and have fun and what happens happens.”

So, what got S.P back on track?

I gave him access to our free Facebook Group. The group contains a collection of actionable step by step videos where I walk you through what do after and before a relapse or when you feel an urge.

Every video equips you with a different skill set to manage your triggers, overcome your urges and make sure that you have control over your porn and masturbation habits

 

If you don’t have control of your urges and haven’t developed the necessary skills to manage them, then this private group is the best place to begin

Get access to the Group

To recap, here are the 10 Questions to ask yourself after a relapse.

1)Were you checking in with anyone regularly? Was there someone who helped to keep you accountable?

2) Were you being proactive about your recovery? Were you being aware of the places you went, media you exposed yourself to and the thoughts you had?  Or were you a little more “relaxed” about everything?

3) Did you have a self-care plan? A support network of people who understood your problem? Were you meditating, using affirmations, exercising, eating right, managing stressful situations, getting enough sleep or taking time off to relax?

4) Did you feel entitled? Like- “I’ve been doing so well without porn and masturbation. It been a hard day, I deserve a break to watch porn.”

5) Were you watching Youtube videos with “sexy” content- you know, those triggering thumbnails?

6) Did you quit doing something that was really good for you- such as working out regularly, or eating well?

7) Were you frustrated with a particular situation, or dealing with strong emotions-perhaps a family issue?

8) Who did you call after you relapsed?

9) What was the consequence to applied to yourself due to that behavior?

10) Did you change anything in your environment after the relapse? For instance, if you found out that a certain site on your device wasn’t blocked by your filter, did you immediately block it?

And if you have a question or comment, please post below – I’m always interested in hearing from you and I love answering your questions.

The post 10 Questions To Ask Yourself After a Relapse appeared first on Elevated Recovery.