Many of these beliefs originate in childhood then continue developing as you age. They come from traumatic incidents, unhealthy relationships, repeated failure, and more. 

The culmination of these limiting beliefs often results in an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. Men arrive at the program worn out, beaten down, and broken, exhausted after years of self-deprecation and repeated inability to control their behavior.

You probably feel this way to some extent.

Maybe you’re thinking something to the effect of, “There’s no point anymore, I’m going to fail no matter what I do.”

I’m here to reassure you, my brother, that that’s not true. You may feel hopeless now but there is a solution in the porn addiction recovery system that can save you from your porn addiction problems and compulsive sexual behavior. Men who adhere to the system find themselves able to control their out-of-control behavior within 90 days and then continue to build better lives for themselves well into the future.

But you don’t have to worry about the future right now, brother. Let’s focus on the present and work through why you feel so hopeless in your reboot. Hopelessness is a feeling that stems from the belief that you’re stuck. You have no reason to feel positive expectations or move toward the future in your life. These beliefs keep you stuck in the same place, creating a downward spiral.

Four main elements create feelings of hopelessness:

• Victim Mindset: Men with a victim mindset view life as happening to them. They believe that you’re standing on the side of the road watching things happen with little say in how they play out, encouraging feelings of hopelessness.
• Irresponsibility: Irresponsibility ties into the victim mindset. When a man believes life is happening to him, he’s refusing to take responsibility for the aspects he can control. This refusal to take responsibility further instills hopelessness.
• Blaming: A man who won’t take responsibility for his circumstances instead looks for someone or something else to blame. He believes he’s in his present situation because of his parents, partner, politics, or whatever else he can think to blame.
• Powerlessness: Men who blame others for their problems put themselves in a position of powerlessness. Those who see themselves as victims, who won’t take responsibility for their situation, back themselves into a corner with no clear way out.

These four elements combine to create an overwhelming, looming sense of hopelessness. It causes men to lose drive, energy, and motivation. They no longer have hope for the future because it feels like there’s nothing they can do that will make a difference.

Does this sound familiar?

Thankfully there’s a solution to that looming sense of hopelessness. It starts with recognizing that you are responsible for your life. You determine how things go. Sure, you might not have control over certain aspects of life but you have full control over how you respond to them.

It’s up to you to make the adjustments necessary to change your life.

Start by asking yourself questions that will shift your thinking and perspective. 

“How am I causing this?”

“What am I doing to make this my reality?”

“What am I pretending not to know to keep things the way they are?”

These are far better questions than asking yourself why things are happening “to” you.

These questions also encourage self-reflection and your answers give you actionable steps to take, helping you realize that you’re anything but stuck.

Once you take ownership of your life and begin applying solutions, you start to reclaim the control that you spent years giving away. You’ll experience small wins here and there that encourage you to keep going. You’re going to notice your life taking a new direction and likely find that things play out differently than you always expected they would.

As you take responsibility for your life and recognize the areas you can change, your feelings of hopelessness diminish. You’ll feel hopeful for the future when you see just how much say you have in your life. You’re no longer at the mercy of whatever happens; you take your power back and decide how you’re going to respond no matter what may happen.

I understand that you may feel hopeless now, brother, but those feelings will change. You won’t feel stuck forever. Seeking help on  porn addiction counseling asap. It’s difficult to arrive at the Porn Reboot group and recognize how much work there is to do but it’s also empowering to know that you have the power to shift your life.

Are you ready?

The post Why You Feel So Hopeless In Your Reboot appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

Other times people simply think they’re the same thing. Each term is similar and all three are related but there are unique differences that separate them.

Values are your long-lasting beliefs on certain issues and things that are important to you. They are essentially the foundation of your principles. Some examples of values are integrity, compassion, patience, and generosity.

Principles are indisputable, unchanging rules you hold that are based on your values. For example, “treat others the way you want to be treated” is a principle. Another one I apply in my life is “don’t dip your pen in company ink”, meaning don’t get involved with women at your work.

Standards are actions or behaviors that you expect yourself to live up to based on your values and principles. These include things like working hard, being rigorously honest, committing to your physical well-being, and supporting your family. 

How do values, principles, and standards play a role in your reboot?

Oftentimes I notice that people tend to pick up values, principles, or standards because they think they sound cool. They hear someone they admire or respect throw one of these things out and so they adopt it without thinking. However, if that value, principle, or standard doesn’t align with your truth, it’s not going to hold up over time.

Values, principles, and standards are all very personal things. You can’t simply look at someone else and take theirs as your own. Sure, there will always be some crossover between you and other people. But the system as a whole will differ slightly from person to person.

There isn’t necessarily a “right” or “wrong” way to approach these things. Everyone has a different way of thinking and believing. Our value systems are shaped by factors like the society you live in, the area you grow up in, your family, and your friends. At first, you’ll likely share some similar values, principles, and standards with those around you. Over time, though, you may start to recognize where the values you learned when you were young don’t align with how you see the world as an adult.

As you grow up, you develop a set of values and principles that fit with your beliefs. This results in a set of standards that you live your life by. An important distinction between values and principles and standards is that standards are very personal. People often try to impose their standards on others and it leads to problems. Values and principles are used to determine who you surround yourself with but standards aren’t something you can force others to adhere to.

I’ve talked about values and principles before and their importance in the reboot process. I don’t think I’ve dedicated enough attention to standards, though, and that’s what I want to focus on today. Developing standards is a crucial part of your reboot and I want to help you begin that process.

1. You must create personal standards that you adhere to at all times.

There is no avoiding developing a set of standards as a man in porn addiction recovery, sex, and masturbation. You cannot live a directionless life free from personal standards, nor can you simply adopt the standards of those around you. 

Your standards inform your decisions, from the job you take to the people you spend time with. If you don’t have standards you’ll be left to react to whatever happens around you. Successful men who are strong in their convictions do not live a reactionary life. They develop a set of standards and stick to them without question.

2. Recognize that your standards are not goals.

Some men mistake standards for goals. They believe that they’re ideals to work towards at some point in the future. However, standards are not something off in the distance. They should inform your life as it is right now in the present moment. Your standards serve as the filter for your decision-making and behaviors.

Every time a decision comes up you should run it by your personal standards. Does going out to the strip club with your buddies align with your standards for maintaining your reboot? Does slacking off at work align with the type of man you’re working to become? These aren’t distant decisions; they are happening right now and your standards inform your choices.

3. Your standards are yours and yours alone.

Again, standards are a personal framework for living. Standards are something you determine for yourself based on your values and principles. They are not something you impose on your friends and family. Nor are they something you adopt from the people around you. 

Drawing your standards from others leads to a dishonest life. Imposing your standards on others creates unrealistic expectations that will inevitably be unmet at some point. Your standards should work for you and you alone and serve as the driving force for your actions, not for others.

4. Standards are for personal fulfillment, not for impressing others.

Do not outline standards that you think will impress others. Even if they are aligned with your values and principles, standards aren’t a tool for boosting your ego. You’re still developing a dishonest set of standards if you approach them this way.

Instead, outline standards that leave you feeling personally fulfilled. They should be a framework for living that lets you put your head on the pillow at night knowing that you’re being true to yourself. Ultimately, the most important part of living a successful life is ensuring your thoughts and actions align with your beliefs. Standards are the way to ensure that happens.

The post Why You Need Standards in The Porn Reboot Program appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

Firstly, let’s talk about what porn addiction is. It’s a condition where a person has an uncontrollable urge to view pornography, often leading to compulsive and excessive use. Porn addiction can lead to a range of negative consequences, including relationship problems, depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.

Now, let’s talk about why porn addiction is so prevalent today. With the widespread availability of the internet and smartphones, accessing pornography has become easier than ever. Moreover, many people view pornography as a harmless and acceptable form of entertainment, not realizing the harm it can cause.

Let me level with you real quick. Porn addiction is a straight-up trap, my dude. It’s all fun and games until you find yourself deep in the rabbit hole, feeling like you can’t get out. You might think it’s harmless or just a way to blow off some steam, but let me tell you, it can mess you up big time.

First of all, let’s talk about your brain. When you’re watching porn, your brain releases a ton of dopamine, which is basically a chemical that makes you feel good. But the thing is, your brain gets used to this rush of dopamine, and it starts to crave it more and more. Before you know it, you’re addicted and you can’t get that same feeling from anything else.

And let’s not forget about the impact porn can have on your relationships, man. If you’re constantly watching porn, it can make you feel disconnected from your partner and can even lead to erectile dysfunction. Plus, it’s just not fair to your partner if you’re getting all your sexual needs met through a computer screen.

But maybe the scariest part of all is the way porn can warp your view of sex and relationships. Constantly seeing unrealistic images of men and women in pornography can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem. It can make you believe that you’re not attractive or desirable enough, leading to further negative thoughts and behaviors.

So, what can you do about it? Well, the first step is to recognize that you have a problem. It takes a lot of courage to admit that you’re addicted to something, but it’s the only way you can start to make a change. From there, it’s all about taking small steps to break the addiction.

But the truth is that porn addiction is a serious problem that can have lasting effects on your well-being. Here are some of the ways that porn addiction can harm you:

Health problems

Porn addiction can also have physical health consequences. Excessive use can lead to problems such as erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and loss of libido. It can also lead to poor sleep patterns, fatigue, and other health issues.

Mental health problems

Porn addiction can also have a significant impact on your mental health. It can lead to depression, anxiety, and feelings of isolation and loneliness. It can also make it difficult to concentrate and perform well at work or school.

Hey man, if you’re feeling like porn has taken over your life, there are some things you can do to take control. Here are a few steps you can take:

First off, it’s important to admit to yourself that you have a problem. It’s not easy to do, but it’s the first step in overcoming any addiction.

Next, consider seeking professional help. There are plenty of resources out there, like therapy, support groups, and Porn Reboot, that can give you the guidance and support you need to make positive changes.

Developing healthy habits like exercise, meditation, and mindfulness can also be really helpful in coping with the stress and anxiety that can come with addiction. Plus, they’ll help you build a more positive self-image and improve your overall well-being.

It’s also important to try to limit your exposure to pornography. This might mean setting limits on your internet and smartphone usage or avoiding triggers like certain websites or social media accounts.

Finally, building a support network can make a big difference. Surrounding yourself with people who understand what you’re going through and support your journey can be a huge help. Joining a support group or online community can give you a sense of belonging and accountability. Remember, you’re not alone, brother.

The post Change Mindset: Overcoming Porn Addiction for a Better Life appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

I have guys who read this blog, watch our YouTube videos, or listen to the podcast and still find themselves at a loss. Some have even been around the Porn Reboot for months yet can’t manage to make progress at ending their out-of-control behavior. They feel frustrated, dejected, and broken down, left wondering whether they’ll ever find their way out.

I was thinking about this recently because I care deeply about these brothers. I care about them because that was a position I spent years in myself before developing the Porn Reboot system. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t get my behavior under control despite wanting it more than anything in the world. It was the most important thing to me yet I relapsed time after time, feeling worse about myself with each slip.

Firstly, brother, I want you to remember you’re a human being. Many men who participate in the early phases of the Porn Addiction Recovery – Reboot program are focused on tactics. They take notes while reading blogs or listening to podcasts and outline different ways they should be tackling their problem head-on. But remember, you’re a human being, not a human doing.

Piling on too many tactics or approaches too quickly leaves you feeling overwhelmed. I’m not saying that the tools and strategies implemented in the Porn Reboot system aren’t important. I’m saying that you can’t take on all of them at once during your first week or two in the program. 

It’s sort of like the old saying, “Jack of all trades, master of none.” Stretching your focus across too many directions leaves you unable to develop strength in one particular area. But it would be best if you had that single pillar of strength to lean on before you can build another. You’ll find yourself relapsing over and over if you aren’t willing to narrow your focus to one thing at a time.

Even then, anyone can learn tactics. Anyone can pick up a book off the shelf or watch a YouTube video and learn some tips for developing control over their behavior. You could speak to a therapist or a coach who will also outline plenty of tactics for you to employ that could potentially help you end your out-of-control behavior. And chances are you’ve probably done some of these things, too, yet you still find yourself trapped in a slipped cycle.

Why? Why do you continue to struggle?

Principles, brother. Tactics and strategies without principles are null and void. You must understand why you are rebooting before your reboot can be successful. However, at the same time, your “why” can’t be for anyone but yourself. You can’t end your out-of-control behavior for your wife, your kids, your church, your family, or your career.

You must end your out-of-control behavior for yourself and yourself alone.

You have to want this so badly that nothing will distract or derail you from your reboot. At the beginning of the process, your reboot must come before everything else in your life; you will lose whatever you put ahead of it. After all, you’ve spent years neglecting the things you insist are important; if you truly want them back then you need to focus on building yourself back up first.

The Porn Reboot system offers some simple, universal principles that help with the reboot process. For example, one of the principles of the program is that we view slips and relapses as data. We do not attach emotions to them, we simply acknowledge the fact that they happened and use them to ensure they’re less likely to happen again. 

Another example is accepting the truth that all sexual urges pass. It doesn’t matter how intense or pressing the urge feels, it will not last forever. I know this from experience and you’ll learn it with time in the program. No matter how strong or overwhelming, no matter how many hours or days it seems to last, the urge will eventually go away. It may come back another time but it will end then, too. All urges eventually go away.

Principles contain patterns and patterns allow for the predictability. Establishing as much predictability as possible is an important part of a reboot. Slips and relapses lie in the unknown; developing consistency and predictability helps ensure your success in the beginning. This means there is power in predictability, something you probably feel you’ve lost over the years. Developing power over your out-of-control behavior is the ultimate goal of the Porn Reboot program.

But again, you must define why you are rebooting. You have to have a reason or every attempt at regaining control will eventually fail. How are you going to reboot? What is it going to look like? Why are you doing it? Without solid answers to these questions, you’ll find yourself spinning in circles week after week, month after month, and year after year.

Get serious about your reboot, brother, because your quality of life is on the line. You have everything to lose and nothing to gain by continuing down the path you’re on. On the other hand, you have everything to gain and nothing to lose by learning more about the Porn Reboot system and applying it to your life. What are you waiting for?

The post Why Are You Rebooting? appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

Do you remember when you were a kid and your imagination allowed you to visualize an amazing life?

I remember watching movies with my friends as a kid and pointing out the fast cars that the heroes and villains in the movies were driving and claiming their cars as mine when I grew up. I remember the beautiful actresses that I would marry one day and the physiques of those on-screen action heroes that I would one day possess.

The funny thing was that I really believed everything I said!

Have you ever wondered why none of the wonderful things you imagined as a kid ever happened to you?

Like, as kids it wasn’t as if all our dreams were impossible. In fact, for the majority of people living in a first world or developed country, things like creating wealth, dating or getting married to a certain type of person, driving a specific car, living in a certain type of neighborhood aren’t goals which are out of our reach.

Yet, for many men, as they go into their twenties, thirties, and forties, these things just completely slip off of their grasp. When you add porn, masturbation or sex addiction to the mix, you find yourself stuck in a hole of mediocrity with no way out.

Let’s talk about that.

Do you feel sick and tired of the endless monotony of your life?

Are you frustrated and unsatisfied with the direction things are headed, but still believe you could live a more satisfying life if you had a chance?

Is there an area of your life that you struggle with that you can’t seem to shake no matter how hard you try?

Seriously, how many of you ride in your cars, and when a high energy song comes on you begin to daydream about the awesome life you could have had then wondered why the fuck your life is so shitty right now?

You wanted to:

Find a purpose in life and follow it till the very end, but now you are stuck in a 9-5 job which you are not satisfied with, and trying to figure out if your 401k will be enough for you to survive on when you are an old man full of regrets.

You thought you’d have it all figured out by your mid-twenties, but now you are not on track to be where you hoped you’d be and you have NO IDEA if you’re even on the right path.

Maybe you’re one of those highly motivated success minded hustler types.

You read books like the 4 Hour Work Week, or Rich Dad Poor Dad, or Think and Grow Rich, decided to become wealthy, but ended up in debt up to your eyeballs, payment plans till infinity, and becoming wealthy is only a dream because you are always in survival mode…always.

You dreamed of seeing the world with the gorgeous woman of your dreams by your side, but now all you get in life is two weeks vacation and an average girl whom you don’t have the balls to leave because you’re afraid you can’t do better.

You spend more time watching porn than having sex with her.

So what went wrong?

You did the reasonable thing. You followed the right path, but how come your life sucks?

This is not a YOU problem. It’s a MAN’s problem.

Men today are no longer striving for greatness- even though we live in the best time in history to achieve all our dreams.

We’re numbing our minds with porn, video games, TV and whatever else technology has to offer us.

In the meantime, did you know that Men are and 9x more likely than women to be addicted to sex or pornography?

Women initiate 70% of all divorces, leaving us devastated, broke, and at the mercy of a court system which prioritizes women.

Men are 4x more likely to commit suicide

Men are more likely to be sexually abused as children and adults ( thanks to the prison system)

Heres the interesting thing. With all these stats against men, you’d think they would reach out for help- but no.

Men are far less likely to reach out for help and support than women. Women have numerous support communities online which help them overcome addictions, abusive relationships and help them start businesses which is one reason why women start businesses at a much higher rate than men.

Let me make one thing clear:

Having a recovery coach or a mentor does not imply that you are a weakling, or that you are not capable of doing something for yourself. Instead, recovery coaching and mentorship allows you to grow faster by taking advantage of the experience and point of view of a person who is already where you want to be.

A person with training and a background in addiction recovery who will hold you accountable, call you out on your bullshit and give you the straight truth without sugar coating it.

Someone who is not afraid to offend you and cares more about your success than your feelings.

If you think you can make it not just past porn, but on to greater things in your life without a coach, you’re fighting a losing battle.
No one does this on their own.

Show me a man who has successfully recovered from his addiction and I will show you a mentor hiding somewhere within his self-made story.

If you aspire to a great life, you’re going to need help getting there.  More than anytime in history, men need mentors to guide them towards achieving greatness in life, relationships, and business.

Here’s why a recovery coach is so useful and necessary to you today.

1) Serious Accountability

Anyone can tell a therapist they will do something, then not do it. It’s an entirely different story with a strong, masculine mentor and recovery coach.

It’s about being a man. You develop a bond based on mutual respect with a mentor.

Men keep their word- especially to other men whom they respect. The greatest shame you will feel is when you have let another man down.

Many men have formed a habit of casually not keeping their word. They have no idea what masculine accountability is. Being around strong men who demand accountability is a requirement to grow as a man.

When you have a masculine mentor keeping you accountable, you’re not a weak person. You are a smart man for investing in yourself with a man who will help you become your greatest self.

Weakness is shying away from help because you think it makes you look silly or like a pussy. True strength is asking for help where it is needed.

2) You need a person who doesn’t just listen but challenges you to step up

A good recovery coach will call you on your bullshit before your story even begins.

A counselor, therapist or psychiatrist will do three things:

a) Listen to you, which is great
b) Give you a prescription for a drug
c) Work with you in a group with other men and encourage you to share your feelings.

These are all fine, BUT a lot of men have therapists even though deep down they KNOW they aren’t accomplishing anything. All they have is an allotted time to unload their guilt to someone who will listen, then go right back to the behavior that’s destroying their life.

Come on!

You know you can bullshit your therapist and the reality is that you actually like doing that because it takes away responsibility from you and you feel like you are doing something.

With a recovery coach, with a mentor, you have to step up.

With a counselor, therapist or psychologist, you can keep acting like a little child and manipulating them and they’ll let you get away with it.

A recover Recovery Coach/Mentor will tell you:

“I see your challenge. Instead of dwelling on the past, let’s move forward and grow with this challenge. I’ve been where you are and I feel your pain. I overcame that very issue without sitting on a therapists couch for years, taking medication, or spending a fortune.”

A recovery coach listens to you- but deeply, beyond your words. He only speaks the truth and is only concerned with actions that get you specific results. Results that lead to growth.

During the process, you will discover that overcoming all the challenges you faced in the past are the very things that make you a strong, complete man.

A recovery coach will not allow you to run or hide from your challenges. He will guide you towards battling them face to face and in the process, you will grow in strength and resilience.

It certainly won’t be easy. But it will be worth it.

3) Discussing dating, relationships, and women with your friends and family is always a failing move

If you are aiming to overcome your porn addiction and create great relationships with women – relationships bursting with deep intimacy and connection, your friend who has been in a relationship and is now engaged to marry his high school sweetheart is not your best go to.

Your friend who has been a “natural” with women from day 1 has no idea what he is doing- he just does it and women love it. Your female friends can only tell you to just be yourself and the right woman will show up. But you know that your relationships with women are nowhere close to where you wish it to be.

Some of the best men’s recovery coaches have a background in dating, pickup and some sort of formalized dating training. Over time, that approached usually evolves into a healthier method of working with men.

A good mentor will start from the inside. He will teach you that being accepted by women, being attracted to the women you deserve begins with loving yourself. It begins with developing healthy self-esteem.

After that, you’ll know for the first time, the exact sort of woman that you desire. He’ll coach you into finding out where this woman hangs out, what she enjoys, and the specific aspects of your personality and lifestyle that she finds attractive. Many men can picture their ideal woman, but they are simply searching for her in the wrong places.

4) Didn’t have strong masculine role models while growing up

Perhaps you grew up without a father or, more likely you grew up with a father who wasn?t emotionally present for you. Maybe your father was a great man and did his very best, giving all he knew how to give.

Maybe your struggle with dealing with conflicts and you always try to avoid them, because you don’t want any problems. Maybe you have no idea what to do with attractive women.

Maybe you’re a submissive nice guy who always finds himself seeking men and women’s approval.

Maybe you’re the driven alpha male- always hustling, always struggling to validate yourself through hard work, financial and career achievement, nice cars, brand name item, and sexy women to mask your deep-seated pain.

Maybe you’ve even been described as feminine. There is nothing wrong with that. The masculine must eventually balance it out.

A masculine mentor will take your masculinity to the next level or several levels. He has demonstrated (not tell you) the healthy way to be authentic, respected and have all your physical, emotional and spiritual needs met without compromising your values.

5) Women subdue your masculinity

Everywhere today, women are wondering: “Where are all the real men??”

The real men are out there they just don’t know how to bring forth their masculinity.

To you, Women have become mere objects to be conquered sexually. Every time you are in the presence of an attractive woman, you are sexualizing her, wondering what she looks like naked or what it would be like to have sex with her.

The more attractive she is, the higher on a pedestal you place her. Women know this, and as result, they emasculate you and treat you like a kid.

You have only yourself to blame for this behavior as a result.

A recovery coach will not only show you how to maintain your masculinity with women, but how to magnify it so that there is no doubt in her mind that she is in the presence of a real man.

6) You are stumbling through the wilderness with no purpose

When was the last time you ask yourself:

Who the fuck am I??

What do I truly want for my life??

You work for someone else whom you don’t like and who dictates your hours and even your finances.

You keep your opinions to yourself even when your boundaries are crossed.

You drink, watch porn, smoke weed, browse facebook and watch sports to numb the pain of having no idea who the fuck you are.

You buy houses, cars, clothes, and electronics to make you feel good. Two weeks later, that new device isn’t making you as happy as it did initially- it’s just another object.

You are a fucking MAN.

Men need a mission. Men need something to conquer, something greater than them.

A recovery coach reignites the fire that died within you. He guides you towards your unique mission – One that you are willing to give your heart and soul to.

7) Emotional Freedom

Men are conditioned to keep their emotions bottled up. Crying is for little bitches. Showing emotion is seen as weakness.

The reality is that true strength in a man comes from vulnerability. Keeping your emotions deep inside you only cause pain and eventually leads to you releasing them in unhealthy ways.

Men process emotions differently from women. A mentor does not fear emotions- neither his nor yours and he will teach you how to handle emotions in a masculine way.

8) Going through life without close male friends.

Close male friends are not your boys that you grab drinks with, but real men who are supportive of you.

Men are afraid to approach other men and tell them they have a fear or problem because they are afraid that they will be told to shut up and Man up.

I GUARANTEE you that ANY man who cannot connect with other men is a sad, sometimes depressed and most definitely lonely man.

As a human being, you have a need for connection- without it, you are incomplete and you will wither. Men are literally killing themselves because they have no outlet. No one talks about it because society does not care to broadcast the statistics of men who take their lives.

That’s why you are sitting alone in your room with your escalating porn addiction, your loneliness, your shame, guilt and lack of self-confidence. That’s why the male suicide, domestic violence, and sexual assault rates are at an all-time high and you will never hear of it.

No One Is Coming and men die because of that.

Where are other men you can share your truth with? Do you have men who will listen and not judge you?

Your close male friends are often the only people you can count on. Yes, even after your family, spouse and even children have deserted you, you close masculine male friends will be the only ones standing by your side in brotherhood.

This is such a powerful fact, yet many men neglect this all-important part of their life.

9) You believe that strength means being a lone wolf

What makes you a man is NOT your ability to figure life out on your own, but instead seeking the help and companionship of others on your journey. So many men stay hooked on porn because of the feel that they can figure it out on their own.

You can’t!!

Our egos will cause us to spend time, money and incredible amounts of energy trying to make it on our own because we are afraid of looking weak in the eyes of other men.

Issues that could be solved in moments by seeking the help of someone more experienced go on for years unsolved as you scour the internet, credit card in hand, searching of the magic pill that will solve your problem.

There is nothing in the world that another masculine, experienced man somewhere doesn’t already know.

This is why in ancient times, there were Masters and Disciples. There were craftsmen and apprentices. When men were men, they knew that they had to learn from one who had gone before them. These days, Google is most men?s recovery coach and mentor.

When you seek help from a mentor, you are not weak. Your mentor will not judge you or make fun of you. Instead, you gain another man who is serving out HIS purpose, which is- getting you back in touch with your true masculinity – your true power.

10) You are no longer going all out

All we have is this one life and all we do is look at what others are doing and try to keep up.

At one point, maybe you did go all in. Now you’re comfortable. You’re playing small. Maybe you’re waiting for the benefits of not masturbating to kick in…maybe you’re waiting to quit porn.

When you are going all out and playing the game of life for real, life PLAYS BACK.

Life charges up the masculinity in you. You find yourself getting respect from other men, becoming less tolerant of your addictions, you get more attraction from women and most importantly, you respect yourself.

Finally:

You may not know it, but there are recovery coaches- mentors out there who live to support other men.

Porn Addiction Counseling lead men to their authentic selves and empower them to experience freedom, love, and fulfillment in their relationships businesses and in their lives

Recovery Coaches keep you in integrity. They make you a man who loves women vulnerably, and shamelessly. They help you regain and maintain that fighting spirit that is every mans genetic right. They unleash the true masculine man within you.

You have two options.

This can be just another blog post to you. You can lie to yourself and tell yourself that this is just more motivational, rah-rah feel-good bullshit. Or you can take the difficult path. You can put your ego aside and ask for the support you need to become the Man you know you really are.

Yes, it’s scary.

It’s scary to go all out, to decide to make something of our lives. It’s not a journey you have to take alone, though. There are men out in the world who will help you achieve your greatness.

Are you ready to become the greatest man you are capable of becoming?

It isn’t too late to late gain control of your out of control sexual behavior and bad habits to become the hero, the movie star of your own life.

Personally, There is nothing you have experienced when it comes to porn addiction that I haven’t, so don’t feel any shame or hesitation about finding out if you need a mentor.

To get on a free confidential recovery coaching call with me, visit www.elevatedrecovery.org/apply

Do NOT put in an application if you are not 100% ready to change your life.

I’m J.K, your brother in this struggle and I wish you the best in your recovery from your porn addiction. If you found this helpful share it a few other men, and don’t forget to subscribe. I release two every week.

Have an awesome day.

The post 10 Reasons why you need a Recovery Coach and Mentor appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

Do you have a resistance to admitting that you have a “porn addiction”?

I admit- when I began my journey to end my out of control porn addiction problems and masturbation behavior, I simply refused to categorize myself as an “addict”. After all, I came from an educated, moderately religious family with conservative values.

I experienced a relatively happy, and memorable childhood. I never tried any hardcore drugs, and in early adulthood, I tried to live my life by the book.

Yet, I would find myself acting like a possessed heroin junkie anytime I went without porn or masturbating for three days.

Many men find it really difficult to admit they have a problem with pornography because it simply hasn’t been labeled an addiction my the mainstream media or society in general. That’s going to change over the next few years, but in the meantime, I’d like to point out why porn and masturbation addiction is so much trickier to beat than other addictions.

In fact, some of my clients who recovered from alcohol and drug addictions confirm that porn, sex, and masturbation are harder to quit than those substances.

There are two simple criteria when it comes to identifying where a persons porn use is addictive:

1) You have no control over it. This means you’ve made a firm decision to quit, but gave in several times.
2) Negative Consequences. It is affecting your emotions, career, relationships, productivity, academics or lifestyle in a negative way.

Both criteria must be met for porn, sex or masturbation to be classified as an addiction.

But the LEVEL of loss of control and the level of negative consequences must also be considered when trying to stop this behavior.

In my experience, the LEVEL of porn addiction varies depending on different factors in your life.

This is one crucial fact that many things all the “quit fapping” influencers on YouTube and even therapists don’t understand.

Excuse me while I rant for a moment.

This is not a game or a “challenge”- it is a serious problem that destroys lives. A handful of techniques, tips, and philosophies MIGHT help a 21-year-old who spends 80% of his day glued to his smartphone or computer- but it will do nothing for the 28-year-old young professional who is trying to succeed at his career, or the 33 year old who realizes that he’s thrown away his twenties, or the 40-year-old who feels that he sabotaged his career and serious life relationships perhaps losing his kids to divorce, or the 52-year-old who feels that its pretty much over for him.

Just because a high testosterone 21 year old feels guilty about masturbating twice a day doesn’t mean that a 27+-year-old man going places in life has the same problems as he does.

Some young men don’t know what it like to go through a break up( because they are so stuck on porn, that they can’t get in a relationship), deal with real-life stress such as paying mortgages, keeping employees on payroll, juggling work and kids, taking care of aging parents, paying taxes, deal with workplace politics- the list goes on.

Any 18-24-year-old reading this email is without a doubt above average and has some big aspirations in life. Take your problem with porn seriously, handle it and start living your best life instead of spending years playing 90 Day challenges.

Rant Over.

Ever wonder why sometimes, you binge watch porn for weeks and sometimes you have the ability to 100% abstain for months or even years?

I used to wonder the same thing as well.

This happens because your level of porn addiction and your COMMITMENT to quit varies depending on life circumstances such as your :
1) Emotions
2) Stress
3) Relationships
4) Financial situation
5) Family

Next time you are watching a video, reading a book, or looking for a counselor to help you with your porn addiction, screen them to find out if they understand this.

Here are the levels of behavior with pornography:

Level 1

This is the person who watches pornography three or four times a year. In fact, if you can count the number of times you’ve watched porn in a 12 month period on one hand, then this is the level you are at.
Due to the highly sexualized world we live in, there is of course always a risk of increasing involvement with pornography. If you have well established healthy ways of managing your emotions, stress, and family life, you are in a good place.

Level 2

At this level- you are not addicted either. However, you have watched porn and masturbated to it 6 to 12 times in a year. In some of those cases, you were not simply aroused. One or more sessions may have been triggered by curiosity due to something you came across online or perhaps because of a reference someone made. At this level, you may have watched porn to medicate/feel better about some undesirable situation in your life.

Level 3

At this point, pornography is quite likely to become a problem. You are viewing porn at least once a month, possibly for a few months or years. You know you are at level three when you try to stop yourself each month, but no matter how hard you try, you always end up slipping. Usually, you binge for a while, then try to quit again.
This is the point where many men begin to use their willpower and count down the days which they have spent off porn. It’s not an out of control problem yet, but it does take an effort to quit since the porn you are watching at this point is no longer soft core porn- your tastes are gradually changing.

FANTASY is what moves you from level 3 to level 4.

At Level 3, when you are not watching porn, there is a very high chance that you are fantasizing or sexualizing your encounters with other people. When you fantasize intensely for prolonged periods of time- away from your device, you release chemicals which make you feel good- a feeling that only gets better by watching porn.

Level 4

At this level, pornography is having an obvious effect on your life. You may start noticing that porn is affecting your career, your family or your school work.
Your fantasies are out of control at this point. When you are not watching porn, you often find yourself fantasizing about porn and sex.

You are watching pornography a couple of times a month and you have been trying to different ways to stop. Usually, nothing works at this point and you start getting worried about why it seems so difficult to quit.
This is the point where you may search for “how to stop watching porn” online.

In my experience, this level is also your final chance to end your porn use on your own. Beyond this, your entire life, whether you realize it or not, will begin to be dictated by your porn addiction. The reason why is that left unchecked, your behavior with pornography begins to generate deeper psychological issues.

Over the years, I’ve realized that there are only TWO responses to level 4. For the purpose of simplicity, I’ve divided these responses into two groups of men which we will call “Type A” and “Type B”.

Type A:

This is an already accomplished person who understands what it takes to achieve success on a consistent basis. They have usually established themselves in their career, and have a relatively balanced lifestyle. This means that you have friends, close bonds with family, take care of your health and know how to go about getting most of the things you want in life. If you are a student, you are also relatively successful in your academic life.
Type A men, once they understand that they have a problem, see it as an obstacle to their life. Their natural reaction is the same as it is to every other obstacle in their life- to get rid of it by any means necessary because they have places to go. They will usually visit a counselor, get a mentor or invest in something actionable to get back their edge on their own. When searching for help online, they screen everyone for results and success- that is, whomever they seek help from must be moving forward in their life as well. Action has always worked for them and thanks to this habit, they usually experience positive results in their recovery.
Some of my most successful clients are driven lawyers, engineers, students in law school, student-athletes, salespeople, doctors and business owners.

It must be noted that some Type A people do not seek help- usually because they are never informed that one could have a compulsive behavior with porn, they are misdiagnosed by a counselor or they are at a level of financial success that insulates them from the true impact of their problem.

Type B:

This person has usually not achieved their goals or is lagging behind for one reason or the other. Typically, they have good intentions but already have problems motivating themselves, have developed bad habits such as social media/smartphone addiction/internet addiction, bad diets, play video games compulsively or a minor drug/alcohol problem.

They may have a career or be in college, but they would not rate themselves at anywhere near their potential. Some have a genuine desire to be successful and have tried, but their repeated failures have left them with a lot of self-doubts.

As is sadly the case of most men seeking direction, I have noticed that Type B men were often diagnosed with depression, ADD/ADHD or some other disorder at some point in their life. This diagnosis then served as a subconscious crutch throughout their lives- frequently sabotaging their attempts to excel in life.

Type B men, once they understand that they have a problem, will respond as they have to most things in life. Typically, they will seek the opinion of someone who is similar to them. They gravitate towards influencers on social media who are entertaining or are in a similar demographic to them. They are more likely to accept “popular opinion” as fact as opposed to doing their own research. The popular way, of course, is usually the “easy way”. In the case of quitting porn use, it is :

1) “Stay off porn for 90 Days and count REALLY HARD”
2) “ Improve your lifestyle and be a man”
3) “Watch more videos about not masturbating and the more you watch, the more you will understand”

Type B men take massive action- but their action is typically limited to watching a lot of videos or reading a lot of articles, comments, and opinions. When they do try to curb their behavior with porn, they usually fail since they don’t have a definite plan.
Their self-doubt, reinforced by underachieving in other areas of their lives kicks in.When the effects of porn addiction on their life become too unbearable, the Type B man start seeks help, but unfortunately, because he doesn’t believe in investing in himself, seeks cheap and “quick fixes” which usually makes them prey to scams and hustlers looking to make a quick buck online.

If you fall into the Type B category or are a Type A person with a few character traits of Type B showing up in your life, don’t get discouraged. I was in that category as well till I was fortunate enough to find a mentor who opened my eyes to my self-sabotaging way of thinking.

Level 5

At this point, viewing pornography is a daily habit and a major part of your life. You are watching porn and masturbating just to fall asleep. You sexualize every single woman ( and sometimes even men) you see.

Level 5 is when you stop growing and developing as a person. Your career, your relationships with people- everything is set up to maximize porn use.
For instance, you spend a lot of time alone in front of your computer or phone. You never initiate a social meet up of any sort for dinner or a movie. All your hobbies are solitary and you never step out of the comfort zone of those who were already in your life when you reached Level 5.

Anytime I speak to a man at Level 5, I find that he has paid a heavy price for his porn addiction.
Some of the things he has sacrificed at this point are:

1) Career: He has lost a job, or severely underperformed at his career due to his porn use.
2) Relationships: Intimate relationships have ended. Either due to his partner leaving him because of his incessant porn use or due to him sabotaging the relationship due to his inability to fully commit. He always feels that there is a “better” woman out there..always wondering if perhaps he can “upgrade”.
3) Education: Mediocre to failing performance in academics

When you try to quit at this point, you begin to experience strong withdrawal symptoms such as erectile dysfunction, irritability, extreme daytime fatigue, headaches, problems sleeping and social anxiety- worrying more than often about peoples opinions.

By this point, you quite literally do not know how to stop. Both Type A and Type B men realize that they need help at this point. Again, their responses at Level 5 are quite different.

If you are a Type A person, you will usually disclose your struggle to a trusted friend or some sort of mentor. This is usually a good step, as it brings your porn and masturbation use out of secrecy. You then have the courage to share it with more people. Many Type A men are surprised to learn at this point that the person they shared it with faces the same problem!

If you are a Type B, you will do one of two things. “Break” psychologically and “ignore” the problem-effectively incorporating Level 5 into your life. You might find rationalizations to back up your decisions such as “Everyone does it”, “Sex/porn addiction does not exist”, on and on. At this point, you fall for the ideology of “sex positive” counselors, MGTOW, or some group with relieves your guilt and shame for viewing porn.
The second thing a Type B man does is send desperate emails, comments and a one-liner to others online asking for advice. Since you haven’t developed the habit of taking action like the Type A man- which involves a small element of risk, you take action any way you know how- by seeking help in the most risk-averse way.

Level 6

This level is characterized by feelings of being completely out of control. Every single day of your life involves thoughts of pornography and in an age of free porn, you are spending money on porn in the form of paid sites and cam sites.

Depression and hopelessness are two common feelings at this level. This doesn’t mean that you have no desire to quit. On the contrary, you do want to quit, but your self-doubt and lack of hope are overwhelming. Many men at Level 6 continue using pornography, even after being caught with it.

The type of pornography you are viewing has drastically escalated to violent material including bestiality, gore, snuff ( death), incest, rape, extreme violence and other depraved material. These are the only genres of pornography that can elicit an orgasm and sometimes even an erection. Staying in Level 6 leads to acting out.

This means seeking real-life sexual encounters to satisfy your addiction. This can range from seeking female, male or transgender escorts via different websites and apps, searching for random hookups, or in some cases, predatory behavior towards vulnerable people.

At Level 6, every aspect of your life is filled with lies as you need to do so in order to cover up your secret life. A man at Level 6 can maintain this behavior for years-even decades. When discovered, there is always a very high price to pay. Relationships fall apart in traumatic ways, careers are destroyed, sometimes, men end up in jail.

The good news about Level 6 is that the stakes are so high when you get caught, that it can trigger a very strong emotional desire to quit.

The bad news is that in Levels 5 and 6, you are delusional in your beliefs- that is, while you may acknowledge that your behavior is out of control, you don’t see its true impact on your life. You have also incorporated compulsive lying and manipulation into your day to day life since your behavior must be maintained in secrecy.

Breaking The Armor

Over the years, I’ve developed an exercise which I call “breaking the armor”. The purpose of this exercise is to help a man at Level 5 or 6 drop his conditioning for a brief moment and actually see what his life could look like without porn.

In my opinion- this is VERY important. After years of porn use and masturbation- lets say you started between the ages of 8-14 and carried on for 12-15 years, you truly have no concept of what a life without pornography looks like.

Porn is your first relationship.

Its comforted you as a teen when you were anxious.
It kept you company when you were lonely.
When you were stressed and overwhelmed, porn was always there to take off the edge.
On restless nights it helped you fall asleep
It taught you about sex and perhaps even gave you some sexual confidence
It was always there for you when your heart was broken

Unfortunately, porn overstayed its welcome…

But how do you let go of the one thing you could depend on for years?

What would life look like?

That where Breaking The Armor comes in.

Through a series of coaching questions, we gradually remove all your emotional armor or conditioning. This is a temporary process- but for a brief moment, you are free of your shame, your guilt, your lies and your rationalization. You are YOU. This is a powerful moment for many men.

When some of my clients at Level 5 and 6 see the incredible damage porn has had on their families, finances, careers, relationships, self-esteem, social life and on their emotions, some break down and cry. It’s like being possessed against your will and knowledge by a different personality which pretended to be you for years…and one day realizing who you really are for the first time.

The loss, self-betrayal, and lies you told yourself become evident. You see the man you could have been if porn didn’t get out of control in your life.

At that moment, most men decide that they are done for good. This is when the recovery process truly begins- when you have actually FELT what it’s like your greatest self.

Understanding these levels are so important to your recovery. This is why I have never paid much attention to the all the “fapping/not fapping” movements. It is a willpower solution that only helps men at Level 3.

To effectively recover, you or the person guiding you in your recovery must first determine what level you are at.

Once I determine what level a man is at, I know the exact steps needed to help him recover.

He will be able to identify his boundaries, develop the right amount of self-awareness, control fantasies, dialogue with himself, anticipate urges, deal with strong emotions of sadness, loss or hopelessness, accurately examine his rationalizations and much more- depending on the Level he is at.

Withdrawal symptoms are also experienced differently at each Level. The effects of withdrawals are physical and emotional. In in the past 7 years, I have not met a single client out of 400+ who could identify more than two withdrawal symptoms. They are able to identify them weeks later.

Now, at this point- a Type B man will be thinking: “J.K…man, I really want to quit, but you make it sound so complicated and even impossible.”
If that is you, understand that your habit of taking the easy way is kicking in right at this moment. Fight it.

The Type A man will be thinking of how he can best put this information to good use.

I could keep going, but I’ll end up writing a book. The point is- take the first step of identifying your level of addiction to pornography.

Review this email again and ask yourself whether you have moved from one level to the next( up or down) over the years.

Honestly identify whether you are a “Type A” or a “Type B” kind of man. There is nothing wrong with either-such is life, although the Type B man is clearly at a disadvantage. As I mentioned earlier- I was a typical Type B guy with a few Type A traits till I broke my armor and dedicated several very painful years to change my life.

If you want to hear a little bit about how I changed myself to more of a “Type A” man, watch this Video:

Finally…

I would REALLY like to know your thoughts on what level you are at and what “Type” of man you are.

Leave your response in the comment section.

The post Why Is It So Hard To Quit Porn? appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

1) Letting down others. Your success and wealth place you in a position of influence. You may be a mentor to some people, have family members who look up to you and employees, partners and business associates who look to you for guidance and leadership. You also know that demonstrations of power, wealth, and leadership lead others to sometimes assume that you are a model for not just financial success, but personal integrity as well. Your fear of letting down all these people can keep you from taking the responsibility of admitting that have a serious problem and seeking help.
This also ties in with entitlement. You may feel that you deserve everything you have and more-including your current sexual life- as out of control as it might be. A sense of entitlement can cause you to believe that it is impossible to have a problem with addiction. Others around you whom you employ, or who depend on you financially may be reluctant to point out your self destructive behavior for fear of losing your support or their jobs. Seeking help and recovery from your addiction will put you in contact with recovery professionals whose opinion is not influenced by your status or affluence.

2) There is no rock bottom: Unfortunately, for a high successful person, there is rarely a “rock-bottom” moment such as losing a spouse, losing your job or home. An abundance of resources and a secure financial situation insulates you from these revealing experiences, making it difficult to realize that there is a serious problem affecting you. A good example would be the numerous sexual assault accusations which have been publicized in recent months beginning with Harvey Weinstein. When there is a legitimate sexual addiction involved, it is not until a woman publicizes the behavior of an addict- usually a symptom of their compulsive behavior that they experience “rock bottom” for the first time in their life. Even then, in many cases, the “rock bottom” effect which exposes one to potentially life saving consequences can be reduced by well deployed public relations and legal action.

3) Financial concerns. If you are a highly successful person who is facing a challenging financial transition in your business, an out of control sexual behavior does not help. You may have a tendency to dismiss treatment for your addiction because you feel that it is a waste of time and resources when compared to the financial emergency at hand. For instance, some of my clients have dipped into their company expenses to finance their compulsion to hire high end prostitutes, others maintain the lifestyle of multiple mistresses and feel obligated to do so for fear of losing them- against the advice of their accountants and financial advisers. You don’t make the best financial decisions when compulsively chasing sexual highs or when high on substances. The reality is that your decisions made while under the influence of addiction leads to a worsening of any existing financial crisis and seeking support for your addiction can only help you.

4) Fear of leaving work.  Your position at work is important to you and is the ultimate validation of your achievement. To maintain this position and identity, you may have the belief that you cannot take breaks or vacations. If you do, you might jeopardize the success of your company or position which you have achieved through incredible amounts of hard work. When you struggle with a sexually compulsive disorder, your performance at work is adversely affected .This is inevitable and the fear of losing your career can slowly build up. You may even have started mixing drugs with your work and sex to enhance both the experience and to keep you working longer, more focused hours.You feel that you can balance both work and your out of control sexual life by using drugs.

5) Inability to identify with other addicts: The common stereotypes of addicts are poorly dressed, homeless, disheveled people on the street. Popular culture, TV shows and what you see on the streets on the way to work emphasize this . Your self image as an individual who is in control, who dresses well and who has power makes it difficult to accept the reality that addiction can affect anyone. Sex and Porn addiction is no different than a substance addiction. You are still addicted to chemicals, albeit the chemical cocktail that is released in your brain when you expose yourself to pornographic material or chase a sexual experience compulsively. Addiction can affect anyone regardless of net worth, social status, or how functioning you believe you may be.

6) Risk to reputation: No successful, wealthy professional wants to risk their addiction affecting their reputation in anyway. If there is even the slightest risk that there will be a legal record of their behavior, the fear will cause them to conceal their behavior even more. However, it is precisely for this reason that you should seek professional help with your addictive behavior- the longer you wait to seek help, the higher the chances of legal repercussions and damage to your reputation.

7) Hidden by other disorders: Sometimes, a sexual addiction is hidden by addiction to other substances such as pain killers, opioids or anti depressants. Often, a highly successful individual may spend years dependent on prescription medication which keeps them oblivious to other issues that they may struggle with. A past history of trauma could also be obsured by not only the abuse of prescription medication and opioids ,but by false beliefs such as the belief that one has a high sex drive even though your sexual behavior may be causing adverse effects to your relationship, your career, health and finances.

8) Divorce and Children: Its no secret that the divorce rate among highly successful CEOs, business owners, executives and other affluent individuals is high. Admitting to sex addition can not only be a one way ticket to divorce, but can put the successful persona at a serious disadvantage when it comes to custody of their children or even in divorce proceedings. This fear only serves to make you conceal your behavior even more- much to your detriment. In the meantime, you try your best to maintain the illusion of a perfect family.

9) Rationalizing Behavior: High confidence can cause you to rationalize your behavior to extremes. Some common rationalizations I usually hear are:
“ I have sex with prostitutes because I too busy and don’t have time for relationships “
“ I watch porn because its the only way I can get an erection these days.”
“ Its how I de-stress from a busy day.”
“ I only do these things when I’m on the road/ on business trips.”
For those who mix substances with their out of control sexual behavior, I also hear variations of:
“ My doctor prescribed this medication, that why I take it”
“ Drinking helps me deal with stress.”
“ Sex is much better on (insert substance) and I can still work the next day.”
The dark side of great confidence is a great rationalization for addictive behavior.

10) The stigma of addiction: Sex and Porn addiction come with the stigma of weakness, failure, and poor judgment which are not qualities associated with successful, high performing individuals. If you are a celebrity in your industry or highly visible, the stigma of such an addiction can make it very difficult to become vulnerable and honestly seek help.

J.K Emezi is an Addiction Recovery Professional and the Founder of Elevated Recovery International, which offers solutions for sexually compulsive disorders in high achieving professionals.
You can visit his practice at www.elevatedrecovery.org as well as his Youtube Channel

The post 10 Reasons Why Highly Successful People Don’t Seek Help for Sex & Porn Addiction appeared first on Elevated Recovery.