As men who struggle with a compulsive porn addiction problems, sex, and masturbation, our self-esteem tends to be horribly low when we first decide to quit. We hate ourselves, we’re filled with guilt and shame, we believe we’re weak and pathetic, and more.

Unless you rebuild your self-esteem, you’ll always find yourself struggling to maintain your reboot. You’ll never see yourself as a man who can live a life free of compulsive sexual behavior if you don’t address your self-image and self-esteem. What can you do to work on your poor self-esteem when you first arrive at the porn addiction recovery – reboot program?

What is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem is the way you feel about yourself. It’s based on your self-image and how you view yourself. For example, if you see yourself as a pathetic, porn-addicted man who can’t overcome his behavior, you’ll have poor self-esteem. However, if you recognize that everyone makes mistakes, has the power to overcome them, and know that you’re working to be a better man, you’ll have a strong sense of self-esteem.

There are a few different aspects that make up your self-esteem. Addressing each of these areas will help you build up your sense of self-esteem and strengthen the way you feel about yourself.

Identity

Humans naturally feel a desire and drive to belong to something. Your identity is made up of two parts: identity within a group and identity within yourself. In terms of a group, your identity is defined by the kind of people you surround yourself with. This includes your family, friends, colleagues, and community. In terms of yourself, your identity involves all of your characteristics, both positive and negative. Reaching self-acceptance is important for cultivating self-esteem.

Competence

Competence is having trust in your ability to do or not do something. It involves an understanding of your capabilities, limitations, and desire to learn new things. You won’t feel very great if you believe you aren’t capable of much. On the other hand, if you believe in your abilities, you’ll have a deeper sense of self-esteem. Men who feel highly competent tend to have higher levels of self-esteem than those who feel incompetent. 

Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is the main feeder of your self-esteem. Your sense of security, both personally and with those around you, contributes heavily to how you feel about yourself. Confident men also have high self-esteem. Building up your self-esteem relies primarily on building up your self-confidence.

Self-Esteem in Extremes

There is an important caveat when it comes to building self-esteem. Going to extremes on either end, whether you have far too much self-esteem or far too little, isn’t a healthy place to be. The most effective approach to self-esteem resides somewhere in a balanced middle point.

For example, some men may have very high self-esteem without realizing that it isn’t grounded in anything. They have an overly inflated sense of self but it isn’t built on anything outside of their perception. Then you have men who tear themselves down any chance they get. These men also carry an unrealistic, extreme view of themselves but on the other end of the spectrum.

Something I notice in high-performing men is their tendency to vacillate between these two spaces. Sometimes they puff themselves up and believe they’re better than others around them. Other times they’re overcome with guilt, shame, and remorse, and believe they will never overcome their behavior or amount to anything.

Typically these extremes of self-esteem stem from coping or compensating. Men who struggle with self-acceptance will swing from one extreme to the other without. They struggle to find a middle ground where they can simply be a small part of the greater whole.

Having self-esteem in extremes is not a helpful way to live. It’s not grounded in reality and it’s built on a false sense of self. You’re neither better than everyone else nor worse than everyone else. You reside somewhere in the middle, a human among other humans, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

The Importance of Building Self-Esteem

When you develop healthy self-esteem, you know exactly who you are, where you want to be, and what you want to do. This enables you to make better choices in every area of your life. It informs the direction you need to take so you can most efficiently and enjoyably arrive at your intended destination.

Having a clear idea of these three things allows you to make smarter decisions about who you spend time with and which activities you participate in. When you’re operating from a place of healthy self-esteem, you’ll surround yourself with people who understand you and do things that you like doing or will benefit you.

Part of fulfilling these long-term goals involves getting out of your comfort zone. You won’t be able to get out of your comfort zone if your self-esteem is low, though. This is another reason building self-esteem is so important. When you’re comfortable with yourself, you’re more likely to try new things, meet challenges, face your fears, address your insecurities, and more.

A strong sense of self-esteem is also crucial because it increases your resilience to the judgment or rejection of others. You aren’t concerned about what others think of you when you have a strong sense of self and a clear sense of where you’re going.

How to Start Building Self-Esteem

Now that you know why having a strong sense of self-esteem is so important, I’ll leave you with an exercise to practice building it. You might think it sounds silly but I need you to trust me on this one, brother.

Stand in your bedroom or living room, somewhere you can be on your own. Imagine there’s a circle drawn on the ground in front of you. Looking at that circle, call to mind all of the positive things you want to be, the happy feelings you want to feel, the best memories you can think of, and everything you hope for from life. Put the thought and energy of all those great things into that circle that sits on the floor before you.

Then I want you to physically step into that circle and allow the positive energy and image you created to surround you. Feel those incredible feelings and experiences merge with you. When you step into this circle you’re stepping into the new version of yourself. You may not feel it fully yet but you will notice a shift in your mental energy and well-being.

Once you practice this exercise at home you can begin bringing it with you anywhere you go. Imagine that circle is always right in front of you and you can step into it at any time. Then you can step out of it a stronger, more confident version of yourself.

I know, it might sound a bit woo-woo or out there. I want you to try it, though, without judgment. Once you do, head over to the Porn Reboot Facebook group and tell us about your experience with it. Let us know what your experience was and read about some of our other brothers’ experiences with the exercise. It’s a great first step toward building self-esteem as you begin incorporating other aspects of the Porn Reboot program.

The post Self-Esteem for Porn Addiction Recovery appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

Porn addiction problems cause a serious lack of self-esteem. Today I want to help you understand the importance of self-esteem and its role in the Porn Reboot process. 

I often speak about self-esteem here on the blog, in videos on our YouTube channel, and during podcasts. As men who struggle with a compulsive problem with porn, sex, or masturbation, our self-esteem tends to be low when we decide to quit. We hate ourselves, we’re filled with guilt and shame, we believe we’re weak, and we tell ourselves that we’re pathetic.

Unless you rebuild your self-esteem, you’ll always find yourself struggling to maintain your reboot. You’ll never see yourself as a man who can live free of your compulsive sexual behavior if you don’t address your self-image. What can you do to work on your troubles with self-esteem?

The Basics of Self-Esteem

First, you must understand what self-esteem is. Self-esteem is basically the way you feel about yourself. It’s based on your self-image and how you view yourself. For example, if you see yourself as a pathetic, porn-addicted man who can’t overcome his behavior, it contributes to a low sense of self-esteem.

However, if you recognize that everyone makes mistakes, that you have the power to overcome them, and that you’re working to become a better man, this gives you a stronger sense of self-esteem. Additionally, your self-esteem consists of a few different aspects: identity, competence, and self-confidence.

Identity

Human beings naturally feel the desire to belong to something. Your identity is made up of two parts: your identity within a group and your identity within yourself. At a group level, your identity is defined by the people you surround yourself with. This includes your family, friends, colleagues, and community. At the individual level, identity involves all of your characteristics, both positive and negative. To improve your self-esteem, you must accept yourself as you are or work to change the aspects that hold you back.

Competence

Competence means trusting your abilities to do or not do something. It involves an understanding of your capabilities, limitations, and desire to learn new things. You won’t feel very great if you don’t believe that you’re capable of anything. On the other hand, if you believe in your abilities then you’ll have a deeper sense of self-esteem.

Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is the primary fuel for your self-esteem. Your sense of security, both personally and with those around you, contributes to how you feel about yourself. Confident men also have high self-esteem. Building up your self-esteem relies primarily on building up your self-confidence.

Self-Esteem in Extremes

Not all self-esteem is equal. You should strive for balance rather than leaning too heavily to one side or another. Going to extremes on either end, whether you have too much or too little self-esteem, isn’t a healthy place to be.

For example, some men have very high self-esteem but don’t realize that it isn’t grounded in anything. They have an overly-inflated sense of self that exists solely within their perception. They lack concrete evidence to feel as confident as they do. They may believe they’re strong, wonderful, capable people but don’t truly have a reason to.

Then you have men with very low self-esteem who tend to tear themselves down every chance they get. These men also carry a similarly unrealistic view of themselves but are at the other end of the spectrum. They believe they can’t do anything right no matter what they try and are vocal about their negative self-image.

Healthy Self-Esteem

A place of healthy self-esteem exists somewhere in the middle. You don’t want too much or too little self-esteem. Healthy self-esteem means you are grounded in your sense of self. You know exactly who you are, where you want to be, and what you want to do. 

It empowers you to make better choices in every area of your life. It informs the direction you need to take so that you can arrive at your intended destination efficiently and enjoyably. You learn to make smarter decisions about who you spend your time with and which activities you participate in. When you operate from a place of healthy self-esteem, you naturally surround yourself with people who understand you and do things you enjoy doing.

Healthy self-esteem is also important because you’re more willing to try new things, meet challenges, address your insecurities, and face your fears. It increases your sense of resilience so that judgment or rejection from others does not concern you.

As you work on your porn addiction problems, your sense of self-esteem will grow. The Porn Reboot program is a porn addiction recovery method that is designed to help you rebuild your self-image, gain self-confidence, and create a life worth living that keeps you from returning to your compulsive behaviors. 

The post Your Porn Addiction and Self-Esteem appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

While it isn’t directly related to porn addiction recovery, it is a primary part of most men’s reboots. Building physical reboot capital is an important part of the overall porn addiction counseling reboot process. So I’m finally answering the question I often receive: “J.K., how did you build your physique?”

Firstly, I want to start by saying I’m not a personal trainer. I’m not certified to teach anything related to physical fitness. I don’t have any special education or credentials when it comes to nutrition or lifting weights. I can only speak from my experience as someone who has worked out since he was 17 years old. 

Second, I also want to remind you that everyone is different. While the same basic principles of lifting and eating apply to everyone, each person has slightly varying needs. What worked for me may not work for you and vice versa. Ultimately, take my story as one of the many paths to physical well-being, but it may be the path that gets you started on a journey of your own.

Again, my interest in fitness started when I was 17. I was tall, lanky, and looked like a beanpole. My scrawny physique was a huge source of insecurity. I knew that if I built myself up and put on some muscle, though, people would look at me differently. I was awkward and couldn’t control my porn use but knew that I could do something about my physique.

I started by going to the gym and focusing on the compound lifts. That means squats, bench press, overhead press, and deadlifts. I knew that if I increased the weight I lifted, my body composition would have to follow suit. How many small guys can bench 225 pounds?

I also knew that I needed to eat to put on size. While today it’s considered bro science, when I first started lifting I learned that I was a “hard-gainer”. This meant I needed to eat a ton of food to gain weight. I cleaned up my diet to consist of traditional bodybuilder-type foods and I ate. It took a lot of food to keep me fueled up for my workouts and putting on size steadily.

After about 9 months of consistent lifting and eating, people started to notice the changes. My friends pointed out that I was getting bigger and strangers commented on how I looked. Although I still struggled with my out-of-control behavior, I now had an aspect of my life I could control. And it helped me build my self-esteem.

Once I built a solid frame, I then shifted my focus from compound movements to isolated movements. These include things like bicep curls, tricep extensions, lateral raises, and such. They’re movements that focus primarily on a single muscle to help build it up. I worked on muscle groups that were lacking to build a more well-rounded physique.

Writing it out makes it sound so simple and, honestly, it really is. Building a physique isn’t this big complicated ordeal that many fitness influencers would have you believe. You don’t need the latest and greatest equipment. You don’t need hundreds of dollars worth of supplements. You don’t need any performance-enhancing drugs, either. All you need is some weight, some food, and some consistency.

I still go to the gym regularly to this day. My routine has shifted over the years to accommodate changing interests, such as martial arts or bodyweight exercises, but the basics are the same. Lift hard, eat well, and focus on recovery. It takes time for changes to occur but if you commit to the process, you’ll find your physique grows, too.

It’s also a vital part of the general porn addiction recovery process. I don’t mean building up a massive physique, but I do mean some type of physical fitness. You should be lifting weights, playing a sport, or participating in some other kind of activity. Trying to quit porn without getting your energy out will leave you spinning in circles.

Join us in the Porn Reboot Facebook group to see what other brothers are doing for their fitness. Share your experiences with us and let us know where you’re at in your fitness journey. We’re always working together to become better men free from the chains of our out-of-control behavior. I invite you to join us today.

The post Building Physique: Fitness Journey and Self-Esteem appeared first on Elevated Recovery.