Is that hard for you to believe? If so, you aren’t alone. A brother in the free Porn Reboot Facebook group heard it on another YouTube channel and brought it to our group. He was having trouble wrapping his head around the idea that sex isn’t necessarily the thing to strive for. The way he sees it, men strive to work and generate wealth so they can attract women into their lives.

I notice this a lot with men who are still early on in their reboot. If you’re thinking this way you’re not the only one, but it also indicates where you’re at in your reboot. When men first start their reboot, they believe they need to experience a lot of novelty relationships with different women in order to feel satisfied.

Now don’t get me wrong – you’re biologically wired to think this way. At the same time, your pornography addiction destroyed your natural biological functioning over the years and left you thinking that sex is the end goal. It creates the false idea that your whole purpose as a man is to have sex with women. This seems to be especially true if you are a man who isn’t particularly successful with women to begin with.

I want to make it clear that I don’t believe having sex with a variety of beautiful women is a bad thing. In fact, I think it’s a wonderful thing and it’s something that I experienced and enjoyed before my committed relationship. If you don’t have any cultural or religious beliefs holding you back from that, go ahead and explore that aspect of life as a man if you would like to.

At the same time, don’t think that simply generating wealth and becoming a high-value man will automatically give you opportunities to have sex. There are plenty of men with little to no capital who can still pull women because they’re high-value in their own way. You don’t have to be a wealthy man to sleep with women.

As you progress in your reboot, you’ll start realizing that sex for the sake of sex isn’t necessarily success. Porn wants you to think that sex is the greatest thing you can get but there are far more important things to work for. But once you’re free from your porn addiction symptoms you can create your own definition of what success is.

Instead of building wealth to pull women, why don’t you build wealth to pursue freedom? Wealth provides you with freedom to live where you want, freedom of time, freedom from depending on others, freedom to pursue things you’re truly interested in, and more. 

Success doesn’t necessarily mean wealth, either. Plenty of men define success by the quality of the family they have, by keeping their relationship strong, and by raising confident, independent children. Others view success through the lens of their spiritual or religious pursuits and draw a great sense of joy and purpose from them.

Another great definition of success is giving back and being of service. I’m one of those people who finds deep fulfillment in helping others. Now that I’ve overcome my compulsive sexual behavior, there are plenty of times I’m interested in being of service than I am in having sex.

Sure, sex will come as a byproduct of your success and there’s nothing wrong with that. But pursuing sex as the end goal or the definition of success will leave you feeling empty and hollow. Sex for the sake of sex is a biological need but it’s far from fulfilling when it’s the only pursuit in your life. Pursue things that interest you instead and you’ll find much more contentment in life. After that, sex will simply be an added bonus.

The post Rethinking Success: Beyond the Myth of Sex appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

One of our brothers replied to a particular section in the email and I wanted to share his question and my answer with everyone in the group. He said:

“J.K., in your email you mentioned that ‘Having sex with women you aren’t in a committed relationship with will always put your reboot at risk.’ I’m curious why you believe this is the case. Some men in the group are not currently in committed relationships but would still like to have sex lives.”

The quote this brother pulled removes all the context that surrounded it. My original sentence read:

“Take time to get to know the women you are dating. Having sex with women you aren’t in a committed relationship with will always put your reboot at risk. Slow things down and take the weeks or months needed to determine whether this woman is somebody you’re actually interested in.”

I don’t want this message to be misconstrued because I don’t have anything against strictly sexual relationships. I think it’s good for men to have sex during their reboot; learning how to reengage with women that way is critical. But the way you go about developing those relationships is important. 

A lot of men do not understand that they’re missing the intimacy portion when it comes to sexual relationships. Pornography addiction destroys your understanding of intimacy because porn strips all intimacy out of the equation. It appeals only to your most basic primal urges, but sex in real life doesn’t work that way.

However, until you understand how to build intimacy, sex will always put your reboot at risk. That’s the important distinction I need you to recognize. You cannot develop healthy sexual partnerships (including uncommitted partnerships!) if you do not know how to have an intimate connection with the woman you’re sleeping with.

What are some of the risks that come with uncommitted sex?

Unpredictable Emotions

There’s a lot to learn when you begin the reboot process. Developing emotional awareness and maturity is one of the most difficult parts. You’ve spent so many years numbing and suppressing your emotions that you don’t know how to sit with them at the beginning of your porn addiction recovery.

Having sex outside of a committed relationship means more emotional unpredictability. When you don’t know the woman well you’re not going to know how they’ll react. If you’re still learning to identify your emotions, this possible emotional volatility on her part can negatively impact your ability to manage your feelings.

Inconsistent Sexual Experiences

Developing intimacy is easier when you’re in a committed relationship. You have consistent experiences and can learn about your partner’s particular preferences. You’re more likely to develop healthy sexual behavior at a consistent pace when you have sex in these circumstances.

Having sex with different partners creates an inconsistent experience. You can’t apply a standard across the board; every woman is different. Each has her preferences, needs, and responses to sexual relationships. Intimacy may look different to each of these women, too. You’re going to have a harder time learning to develop intimacy with inconsistent partners.

Expectations

Expectations are the root of many of life’s troubles. People feel let down when they develop expectations of another person that end up unmet. The longer you spend with someone in a committed relationship, the easier it will be to develop healthy expectations of that person. You have a general idea of who they are, how they behave, and what each of you needs.

When you’re not in a committed relationship, though, expectations are harder to manage. You may only want consistent sex while her expectations are more along the lines of going on fun dates. Misaligned expectations can lead to some uncomfortable conversations. If you don’t have the skills to navigate these conversations yet, you’re far more likely to medicate that discomfort with porn or masturbation.

Developing Healthy Boundaries

The best way for you to have sex outside of a committed relationship is to first learn about yourself and your needs. You must understand what it is you want from a casual partner so you can communicate those needs effectively. If you’re not able to determine what they are or you have a hard time setting and maintaining those boundaries, it’s better to focus on yourself for the time being.

Again, there’s nothing wrong with casual sex. I think it’s great to get that out of your system before settling down with a long-term partner. Once you know where your boundaries lie and how to share those boundaries with your potential partners, then you’re more ready for some uncommitted, enjoyable, casual partnerships.

The post Risking Your Reboot for Uncommitted Sex appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

I’m here to tell you, brother, that oftentimes this is not the case. Society tends to operate under the assumption that success comes to those with a combination of good looks, intelligence, and good morals.

Simply put, many of us define success as access to money, power, and sex. Whether you’re upfront about it or not, this combination tends to be the driving force for the majority of men in the Porn Reboot program as well as most of society at large.

Oftentimes people hide these three main desires behind the term “freedom.” They want the freedom to live by their terms, to spend as much time with their family as they want to, to be free from worries about things like finances and health, and so on. 

In their pursuit of freedom, men go to school, build up their skills, take care of their bodies, learn to carry themselves well, associate with the right people, establish a place in their church, and more. Working toward all of these things is a positive thing to do. They’re chasing after success and working to become the best possible versions of themselves.

Ultimately, though, what these men hope for after achieving their definition of success is the freedom to purchase any material item they want, to influence or control situations to their advantage, or to fulfill their deepest sexual fantasies with whomever they please. This again boils down to the desire for money, power, and sex.

If you’re honest with yourself this description probably applies to you, too. There’s nothing wrong with the pursuit of these things, though, brother. They’re natural desires and something that everyone in the world works for. But it doesn’t matter how much you achieve if you cannot build a good relationship with these things once you have them.

Again, the idea that men who have these things have a good relationship with them is a misconception. There are plenty of men who have millions of dollars but squander their wealth, men who have more power than you can imagine but use it to cause harm, and men who have their choice of whatever woman they could want but go about their conquests in an abusive way.

Good relationships with money, power, and sex are skills that must be developed. They aren’t necessarily an inherent part of us. Unfortunately, society doesn’t often teach us how to build good relationships with these things. Too often we take our pursuit of them to the extreme. 

Our parents, mentors, and teachers told us we need to be smart, knowledgeable, moral, and spiritual. We must follow all of society’s rules. They said that if we adhered to all of these then good things would happen to us. We would find the right woman, have access to sex, experience marital bliss, and have financial prosperity.

But they didn’t teach us the most important part: understanding how money works and what a good relationship with it looks like; understanding power and how it should be wielded; and understanding the truth about our natural sexuality. These are things that weren’t spoken about and it fell on us to develop an understanding for ourselves. 

How often have you seen celebrities, politicians, athletes, high standing religious individuals, famous pastors, or people with great intelligence, incredible beauty, or good character lose everything to money, power, or sex? They pursued these things to an extreme and ended up failing because of it.

You may have secretly or even openly judged them but are you honestly any different? 

I know I’m not.

As you know, I fell prey to my sexual behavior for many years. Fortunately, during my mid-twenties I developed a system to help me control it. That system was the early beginnings of the porn addiction recovery system that’s still in use today. It changed my entire life and helped me eliminate the control that porn addiction effect had over my life.

Despite this newfound control over my sexual behavior, I still struggled in other areas. I made a decent amount of money in my sales position but squandered it due to my lack of financial understanding. I was a poor leader at the company I worked for, burning many bridges by letting my imagined power get to my head.

While I had learned to control my problem with porn and masturbation, I didn’t have a good relationship with money or power. I had to develop an understanding of what positive demonstrations of these things looked like before I could build a healthy relationship with them like I had with sex.

So now I ask you, brother, how is your relationship with sex going? If it were perfect you wouldn’t be here reading this blog. You’re likely struggling to control your behavior and now realizing that its impact on your life is getting worse.

Or maybe you’re like me at the beginning where you have gained control over your sexual behavior but now you’re struggling with your spending habits or lashing out at your subordinates in the office. You have one part of the equation solved but there are still two more sides to the triangle that you need to even out.

But here’s the thing: eliminating your behavior with porn and masturbation removes a significant roadblock. Men who struggle with porn addiction problems and compulsive sexual behavior cannot develop healthy relationships with money or power, either. Once you control the sexual part of the equation you free yourself up to control the other two aspects.

The skills of managing money, power, and sex are not innate for some men, brother, but the ability to learn them is out there. It’s up to you to take responsibility for learning how to build healthy relationships with these things for yourself.

The post The Truth About Money, Power, and Sex appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

Making your partner feel loved and cared for requires more time, work, and attention when they live hours away from you. Maintaining a long-distance relationship while struggling with out-of-control sexual behavior is even more challenging.

One of the brothers in our Porn Reboot group recently asked about maintaining a long-distance relationship while in the middle of his reboot. His question focused on two main concerns: phone and video sex, and general reboot management while in a long-distance relationship.

When it comes to phone sex during your reboot, I believe the answer should always be no. This is especially true for video call sex on FaceTime or Skype. Even though it’s your partner on the other side of the screen, the experience is almost no different than other virtual forms of erotic stimulation. 

Your brain can’t tell the difference between your partner and any other pornstar on the screen. Sure, at face value you know that it’s the person you’re committed to. But at the same time, it’s a false sense of intimacy and connection. Engaging in video call sex, even with someone you’re in a committed relationship with, places you at risk of a porn addiction relapse.

An important part of the porn addiction recovery process is gearing your brain away from the preference for high-speed internet pornography and toward physical intimacy in real life. It’s difficult to maintain a long-distance relationship without a frequent sexual component. However, if you want to be successful in your reboot, you must avoid engaging in sexual stimulation through the phone.

That brings us to the general concern of maintaining a long-distance relationship while rebooting. Truthfully, I’m not the biggest supporter of long-distance relationships that last for years. I believe that they can be a serious threat to your reboot because they keep you from building the intimacy necessary to have a healthy relationship.

Long-distance relationships are challenging for people who don’t already have problems with porn addiction effects, sex, and masturbation. Men who can jerk off and go on with their day are better suited for these types of relationships. But brothers in the Porn Addiction Counseling are not able to have that luxury.

Learning to be physically intimate with a partner is an important part of the reboot process. Being in a relationship with someone who lives miles, hours, or even states away makes that harder to do. You cannot work on your physical intimacy when you only see your partner every so often. When you find yourself physically unsatisfied, you’re far more likely to turn to your out-of-control behavior for relief.

I believe that men who are rebooting should seek out relationships with women who live nearby. You shouldn’t have to drive more than an hour to meet up with the women you’re dating. There are so many hundreds of women in the world that limiting yourself to a long-distance relationship only adds unnecessary stress.

The post Phone Sex, Long-Distance Relationships, and Rebooting appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

Pornography is a growing issue, especially for men who are exposed to it during their younger years. Excessive porn use alters natural brain chemistry and causes a wide range of negative effects. Are you wondering whether your pornography use might be a problem? Over the next few weeks, I want to cover 10 of the most common porn addiction problems I see among men seeking help in the Porn Reboot program. These include:

• Loss of concentration
• Depression
• Lack of romance
• Lack of achievement
• Low energy
• Erectile dysfunction
• Premature ejaculation
• Unusual porn fetishes
• No attraction to real-life partners
• Loss of ability to orgasm during sex

The tenth and final symptom in our series on porn addiction symptoms is losing the ability to orgasm during sex. This might be one of the worst symptoms of all. Finding no real pleasure from sex is an emasculating and alarming experience. And it likely means you’re close to developing erectile dysfunction if you haven’t already.

It’s time for you to eliminate pornography from your life if this is something you’re dealing with.

Several things occur during the onset of losing your ability to orgasm. Signs that you’re on the way include decreased sensitivity in your penis, a sharp decline in arousal with your regular sexual partners, and developing strange or unexpected fetishes. The most common indicator that you’re losing the ability to orgasm during sex, though, is needing to think or fantasize about porn while you’re actively with a woman in bed.

Once you’re at this point, brother, there’s no reason to continue watching porn. You likely have a full-blown pornography addiction at this point, whether you want to acknowledge and accept it or not. No healthy sexual being requires a virtual stimulus to perform and neither should you. Compulsive pornography use is a detriment to your life and only holds you back from everything that awaits you.

Wondering how to end your out-of-control behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation? The Porn Reboot system can help. We provide a clear-cut path to ending your compulsive sexual behavior, rewiring your brain, and building a life that is worth living. 

The Porn Reboot system is unlike anything you’ve tried before. We don’t rely on counting days, on white-knuckling, or on forced abstinence. Instead, we have a method that works with your brain and biology, not against them. If you’re ready to end your out-of-control behavior and change your life, we’d love for you to join us today.

The post Top 10 Porn Addiction Symptoms: Loss of Ability to Orgasm During Sex appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

After working with men to end their out-of-control behavior for over a decade, I know what that question usually means. Is this a form of porn addiction effect ? On the surface, it’s about masturbation, but if you look below the facade it’s often a way to avoid facing rejection. Men who want to masturbate in moderation are more often than not using it as a way to keep from being vulnerable and rejected.

Vulnerability puts you at risk for emotional or physical pain. Your ability to step past the fear and be vulnerable in the face of pain is courage. Courage is a very masculine and attractive trait, and it’s something you’ll develop as you work through the reboot process. You’ll learn to identify emotions and become more comfortable with being vulnerable.

This doesn’t mean you’ll spill your emotions to a woman to seek validation. Vulnerability does not mean groveling before a woman in search of attention. It simply means you’ll be able to express your wants and needs without any extreme attachment to the outcome. 

Achieving sexual intimacy requires at least some level of vulnerability. You put yourself at risk of rejection whenever you make a move with a woman. This might be initiating sex with your spouse after a busy week or going in for the kiss with the woman sitting on your couch after a second date.

Ultimately, it’s your responsibility as the man to take the risk. The more you take these vulnerable risks, the more competence you gain. Over time you start to develop what I call “killer instinct,” or the knowledge of when it’s time to make a move and when it’s time to hold back. But that doesn’t come without a few mistakes and rejections along the way.

You might be scared to ask for sex, brother, and that’s okay. It’s nerve-wracking at first, especially when you’re just starting to put yourself out there again. The more you try it, though, the more comfortable you become. 

As you gain confidence through the Porn Reboot system our exclusive porn addiction recovery system, you’ll realize there are plenty of other women with whom you build relationships. After a while, it won’t feel like a big deal when a woman rejects you. It doesn’t mean that something is wrong with you, it simply means she isn’t interested and you can move on to the next.

The post Are You Scared to Ask For Sex? appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

Now as you read this, remember that I’m not a doctor and therefore cannot provide legitimate medical advice. I can only speak anecdotally about my experiences and the experiences of the men I’ve worked with over the years. At the same time, a lot of therapists who recommend medication aren’t doctors and cannot provide prescriptions, either. They also don’t have the same level of knowledge about and experience with pornography addiction. So keep these things in mind.

This recently happened to a brother in our group and he brought up a great question. He said, 

“My counselor says that I have an exceptionally high libido that interferes with my life, and recommends that I see someone for medication to lower it. I used to take Wellbutrin to help with impulse control but stopped taking it a while ago. Is anyone in the group doing this along with their reboot, or does anyone have experience with taking medication specifically to help you control your behavior?”

Before I dive into my response, I want to share an incredible response from another brother in the group. He responded before I had a chance to and provided an incredibly well-thought-out answer. He replied,

“I also have an exceptional libido, but libido itself has never been the issue for me. Rather, the issue has been my refusal to feel what I feel and know what I know, and my pattern of using sexual indulgence to escape my own experience. Temporarily taking medication or supplements to reduce libido may help you out of a crisis and through withdrawals, but I recommend against them as a long-term strategy of self-control. 

“My ultimate objective is the integration of my libido and my integrity without suppression or indulgence. I personally experienced a dramatic reduction in libido for several weeks after minor surgery, and I haven’t noticed anything else in my life that obviously reduced libido.”

I believe this brother hit the nail on the head. Regardless of the “cause” of your out-of-control behavior, I don’t believe that medication is a long-term solution for anything. In my experience, medication often serves as a bandage rather than a true method of healing. It covers up the problem for a short time but eventually, you need to deal with the true source of the issue.

People who take medication for long periods typically become dependent on it. If you choose to take medication for a “high sex drive”, there’s a chance that you’ll eventually have to deal not only with your out-of-control behavior but also with getting off of that medication.

I noticed another red flag in our brother’s original question. He mentioned that his counselor jumped straight from diagnosing him with a high sex drive to offering medication. If this is truly how the process played out, that therapist missed a lot of opportunities to consider and address other important factors at play when it comes to compulsive sexual behaviors.

I’ve found that many therapists don’t truly understand how porn addiction works. While some take the time to learn about the reality of the condition, many dismiss it as not a “real” problem. Occasionally brothers find themselves under the care of these dismissive therapists and that’s a dangerous place to be. These therapists aren’t familiar with the complexities of out-of-control sexual behavior and often neglect to consider alternatives to medications.

They likely don’t understand the importance of anchoring your day. They probably don’t encourage you to find an accountability partner. They might work with you on developing emotional awareness or boundaries, but not through the lens of compulsive sexual behavior. They often don’t understand factors like time of day or specific environmental triggers either. They just want to stick you on medication and call it a day.

Another thing to think about is therapists who suggest that porn addiction is really a high sex drive often neglect to take a blood work panel before recommending medication. How can they possibly know the cause of your supposed high sex drive if they don’t have any data or numbers to back it up? I always recommend taking a blood work panel before making any decisions like that.

I don’t want this to turn into an anti-medication rant. I’m not at all anti-medication; in fact, I think it’s a helpful tool in certain situations. But I do not believe that medication is an effective long-term solution, especially for brothers struggling with compulsive sexual behavior. I think there are many alternatives that therapists and doctors often neglect to recommend before jumping straight to medication.

I think there is a checklist you should run through before deciding to take medication for your compulsive sexual behavior. First, determine whether your therapist is knowledgeable about porn addiction in the first place. Second, get a blood work panel and find out what your total testosterone and free testosterone levels are. Third, identify whether there is any childhood trauma at play that may fuel your behavior. And finally, after checking all of these boxes you can make an informed decision about whether a short-term medication plan is right for you.

I know medication wasn’t necessary for my situation and it often isn’t for the brothers that I work with. We learn to control our out-of-control behaviors by working with our biology to rewire our brains. We don’t need to use medication as a crutch; we lean on each other during tough times and lift one another when we’re on an upswing.

The Porn Reboot program is designed specifically to help you end your out-of-control sexual behavior. We don’t push meds, therapy, or psychiatry on you, nor are we opposed to using those tools when they’re necessary. We simply encourage you to identify the approach that works best for you and take the appropriate action to end your behavior with porn for good.

The post Medication for a High Sex Drive appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

Is that hard for you to believe? If so, you aren’t alone. A brother in the free Porn Reboot Facebook group heard it on another YouTube channel and brought it to our group. He was having trouble wrapping his head around the idea that sex isn’t necessarily the thing to strive for. The way he sees it, men strive to work and generate wealth so they can attract women into their lives.

I notice this a lot with men who are still early on in their reboot. If you’re thinking this way you’re not the only one, but it also indicates where you’re at in your reboot. When men first start their reboot, they believe they need to experience a lot of novelty relationships with different women in order to feel satisfied.

Now don’t get me wrong – you’re biologically wired to think this way. At the same time, your pornography addiction destroyed your natural biological functioning over the years and left you thinking that sex is the end goal. It creates the false idea that your whole purpose as a man is to have sex with women. This seems to be especially true if you are a man who isn’t particularly successful with women to begin with.

I want to make it clear that I don’t believe having sex with a variety of beautiful women is a bad thing. In fact, I think it’s a wonderful thing and it’s something that I experienced and enjoyed before my committed relationship. If you don’t have any cultural or religious beliefs holding you back from that, go ahead and explore that aspect of life as a man if you would like to.

At the same time, don’t think that simply generating wealth and becoming a high-value man will automatically give you opportunities to have sex. There are plenty of men with little to no capital who can still pull women because they’re high-value in their own way. You don’t have to be a wealthy man to sleep with women.

As you progress in your reboot, you’ll start realizing that sex for the sake of sex isn’t necessarily success. Porn wants you to think that sex is the greatest thing you can get but there are far more important things to work for. But once you’re free from your porn addiction symptoms you can create your own definition of what success is.

Instead of building wealth to pull women, why don’t you build wealth to pursue freedom? Wealth provides you with freedom to live where you want, freedom of time, freedom from depending on others, freedom to pursue things you’re truly interested in, and more. 

Success doesn’t necessarily mean wealth, either. Plenty of men define success by the quality of the family they have, by keeping their relationship strong, and by raising confident, independent children. Others view success through the lens of their spiritual or religious pursuits and draw a great sense of joy and purpose from them.

Another great definition of success is giving back and being of service. I’m one of those people who finds deep fulfillment in helping others. Now that I’ve overcome my compulsive sexual behavior, there are plenty of times I’m interested in being of service than I am in having sex.

Sure, sex will come as a byproduct of your success and there’s nothing wrong with that. But pursuing sex as the end goal or the definition of success will leave you feeling empty and hollow. Sex for the sake of sex is a biological need but it’s far from fulfilling when it’s the only pursuit in your life. Pursue things that interest you instead and you’ll find much more contentment in life. After that, sex will simply be an added bonus.

The post Is Sex Success? appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

This is a widespread opinion. 

And as a result, many people decide not to even try to be monogamous – they think they’ll never make it. This applies to pornography addicts as well.

Now, I’m not going to lie and say that there isn’t a small element of truth to this opinion. But it doesn’t take into account one factor:

There are many men who had a lot of casual sex. But that was before they got married and stayed committed for the rest of their lives. 

These individuals have an advantage over others because they’ve had their fill of sexual experiences on purpose.

But what about men who recover from sex addiction and get married?

Well, that doesn’t mean they’re actually ready for marriage. Most of the time, that goal’s been set for them and conditioned by society.

These men then feel like monogamy is the only way to go. So, they end up in relationships and just play along because they feel like that’s what they’re supposed to do.

But in doing so, they most likely won’t become a happy, fulfilled person. It’s because whatever issues they had with women and sex won’t just go away because they’ve become monogamous.

Now, you might wonder why don’t more coaches and therapists talk about this. 

Well, apart from myself, I have yet to meet a non-religious counselor, coach, or mentor who wasn’t a sex addict and had an active and healthy sexual life involving multiple women.

While some therapists have recovered from their addictions, none of them put themselves through a structured method regarding women.

But that’s what I did. Porn Addiction Recovery is our hope

I had a structured plan of meeting women, developing authentic relationships, and having healthy sex with them. 

The point of this method is that when you repeat the process dozens of times, it becomes a part of your nature. 

And then you can leave it behind and move on to a monogamous relationship. 

The post Monogamy for Recovered Sex Addicts appeared first on Elevated Recovery.

1) Letting down others. Your success and wealth place you in a position of influence. You may be a mentor to some people, have family members who look up to you and employees, partners and business associates who look to you for guidance and leadership. You also know that demonstrations of power, wealth, and leadership lead others to sometimes assume that you are a model for not just financial success, but personal integrity as well. Your fear of letting down all these people can keep you from taking the responsibility of admitting that have a serious problem and seeking help.
This also ties in with entitlement. You may feel that you deserve everything you have and more-including your current sexual life- as out of control as it might be. A sense of entitlement can cause you to believe that it is impossible to have a problem with addiction. Others around you whom you employ, or who depend on you financially may be reluctant to point out your self destructive behavior for fear of losing your support or their jobs. Seeking help and recovery from your addiction will put you in contact with recovery professionals whose opinion is not influenced by your status or affluence.

2) There is no rock bottom: Unfortunately, for a high successful person, there is rarely a “rock-bottom” moment such as losing a spouse, losing your job or home. An abundance of resources and a secure financial situation insulates you from these revealing experiences, making it difficult to realize that there is a serious problem affecting you. A good example would be the numerous sexual assault accusations which have been publicized in recent months beginning with Harvey Weinstein. When there is a legitimate sexual addiction involved, it is not until a woman publicizes the behavior of an addict- usually a symptom of their compulsive behavior that they experience “rock bottom” for the first time in their life. Even then, in many cases, the “rock bottom” effect which exposes one to potentially life saving consequences can be reduced by well deployed public relations and legal action.

3) Financial concerns. If you are a highly successful person who is facing a challenging financial transition in your business, an out of control sexual behavior does not help. You may have a tendency to dismiss treatment for your addiction because you feel that it is a waste of time and resources when compared to the financial emergency at hand. For instance, some of my clients have dipped into their company expenses to finance their compulsion to hire high end prostitutes, others maintain the lifestyle of multiple mistresses and feel obligated to do so for fear of losing them- against the advice of their accountants and financial advisers. You don’t make the best financial decisions when compulsively chasing sexual highs or when high on substances. The reality is that your decisions made while under the influence of addiction leads to a worsening of any existing financial crisis and seeking support for your addiction can only help you.

4) Fear of leaving work.  Your position at work is important to you and is the ultimate validation of your achievement. To maintain this position and identity, you may have the belief that you cannot take breaks or vacations. If you do, you might jeopardize the success of your company or position which you have achieved through incredible amounts of hard work. When you struggle with a sexually compulsive disorder, your performance at work is adversely affected .This is inevitable and the fear of losing your career can slowly build up. You may even have started mixing drugs with your work and sex to enhance both the experience and to keep you working longer, more focused hours.You feel that you can balance both work and your out of control sexual life by using drugs.

5) Inability to identify with other addicts: The common stereotypes of addicts are poorly dressed, homeless, disheveled people on the street. Popular culture, TV shows and what you see on the streets on the way to work emphasize this . Your self image as an individual who is in control, who dresses well and who has power makes it difficult to accept the reality that addiction can affect anyone. Sex and Porn addiction is no different than a substance addiction. You are still addicted to chemicals, albeit the chemical cocktail that is released in your brain when you expose yourself to pornographic material or chase a sexual experience compulsively. Addiction can affect anyone regardless of net worth, social status, or how functioning you believe you may be.

6) Risk to reputation: No successful, wealthy professional wants to risk their addiction affecting their reputation in anyway. If there is even the slightest risk that there will be a legal record of their behavior, the fear will cause them to conceal their behavior even more. However, it is precisely for this reason that you should seek professional help with your addictive behavior- the longer you wait to seek help, the higher the chances of legal repercussions and damage to your reputation.

7) Hidden by other disorders: Sometimes, a sexual addiction is hidden by addiction to other substances such as pain killers, opioids or anti depressants. Often, a highly successful individual may spend years dependent on prescription medication which keeps them oblivious to other issues that they may struggle with. A past history of trauma could also be obsured by not only the abuse of prescription medication and opioids ,but by false beliefs such as the belief that one has a high sex drive even though your sexual behavior may be causing adverse effects to your relationship, your career, health and finances.

8) Divorce and Children: Its no secret that the divorce rate among highly successful CEOs, business owners, executives and other affluent individuals is high. Admitting to sex addition can not only be a one way ticket to divorce, but can put the successful persona at a serious disadvantage when it comes to custody of their children or even in divorce proceedings. This fear only serves to make you conceal your behavior even more- much to your detriment. In the meantime, you try your best to maintain the illusion of a perfect family.

9) Rationalizing Behavior: High confidence can cause you to rationalize your behavior to extremes. Some common rationalizations I usually hear are:
“ I have sex with prostitutes because I too busy and don’t have time for relationships “
“ I watch porn because its the only way I can get an erection these days.”
“ Its how I de-stress from a busy day.”
“ I only do these things when I’m on the road/ on business trips.”
For those who mix substances with their out of control sexual behavior, I also hear variations of:
“ My doctor prescribed this medication, that why I take it”
“ Drinking helps me deal with stress.”
“ Sex is much better on (insert substance) and I can still work the next day.”
The dark side of great confidence is a great rationalization for addictive behavior.

10) The stigma of addiction: Sex and Porn addiction come with the stigma of weakness, failure, and poor judgment which are not qualities associated with successful, high performing individuals. If you are a celebrity in your industry or highly visible, the stigma of such an addiction can make it very difficult to become vulnerable and honestly seek help.

J.K Emezi is an Addiction Recovery Professional and the Founder of Elevated Recovery International, which offers solutions for sexually compulsive disorders in high achieving professionals.
You can visit his practice at www.elevatedrecovery.org as well as his Youtube Channel

The post 10 Reasons Why Highly Successful People Don’t Seek Help for Sex & Porn Addiction appeared first on Elevated Recovery.