November 19, 2020

One question I often receive from men in the Porn Reboot group is, “How do I convince my therapist that I’m a porn addict?”

Before we dive in, though, I want to make one thing clear: my job as a reboot coach and the job done by a clinical therapist are not necessarily the same thing.

My job as your Porn Reboot coach is to help you identify what’s holding you back in the present moment. We look at the problems affecting you today, figure out how to solve them, and create a clear path for your future, one where pornography and masturbation no longer affect your life.

A therapist, on the other hand, typically looks at your past issues and how they affect you today. These include things like abuse and abandonment that caused any attachment-related issues that left you with a deep sense of loneliness and need for intimacy. 

This doesn’t mean the Porn Reboot system doesn’t provide the tools for you to address your past issues. It only means that therapists have specific training to handle some of the heavier aspects of your past. 

That being said, how do you convince your therapist that you’re a porn addict?

The short answer is you don’t.

You shouldn’t have to spend your time convincing your therapist about your addiction. I’ve had men in the group whose therapists told them they’re making too big a deal out of pornography and masturbation. In some of the worst cases I’ve heard about, some therapists have even laughed at the men in our group who went to seek help.

I’m sorry if you’ve had an experience like this with a therapist. Experiences like this exacerbate the feelings of shame that pornography addiction causes. Compulsive sexual behaviors already have detrimental effects on self-image and self-esteem. If you open up in what’s supposed to be a safe space and the therapist laughs, you’ve probably closed off.

You shouldn’t have to explain yourself to a therapist. There’s no reason to waste your time convincing your therapist that you’re a porn addict. Here are a few reasons you shouldn’t bother trying to convince a therapist.

Many therapists aren’t educated on what qualifies as an addiction

Unfortunately, many therapists don’t take the time to continue with their education. They haven’t kept up with the latest research or attended conferences to learn more about their field. The world is changing. Health is changing. Now the pandemic has impacted the realm of mental health and addiction. 

Therapists should stay on top of the changes that are happening but the truth is many aren’t. They’re doing well enough with the clients they already have so they feel no need to further their education. It’s not your job to educate them, either. Don’t spend your time convincing a therapist that porn addiction exists when there are more effective solutions available.

Your therapist might watch pornography themselves

It’s easy to forget that a therapist is really just another human being. Medical professionals shouldn’t be placed on a pedestal. Your therapist might even struggle with pornography addiction themselves. We have many therapists, coaches, and physicians in the Porn Reboot program. They struggle with human problems, too.

Whether they see no problem with watching pornography, or they battle addiction themselves, they won’t be a helpful outlet for you. You aren’t going to find the solution for your compulsive behaviors in therapy if either of these applies to your therapist.

They may underestimate the approach you need to take

Therapists who aren’t familiar with pornography addiction will underestimate the approach you need to end your behaviors. They won’t understand the battle you fight daily. If they don’t know how pornography addiction works, they won’t know how to help you overcome it. 

The Porn Reboot, on the other hand, provides you with a precise system. You need a sufficient substitute to rewire your brain and replace your compulsive behaviors. Sitting in a therapist’s office won’t give you the extensive toolkit you need to overcome porn addiction.

Our Reboot program is full of strong, ambitious men working to achieve big goals in life. They don’t procrastinate when there’s an obstacle in front of them. They’re using the system to improve their lives by practicing focus and discipline. From waking up early to writing in your journal to spending time in reflection, there are many tools you learn to help you. 

Therapists may view the Reboot system as too intense or adding too much pressure to your life. You’re working to change your mind, though, and it takes intense dedication to do that.

Therapy is still useful in some cases

Remember – what we offer in the Porn Reboot program is not the same thing as therapy. We do provide you with tools that help you reflect on parts of your past but we’re focused on today. You look at your day-to-day actions and work to change your current circumstances. 

Therapy is useful for men who have deep-rooted traumas in their lives. Seeing a therapist may be crucial in working through some heavy memories from your past. There’s nothing wrong with seeing a therapist while working through the Reboot program. Taking the time to work through past issues while also addressing your current struggles is admirable. 

There’s no shame in seeking therapy if you need assistance. Men in the Porn Reboot program are here to become the best men they can be. Sometimes that involves working with a therapist is the perfect complement to working your system. If you have a therapist who understands the darkness of pornography addiction and compulsive sexual behaviors, they’ll be a great asset to your progress. 

If your therapist doesn’t grasp the struggles of your addiction, though, bring those struggles to us and use your time in therapy for working through your past.