May 30, 2021

When you look at truly successful people, how often do you hear them talking about the hard work that goes into it?

They may mention it occasionally but it’s not a central part of their focus. Anyone successful in their endeavor, whether it’s an athlete or an entrepreneur, doesn’t think much about the hard work; they just do it.

The same applies to your reboot. I used to consume a lot of self-help material that pushed the idea that hard work brings results. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that hard work is unnecessary. But I am saying that focusing too much on the work and not as much on the goal is holding you back. 

During this phase of my life, I thought a lot about the things getting in the way of me working hard. I thought I needed to uncover my limiting beliefs and look for things to change within me that would help me work harder. These practices helped to an extent but they also held me back in other ways.

I was so focused on the hard work aspect that I wasn’t thinking about the outcome I wanted: control over my sexual behavior. I spent too much time looking at how to work harder and not enough time looking at the problems themselves. I couldn’t control my sexual behavior, I was broke, I wasn’t in a relationship, I had poor social skills, I had health issues, and I was isolating myself. But I was more wrapped up in my poor work ethic.

Are you doing the same thing right now? Have you turned your work ethic into the main problem instead of looking at the real causes of your struggles?

Here’s the thing: when you want something badly enough, you won’t think about the work it takes to get there. Professional athletes want to play at the highest level so they don’t think about the hours of training and practice; they just do it. Successful entrepreneurs want their businesses to do well so they don’t think about the added stress and long nights; they just do it.

Guys ask me about my morning recovery time and my daily routine all the time. They want to know the specifics but aren’t thinking about the reasoning behind the routine in the first place. I take as much time as I need to center myself for the day to keep my behavior under control and continue building a successful life. But I don’t think about the time required because the outcome is more important to me than the work it takes to get there.

Hard work is going to help you overcome your porn addiction but focusing on the hard work alone is going to keep you stuck in it. You have to reach a point where the desire to control your behavior comes from within and the work required to control it becomes second nature.

Your drive to work hard is either there or it isn’t. You don’t need to work on the blocks. If the drive isn’t there, you need to focus on the desire and uncover your “why” for the work required. Once you arrive at this place, the specifics of your input become the backdrop and the outcome of your work takes center stage.