June 17, 2021

Today’s topic comes from a question from one of our brothers in the Porn Reboot group.

And based on the responses this brother received in our group, he’s not alone in his experience. It’s a potentially taboo subject but I’m glad he brought it up because it’s a common thing men observe when they begin their reboot journey and it’s important to talk about. He asked:

“I’ve seen how the interracial genre of pornography has affected me growing up and learning to objectify all women, particularly white, South American, and Asian women. It’s confusing to me because I’m in an interracial relationship and I don’t want to believe that my porn use influenced it.

“How can I come to terms with this? Are there deeper reasons I prefer to watch a Black man performing over another race or is it simply because I relate to him as a Black man myself?”

There are quite a few things to unpack here.

First, your preference for a particular race is influenced by multiple things. Sure, porn probably plays a role in at least some of it but it’s far from being the only factor. Your preferences are influenced by your culture, the environment you grew up in, popular culture, and sometimes even religion.

If you grew up in an area surrounded by people who are the same race as you, you’re likely to end up with someone of the same race. Statistically and generally speaking, humans evolved to develop an attraction to people who look similar to them. This biological factor is a significant contributor to your sexual preferences.

At the same time, the rise of popular culture over the last few decades has shaped preferences, too. You’re impacted by the movies you watch, the music you listen to, and the media you consume. For example, if you’re a white guy who grew up watching BET, you might end up having a preference for Black or Latina women.

But what role does porn play in these preferences?

There’s a significant difference between the way movies and TV shape your preferences compared to pornography. Movies and TV involve emotion and intimacy when portraying the women you see on the screen. They shoot the scene in a way that highlights the women’s femininity, her sexuality, and her humanness. But porn is an entirely different beast.

Pornography is not about emotion or intimacy at all. Sure, there are the flimsy storylines everyone jokes about but they’re only there to serve one purpose: get the woman (or women) naked and ready for sex. 

Porn floods your senses with these over-the-top performances of raw sexuality. It involves extensive objectification. When you add the interracial genre into the mix, you also add the detrimental components of stereotyping and racism.

Interracial pornography influences the way we look at and fantasize about different races. Men like us who deal with porn addiction tend to bring our pornographic preferences into real life. So men who aren’t prejudiced or racist in their real lives suddenly find themselves acting out these stereotypical interracial sexual fantasies when it comes to sex.

This creates a lot of guilt and shame and explains exactly why this brother is worried about his relationship. He is rightfully concerned about the role pornography may have played in his preference for particular women.

I do want to point out that your preferences aren’t necessarily wrong. There’s nothing wrong with being attracted to different types of women, certain ethnicities, or various body types. Unless you’re hurting someone, it’s not anyone’s business how your particular arousal template develops. But problems arise for men who haven’t overcome their porn addiction.

If you’re still trapped by stereotypical racist fantasies portrayed in pornography, you’re going to have a skewed perception of your preferences. You’re more likely to look for women with whom you can express these negative fantasies, rather than a partner with whom you can form a trusting relationship.

Through the responses our brother received on his post, he realized there’s nothing wrong with his relationship. He’s overcome his behavior and addiction and his old porn preferences had nothing to do with his existing partner.

But that doesn’t mean it may not be different for you. Look at your relationship or current sexual partners and ask yourself whether you’re playing out stereotypical interracial fantasies. How far have you come in your reboot? If you’re still struggling with slips, your preferences might still be skewed.

Feel free to reach out to the Porn Reboot Facebook group and let us know whether this is something you’re struggling with. Are you having a hard time determining if porn is still influencing your preferences? We’re here to help you unpack your problems and set you straight with some active action you can implement today.