June 20, 2021

A few weeks ago, I wrote about the things you’re tolerating in your life.

I asked you to consider people and situations you put up with that shouldn’t be a part of your life anymore. There are so many men tolerating unreasonable situations from things in their marriages to their careers and more.

One thing a lot of men settle for is a sexless marriage. When you’ve been with your girlfriend or wife for a long time sometimes the sex and intimacy slow down. There are also cases where your out-of-control behavior affects sex and intimacy with your partner. But if your marriage or relationship remains sexless for months or years and you do nothing to fix it, you’re settling.

Tolerating and settling for situations you can’t stand holds you back. It’s often a contributing factor to your porn addiction cycle, too. If you’re in a sexless marriage, what can you do to keep from settling for the situation? How can you save your sexless marriage?

Acknowledge Your Betrayal of Your Partner

Women typically view your out-of-control sexual behavior as a betrayal. It doesn’t matter whether you sought contact outside your relationship or you stayed in your office and watched porn; they often see it as the same thing. Your problems with compulsive behavior create the idea and lead to the belief that she isn’t enough for you.

Your partner will not want to be intimate with you when she feels betrayed. You have to be willing to accept she may not want to have sex with you for a while because you broke her trust. Acknowledging this element of betrayal is the first thing you need to do when you’re in a relationship. 

Do Some Work On Yourself

Another reason for sexless marriages is that some women lose interest in having sex with their partner. It happens in many monogamous relationships at one point or another. Women get used to their partner and start viewing them as a best friend or roommate instead of a sexual companion.

You might want to blame your partner for this but I recommend you look at yourself. Have you stopped taking care of yourself? I find this is often the case. You start dressing down, neglecting hygiene and grooming, letting your hobbies fall to the wayside. Your behavior causes you to lose your sense of purpose, adventure, and excitement for life.

You must prioritize taking care of yourself and being the man she got together with in the first place. If she’s starting to lose interest, the responsibility lies with you to get it back. Start caring for your physical appearance, get ambitious again, find some enthusiasm, stay driven,  and work toward your goals.

Learn to Communicate Your Needs

You need to learn to communicate your sexual needs with your wife. Women and men have different sex drives from a biological standpoint and you have to let her know what you need from her. Some men avoid expressing their needs out of fear of vulnerability or being shut down. But she’s far more likely to respond to the honest communication of your needs than shutting down and not asking for what you want.

There’s nothing wrong with having sexual needs. Both men and women are sexual creatures and it’s part of our makeup. If you don’t want to be in a sexless marriage, you must start communicating your sexual needs with your partner.

Find Fellowship With Other Men

Your partner shouldn’t be the sole focus in your life as you work on fixing your relationship or marriage. You need to devote time to yourself and also to being part of a group of men. Building friendships with other men who understand what you’re going through is crucial.

Join a group like the Porn Reboot group on Facebook and surround yourself with a group of strong, like-minded men. You’re not the only one struggling with this problem – men in the group bring it up regularly. This came from a question someone initially asked in the group, after all. If you’re having a hard time in a sexless marriage, come join us for support as you address your out-of-control behavior and work through your relationship with your partner.