We live in a culture where people identify with their dysfunctions.

When someone receives a diagnosis, they identify with whatever that particular diagnosis is. 

“I’m ADHD.”

“I’m dyslexic.”

“I’m depressed.”

Some even go as far as to integrate their diagnosis into their personality. They center their thoughts around this one aspect of their life and frame their entire worldview around it.

I read a study the other day that said individuals who believe in the concept of repressed childhood trauma are more likely to find repressed childhood trauma when they speak to a therapist. On the other hand, those who don’t believe in the concept tend to not uncover any repressed childhood trauma.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that no one experiences childhood trauma or that some people don’t repress experiences from when they were young. I do think it’s interesting that the beliefs we adopt leave us susceptible to certain things.

The culture you’re raised in frames your world view and there’s no denying the rise in people identifying with their diagnoses. They don’t realize how much embodying these medical labels limits their potential, though. When you enclose yourself in the box of a diagnosis, you cut yourself off from so much possibility.

If you’re considering seeking out a psychologist for a diagnosis, you might want to reconsider. There are alternative approaches to controlling your out of control behavior that don’t require you to slap a label on yourself. If the goal is to end your out of control behavior, shouldn’t you do it through the most effective avenue possible?

Psychologists and Pornography Addiction

A psychologist’s job is to help you expose the root causes of issues you have in your everyday life. They dive into your history and look for experiences that explain your current troubles. This is a great approach for people who struggle with serious mental illnesses that affect their quality of life.

Though your pornography addiction probably affects your quality of life, it’s not a mental or moral problem. It’s not something that a few sessions of weekly talk therapy is going to solve. You might even know this from experience after trying it yourself a time or two.

Psychologists are fantastic at helping people overcome and learn to live with their mental illnesses. Unless you also deal with mental illness, though, a psychologist probably isn’t the best bet for you. They’ll encourage you to dig deep into areas that might not even be problematic. You could find yourself running in circles trying to uncover the source of your behavior.

I find with many of the men in the Porn Reboot group that we’re not usually dealing with mental illness. You might experience feelings of anxiety or depression as a result of hiding your out of control behavior. That’s not the same thing as a diagnosable depressive disorder, though. Once you start addressing your pornography addiction you’ll likely notice these feelings dissipate.

Character Defects vs. Character Assets

There are men in the Porn Reboot group who are highly-driven, ambitious, high-performing men who still find themselves trapped by these problems. They received a diagnosis at one time or another and it’s proved to be a sticking point in their reboot. Labeling their addiction and out of control behavior did nothing to limit its impact. If anything, it sometimes makes it worse.

Successful men display strong, assertive characteristics like self-assurance and confidence. These might be labeled narcissistic traits depending on how you handle them and who you ask. If you go looking for psychological input, you might find yourself second-guessing the parts of your personality that make you who you are.

You might be encouraged to label these traits as character defects when, in reality, they’re oftentimes character assets. So long as you don’t use them to dominate or overpower when it’s not appropriate, there are great things about the characteristics it takes to be successful.

You can’t ignore the liabilities that come with the traits it takes to be successful. There are true defects of character in plenty of high performing, successful men who struggle with sexually compulsive behavior. I notice things like the tendency to exaggerate a lot, being overly sensitive to criticism, difficulty with controlling emotions, or feeling excessively paranoid. They also tend to take a grandiose view of themselves and the things they want to do. 

There is a fine line between character assets and character defects. They can be helpful traits when you use them to better yourself and those around you. Top performers don’t rise to where they are by rolling over and taking no for an answer. They have lofty dreams and ambitions and follow them up with hard work and determination.

You don’t want to end up slapping a diagnosis on yourself and then over-analyzing your characteristics. There’s a healthy balance you can work toward that doesn’t require your receiving a pornography addiction diagnosis. 

Understanding the Cause of Your Behavior

Understanding the cause of your behavior is crucial if you want to finally end your out of control behavior. I’ve found over the years of working with hundreds of men that you likely won’t find that answer on a therapist’s couch, though. 

The Porn Reboot system sees the causes of your behavior as a biological problem. Trying to overcome them through behavioral therapy or moral convictions is fighting against your biology. You’re on a fast-track (or, worse, a slow-track) to failure when you fight things that are a part of you. 

Instead, implementing a system like the one we use at Porn Reboot leads to lasting change. It’s the only thing I found that worked for me and for the hundreds of men I’ve worked with in the past and continue helping today. It teaches you to take control of the narrative in your life rather than allowing outside people and forces to dictate it for you.

You might struggle with pornography addiction or compulsive sexual behavior but that doesn’t reflect on you as a person. It doesn’t mean you’re bad, that you’re immoral, or that you’re hopeless. It’s simply that you didn’t develop the ability to properly cope without turning to pornography or certain behaviors to calm you.

Knowing this provides reassurance that you can change the situation. You can start developing and working on a set of skills and coping strategies to rewire your brain. You’ll learn to cope and you won’t need pornography, masturbation, or sex to do it.

Systems Beat Diagnoses

I want to reassure you that you don’t have to go get diagnoses if you feel that it’s not what you need. If it’s going to risk your marriage, your career, your happiness, or your future, a diagnosis is not necessary. You don’t have to place a label on yourself to implement the system we use here at Porn Reboot. In fact, you’re probably better off without it.

If you’re ready to make a change, though, you can start taking the steps to overcome your addiction and compulsive behaviors today. Read through some of the posts here on the blog, check out my YouTube channel, tune into the Porn Reboot podcast, and join us in the free Facebook group.

You can find hours of information on the Porn Reboot system available for free on our various platforms. We’ve had brothers work through their behaviors through the wide range of resources I offer. You can sign up for additional support if you’re looking for more in-depth, one-on-one work or the support of a more private community.

However you choose to approach your reboot, you don’t need a diagnosis to do it. We’re here in the struggle with you and are available to support you every step of the way.