High self-esteem is a vital part of a successful reboot, but men typically aren’t feeling esteem able when they first become a member of the Porn Reboot system.

Porn addiction problems cause a serious lack of self-esteem. Today I want to help you understand the importance of self-esteem and its role in the Porn Reboot process. 

I often speak about self-esteem here on the blog, in videos on our YouTube channel, and during podcasts. As men who struggle with a compulsive problem with porn, sex, or masturbation, our self-esteem tends to be low when we decide to quit. We hate ourselves, we’re filled with guilt and shame, we believe we’re weak, and we tell ourselves that we’re pathetic.

Unless you rebuild your self-esteem, you’ll always find yourself struggling to maintain your reboot. You’ll never see yourself as a man who can live free of your compulsive sexual behavior if you don’t address your self-image. What can you do to work on your troubles with self-esteem?

The Basics of Self-Esteem

First, you must understand what self-esteem is. Self-esteem is basically the way you feel about yourself. It’s based on your self-image and how you view yourself. For example, if you see yourself as a pathetic, porn-addicted man who can’t overcome his behavior, it contributes to a low sense of self-esteem.

However, if you recognize that everyone makes mistakes, that you have the power to overcome them, and that you’re working to become a better man, this gives you a stronger sense of self-esteem. Additionally, your self-esteem consists of a few different aspects: identity, competence, and self-confidence.

Identity

Human beings naturally feel the desire to belong to something. Your identity is made up of two parts: your identity within a group and your identity within yourself. At a group level, your identity is defined by the people you surround yourself with. This includes your family, friends, colleagues, and community. At the individual level, identity involves all of your characteristics, both positive and negative. To improve your self-esteem, you must accept yourself as you are or work to change the aspects that hold you back.

Competence

Competence means trusting your abilities to do or not do something. It involves an understanding of your capabilities, limitations, and desire to learn new things. You won’t feel very great if you don’t believe that you’re capable of anything. On the other hand, if you believe in your abilities then you’ll have a deeper sense of self-esteem.

Self-Confidence

Self-confidence is the primary fuel for your self-esteem. Your sense of security, both personally and with those around you, contributes to how you feel about yourself. Confident men also have high self-esteem. Building up your self-esteem relies primarily on building up your self-confidence.

Self-Esteem in Extremes

Not all self-esteem is equal. You should strive for balance rather than leaning too heavily to one side or another. Going to extremes on either end, whether you have too much or too little self-esteem, isn’t a healthy place to be.

For example, some men have very high self-esteem but don’t realize that it isn’t grounded in anything. They have an overly-inflated sense of self that exists solely within their perception. They lack concrete evidence to feel as confident as they do. They may believe they’re strong, wonderful, capable people but don’t truly have a reason to.

Then you have men with very low self-esteem who tend to tear themselves down every chance they get. These men also carry a similarly unrealistic view of themselves but are at the other end of the spectrum. They believe they can’t do anything right no matter what they try and are vocal about their negative self-image.

Healthy Self-Esteem

A place of healthy self-esteem exists somewhere in the middle. You don’t want too much or too little self-esteem. Healthy self-esteem means you are grounded in your sense of self. You know exactly who you are, where you want to be, and what you want to do. 

It empowers you to make better choices in every area of your life. It informs the direction you need to take so that you can arrive at your intended destination efficiently and enjoyably. You learn to make smarter decisions about who you spend your time with and which activities you participate in. When you operate from a place of healthy self-esteem, you naturally surround yourself with people who understand you and do things you enjoy doing.

Healthy self-esteem is also important because you’re more willing to try new things, meet challenges, address your insecurities, and face your fears. It increases your sense of resilience so that judgment or rejection from others does not concern you.

As you work on your porn addiction problems, your sense of self-esteem will grow. The Porn Reboot program is a porn addiction recovery method that is designed to help you rebuild your self-image, gain self-confidence, and create a life worth living that keeps you from returning to your compulsive behaviors.