As I promised you last week, this is the next part in a series on the stages of the Porn Reboot system.
I’m breaking down each stage down into separate blog posts over the next few days. Consider it a quick summary of the Porn Reboot program to help kickstart or refresh your reboot. You can find the other parts here:
Stage 3 marks the middle of the Porn Reboot system. It’s the midway point where you’ve made a commitment to long-term recovery and are ready to start taking action. The first thing we focused on was helping you recognize your behavior and habits. Then you moved into a place of acceptance of your problem and the fact that you can overcome it. Now it’s time to move into taking some action.
You’re at a point where you know you’re heading in a new direction, but it’s also overwhelming because you’re moving away from everything you’ve known. We do this through addressing and developing a new approach to habits, lifestyle, and self-image. This process starts during Stage 3.
The Keys to Success for Stage 3
Your main goals during Stage 3 are:
- Developing a new identity
- Balancing areas of your Reboot Capital
How are you going to accomplish these things?
Developing a New Identity
Stage 3 marks the beginning of your new life. Sure, you started making some progress during Stages 1 and 2, but those were introductory parts of the process. You need recognition and acceptance if you want to make progress, but you also can’t make any progress if you don’t take action. Step 3 is where that action point starts.
You need to develop a new identity if you want to be successful in your reboot. This is where I ran into problems with other approaches, such as 12-step programs. In 12-step groups, you develop a new identity but that identity centers entirely around your recovery program. Your identity becomes that of a “recovered addict” and keeps you completely wrapped up in the group. When everything about your identity is based on your past behavior, it keeps you living in fear.
The identity you develop in the Porn Reboot program centers around your being a successful individual. In the past, you may have been introverted, angry, or a loner. Maybe you lacked control of your emotions, always felt stressed and overwhelmed, or simply blamed everything on a “high sex drive.” After moving through Stages 1 and 2, though, you now realize that it was all your compulsive behavior.
Now it’s time to develop a new identity. I’m not going to give you that identity, though, and neither will the Porn Reboot system. Instead, we’re going to guide you along the path of developing your own identity. You’re not going to become a carbon copy of everyone else like men in other recovery groups. You’re going to focus on the things that make you a successful individual in your own right.
Balancing Areas of Your Reboot Capital
The Porn Reboot system isn’t only about controlling your out-of-control behavior; it’s about becoming a better person as a whole. Building and balancing areas of your reboot capital is a key part of this process.
Reboot capital is the term I use to describe the areas in your life that support your reboot. These are things like your health and fitness, strengthening your social life, or cultivating your spirituality. They’re the parts of your life that make you a well-rounded person, not just hyper-focused on a single aspect of your life.
Balancing your reboot capital is not a one-time thing. It’s an ongoing process throughout your reboot. But Stage 3 is when you start finding the areas of your life that you want to invest reboot capital into.
You might find that spending dedicated time in the gym every day is an aspect that strengthens your reboot. Maybe you enjoy building out a deeper morning routine (something I like to call recovery time) where you get centered for the day. You might find that spending time with people who share common interests is something that helps you feel strong in your reboot.
Stage 3 is the time for you to explore various areas of your life that you neglected before. It’s also about finding which parts make you feel most like yourself and incorporating these into your new identity. Stage 3 is also about starting the process of balancing these different areas instead of becoming too invested in any one part. A recovered man balances the various areas of his reboot capital to become a whole person.
Recognizing the Potential For Relapse
Stage 3 is also the time when the chance of relapse becomes a serious reality. Relapsing at any point during Stages 1 and 2 is always a possibility but you’re still early in the process. Stage 3 is when you start making forward progress which increases the impact of a relapse. Understanding the causes of relapse that arise at this point can help.
Withdrawal
Men in the Porn Reboot system usually experience withdrawal symptoms during the first six months. They’re most intense during the first 90 days, but the period between 90 days and 6 months is also critical. Recognizing that you’re still in the withdrawal phase will help you be aware of a potential relapse.
Behavior Change
You’re going to experience significant behavioral changes during the first six months in the Porn Reboot program. Sometimes it’s hard for your mind to keep up with the incredible changes you’re making with your behavior. When your self-image can’t keep up, sometimes you’re still going to see yourself as a man who views pornography, even when your behavior doesn’t match that mindset.
Social Pressure
As you’re progressing in Stage 3 and starting to spend more time with people, you might find yourself around people who aren’t the best influence on you. These people who you’ve been friends with for years might not appreciate the drastic changes you’re making in your life. This could cause distance between you and old friends, or the loss of these friendships completely. Prepare yourself for the possibility of losing old friends, but recognize that you’re moving in a better direction without them.
