Are you having a hard time sticking with your reboot?
Maybe you make it a few days, a few weeks, or even a few months, but something inevitably drags you back. You can’t seem to stick with it no matter how hard you try.
Don’t give up on yourself just yet, though. After working with hundreds of men over the years, I’ve found a list of things that are big enemies of your reboot. These things will keep you relapsing over and over again. Until you address each of these aspects, you’re going to have a hard time being successful with your reboot.
1. Unwillingness to let go of chasing dopamine
Maybe you’re one of those guys who has to watch a movie every other day or play a ton of video games. Your thing might be reading the news every morning, getting your sports updates, or scrolling through certain apps. Whatever your preferred dopamine hit might be, this is one of those things that will derail you.
You don’t necessarily have to let go of all the things you enjoy but you need to set very strong boundaries with them. If you don’t, this will be one of the things that kick off the relapse process and sends you back to the beginning of your reboot.
2. Unwillingness to spend time in solitude
Self-reflection is an important part of your reboot. You need to set aside time to reflect on whatever it is that you’re medicating inside yourself. Developing the skill of introspection is critical if you want to remain porn- and behavior-free. If you aren’t willing to spend time in solitude, though, you’ll never develop this necessary skill.
Many men cannot stand being alone. I don’t just mean physically alone but separate from stimuli, too. They always need something playing in the background. These guys can’t even take a walk without bringing their headphones along. You must develop a willingness to spend time in solitude and silence if you want to be successful in your reboot.
3. Replacing your out-of-control sexual behavior with another addictive behavior
Cross-addiction is a serious problem for lots of people in recovery. Once you cut one addictive behavior out you’ll often look for something else to replace it with. Every time you’re stressed or frustrated you turn to this new behavior and justify it because “at least you’re not using porn and jerking off.” Right?
Wrong. Sure, you might have cut porn and compulsive sexual behavior out of your life, but have you replaced it with anything? What is your relationship with food like? Do you waste time aimlessly browsing the internet? If you’re simply swapping one addiction for another, you’ll return to your addiction of choice eventually.
4. Never sticking to your routine
Developing a routine is important during the early stages of your reboot. It removes a lot of the unpredictability and free time that puts you at risk for a relapse. Even after you’ve established your routine, though, do you have a hard time sticking to it?
You might have yourself convinced you’re one of those guys who needs to change things up and try new stuff. You can’t stick with a lifting program and switch it up constantly. You struggle to adhere to your morning recovery time and change it on the fly. I’m here to let you know that you don’t need to change things up; you need to stick to your routine if you want to avoid relapse.
5. Laziness
Laziness is a big problem for a lot of brothers. You sleep too much. You nap too often. You sit down to do some work and immediately say, “Forget it, I don’t want to do anything.” You’re just plain lazy.
I don’t even need to say much about it because lazy men already know they are lazy. Most of the time they’ll even admit that it’s an ongoing problem and I have to respect them for that. Recognizing your blocks is the first step to removing them and laziness is one that has to go.
6. Unwillingness to work alongside other people
Are you the type of man who feels others are beneath you? Do you seek out special or private treatment? Is it hard for you to work in groups with other people because you prefer to go at things alone?
Unwillingness to work alongside others is going to destroy you. You need to drop your ego and find the willingness to open up to others. It’s going to be uncomfortable because as men we’re taught to never let people know about our struggles. But if you’re not going to drop that guard then you’ll have a hard time being successful in the Porn Reboot program.
7. Self-doubt
Self-doubt speaks things into existence. If you don’t believe you can rewire your brain then you’ll never do it. Overcoming self-doubt feels impossible when you’ve spent years honing that inner critic that tears you down all the time. But I promise that you can let go of that nagging voice in your head because I had one, too.
Cutting away self-doubt and negative beliefs is vital for a successful reboot. You are your biggest critic and you are your biggest enemy. You have to learn to control this inner monologue, challenge the lies it tells you, and change the message that it’s telling you.
8. Arrogance and pride
Once you’ve made some progress it’s easy to feel like you’ve got it down. You’re feeling better, you’re connected with people around you again, you’re participating in life once more. You might believe you have your out-of-control behavior licked and you’ve overcome all your challenges.
When this leads to pride and arrogance, you’re in trouble. Pride and arrogance are two stumbling blocks that I’ve watched men trip over and fall back into old behaviors countless times. You must realize that you’re still at the beginning of your reboot, even when you’re 9 months into the process, and let go of that arrogance and pride.
9. Not seeking help because of your position
I work with men in esteemable positions who people believe shouldn’t have a problem with pornography. This includes men who are in professions such as therapists, social workers, or pastors. They hesitate to ask for help because they either fear losing their position or feel they don’t need assistance because of the accolades they receive.
If you refuse to seek help because you’re in a position of authority, regardless of the reason, you’ll continue struggling. You’re not going to overcome your behavior because you’re concerned about the consequences if you do. But letting go of that fear and reaching out may likely be the very thing that saves you from those consequences in the long run.
10. Following ineffective systems
There are dozens of systems out there that offer a solution to your pornography problem. The problem with a lot of these systems, though, is they only offer short-term solutions; they don’t deliver any long-term results. Some of you want to be part of a community that makes you feel good but that isn’t going to solve your problem.
Porn Reboot provides an effective, lasting solution for your pornography addiction and out-of-control sexual behavior. We’re not always a feel-good group because we are a results-driven group. I’m less concerned with how you feel and more concerned with whether you’re gaining a hold on your painful, problematic behavior.
If you’ve been trapped in your behavior and following ineffective systems, you’re going to remain there. If you’re ready to try something new and truly take your life back, join us in our free Facebook group. The Porn Reboot program is filled with men ready to help you reach the same solution they’ve discovered. You don’t have to do it alone; we’re here to help.
