I’ve got another great question for you today that a brother brought to the group a few weeks ago.

He asked:

“I’ve noticed that men on certain YouTube channels say that sex is not the ultimate accomplishment for a man. I understand where that comes from, but as a porn-free man yourself, do you agree?

“I’m in the process of rebooting and my view is that a truly successful man is successful with women rather than his career. At least in my view, men become successful in their careers and become wealthy so that they can get the woman (or women) that they want.”

This is an important thing to talk about. I see a lot of men who subconsciously have this belief that being wealthy or having a great career is a prerequisite for getting sexual access to women. I think this is a leftover belief from society and history. There was a time for many years in our history where you did have to have some measure of wealth. It showed you could provide and then families would offer their daughters to marry you.

A lot of time has passed since then, though, and we now live in a society where your wealth and career don’t guarantee you anything. It gives you the ability to live comfortably in your own life but women no longer need the resources of men. Sure, women will take a man’s resources because she’s been socialized to do so, but she most likely already has a job.

Here’s the thing I explained to our brother: in today’s world a man can define success for himself. It’s no longer only about your career and your finances. You don’t need a great career or incredible amounts of wealth to have sex with beautiful women. 

If you’re reading this and feel some resistance to that statement, you might still be struggling in this area. You’re probably still in the early stages of your reboot where you equate money, wealth, and career with sex, not intimacy or a long-term relationship.

I’m not denying that money, status, and wealth are helpful parts of the process. But having these things alone doesn’t guarantee you access to women. If you don’t have a healthy understanding of women or the social skills to communicate, you could have the highest corporate position and endless amounts of wealth and still not end up with someone.

You shouldn’t build up a career and financial freedom for the sole purpose of having sex. Sure, women can be part of the reason but they should be far from the only thing you do it for. You should build an enjoyable life for yourself because you want to, not because you want to sleep with someone. 

Because here’s the thing, brother: there is so much more to life than women. Things like the spiritual satisfaction you receive from deep meditation or contemplation. The love and pride you find in raising a child or leaving a legacy in your community. The joy of creating beautiful art or delivering great service to others. These are all aspects of life that provide a sense of contentment far greater than mindless casual sex.

It’s very difficult to see beyond these most baseline desires early in your reboot, though. In the beginning, you just want to have sex with beautiful women and you’re convinced that only rich, good-looking men can do that. Truth is, the real world is a lot more nuanced than that but you just can’t see it because you don’t have the clarity to do so yet.

Sex is not your greatest accomplishment, brother. I don’t care what you think or how you feel about it; there is far more to life than sleeping with women. Of course, I still enjoy beautiful women and having sex, they’re easily part of the top 5, but I have so many additional things in my life today that provide joy and fulfillment.

For example, my work with men here in the Porn Reboot program trumps everything else. It gets me excited to wake up every day because I love what I do. Knowing that my skillset makes me useful to other men who are struggling energizes me. I find great joy in helping men like you relieve their pain. 

I don’t believe that sex is a man’s greatest pleasure because I find the most pleasure in helping others. If you ask me what’s worth having more, I would take working with men to end their compulsive sexual behavior every time. The satisfaction I get from it is incomparable and it never goes away. And as you progress in your reboot, brother, I assure you that you’ll find something that means more to you, too.