I’ll admit – I should have addressed this a long time ago.
Marriage is not only a huge topic for men in the Porn Reboot system; it’s a huge topic for almost every man in the world. From the time we’re young, we’re taught that we will grow up, find a woman who we love and adore, and eventually marry that woman. But as divorce rates continue holding at an alarming rate, maybe marriage isn’t the thing you should pursue.
It comes up in the Porn Reboot group for all types of men. It’s a question asked by single men, divorced men, and separated men, whether they’re struggling with their compulsive behavior or rebooting from it.
Should you get married?
First of all, I’m neither against marriage nor am I encouraging anyone to get married because there is no one-size-fits-all solution. I work with many unhappily married men who feel trapped in their relationships, and I also work with many men who are happily married in exemplary relationships. There is no one right way to do it; there’s only the way that’s right for you.
Why Do You Want To Get Married?
Before getting married you need to ask yourself honestly what you want from your marriage. Why do you want to get married? What do you think marriage will add to your relationship? It’s not a question to be taken lightly.
One of the biggest reasons I see men get married is because of societal or cultural pressures. I’ve spoken to many men from different cultures who tell me the reason they got married was because of their parents. They wanted to make their parents happy so they found a woman to marry, but they’re left unhappy as a result.
These men are in marriages they regret and are full of rage and resentment toward their parents. They go to marriage counseling and work with professionals to fix their marriages, but they don’t see lasting results. These professionals are fighting a losing battle, though, because the root cause of the unhappiness in the marriage is the fact that the man didn’t want to be married in the first place.
You have to determine why you want to get married before making the decision. Are you doing it because you want to spend your life with this person or because you feel like you have to? If it’s the latter, you’re not only setting yourself up for unhappiness but you’re dragging another person into your unhappiness as well.
Common Reasons Men Get Married
After working with men for years, I’ve found that people get married for all sorts of reasons. For all the different reasons I hear, there are a few common ones that most men share. These aren’t necessarily bad reasons to get married, but they may not be the strongest foundation to build a marriage on.
Improve the Relationship
There’s this shared understanding that marriage is the natural progression of a relationship. If a relationship is going well then marriage will automatically make everything about it better. That’s not necessarily right or wrong; it’s simply a shared understanding I see a lot of the time.
Easy Access to Sex
This is more common with men who come from conservative cultures or religious backgrounds. Men who come from conservative cultures or religious backgrounds aren’t permitted to have sex before marriage. Getting married offers a way to have access to sex without feeling guilt or shame.
Escape Loneliness
No one in the world wants to be lonely. Connection is a basic human need. Some men seek an escape from loneliness through marriage. They aren’t comfortable on their own, want a constant companion, or simply don’t want to feel so lonely anymore.
Avoiding Something More Challenging
This isn’t to say that getting married and raising a family isn’t a challenge, but some men get married to avoid challenging themselves. They reach a point in their life where they can push forward and build or create something, but they choose the easier, expected path of marriage, 2.5 kids, and buying a house.
Financial Benefits
Getting married can be a good decision from a financial point of view. Marriage brings the incomes of two people together, making it easier to pay bills or finance large purchases.
Confirmation of Commitment
Some men get married because they feel it’s the only way to secure their girlfriend’s commitment. They see it as a way to ensure she’s fully invested in their relationship and that they can stay together forever.
Is Marriage Something You Truly Want?
Do any of the reasons above apply to you and your relationship? Do you view marriage as a way to “lock down” your relationship or to get ahead financially? Or are you in a loving and committed relationship where you want to take the next step with the woman you care about?
Getting married isn’t a way to ensure love and commitment for the rest of your life. You can also be in a committed relationship without ever getting married. I promise that love and companionship are available to you whether or not you want to pursue the path of marriage.
Ultimately there is no right or wrong answer to the question, brothers. It’s a very personal question and something that only you and your partner can answer. You should determine your reasons for getting married and weigh whether marriage is the right choice for you.
