Today’s post comes from a question from one of our brothers in the group.
Everyone brings great questions to the table and I always like to bring my favorites over to the blog and share them with everyone. He asks:
“Hey brothers, I just needed some feedback. I find myself using the rationalization of I can’t be serious with someone yet because I’m still recovering. I have relationship issues and there are some thought patterns that I have which I need to sort out. I don’t want to bring my issues into a relationship and jeopardize it.
“Do any of you have the same thoughts? Is there ever a time that you can safely say that you are truly ready for a relationship? Now, bear in mind. I’ve never had a serious relationship before, and this fact plays a big part in all of this. Please let me know what you think.”
First, I do want to say that a lot of guys have it right. They recognize that they might end up hurting somebody that they get into a relationship with until they develop some sort of control over their behavior. I’m very proud of men who have that foresight because they’ve learned from the mistakes of other men.
Porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior cause a ton of problems in relationships. When a man in a relationship struggles with porn addiction, he leaves his partner with a lot of pain and betrayal trauma. The man himself also feels a lot of guilt when he finally comes clean in his relationship because he wasn’t honest upfront about every aspect of his life.
Lots of men wonder when they’ll know whether they’re finally ready for a serious relationship. Here’s the thing, though. It’s not like you can go out and buy a ticket for one. You don’t just wake up one morning and decide that today is going to be the day you get into a serious relationship. It’s not something that happens overnight.
So how do you know whether you’re ready for a relationship?
Decide whether you want a serious relationship
There are some things to consider before you go out and pursue one, though. You need to determine whether it’s the right time for you. Are you truly interested in starting a serious relationship right now or would you rather date casually? If you prefer casual dating then it’s not time for you to look at serious partnerships right now.
Take some women out on dates
Once you decide you want something serious then you have to start the dating process. And by dating process I mean taking a few different women out. You shouldn’t get into a serious, committed relationship with the first woman who goes on a date with you. That’s not how this works. You need to take time to meet different women and determine whether the two of you are a true compatible fit.
You need to be worth dating
It doesn’t matter how badly you want a serious relationship if you aren’t worth dating in the first place. There are a lot of men who think they can show up exactly as they are without putting in any work. If you’re overcoming a porn addiction, though, you probably have a few adjustments to make. Start working on your belief system, your physical appearance, and your lifestyle before pursuing any sort of serious relationship.
Continue building your reboot capital
Building reboot capital is an important part of both your reboot as well as making yourself worth dating. You’re growing in all areas of your life as you build reboot capital, from your diet to your fitness to your career to your habits. You must continue building your reboot capital as you start dating. If it falls to the side, you put yourself at risk of a relapse.
Find someone worth spending time with
The most important part of getting into a serious relationship is finding someone who you feel is worth your time. The further you get in your reboot, the more confident you become. You finally begin to value the life you built and you won’t be willing to spend your time with just anyone. You want to make sure you’re spending time with a woman who you feel is worth it, not just any woman who gives you the time of day.
Stay connected to your reboot
Once you start pursuing a serious relationship, don’t forget to stay connected to your reboot. Remember the importance of your morning recovery time and keeping in touch with your accountability partner. If you aren’t committed to following through on your reboot, your behavior won’t change and you’ll end up hurting your partner. You want to stay plugged into the Porn Reboot Facebook group and keep your reboot at the front of your mind!