mindful

A while back I posted a video about why some straight men watch gay or transgender porn.

It’s a common thing for men who start progressing in their porn  addiction counseling use past the initial stages. But it creates a lot of confusion when men don’t understand why they’re watching what they’re watching. Until they learn more about porn addiction, some wonder whether they’re bisexual or gay.

I believe that most men who watch these genres of pornography aren’t bisexual or gay. Porn addiction is a progressive condition. This means that you need to seek increasingly intense or stimulating scenes over time to achieve the same effect. Gay and trans porn is oftentimes a part of this porn progression for many otherwise straight men.

A licensed clinical social worker (LCSW) commented on this video, though, with a different take. He said:

“I’m fully aware of and support your work, as well as the notion that pornography and other sexual behaviors are addictive. My theory based on my work, though, is that we live in a society where the majority of people are bisexual and a fringe number of people are either fully straight or fully gay. Many men who watch gay porn are likely part of this larger bisexual category.”

This worries me. I already have my opinions about men with porn addiction seeking help from most traditional therapists. The comment left by this LCSW on my video backs up my concerns and shows how misunderstood porn addiction still is.

Many therapists out there do not understand the concept of porn addiction. They see nothing wrong with men watching porn and masturbating daily. Sure, this might be fine for a normal man but men with porn addiction aren’t like other normal men. 

It’s even more serious for men whose porn use progresses past “vanilla” porn. When they start looking for more provocative genres of pornography, insight from an uninformed therapist can be downright dangerous.

For example, some therapists (like the LCSW who commented on my post) will be quick to brand a man watching gay or trans porn as bi-curious at the very least. However, I’ve worked with hundreds of men who delved into these genres but are as straight as they come. Branding men who are already confused and vulnerable as their sexuality only complicates things further.

Professionally speaking, I’ll admit that every human being exists somewhere on the spectrum from straight to gay. I don’t believe that means the number of people who are either strictly straight or gay are the minority, though. Plenty of men can recognize the attractive aesthetics of another man without identifying as gay.

So, again, does watching gay porn make you gay? I’ve seen from my own experiences working with men addicted to pornography that this oftentimes isn’t the case. You need to cut pornography from your life and begin rebooting before you can make an honest appraisal of that, though. 

Don’t get me wrong – there’s nothing wrong with seeking therapy. There are hundreds of men in the Porn Reboot program who also see a therapist to work through issues outside my scope of expertise. But they spent time vetting the therapist they now work with and ensured it was a therapist who understands the severity of porn addiction and the directions it can progress. 

Seeking help from a therapist who doesn’t understand porn addiction won’t be helpful. They’re more likely to focus on your attraction to men than your issues with porn. From my experience, you need to address your porn issues and let your confused sense of attraction sort itself out during your reboot.