Having a purpose is a necessity while you’re rebooting.
Stagnation is one of the main causes of your problem with pornography. You had nothing else driving you in life to keep you from your continued engagement with your behavior. If you don’t find a purpose while rebooting, it won’t take long for you to fall back into your old behaviors.
But how can you find your purpose if you have no idea what it is?
When men ask me about finding their purpose, they’re often alluding to something deep within them. It’s something that comes from an unquestionable place of consciousness. It’s the firm understanding of what you’re supposed to be doing with your life.
There are certain conditions under which your soul will reveal your purpose to you, that unquestionable and unshakable truth that comes up from within you. You need to reach a place of peace, trust, truth, and authenticity within yourself before your purpose will be revealed.
When you’re dealing with something like pornography addiction, that leads to the opposite of those conditions. Nothing about pornography is real. It’s not a real way of dealing with your problems. It’s not real intimacy. So how can you expect to find your purpose when you’re stuck in the cycle of pornography addiction?
Your purpose won’t reveal itself the moment you decide to reboot. It won’t suddenly become clear after you have a week free from pornography. But if you commit to the system, focus on your reboot, and adhere to the path, you’ll create that ideal environment within yourself. After that, your soul and your consciousness will take care of the rest for you.
I’ve got a question from one of our brothers in the Porn Reboot implementation group for you today. He asked:
“What do I do when I’m going on long vacations, when I’m traveling, or moving to a place for a long period of time? How do I manage my reboot under these circumstances?”
When answering this question I thought about it from the perspective of men who are either married or in committed relationships. These men make up an important segment of the group so I wanted to address this in regards to their situation specifically. So if you’re part of that group, this could be helpful for you. So how to stop porn addiction in this case?
Don’t Neglect Your Reboot
You may have spent months building up a solid routine while in the comfort of your everyday environment. As soon as you go out of town, though, it doesn’t often take long for those things to fall by the wayside. It’s easy to get caught up in your trip and distracted when you’re traveling for business or on vacation. But this is a fast track to a slip or relapse.
One of the primary principles of the Porn Reboot system is that everything in your life must revolve around your reboot during the beginning stages. Your reboot comes before everything: your business, your relationships, your friendships, and even your family. Your reboot must be your priority if you want to set a solid foundation to rebuild your life.
This includes going on vacation. It doesn’t matter whether it’s for business or pleasure; you must not neglect your reboot when traveling. If you want to remain porn-free your reboot must remain at the forefront of your mind.
Plan Ahead
Planning is crucial if you want to manage your reboot while traveling. Slips and relapses are more likely to happen when you aren’t prepared. Unexpected stressors can lead you back to compulsive sexual behavior or watching porn when you’re still early in your reboot.
Planning includes making calls to men in the group and setting up times to check in with your accountability partners. Let your trusted friends know that you’ll be away for a few days and that you might need some additional on-call support. You can also set a curfew and ask someone to hold you to that time. Don’t neglect your morning routine and other reboot essentials, either.
Bring a Picture Of Your Spouse
This may sound a little cheesy but it’s something I still use because I find that it works: bring along a framed picture of your spouse and place it next to your bed. Keep it there so you can remember that you have someone important to you back home who is trusting in you to stay the course and continue with your reboot.
You may even want to print out a couple of photos to keep them on hand. And I mean it when I say print them – having a digital format on your phone doesn’t count. Having a physical photo of your significant other provides a tactile reminder of one of the important reasons you’re committed to rebooting.
Get On a Call With Your Coach or Therapist
Be sure to connect with your coach or therapist before you leave for your trip. This is especially important if it’s your first time traveling after starting your reboot. Use that time to unpack any underlying fears or hesitations that arise when you’re thinking about being away. Talking through these concerns with your therapist or coach will put you in the right headspace as you go out of town.
Don’t Fall Victim to Environmental Triggers
If you’re staying in a hotel, call the front desk and ask them to disconnect the cable in your room. You don’t need the added pressure of television offering an endless supply of risqué channels and pay-per-view videos for you to avoid. Ensuring the television is disconnected before you even arrive eliminates this potential trigger.
Be aware of other environmental triggers you may be exposed to. For example, if one of your old behaviors involved visiting massage parlors or hiring escorts, recognize that the temptation may come up. Make sure your plan involves alternative activities if these triggers or temptations arise.
Avoid Isolating Yourself
The best thing you can do to manage reboot while traveling is to avoid isolation. It’s easier to convince yourself that something is okay when you don’t run that idea by anyone else. If you’re connected with other men in the group and your accountability partners, though, it’s harder to rationalize things that aren’t aligned with your reboot.
No matter what you do, don’t isolate yourself entirely while traveling. Call your trusted brothers, check in with the Facebook group, and don’t spend too much time on your own. The more you’re surrounded by people with your best interests at heart, the more likely you are to make it through your travels unscathed.
No, I did not. Masturbating is not a big deal. But that comes with a serious caveat.
I’m bringing this up because it’s a common topic in the Porn Addiction Counseling– Reboot Facebook group. Tons of men think that removing pornography from their lives means they’ll never be able to masturbate again. And that’s exactly what creates this problem.
Masturbation and pornography are not connected by default. You don’t have to watch porn to masturbate. But since you’ve spent the last 5, 10, 20, or more years associating masturbation with pornography, you have some work to do. You probably won’t be able to masturbate without slipping or relapsing, especially during the early phases of your reboot.
Masturbating puts men like you at serious risk of relapse if they’re still adherent to this false belief. If you don’t know how to separate masturbation from pornography, you have to go through the reboot process before you’ll be able to do it successfully.
Let Go During Your Reboot
How did you feel reading those last few paragraphs? Is letting go of masturbation something that sounds feasible? Or does that sound like a huge sacrifice you aren’t willing to make? Do you still believe that you’ll be able to watch porn and masturbate in moderation some day?
If your response was more aligned with the latter, you’re way too attached to masturbation and porn. You’ve got an unhealthy relationship with it and you need to take a break from it. That doesn’t mean you’re never going to masturbate again but it does mean you need to shift your view of it.
You need to completely remove pornography from your life and that often means letting go of masturbation during your reboot, too. There is no such thing as moderation for men who struggle with pornography addiction. You must give yourself the time to focus on the reboot process, learn to manage your emotions, and fix the issues in your life.
How the Reboot Process Works for Masturbation
The first 90 days of your reboot process are imperative. It’s when you first focus on letting go of pornography and masturbation and removing them from your life. Sure, you may slip during this period but you then come back with new data points and a deeper understanding of your condition.
As you build reboot capital, you begin developing coping strategies. What started as an intentional practice of letting go becomes less forced over time. You come to realize that there are other things more fulfilling than pornography, sex, and masturbation. You begin to experience joy within yourself and wonder why you’d want to ruin it with pornography.
This is the point where you realize that there are times to masturbate and times to enjoy other things. Masturbating isn’t your go-to form of pleasure or release anymore; you have many other areas of your life filled with things to enjoy. Masturbation isn’t directly connected to pornography anymore. It’s something you can enjoy now that your brain is rewiring.
Reconnecting With Healthy Sexual Behavior
Pornography addiction and compulsive sexual behavior destroy your concept of intimacy. There is nothing intimate about porn. Even the opening scenes that may feign tender moments are cast aside once the intercourse begins. Masturbating to a wide variety of these sorts of scenes creates an unhealthy idea of what sex is about.
Everyone has an intrinsic understanding of what intimacy is. It’s one of those things we are naturally created with. So it’s not like you have to build something that was never there; instead, you’re stripping away the hardened layers you’ve covered that innate intimacy with over the years.
Sexual urges are just as natural as intimacy, too. But when you’re used to experiencing urges based on your compulsive sexual behavior, it’s difficult to separate the two. Having wet dreams or feeling turned on around beautiful women are normal experiences. As you work on your reboot you’ll begin to reconnect with and understand the difference between your old behaviors and healthy sexual behavior.
Having Support Along the Way
You must have support as you work through the early stages of your reboot. Reconnecting with a healthy sexuality and recognizing when you’re testing the line is easier if you’re surrounded by support.
Like I mentioned earlier, this is a topic we often cover in the free Porn Reboot Facebook group. It’s a private group filled with men in various stages of their reboot, from those in their very first days to those with a few years free from porn and compulsive behavior. If you haven’t stopped by already, I’d love for you to join us in the group today!
If you have one that’s wonderful but if you don’t it’s not the end of the world. You can still live a happy, healthy, fantastic life without having a “purpose.”
The way I see it, purpose is an idea that’s transformed into a product sold by certain individuals in certain institutions. I don’t believe it’s fully understood by most people. Many who claim to have a mission or a purpose don’t really understand what they’re doing or why they’re doing it. They may believe they have a purpose but their motivations are skewed.
Too many people use their imagined purpose as a way to get a book deal and some fame. Then they leverage that “purpose” to sell some products that tell others how to reach the place they’re at. So you pick up that idea and run with it but then you’re left wondering why it’s not working for you.
Here’s the thing, brother. Purpose isn’t something you derive from reading a book by another man who overcame his trials and tribulations. You can’t absorb purpose by osmosis. Purpose is intrinsic. It’s something that you uncover by working through your difficulties.
There are a lot of guys who do not go as deep as they can with their reboot. They have a bad habit of intellectualizing which holds them back from the beauty of a true reboot. These men enjoy listening to intellectuals, to high IQ individuals, to those with credentials behind their names.
They listen to these incredible speakers but then do nothing with the information. They listen for the dopamine release of the “aha” moment but then take no action to implement these realizations in their lives. Sure, they enjoy the material they consume but it’s useless if they choose to do nothing with it.
I’ve noticed this more and more over the years, the growing number of men who enjoy listening to intellectual individuals. They understand most of the material, the concepts make sense, and they enjoy the experience, but they don’t do a single thing with that insight. This mediocre mindset is what holds men back from achieving everything they’re capable of.
You aren’t going to uncover your purpose by listening to thought leaders if you don’t follow it up with action. It’s not only about the action, either. It’s also about the failure that happens during the process and, ultimately, the lessons you take away from the entire experience.
The transformation begins once you finally take action to overcome your out-of-control behavior. It’s not going to be a perfect process. You may slip up a few times in the beginning. But as long as you keep moving forward you’re going to find success. You’ll strip away the layers that no longer serve you and uncover the true confidence hidden within.
Working through your reboot instills a much deeper sense of purpose than any book you read or podcast you listen to. Hypothetical knowledge doesn’t do much for men who have struggles to work through. Nothing compares to getting out in the world and going through your own healing experience.
The Porn Reboot system is about much more than other approaches to quitting porn. It’s more than NoFap, more than semen retention, more than a 90-day challenge. The Porn Addiction Recovery – Reboot system is a journey to overcoming porn, yes, but it’s about identifying and changing every aspect of your life that porn has impacted.
If you want to find purpose in your reboot, you need to approach it with intention. You cannot be one of those men who doesn’t dig deep into the process. You must let go of the habit of intellectualizing if you want to be successful with your reboot.
There’s one important question you need to continuously ask yourself as you go through the reboot process: “What is the message that my unconscious mind is trying to tell me?”
This is the first step you’re taking to condition yourself into developing a deeper awareness and being receptive to greater concepts. I’ll dive deeper into this practice in a later blog post but I want you to start thinking about this question and all its possible answers. Until then, I’d like you to stop by the Porn Reboot Facebook group and let us know what answers you’ve uncovered so far.
I recently sent an email filled with dating tips for men who are early in their reboot.
One of our brothers replied to a particular section in the email and I wanted to share his question and my answer with everyone in the group. He said:
“J.K., in your email you mentioned that ‘Having sex with women you aren’t in a committed relationship with will always put your reboot at risk.’ I’m curious why you believe this is the case. Some men in the group are not currently in committed relationships but would still like to have sex lives.”
The quote this brother pulled removes all the context that surrounded it. My original sentence read:
“Take time to get to know the women you are dating. Having sex with women you aren’t in a committed relationship with will always put your reboot at risk. Slow things down and take the weeks or months needed to determine whether this woman is somebody you’re actually interested in.”
I don’t want this message to be misconstrued because I don’t have anything against strictly sexual relationships. I think it’s good for men to have sex during their reboot; learning how to reengage with women that way is critical. But the way you go about developing those relationships is important.
A lot of men do not understand that they’re missing the intimacy portion when it comes to sexual relationships. Pornography addiction destroys your understanding of intimacy because porn strips all intimacy out of the equation. It appeals only to your most basic primal urges, but sex in real life doesn’t work that way.
However, until you understand how to build intimacy, sex will always put your reboot at risk. That’s the important distinction I need you to recognize. You cannot develop healthy sexual partnerships (including uncommitted partnerships!) if you do not know how to have an intimate connection with the woman you’re sleeping with.
What are some of the risks that come with uncommitted sex?
Unpredictable Emotions
There’s a lot to learn when you begin the reboot process. Developing emotional awareness and maturity is one of the most difficult parts. You’ve spent so many years numbing and suppressing your emotions that you don’t know how to sit with them at the beginning of your porn addiction recovery.
Having sex outside of a committed relationship means more emotional unpredictability. When you don’t know the woman well you’re not going to know how they’ll react. If you’re still learning to identify your emotions, this possible emotional volatility on her part can negatively impact your ability to manage your feelings.
Inconsistent Sexual Experiences
Developing intimacy is easier when you’re in a committed relationship. You have consistent experiences and can learn about your partner’s particular preferences. You’re more likely to develop healthy sexual behavior at a consistent pace when you have sex in these circumstances.
Having sex with different partners creates an inconsistent experience. You can’t apply a standard across the board; every woman is different. Each has her preferences, needs, and responses to sexual relationships. Intimacy may look different to each of these women, too. You’re going to have a harder time learning to develop intimacy with inconsistent partners.
Expectations
Expectations are the root of many of life’s troubles. People feel let down when they develop expectations of another person that end up unmet. The longer you spend with someone in a committed relationship, the easier it will be to develop healthy expectations of that person. You have a general idea of who they are, how they behave, and what each of you needs.
When you’re not in a committed relationship, though, expectations are harder to manage. You may only want consistent sex while her expectations are more along the lines of going on fun dates. Misaligned expectations can lead to some uncomfortable conversations. If you don’t have the skills to navigate these conversations yet, you’re far more likely to medicate that discomfort with porn or masturbation.
Developing Healthy Boundaries
The best way for you to have sex outside of a committed relationship is to first learn about yourself and your needs. You must understand what it is you want from a casual partner so you can communicate those needs effectively. If you’re not able to determine what they are or you have a hard time setting and maintaining those boundaries, it’s better to focus on yourself for the time being.
Again, there’s nothing wrong with casual sex. I think it’s great to get that out of your system before settling down with a long-term partner. Once you know where your boundaries lie and how to share those boundaries with your potential partners, then you’re more ready for some uncommitted, enjoyable, casual partnerships.
Maintaining a high level of energy is an important thing for men who are high performers.
You need consistent energy levels to accomplish everything you need to do during the day. When you’re new to your reboot, though, you might notice that you feel exhausted at times. Or maybe you’ve been more tired than usual since you started working on overcoming your porn addiction.
Over time, your compulsive sexual behavior robbed you of your ability to recover energy. So much of your mental capacity is consumed either by actively engaging with your behavior or by thinking about it. You eliminate any healthy tools you can use to recharge and instead rely only on the mediocre sleep you get each night.
Human beings aren’t designed to only expend energy and sleep. You’re supposed to have other things you use to recharge your system aside from sleep. But when you destroy your mind and body’s natural functions with compulsive sexual behavior, you often eliminate those techniques from your life.
Having high energy is a requirement for men who want to perform well. What are some ways you can start working on your energy levels during your reboot?
Increase Your Energy Capacity
Recharging your energy levels doesn’t happen only by sleeping 9 hours per night or taking a long vacation every few months. These are helpful ways to ensure you don’t crash in the long run but they’re far from being the only effective tools for increasing energy.
Increasing your energy capacity is one way to have high energy during your reboot. Energy levels are a lot like a muscle – they’ll atrophy if you don’t work on or make use of them for a long time. If you want to have high energy levels, you need to build your energy capacity.
Think about the way the gym works. You don’t start out benching three plates on your first day; you start by using the barbell alone and then increasing the weight week after week. The same goes for increasing your energy levels during your reboot. You need to put in the same level of effort that’s required at the gym.
Energy Levels and Reboot Capital
You’ve likely read about reboot capital here on the blog or heard me talk about it in videos or on the podcast before. Building reboot capital in different areas of your life is crucial if you want to quit porn and be successful. This helps you increase your energy levels, too.
The three main areas of reboot capital that help you raise your energy levels are mental, emotional, and spiritual capital. You need to work on each of these three areas if you want to increase your energy capacity during your reboot.
To increase your mental capital, you need to push yourself mentally every day. This could mean you study or work for an extra 30 minutes than you originally planned to. You might read another chapter of the book you’re reading instead of playing on your phone before bed.
To increase your emotional capital, you need to put yourself in situations that usually make you uncomfortable. Perhaps you have a vulnerable conversation with your spouse that you might have been opposed to in the past. Maybe that means you report a slip or relapse to the Porn Addiction Counseling – Reboot group instead of keeping it to yourself.
To increase your spiritual capital, you need to incorporate some new mindfulness practices into your life. You could start meditating for five minutes each day for a week and then increase the time with each successive week. You may want to return to the church you grew up in or find a new faith practice that works for you in the present day.
Building Your Energy Over Time
Each of these small mental changes encourages a shift and increase in your energy levels over time. The more you care for your mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being, the more you can tolerate throughout the days, weeks, months, and years.
Before your reboot, it may have felt almost impossible to function after having a poor night of sleep. As you increase your energy capacity, though, you’ll find it easier to function under less than ideal conditions.
Ultimately, brothers, you must be willing to endure short-term discomfort in your mental, emotional, and spiritual life if you want to build the strength you need to succeed. Success doesn’t come without hard work. But every temporary moment of pain that you sit through makes you stronger in the long run and gives you the energy required to perform well.
A lot of men come to the Porn Reboot program with severe limiting beliefs.
Many of these beliefs originate in childhood then continue developing as you age. They come from traumatic incidents, unhealthy relationships, repeated failure, and more.
The culmination of these limiting beliefs often results in an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. Men arrive at the program worn out, beaten down, and broken, exhausted after years of self-deprecation and repeated inability to control their behavior.
You probably feel this way to some extent.
Maybe you’re thinking something to the effect of, “There’s no point anymore, I’m going to fail no matter what I do.”
I’m here to reassure you, my brother, that that’s not true. You may feel hopeless now but there is a solution in the porn addiction recovery system that can save you from your porn addiction problems and compulsive sexual behavior. Men who adhere to the system find themselves able to control their out-of-control behavior within 90 days and then continue to build better lives for themselves well into the future.
But you don’t have to worry about the future right now, brother. Let’s focus on the present and work through why you feel so hopeless in your reboot. Hopelessness is a feeling that stems from the belief that you’re stuck. You have no reason to feel positive expectations or move toward the future in your life. These beliefs keep you stuck in the same place, creating a downward spiral.
Four main elements create feelings of hopelessness:
Victim Mindset: Men with a victim mindset view life as happening to them. They believe that you’re standing on the side of the road watching things happen with little say in how they play out, encouraging feelings of hopelessness.
Irresponsibility: Irresponsibility ties into the victim mindset. When a man believes life is happening to him, he’s refusing to take responsibility for the aspects he can control. This refusal to take responsibility further instills hopelessness.
Blaming: A man who won’t take responsibility for his circumstances instead looks for someone or something else to blame. He believes he’s in his present situation because of his parents, partner, politics, or whatever else he can think to blame.
Powerlessness: Men who blame others for their problems put themselves in a position of powerlessness. Those who see themselves as victims, who won’t take responsibility for their situation, back themselves into a corner with no clear way out.
These four elements combine to create an overwhelming, looming sense of hopelessness. It causes men to lose drive, energy, and motivation. They no longer have hope for the future because it feels like there’s nothing they can do that will make a difference.
Does this sound familiar?
Thankfully there’s a solution to that looming sense of hopelessness. It starts with recognizing that you are responsible for your life. You determine how things go. Sure, you might not have control over certain aspects of life but you have full control over how you respond to them.
It’s up to you to make the adjustments necessary to change your life.
Start by asking yourself questions that will shift your thinking and perspective.
“How am I causing this?”
“What am I doing to make this my reality?”
“What am I pretending not to know to keep things the way they are?”
These are far better questions than asking yourself why things are happening “to” you.
These questions also encourage self-reflection and your answers give you actionable steps to take, helping you realize that you’re anything but stuck.
Once you take ownership of your life and begin applying solutions, you start to reclaim the control that you spent years giving away. You’ll experience small wins here and there that encourage you to keep going. You’re going to notice your life taking a new direction and likely find that things play out differently than you always expected they would.
As you take responsibility for your life and recognize the areas you can change, your feelings of hopelessness diminish. You’ll feel hopeful for the future when you see just how much say you have in your life. You’re no longer at the mercy of whatever happens; you take your power back and decide how you’re going to respond no matter what may happen.
I understand that you may feel hopeless now, brother, but those feelings will change. You won’t feel stuck forever. Seeking help on porn addiction counseling asap. It’s difficult to arrive at the Porn Reboot group and recognize how much work there is to do but it’s also empowering to know that you have the power to shift your life.
It’s not difficult to understand why addiction is a bad thing.
I’m guessing that you didn’t arrive at the porn addiction recovery program because your life was going great. It doesn’t matter whether you’re addicted to porn or alcohol or cigarettes, addiction in any form is detrimental to your wellbeing.
Pornography addiction and compulsive sexual behavior have the power to destroy your life. They deteriorate your mind, shatter your relationships, break down your career, and more. You don’t have to look very far to see the negative effects of pornography. The same goes for any other addiction you may struggle with.
However, you can’t overcome the porn addiction effectsby only looking at the negative aspects. You must also recognize that there are some positive aspects to your porn addiction. I know this might sound crazy, especially coming from a guy who has dedicated his life to helping men end their compulsive problems with porn but stick with me.
Most men who struggle with pornography addiction started watching porn when they were younger, usually during their teenage years. I know that was the case for me. Pornography became my go-to coping strategy to deal with the difficult emotions of adolescence. It helped me handle stress. It provided me comfort when things felt out of control.
Porn also taught me about sex, albeit in a wrong way, but it helped me understand what sex was. It also allowed me to learn about myself sexually during those formative adolescent years when puberty raged. Porn provided me with all these seemingly wonderful things when I was younger. Looking back, I can accept that some positive things came from it.
After a while, though, my pornography use far outlasted its usefulness. It began causing much more harm than good. Once I crossed over that line there were no more positives left for me. But that doesn’t negate the fact that it was useful at a certain point in my life.
Your brain doesn’t get addicted to something because it likes being addicted to things that aren’t good for it. You didn’t start using porn with the intent to develop a crippling pornography addiction. Your brain enjoyed viewing pornography because there was a positive benefit to using it at one point in your life.
It’s important to acknowledge this positive part of your pornography use if you want to overcome your out-of-control behavior. Understanding why you crave pornography is a key to overcoming it. When you only view your use as a horrible, awful, negative thing, it further instills feelings of guilt and shame that keep you trapped in the porn addiction cycle.
You can’t force yourself to overcome your out-of-control behavior by muscling your way through it with willpower. The brain doesn’t work that way. Trying to bully yourself into quitting pornography and masturbation means you’re fighting against your biology. If there’s one surefire way to fail, fighting your biology is the way to do it.
Instead of trying to force yourself into changing you must work with your brain instead. Too many men overlook this approach because it’s not easy to understand. Learning about the biochemistry and neurochemistry involved in pornography addiction isn’t simple at first but it’s crucial for building a solid foundation in your reboot.
There are biological positives and negatives to your porn use and masturbation. Denying this fact will only delay your healing. Once you’re willing to accept this truth, though, you can begin moving forward. You’re taking another step toward working with your brain instead of against it.
Recognizing the positive aspects of your porn addiction problems and the way it helped you make it to this point in your life is not a bad thing. It’s what you do with that understanding that counts. If you decide to stop there and continue acting out, you’re selling yourself short. But if you take that understanding and use it to your advantage, you will continue on the path to a successful reboot.
Today I’m bringing you another question from a brother in the group. He said:
“Hey, J.K., as I continue to improve for my reboot, I notice that I go about my days doing work, studying for certifications, and looking for entertainment options, but I realized that I don’t have a consistent, fulfilling hobby that I’m good at.
Sometimes I think I’m not good at anything or that I can’t do anything special. I know you’ve talked about having a purpose as being a luxury, but what is your take on how to discover hobbies or interests? Is it better to focus on controlling my behavior and sticking with things that feel boring or mundane for the time being? Or do you recommend seeking out hobbies?”
If you’re struggling with an out-of-control sexual behavior or porn addiction, chances are some parts of your life are suffering. Maybe your marriage is failing, your career is backsliding, or your friendships are nonexistent. There are at least one or two things that drove you to finally address your compulsive behavior.
This means your reboot should consume most of your attention, time, and energy. Managing your behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation must take the front seat if you truly want to change your life. You can’t address these difficulties in your life if you don’t dedicate yourself to fixing the thing that’s causing them.
At the same time, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have any fun, either. The Porn Reboot system is a structured approach to controlling your behavior but it doesn’t mean that you have to live a miserable life after learning how to stop porn addiction. If life were boring and unfulfilling without porn, men would never be able to leave their compulsive behaviors behind.
You can find endless amounts of excitement and fulfillment in a porn-free life. It’s not a dull, unbearable way to go through life. In fact, cutting porn out of your life allows you to reconnect and re-engage with life in a way you haven’t been able to for years.
I fully support you going out and finding hobbies you enjoy. Although your reboot always needs to come first, there is plenty of time in your day outside of your reboot routine and activities that you can fill with interests and hobbies.
I’m sure you have some things you enjoyed before you sunk into an ever-worsening cycle of porn addiction. You had hobbies as a teenager or young adult that you enjoyed. Start by getting back into some of these things. Join an adult sports league in your community or find a local meetup for outdoor activities you loved in the past.
If you can’t think of any past hobbies you enjoyed, use your spare time as an opportunity to explore all the possibilities available to you. Think of things you always considered trying but never found the time to get around to doing. Maybe you’ve wanted to run a Spartan race, try your hand at an open mic, or take cooking classes at a local community college. You have the freedom to try these things today – make use of it!
I believe having a hobby helps immensely during the reboot process. When you quit using porn and masturbating multiple times throughout the day you’ll find that there’s likely a lot of time to fill. Your addiction consumed much of your days, nights, weeks, and months; take that time back and use it to your advantage now.
If you need some ideas for hobbies to try out or to share your hobbies with some of the porn addiction recovery brothers, check out our free Facebook group. Let us know what you’ve been doing with all your spare time and find some brothers who share the same interests and hobbies. Or maybe you’ll find an activity you never thought of trying before. Come and join us today!
Today is the final day of our small series on the concept of reboot capital. Just like a business needs capital to grow, your reboot needs capital to be positive and productive. There are five areas of your life where you need to build up reboot capital:
Spiritual
Mental
Emotional
Physical
Social
The final part of our reboot capital series is about physical reboot capital. Physical reboot capital refers to your brain and your body. Spending years trapped in a cycle of porn addiction takes an incredible toll on your physical wellbeing. Exercise, nutrition, and sleep often fall to the wayside in favor of acting out in your behaviors.
When you first arrive at the Porn Reboot program, your biological functioning is worn out. It’s no wonder you feel awful when you first decide to quit your compulsive behaviors. You’ve overloaded your brain with dopamine and deprived your body of the things it needs to perform well. You need a massive physical overhaul. This is where building physical reboot capital becomes a necessity.
Exercise
The first step to optimizing your physical well-being by building reboot capital is through physical activity. Moving your body is a vital part of your physical and mental health. In the beginning, you should aim for 30 minutes of moderate exercise per day. The type of exercise doesn’t matter as much as the simple act of movement. Some ways to get started include:
Walking
Running
Weightlifting
Swimming
Yoga
Hiking
You might not be interested in physical activity, brother, but it’s crucial for your porn addiction recovery – Reboot Program. It’s a very serious priority in my life. Exercise enhances your brain and body’s abilities. It improves functioning, increases focus, decreases negative emotions, and more. Remember, you’re rewiring your brain. Physical exercise is the perfect way to naturally kick-start the process.
Once you build the habit of exercising for 30 minutes each day, start increasing the amount of time. Change up the forms of exercise you incorporate. I prefer weightlifting and some endurance exercises. You might find you enjoy other forms of movement. Whatever your preferences are, though, get yourself moving.
Nutrition
The next part of building physical reboot capital is nutrition. You’ve probably heard the phrase “food is fuel” before and it’s true. The foods you eat have a direct impact on how well you perform. Junk food destroys your capabilities. Whole foods empower you to function optimally.
When porn, sex, and masturbation consume all your time and energy you’re likely seriously neglecting your nutrition. You probably aren’t making home-cooked meals or paying attention to the composition of your food. Instead, you’re probably grabbing some fast food or neglecting to eat much at all because you’re distracted and busy.
You may also struggle with mindless, emotional, or boredom eating. Many people turn to food for comfort for a variety of reasons. If you find yourself eating for any of these reasons, you need to reconsider your eating habits and relationship with food, too.
Building physical reboot capital in regards to nutrition starts with learning the basics about food. Do you know what you’re putting into your body? Find out what macronutrients are, the basic building blocks of food. Start learning about the differences between whole foods and processed foods. The more you understand about the foods you eat the more informed your choices will be.
Once you have a basic understanding of nutrition, start rebuilding your diet. While there’s nothing wrong with going out to eat now and then, it shouldn’t be your primary source of nutrition. Instead, base your diet around healthy, whole foods like meat, fish, vegetables, fruit, oats, eggs, rice, potatoes, and beans. Make sure you eat enough protein every day. Don’t neglect the necessity of beneficial carbs. Keep fats in your diet because they’re important.
It won’t take long for you to notice how much of an impact a healthy diet has. You’ll sleep better, it’s easier to concentrate, your exercise performance skyrockets, and you’ll wonder how you ever got by on a poor diet before. Your mindset shifts entirely when you begin to focus on what you use to fuel your body!
Alcohol, Nicotine, and Drugs
Alcohol, nicotine, and drugs are substances that often accompany a porn- and sex-addicted lifestyle. These things help you numb yourself to the reality of your condition and keep you from thinking about where your life has ended up. Reconsidering your relationship with substances is another way to build physical reboot capital.
While you may or may not suffer with a substance abuse problem, cutting back on or eliminating alcohol, nicotine, and drugs is a good idea at the start of your reboot. Many men find they’re more likely to slip or relapse while they’re under the influence. Their inhibitions are lowered and they’re far more willing to do things they may not do while sober.
Also, substance abuse problems aside, alcohol, nicotine, and drugs truly add nothing to your life. Sure, it’s fun to have a beer with your friends while watching the game or to head out for drinks after a long day at the office. But when you consider everything else that follows, is it really worth it?
All these substances wreak havoc on your physical and mental wellbeing, especially when done in excess. If you find you have little control of your substance intake it may be best to leave them behind during the start of your reboot.
Building Reboot Capital
We’ve reached the end of our reboot capital series. Hopefully, it gave you a deeper understanding of the importance of building reboot capital and some ideas for getting started. I now recommend joining our free Facebook group if you haven’t already. Connect with some brothers who seek help in our porn addiction counseling sessions and talk about which areas you’re actively working on. If you’re struggling in a specific area you’ll find a brother who can help you through it.
No matter where you’re at in your reboot you never have to go through the process alone. There are so many brothers available to help you in the areas you have a hard time with. You can also find some strength and purpose in helping another brother who’s experiencing difficulty in an area you’re strong in.
Finding freedom from your out-of-control behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation is only the beginning. The Porn Reboot program helps you build a life far beyond what you ever imagined possible. Building reboot capital is an important part of that process. You’re capable of so much more than you realize, brother, and you’re well on the way to discovering it.
