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Secrets To Epic Sleep During Your Reboot

Porn Addiction Recovery / By Automation Agency Concierge

Scientists have discovered a revolutionary new treatment that makes you live longer.

It enhances your memory and makes you more creative. It makes you look more attractive. It keeps you slim and lowers your food cravings. It protects you from cancer and dementia. It wards off colds and the flu. It lowers your risk of heart attacks, stroke, and diabetes. It even helps you feel happier, less depressed, less anxious.

Are you interested in this incredible treatment?

It’s called going to sleep.

Jokes aside, brother, sleep is vital for every aspect of your well-being. In the United States, studies estimate that we get about 6 hours of sleep per night. Most adults report struggling to get 8 to 9 hours of our recommended uninterrupted sleep. But dedicating some time to ensuring good sleep hygiene is crucial for the success of your reboot.

How Sleep Affects Your Performance

The quality of your sleep determines the quality of your life. Sleep affects the physical shape you’re in, including muscle growth and how much fat you store. Poor sleep increases cortisol and decreases growth hormones, testosterone levels, thyroid hormones, and lectin. It affects your decision-making skills, productivity, focus, impulse control, and more.

Sleep also impacts your emotional well-being. When you’re sleep-deprived you’re more likely to be much more irritable and much less patient. You’re quicker to frustration and anger, and you’re less willing to hear out the other side of a conversation. Small stressors can easily become massive catalysts for emotional explosions when you don’t get enough sleep.

If that isn’t enough, sleep quality also affects your intelligence. Not getting enough sleep makes it harder to learn new things. You have a difficult time processing learned information and, thus, retaining new information. Your short-term memory suffers which also means your long-term memory struggles.

But getting good sleep can be a real challenge when you struggle with compulsive sexual behavior. You likely spend most of the night engaged in whichever behavior you prefer, be it porn, sex, masturbation, or whatever else. However, you can’t sacrifice your daytime responsibilities, either, so that likely means you’re operating on very few hours of sleep at any given time.

Tips To Get Good Sleep

When I struggled with my compulsive sexual behavior I tried all the sleep hacks there were. I did everything I could to function as well as possible on as little sleep as possible. But extensive research, as well as my own experience, shows that sleep hacks are not a long-term solution if you want to feel great and perform your best.

Still, I thought I was doing alright. I thought 5 or 6 hours of sleep per night was great. I didn’t realize that I was sleep-deprived. I was so used to operating at this sub-optimal level that I had no idea what I was missing out on. My lower energy levels, reduced performance, increased stress, and irritability was my normal for so long.

If you’re getting this much sleep then you’re probably in the same position whether you realize it or not. I had no idea how poorly I was performing until years later when I finally got my sleep schedule back on track. However, getting good sleep at the start of your reboot can be a real challenge. I’ve got a few tips you can try to get your sleep back on track.

1. Get sunlight in the morning.

Get outside and get some sun first thing in the morning. Try to spend at least 20 to 30 minutes in the sun in the morning, and about an hour total throughout the day. You may live somewhere like me where it isn’t sunny every day during the year, especially areas where it rains or snows frequently. So it’s even more important that you get sunlight in when you can.

2. Turn your screens off.

If you’re anything like the majority of the country, you probably fall asleep while scrolling social media or watching Netflix. This is the worst thing you can do, though. All that bright light is detrimental to your sleep quality. Try to turn your screens off at least two hours before bed. Use a pen and paper if you need to make a note of something and occupy yourself with books to wind down in the evening.

3. Your room is for sleeping and sex.

Limit the activities in your room to two things: sleeping and sex. Don’t eat in your room, don’t watch TV in your room, don’t play video games in your room. You shouldn’t have a television or computer in there, either. Bringing different activities into your bedroom makes it harder to get good sleep at night.

4. Keep your room as dark as possible.

You want your room to be as dark as possible when you’re sleeping and even during the day. Blackout curtains are a great tool to use. Take all the chargers and electronics that emit flashing lights out of your room. Limit the lights to an overhead light or a lamp with a soft glow. If you can’t keep your room this dark, consider buying a good eye mask.

5. Move workouts to earlier in the day.

Working out too close to bedtime can make it harder to get to sleep. This is especially true if you’re consuming stimulant-laden pre-workouts. Guys who go to the gym after work and take pre-workout at 5 or 6 PM find themselves wondering why they can’t fall asleep. Elevating your hormones and combining that with stimulants makes it harder to get good sleep.

6. Leave your phone outside your bedroom.

Charging your phone next to your bed makes it far more tempting to pick it up and check it before you go to sleep or first thing in the morning. It also makes it harder to avoid temptations to scroll through risky websites and apps, or even to completely relapse. Charge your phone in your kitchen or living room instead to keep the temptation at bay.

7. Get a good mattress.

Having a low-quality mattress can lead to getting poor-quality sleep. You spend almost a third of your life in bed so invest in a good mattress. Fighting against an uncomfortable bed will make it hard to sleep well. It’s much easier to get good, uninterrupted sleep when you have a comfortable mattress that’s tuned to your preferences.

8. Set aside some time to unwind before going to sleep.

Trying to go to sleep straight from the gym or work will keep you from getting good sleep. Your cortisol levels are still too elevated if you don’t give yourself some time to relax and unwind. It’s important to set aside some time at night away from your phone and computer to de-stress before you go to sleep. Read a book, do a word puzzle, write in a journal, or practice meditation before you lay down in bed.

9. Take a hot shower before getting in bed.

Taking a hot shower or bath before bed is a great way to calm down and unwind before trying to fall asleep. It also decreases your internal body temperature which can help you fall asleep faster once you lay down.

10. Consider sleep trackers.

There are hundreds of gadgets and apps available that help you track your sleep. Understanding how long it takes you to fall asleep, how much time you spend in the REM sleep stages, and how much time you spend in deep sleep can help you adjust your daytime approaches to getting better sleep. Avoid using one directly on your phone, though, so you can continue storing it outside your room.

The Benefits of Good Sleep

Once you take control of your sleep schedule the benefits are undeniable. You’ll feel more attentive, focused, calm, collected, and present throughout the day. You’ll perform better physically and mentally. You’re going to be a better partner, colleague, and father. And you’ll feel far less tempted to slip than you do when you get poor sleep.

Taking time to ensure good sleep hygiene is crucial for men in the Porn Addiction Recovery – Reboot program. It isn’t easy at first but it’s well worth the work that it takes. Until you get your sleep on track, you have no idea what you’re missing. Trust me, brother; this one is worth investing in.

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Telling Your Wife That You’re Turned On By Other Women

Porn Addiction Problems / By Automation Agency Concierge

Disclaimer: I do not recommend doing this.

However, it came up during a discussion in the Porn Reboot group and I think it’s important to cover it here, too.

One of our brothers said:

“I need some advice. I offended my wife by saying that it’s possible for other women to turn me on. She now thinks that I’m turned on by every woman I see. She says that she would never feel turned on by another man so the fact that I could be by another woman means I’m not committed to the relationship. How would you respond? Am I in the wrong and not committed to the relationship?”

Two things got our brother in trouble here, aside from having that discussion in the first place. First is his out-of-control behavior. Second is the language he used to describe how he feels about the other women.

Saying “turned on” means sexually aroused. And while most men feel sexually aroused by many different women outside of their relationship, overtly explaining that isn’t the best course to take. This is especially true when you struggle with out-of-control sexual behavior. You can find yourself turned on by other women you know nothing about because of the porn you watch.

Your partner probably doesn’t find herself sexually aroused by random men, though. The fact that you’re sexually aroused by random women is threatening to her. Whether it’s true or not, she likely feels like she isn’t good enough for you when she hears this.

A better way to approach the conversation (if it needs to be approached at all) is to use more intentional language. Using the phrase “attracted to” is a much more tame and acceptable way to discuss other people outside your relationship if it comes up. Everyone finds people outside their relationship attractive. After all, haven’t you ever heard of the term “hall pass”?

And even if you do find yourself turned on by other women, while it is a natural thing, it’s something you must learn to control. You can’t walk around a slave to your broken biological functioning. You destroyed your normal sexual functioning and rewired your brain to feel sexually aroused by a whole range of different women. Developing sexual control is crucial not only if you want to have a successful relationship but in every other area of your life.

You must learn to interact with women without sexualizing them. This is difficult to do after months or years of compulsive porn addiction problems use but you have to develop the skill. Porn addiction effects teaches you to view women as sexual objects but that’s not how the real world works, brother. You can’t walk around turned on by every single woman you see.

Finding yourself immediately sexually aroused whenever you see an attractive woman is not what normal, civilized adult men do. Well-adapted men can maintain their composure around women. They don’t break down into mindless, sex-addled animals. You need to develop sexual control if you want to have a successful reboot.

Again, most women in monogamous relationships are aroused by their partner alone. Sure, they may find other men attractive. But they don’t often find themselves interested in being sexually intimate with anyone other than you, their partner.

While you might find yourself aroused by women outside your relationship, there’s no need to express this to your wife. You may be turned on by any even slightly attractive woman but it’s not an effective way to navigate life.

Instead, you should also take time to develop sexual control and keep yourself from losing your composure around every woman you see. Being successful in our porn addiction recovery program which is the Porn Reboot is about so much more than simply quitting porn. And learning sexual control is a critical component of the process.

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Difficult Personality Traits and Your Reboot

Porn Addiction Recovery / By Automation Agency Concierge

If you’re a high-performing, successful individual who struggles with out-of-control behavior with porn or masturbation, you likely have certain character traits that interfere with a successful reboot. I say this after years of working with men in your exact position whom I’ve had to help through these same struggles.

Over the last few weeks, I wrote a series on the importance of building reboot capital in five areas of your life. If you haven’t read those yet, I suggest going back and reading the past six or so posts. They are a vital part of your success in the porn addiction recovery program. Much like a startup needs capital to be successful, you need capital to be successful in your reboot.

In the same way, a new business needs to build capital, they also need to limit liabilities. When it comes to your reboot, liabilities are these difficult personality traits that hold you back. Eliminating these is just as important as building strengths in other areas.

Self-defeating behaviors are ways of thinking and acting that develop into habits over time. They have become part of your subconscious behaviors that you act out automatically. When ending an out-of-control sexual behavior you must change your habits before you can change your lifestyle. A strong set of healthy habits are the building blocks you need to create a strong foundation in your reboot.

Even if you do quit porn and masturbation before addressing your self-defeating habits they’ll continue affecting you after you eliminate your out-of-control behavior. These traits hold you back in each area where you need to build capital: spiritual, mental, emotional, social, and physical.

I’ll break down a few of the most common traits I’ve noticed in the men I work with over the years. Which of these habits and traits apply to you?

Caretakers

Caretakers care for others and consider their needs to the point that they depend on them. The caretaker’s self-esteem is based on how much he can do for other people. Unfortunately, this keeps him from ever learning how to care for himself, though, because he’s so focused on others. He also uses this habit as a way to shirk responsibility for his poor behavior.

A caretaker always needs someone dependent around them. Their self-worth hinges upon having someone to take care of. If they cannot find someone dependent then they’ll create the problem in someone around them.

At their lowest points, caretakers feel like they’re being used. It seems like everyone around them is taking advantage of their kind and caring natures. However, your behaviors are self-serving and caretakers rely on people depending on them as much as the dependent people rely on the caretaker.

The first step to stop being a caretaker is to develop a sense of self. You won’t need to seek validation or find purpose in caring for others once you have an understanding of yourself. Next, you must let people take responsibility for their actions. Stop trying to play God; allow things to play out without interfering.

People Pleasers

People-pleasing is the next challenging personality trait when it comes to rebooting. People pleasers base their thoughts and actions around making sure to not upset anyone. These men never want to step out of line, rock the boat, or hurt people’s feelings. They fear that upsetting someone will lead to rejection and abandonment.

People pleasers struggle to build happy, fulfilling relationships because their engagements with others are built on lies. They may not see what they’re doing as lying but dishonesty is the essence of people-pleasing behavior. It’s denying your thoughts, feelings, opinions, and beliefs to avoid problems with those around you.

Over time, men who struggle with people-pleasing behaviors build resentment toward everyone around them. They become angry but never express it because it goes against their people-pleasing tendencies. This is a recipe for disaster, though, and these men eventually reach a breaking point.

Like caretaking, eliminating people-pleasing behavior starts with developing a strong sense of self. As you have a better understanding of who you are you’ll feel less inclined to worry about how others feel about you. You’ll notice less frustration with others and more enjoyable relationships when you stop living to please others.

Martyrs

The traditional definition of a martyr is a person who is killed for their faith or beliefs. In the present-day context, though, a martyr suffers in more of a metaphorical sense. They believe life is supposed to be a struggle and operate accordingly. Nothing can ever be fully enjoyed because there’s always an underlying sense of deep pain.

Life is what you believe it to be so if you believe it’s a struggle then it will become one. This self-sacrificial behavior causes men to sabotage their relationships with others. They’re constantly carrying out these self-defeating actions that hold them back from truly experiencing the joy of life.

The solution to martyrdom is to stop viewing life as a vale of tears. Sure, bad things happen. That’s life. But it’s not something to be torturously endured. It’s something to be enjoyed. Cut the negativity and find some happiness in your life if you want to be successful in your reboot.

Workaholics

Workaholics are one of the most common types of men who join the Porn Reboot program. Men who struggle with workaholism base their self-esteem on their productivity. They put work in front of everything else in their life. It’s difficult for these men to relax because they feel they need to be “on” and performing at all times.

I also notice that workaholics try to compensate for the overwhelming shame caused by their out-of-control behavior through productivity at work. They can’t seem to control their behavior with porn addiction problems, sex, and masturbation so they overcompensate by controlling their work performance.

However, workaholism is only going to derail your reboot. Basing your self-esteem around your productivity and performance is a short-sighted way to live. You can’t build a fulfilling life when your entire focus is on your career.

You can overcome a workaholic mentality by learning to detach your self-worth from your job. Your job is only one part of your life. Building up reboot capital in other areas of your life will help you separate from your career as the only positive in your life. As you separate from your out-of-control behavior and strengthen these other areas, your work won’t be the only thing to be proud of.

Overcoming Challenging Traits

Overcoming these and other challenging traits is a key part of the reboot process. You may make some progress but won’t move very far if you can’t get a handle on them. The Porn Reboot program involves ridding yourself of these traits with the help of our system.

Feeling a bit overwhelmed by the process or wondering whether it’s really possible? You’re far from alone. Many men feel they’ll never reach the point of freedom from their negative traits. I was the same way when I First ended my behavior with porn and masturbation, too. But I promise you, brother, it’s possible. You don’t have to do it alone, either; you have brothers waiting to support you each step of the way.

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What to Do When Others Judge Your Reboot

Porn Addiction Counseling / By Automation Agency Concierge

Today’s topic comes from a brother’s question in the Porn Reboot group.

“Hey J.K., I have a question about how we share our experience in this group. I often find myself trying to explain the goals and benefits of this program without pushing them to sign up. I find some people to be pretty open-minded about what we do here but others seem to think that what I do for my reboot is excessive or even unhealthy.

“I reflect on this in my journaling, knowing that what I do is beneficial for me so it shouldn’t matter what others think. But I still sometimes find myself feeling threatened by their judgment. Do you have any tips for people who find themselves prone to insecurity caused by the judgment from their close friends?”

This is a great question because a lot of men who embark on the reboot process fall off because of the opinions of others in their life. Sometimes it’s a man whose wife thinks he’s being a little too open and vulnerable with men she sees as strangers. She would rather him talk with their pastor or a local therapist instead of work with the porn addiction recovery group.

Other times it is friends who insist that putting aside time for a reboot routine every day is too much to ask. Every man in the Porn Reboot program has a routine that consists of some combination of meditation, journaling, and reading but this is too big of a commitment in some people’s eyes. They think it’s too regimented and think you could find an easier way to accomplish the task.

Ultimately, it’s normal to experience some resistance from those around you whenever you embark on a significant path of change in your life. Oftentimes your moving forward exposes others’ unwillingness to do the same. They want to maintain the status quo and feel bad when they see you progressing.

These people try to take you down a notch as you make these positive changes. There are plenty of phrases that describe the phenomenon, too: “tall poppy syndrome” or “crabs in a barrel.” This is because it’s human nature to feel threatened when others around you are leveling up in life. People tend to bring you down instead of rising alongside you.

They Judged Me, Too

When I was 20, I realized I was a complete loser that was headed for internal destruction if I didn’t make a change. I was lazy, failing out of college, had horribly low self-esteem, and wasn’t sure I was going to survive to see 30.

I didn’t want to see my life end tragically so I decided I was going to transform every aspect of my life. Everyone who knew me, my friends and family, all of them thought I was insane. They all hassled me whenever I made another positive change.

I started lifting weights at the gym and my family told me I wasn’t built to be a buff guy, that I didn’t have the genetics for it. I started a door-to-door sales job to overcome my introversion and my friends insisted I wasn’t cut out for the job.

I didn’t let their judgment bring me down, though. I stuck with my convictions and made a massive transformation in my life. Over time, I became stronger and looked better. I worked through my fear of talking to people and became one of the best salesmen at that company.

Despite my successes, people still gave me a hard time as I continued pushing myself to grow more. When I decided to leave my career and start the porn addiction counseling which is the Porn Reboot program, friends and family tried to convince me otherwise. They told me I was going to forever be the “porn guy” because of the power of internet search engines.

I kept pushing forward, though, and today I help hundreds of men overcome their pornography addiction and compulsive sexual behavior every year. The work we do here at Porn Reboot is saving lives, saving relationships, saving careers, saving families, and none of it would have been possible if I would have listened to the naysayers when I was in my 20s.

Pushing Through the Judgment

At the end of the day, judgment is part of human nature. It’s natural for people to question you when you decide to make a significant change. Part of it is the threat that comes from your growth but another is genuine concern for your wellbeing. Your loved ones don’t want you to make bad decisions. More often than not they truly care for you.

But you must continue with what you know to be true for you. If you’re facing judgment because of your reboot, trust that it will pay off in the end. Their judgment will mean nothing once you’ve gained control over your behavior with porn addiction problems and masturbation. Nothing can replicate the feeling of overcoming that which has dictated your life for years.

It won’t always be easy to push through the judgment but it will be worth it when porn and masturbation no longer threaten everything important to you. The time your daily routine takes is nothing compared to the time your porn addiction took from you.

If you face extensive judgment from those closest to you, lean into the Porn Reboot group. Our free Facebook group is filled with men who understand what it means to be controlled by porn and compulsive sexual behavior. They recognize the extent we need to go to so we can live normal lives. They will offer support when you feel like you have none from the people in your life. You don’t have to deal with the struggle alone, brother. We’re here for

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Enhance Your Spiritual Reboot Capital

Porn Addiction Counseling / By Automation Agency Concierge

Last week I mentioned starting a small series on the concept of reboot capital.

Just like a business needs capital to grow, your reboot needs capital to be positive and productive. There are five areas of your life where you need to build up reboot capital:

Spiritual
Mental
Emotional
Physical
Social

Today I want to kick off our reboot capital series with the spiritual aspect of life. I find this area is difficult for many men in the program to come to terms with. The term “spiritual” brings to mind a certain idea of a specific brand of spirituality, one that makes lots of people bristle with discomfort and antagonism.

I can hear you now: “I’m not sure about that, J.K. I don’t think I need to worry about the spiritual side of things because I’m not a religious person.”

I’m not a religious person either, brother. I’ve always been open about that. But that doesn’t negate my belief that every person needs to connect with the spiritual side of life. I don’t mean giving up your will to a higher power. I don’t mean finding religion. I don’t mean spending hours per day in prayer. I don’t even necessarily mean meditating. Sure, all of these things may have their time and place but they’re not a requirement to develop spirituality.

The way I view spirituality is through the lens of, “Who am I and what am I here for?” Spirituality provides purpose and direction in life. I don’t just mean Christian spirituality, either. Spirituality is as straightforward as connecting with the world around you at a deeper level with greater awareness. It’s about your connection to your existence.

There are two inescapable truths in life:

Everyone will die at some point.
Everyone experiences some form of tragedy or trauma at some point.

There is no way around either of those two things. You will die at some point and you will experience some tragic things that really rock you to the core of your being and make you question your existence. It may be the loss of someone close to you, loss of one of your senses, or loss of your physical, emotional, or mental wellbeing. When this tragedy eventually strikes, what are you going to lean on so you can keep going?

This is where spiritual reboot capital comes into practice. The magnitude of the world and its realities can feel crushing and impossible sometimes. But the spiritual side of life gives you meaning when it feels like there is none. You must develop spiritual reboot capital with the help of porn addiction counseling if you want to make it through these inevitable low points in life.

So, how do you develop spiritual reboot capital?

Start simple. Begin by being kind. Start being kind not only to the people you know but especially to the people you don’t. I believe kindness is the easiest path to spirituality because it requires you to do something for someone else who needs it. This is particularly when you don’t know the person and have no connection to them. They’re just another individual floating around in the world who needs some support.

Brothers who implement this practice slowly begin to develop empathy and start to feel compassion. They begin to reconnect with emotions and feelings that have long been lost to porn addiction problems and compulsive sexual behavior.

It’s easy to end up in a tailspin trying to think your way into your purpose. Start by acting your way into your purpose instead. Sharing kindness with your fellow human beings is the most straightforward possible path to spirituality. It connects you with the world around you in the most intimate and important way possible.

As you develop compassion, empathy, and kindness for others, you’ll inevitably develop it for yourself as well. Those positive feelings will turn inward and you’ll feel a deeper sense of meaning and purpose in the world.

Sharing kindness with your fellows is one of the most basic spiritual practices you can incorporate. Once you’re comfortable with this introduction practice you can start to include other things like reflective writing and meditation. The more time you dedicate to developing spiritual reboot capital the more positive you will feel. You’ll feel more connected with yourself, with others, and with the world as a whole.

If you’re interested in connecting with other brothers and learning about the ways they build their spiritual reboot capital including porn addiction recovery programs which you can attain – join us in the free Porn Reboot Facebook group. We’d love to hear what you’re working on and offer some help if you’re feeling stuck. We look forward to having you, brother!

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Elevate Your Mental Reboot Capital

Porn Addiction Counseling / By Automation Agency Concierge

Last week I mentioned starting a small series on the concept of reboot capital.

Just like a business needs capital to grow, your reboot needs capital to be positive and productive. There are five areas of your life where you need to build up reboot capital:

Spiritual
Mental
Emotional
Physical
Social

Today I’m going to dig into the importance of building up your mental reboot capital. The mental area of your life refers to your cognitive abilities consisting of your thinking and reasoning skills. It also includes your thoughts, beliefs, and values. Your mental wellbeing is the foundation that your porn addiction recovery is built on.

When you live with an out-of-control sexual behavior, your behaviors hijack your mind. Whether you prefer porn, masturbation, sex, chat sites, cam sites, OnlyFans, escorts, your compulsive behavior distorts your thinking capabilities.

Your out-of-control sexual behavior leads you to develop irrational thinking patterns and severely limits your choices. Couple this with a misaligned set of values and you begin to see the very terrible personal, spiritual, social, and even legal problems that your behavior can cause.

Building mental reboot capital begins with increasing your knowledge about your addictive behavior. You do this by what you’re already doing – reading this blog. You can expand your knowledge by listening to the Porn Reboot podcast, watching videos on our YouTube channel, or engaging with brothers in the free Facebook group.

Further growth comes from challenging your distorted thinking patterns and beliefs. Reestablishing your values is one of the quickest ways to build mental reboot capital. Having a strong values system provides you with a guide for developing every other area of your reboot capital. Knowing the values you prefer to live by clears up any lingering confusion.

You’re going to experience times during your reboot when you feel compelled to relax a bit. You’ll want to let off the gas pedal and set the cruise control. For example, take the holiday season that just passed. Everyone around you is taking it easy and relaxing but you’re still starting your day with a morning routine, getting into the gym, and staying connected with your accountability partners. You wonder why you should have to work so hard while your friends and family check out for the rest of the year.

These are the times your mental reboot capital is most important. If anything, your reboot routine becomes even more crucial during these periods. While there’s nothing wrong with relaxing, taking your foot off the gas pedal is the first way to send yourself into a relapse cycle.

Mental reboot capital helps you remember why you started your reboot in the first place. It reminds you of the importance of building reboot capital in every area of your life. Your mental reboot capital keeps you on the path during the moments you question whether your out-of-control behavior was really “that big of a deal.”

Truth is, brother, you’re not like your friends and family. Sure, you may have plenty of things in common. But if they don’t also have a problem with porn, sex, and masturbation, they don’t have to adhere to the same structure as you. Your pursuit of a porn-free life means you must completely change your perspective and rewire your brain.

There will also be times when you feel challenged and overwhelmed. You’re going to have days where the motivation to move forward simply isn’t there. Building mental reboot capital strengthens you during these days, too. You won’t feel inspired every day but your mental porn addiction counseling program will keep you going when these moments inevitably arise.

Having a deep acceptance of your problem with porn, sex, and masturbation, understanding why it happens, and recognizing how to get out of it are all components of your mental wellbeing. As you work on these aspects of your reboot, your mental reboot capital will grow. Stay committed to the process, brother, and you’ll find yourself able to handle these lulls when they arise!

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What to Do if You Missed the Hookup Stage of Your Life

Porn Addiction Counseling / By Automation Agency Concierge

“I’m feeling sad that I missed my hookup phase. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 25 with the girl I’m still currently with. I’m now about to turn 27. This issue has been weighing on me for a while. I’m starting to realize that porn made me feel like I would still get to have sex with a variety of women. I love my girlfriend very much but there is no getting around the fact that I still want to have sex with other women.

“I feel like I have two options. One, I can accept that she’s the only girl I will ever have sex with and potentially regret that. Or two, I could leave her in favor of living out the hookup phase that I feel like I missed out on, but I may regret that later on. I don’t want to lose her just so I can have casual sex with women that may not even be as great as I imagine.

“Will I be able to make peace with the fact that she’s the only one I will be with, or will I have to accept this unfading feeling of regret? I’m frustrated with myself for not sacking up and being with some women while I was younger, before getting into a serious relationship. Does anyone have any advice?”

This brother brings a great question to the table. It’s something lots of men who get married while young find themselves feeling once they end their out-of-control behavior. If you missed the hookup stage of your life, you likely compensated for it with porn and masturbation. But once you remove these things, you’re faced with the reality of your choices.

Ultimately, you’re the only one who can answer this question. Input from some of the brothers in the program may help but you’re the one who must live with your decision for the rest of your life. It’s useful to talk to men in similar situations and hear their experiences. However, no one is exactly like you and you need to choose for yourself.

First, I want to point out that pornography isn’t the reason you want to have sex with many women. Biology is responsible for that. Biologically speaking, you’re wired to spread your genes by fertilizing as many females as possible. Unfortunately, pornography hijacked this natural mechanism and magnified it to an unrealistic point.

Second, this brother mentions that he missed his “hookup phase.” I want to point out that there are brothers in the porn addiction recovery group in their 30s, 40s, and even 50s who are having sex with multiple women. Your “hookup phase” is only over when you decide that it is. Our brother is only 27 – far from missing the window for having casual sex.

Personally, I don’t believe it is wrong to sleep with multiple women as long as you’re not leading anyone astray or being dishonest about your intentions. While some men see casual sex as an empty and unfulfilling engagement, I see it as the exact opposite. I never felt empty after having sex with a woman I wasn’t dating; I felt masculine, powerful, and primal.

I’ve now been in a relationship with a woman for 12 years, though, and have left my casual sex days behind. It’s not because I’m no longer attracted to other women but I was ready for the next season of my life. I made the conscious decision to let go of casual sex in favor of this next phase.

I had some time in my life when I had wild encounters with different women. It was a great time exploring myself through these different experiences. I wouldn’t trade those times for anything. But I also reached a point where I was ready to leave those escapades behind because I found a woman who was worth letting go of those casual relationships for.

No one could tell me what the right decision or right timing was. Only I could determine that for myself. Through the porn addiction counseling process, I learned what was true for me and that enabled me to make choices that I feel no regrets about.

I assure you it’s not as late as you think. There isn’t only one woman in the world who is right for you. If you believe you’ll live the rest of your life regretting not engaging with more women, take the risk and experience it. Unless you’re married with kids you likely don’t have much to lose.

If that doesn’t sit well with you, though, then coming to terms with your situation doesn’t have to be filled with regret either. Pour yourself into building a deeper relationship and a stronger sense of intimacy with your partner. It’s likely you haven’t even scratched the surface of what you can develop together.

There is no right or wrong answer to feeling like you missed the hookup phase; there is only the answer that works for your particular situation. Don’t let the opinions or judgments of others get in the way of what you know to be true for you. As you progress in your reboot, the truth will be made clear to you and you’ll know which direction to go.

Until then, brother, you can find support in the FREE Porn Reboot Facebook group. You can throw yourself into building different areas of your reboot capital. There is so much more to life than sex. You have so many opportunities and experiences awaiting you. Don’t neglect those as you wait for clarity on this one part!

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Mastering Your Self-Talk: A Reboot Superpower

Porn Addiction Counseling / By Automation Agency Concierge

Today I want to dive into what I consider to be a superpower for many men: self-talk.

You may have heard of the term self-talk in different self-improvement circles but I view it a bit differently. I want to help you understand what it is, the important role it plays, and how you can develop it in your life, not only for rebooting but to help you achieve all your goals.

What is Self-Talk?

Self-talk is your intra-personal communication. It is the way you speak to yourself internally and the story you tell yourself, both of which also contribute to the way you communicate with others. Everybody talks to themselves, it’s a normal thing. Some have a more constant inner dialogue than others but everyone experiences it to some degree.

When you pay attention to your inner dialogue you’ll see that it reflects your thoughts and emotions. It provides a running commentary on everything going on around you, on your hopes for the future, your regrets about the past, and more.

People often think that self-talk is something innate that can’t be changed. It’s part of who you are and is the way that it is. However, I know that’s far from the truth. You have more control over your self-talk than you’d like to admit or believe.

Paying attention to your self-talk helps you get to know yourself in a deeper, more honest way. You discover your thinking patterns and how you react to events outside your control. Once you notice these patterns, it allows you to do something about them.

Dysfunctional vs. Constructive Self-Talk

Some people are programmed for positive self-talk. It doesn’t take much for their headspace to remain upbeat and beneficial as they move through their lives. However, others are prone to negative self-talk. Their inner monologue tends to carry a critical view of the world around them and especially themselves.

This means there are two types of self-talk: constructive and dysfunctional. Dysfunctional self-talk tells a bad story that makes you feel helpless and hopeless. Constructive self-talk makes you feel awesome, like you can achieve anything you set your mind to.

Dysfunctional self-talk is what creates negative feelings. It causes things like anxiety and depression, further instills insecurity, and exacerbates negative emotion. On the other hand, constructive self-talk provides access to all kinds of wonderful emotions. It leaves you feeling happy, confident, and full of optimism.

Getting your self-talk to this constructive space is when it becomes a superpower that makes you unstoppable.

Why is Self-Talk So Important?

Self-talk has a direct impact on how you feel. Negative self-talk makes you feel terrible while positive self-talk makes you feel incredible. This isn’t the only thing that makes it important, though. The interesting thing about self-talk is that it amplifies your perception of experiences.

For example, if you’re stressed out and overwhelmed with negative thoughts, it makes your stressful situation even more stressful. But if you’re filled with positive thoughts, you’ll have an easier time talking yourself through this moment of difficulty, trusting that it won’t last forever.

Ultimately, your self-talk creates a feedback loop. The positivity or negativity of that loop depends on the way you talk to yourself. If your inner dialogue amplifies both negative and positive things, which would you prefer it amplifies?

Learning to Control Self-Talk

You’re not a victim of your inner dialogue. While you may not know how to control it yet, the good thing is you can learn how to. You can incorporate different practices that help you develop an awareness of how you talk to yourself and then change those negative thought patterns.

The first step to controlling your self-talk is to make a conscious effort to pay attention to your thoughts. Do this as you go through your day. Listen to the way your mind reacts to whatever happens around you. Observe the patterns of thought that happen automatically with little input from your conscious mind.

The more you pay attention, the more you’ll recognize the trend of your thoughts. Are you more prone to positive or negative thinking? If you’re here in the Porn Reboot program and early in your reboot, you’re more likely to err on the side of dysfunctional self-talk.

Next, write down a list of your most common thought patterns. What are the things you regularly tell yourself? Are you encouraging or do you tear yourself down? What specific phrases do you repeat? Write all of these things down on paper so you have them in front of you in black and white.

Read each thought and ask yourself whether there is any truth behind it. It may be difficult at first when you’re still programmed to see yourself negatively. The more you read through this list, though, the more you realize most of the things you tell yourself are far from true. In fact, many of them are probably ridiculous.

Self-Talk and Your Reboot

You’ve spent so many years of your life telling yourself all sorts of terrible things; no wonder you feel so poorly all the time. Learning to control your self-talk is crucial if you want to be successful in your porn addiction recovery.

If you tell yourself that you’re a loser every time you slip it will be much harder for you to overcome these setbacks. But if you accept your imperfections, tell yourself that you’re working hard, and that you learn from your mistakes, it will be much easier to avoid these mistakes.

Working on your self-talk is an important part of your reboot. There are tons of men in the free Porn Reboot Facebook group who understand the difficulties of controlling self-talk. If you’re having a hard time with changing your dysfunctional thinking, jump into the group and find some support from your brothers as you work on it!

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The Importance of Values To Your Reboot

Porn Addiction Counseling / By Automation Agency Concierge

What are some values that are important to you?

Could you list 5 or 10 clear values that define how you believe it’s important to live?

Whenever I ask a brother what his value system is, I tend to get vague responses. They fumble around and offer general things like being a good guy and doing the right thing. The problem is that being a good guy and doing the right thing looks different to different people. Not everyone has the same idea of what a “good guy” looks like. Those values are empty and meaningless. They don’t offer any real direction or purpose in your life.

I believe that a man must have clearly defined values to fully recover from his porn addiction and change his self-image. This may sound terrifying if you struggled to define clear values but I promise that I can help. Values are of the utmost importance in your reboot and I want to help you understand how to define those which are important to you.

What Are Values?

Values are generalizations that describe things that are important to you. They help you define what is good or bad, right or wrong. Your values have a massive impact on your actions because they drive behavior and provide motivation for all of your actions.

An easy way to think about values is to see them as buttons that either attract or repel you from things in life. They move you closer towards or further away from an outcome. Values are typically closely connected to your beliefs. These things work together to help you outline how you want to live.

Why Are Values Important?

To put it simply, values are the key to unlocking your mindset. You’re going to feel uncomfortable if you do something that goes against your value system. Understanding your values is a vital part of uncovering mental roadblocks and determining whether you’re moving in the right direction.

For example, I’m very open about my belief that casual sex is just fine once you’re past a certain point in your reboot. Some men in the Porn Reboot program are Christians, though, and don’t want to engage in casual sex. It goes against their value system and doing so would make them feel bad and maybe even put them at risk of a relapse.

Just because I view casual sex as something that isn’t a big deal doesn’t make my Christian brothers’ value systems any less important or valid. This is why you must get clear on what your personal value system is; no one else can define it for you.

Values Determine Your Priorities

It’s easier to prioritize your life once you’re clear on your values. You can organize your life to fit your needs when you know what is most important to you. Let’s say you’re a man with a wife and kids who absolutely loves his family. Your family is one of your greatest values. Understanding the value of family in your life means you may have to sacrifice time for them but it’s worth it because you value them.

Getting clear on my values is what enables me to do all the things that I do. Brothers in the group often ask me how it is that I can meditate for two hours and get to the gym every day while still having time to meet with men in the porn addiction recovery group and interact with my partner.

I don’t have any more time in a single day than you do, brother. There’s no secret behind my daily routine that adds an extra hour or two. It’s simple. I can do all these things because I value them. I value my mental wellbeing, I value my physical health, I value my work, and I value my partner. Each aspect is important to me so I make sure I dedicate time to each of them every single day.

Dissatisfaction Means Unmet Values

If you’re feeling uncomfortable or unfulfilled it likely means that you’re living out of congruence with your values. Let’s say you believe that you value fitness and health. You know you want to eat whole foods and commit to a regular gym routine. When lunchtime comes, though, you swing through a fast food drive thru and pick up a greasy burger and fries.

The more you engage in actions that are out of alignment with your values, the more dissatisfied you become. There’s nothing wrong with admitting your original values may not be your true values, but trying to force yourself into a value system that isn’t your own will leave you feeling discontent.

On the other hand, you’re going to feel satisfied and at peace when you live in congruence with your values. If you say you value fitness and health then spend your time meal prepping and getting to the gym after work, you will feel much more at ease. Even if the actions required to meet your values are tiring, the results make you feel invigorated.

Get Clear on Your Values

You must get clear on your values if you want to be successful in your reboot. Part of the reboot process is understanding truths about yourself and then taking the action required to align with those truths. You will feel much better when you align your behavior with your value system. But you can’t do that until you understand what your value system is.

If you’re having a hard time determining what your values are, I invite you to join us in the Porn Reboot Facebook group. You can reach out to some brothers who have worked through the process and are willing to share their experience. Surrounding yourself with men who have done the work will make it easier for you to do your own work, too.

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7 Skills To Master When Dating During Your Reboot

Porn Addiction Recovery / By Automation Agency Concierge

Learning to how to quit porn addiction, sex, and masturbation isn’t easy. It’s a big challenge after struggling with your behavior for years. But there’s something that might be an even greater challenge: dating during your reboot.

Years of porn addiction problem destroy your humanity and affect how you view women. It keeps you from building true, authentic, intimate relationships with the women you date. Learning to have healthy relationships after overcoming compulsive behaviors with porn addiction problems, sex, and masturbation can be difficult.

However, I’ve got some skills that you can master while dating during your reboot. These will get you on the right track as you start getting back out into the dating world. Take time to implement each of these skills into your life and I guarantee it will make a noticeable difference.

1. Starting and maintaining interesting conversations

Lots of men don’t know how to hold interesting conversations. We are logical creatures and can keep things very surface level. We don’t need to dive too deep into our conversations with other men because we don’t find it necessary. Shooting the breeze is good enough for us.

However, conversing with women is different. You can’t take the bad habits you have from conversing with other men (speaking too fast, keeping things too surface level, talking about yourself too much, etc.) and expect a woman to be interested. Talking to her in this way is a massive turn-off and she won’t want to stick around.

You must learn to have interesting conversations by asking the right questions, listening, and framing things in a funny way. You don’t have to be hilarious or exceptionally intelligent to have an interesting conversation. All you need to do is show some general interest in things outside yourself. Ask her questions about things that interest her and dig into her answers.

2. Demonstrate high social value

No woman wants to go out with a guy who is quiet and meek all the time. She’s interested in a man who holds his own, keeps his head up high, and interacts well with others. How do you interact with others when you’re out on a date? How do you converse with the server while you’re out to dinner? What do you do when someone approaches you on the street asking for money?

You shouldn’t talk about your high social value, you should show it. For example, confident men don’t need to parade around looking for assurance; they simply command it by the way they interact with people around them. Developing the ability to demonstrate high social value is crucial.

3. Ability to handle rejection

Dating is a numbers game, brother. You’re not going to land every single woman you talk to. You must get comfortable with being rejected. It shouldn’t be a big deal if a woman flakes on you or ghosts you. There’s no reason to get angry; it’s part of the game.

You must learn to handle rejection without having a big emotional response to it. The more you react when you experience rejection, the less interesting a woman will find you. The less you let it faze you, the better you will fare in the dating world.

4. Killer instinct

Killer instinct is a term I coined myself. It means learning to recognize when a woman is ready for you to make a move. When is it time to get her number? When is she ready for a kiss? When is it time to take her to your place? When is the time to initiate sex?

When you develop a killer instinct you’re no longer second-guessing yourself, you just know it’s time to make a move. You aren’t making them too early or waiting too long. Instead, when you have a killer instinct, you’re more forward and confident which makes you more attractive to women.

5. Developing stances and opinions

It’s in a woman’s nature to test a man’s opinions. She may test you by throwing out a statement to see if you’ll agree with her. She wants to see if you blindly agree with everything she says or if you have your own thoughts and opinions on matters.

Men who are afraid of having strong opinions or saying something contradictory are a turn-off to women. You’re not challenging her if you simply agree with everything she says. How is that interesting at all? Instead, develop your own stances and opinions and stick to them when a woman challenges your thoughts.

6. A sense of empathy

Just like dating isn’t the only thing going on in your life, dating shouldn’t be the only thing going on in her life either. You don’t want a woman who has no friends or hobbies because she won’t allow you the space and time to enjoy yours.

This means she won’t have a schedule that’s completely open and ready to spend time with you. This also means she may have things that come up. An empathetic man will understand that she has things outside of dating that are also important. He doesn’t take it personally if she isn’t able to meet up at the drop of a hat.

However, don’t confuse empathy with being a doormat, either. If she bails on you regularly or consistently doesn’t have the time you’re looking for, it’s time to move on.

7. The ability to end an interaction

You must know when and how to end a text message thread, a phone call, a date, or a relationship the moment she crosses the line of what you find appropriate. You should already have a solid set of values, standards, and boundaries in place before starting to date. Once she oversteps too many of these things, it’s time to end your interaction.

You should respect yourself enough to end the interaction when it no longer serves you. You shouldn’t hang around simply because you want some attention or want to get laid. Recognize that there are more women out there and get back in the game. Don’t sit around waiting on this one girl who has shown you that she isn’t worth your time.

These Are Only the Start

These skills are just some of the skills that will help you develop a confident air while dating. They are some of the primary things your behavior with porn and masturbation took away from you. And bringing them back into your life will make a massive difference when you begin dating again.

If you have any other ideas about necessary skills while dating during your reboot, come share them with the Porn Reboot Facebook group. You’ll find plenty of brothers getting back into the dating game who you can learn from, and who you can share your tips with as well. Come join the conversation today!

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Discover 7 Secrets To Eliminate Porn Addiction Forever

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How Sleep Affects Your Performance

Tips To Get Good Sleep

1. Get sunlight in the morning.

2. Turn your screens off.

3. Your room is for sleeping and sex.

4. Keep your room as dark as possible.

5. Move workouts to earlier in the day.

6. Leave your phone outside your bedroom.

7. Get a good mattress.

8. Set aside some time to unwind before going to sleep.

9. Take a hot shower before getting in bed.

10. Consider sleep trackers.

The Benefits of Good Sleep

Caretakers

People Pleasers

Martyrs

Workaholics

Overcoming Challenging Traits

They Judged Me, Too

Pushing Through the Judgment

What is Self-Talk?

Dysfunctional vs. Constructive Self-Talk

Why is Self-Talk So Important?

Learning to Control Self-Talk

Self-Talk and Your Reboot

What Are Values?

Why Are Values Important?

Values Determine Your Priorities

Dissatisfaction Means Unmet Values

Get Clear on Your Values

1. Starting and maintaining interesting conversations

2. Demonstrate high social value

3. Ability to handle rejection

4. Killer instinct

5. Developing stances and opinions

6. A sense of empathy

7. The ability to end an interaction

These Are Only the Start