If you were anything like me when you were a teenager, you had some big ideas for what your 20s would look like. There’s this “male dream,” so to speak, of all the things that the ideal life is made of. Honestly, who didn’t want to be a baller by 25?
That “dream life” of your mid-20s probably didn’t play out the way you imagined it would, though. Things that felt like goals during your late teens probably feel like fantasies now. You aren’t alone if you’re just now reaching this realization point.
I talk to men all the time who feel like they aren’t accomplishing their goals. What I’ve realized; though, is many of these men don’t understand what the definition of a goal is. I’ll ask them what their goals are, and they’ll explain what’s really a fantasy.
This is something we talk about often in our group. What is the difference between fantasies, visualizations, and goals? Are your dreams really fantasies? Are you setting yourself up for disappointment? Today I’m going to outline the important distinctions between these three things.
At its most basic, a fantasy is a thought that is rarely ever real. Even when it is possible, it usually takes a high price to make that fantasy a reality. And since we deal with porn addiction at Porn Reboot, the fantasies we’re living with are usually sexual fantasies.
Men who struggle with porn addiction often have fantasies that are different and far-reaching, fantasies they wouldn’t express verbally. You likely don’t verbalize your fantasies because you feel shameful and you’re worried others will judge you. They might think you actually want to engage in those types of behaviors when you don’t actually have the motivation to make them a reality.
Pornography provides a middle ground for these fantasies to play out, though. It takes these things in your head and plays them out with actors in video format. Instead of masturbating to something in your head, now you’re masturbating to something that seems like reality. This makes you believe your fantasies are something that could happen in real life.
You can watch it play out in pornography or see it in movies. It could even be drawn out or made into an animation. These things are still just a fantasy, though. They rarely play out or happen in real life.
Visualization is the process of using your subconscious mind to assist you in accomplishing your goals. Your subconscious mind often cannot tell the difference between reality and a vividly imagined situation. There are plenty of ways to use the power of visualization to your benefit.
Think of all the things you want in the future. Vividly imagine it using all your senses: smell, touch, taste, sight, and sound. Take these dreams for your future but feel and experience them here and now with the power of visualization.
As you start using this, your body starts to develop a feeling of normalcy with the visualization. It breaks down the mental blocks and barriers that would usually stand in your way of accomplishing these dreams. You start to realize that you are capable of the things you’re visualizing.
For example, when I was running a sales organization over a decade ago, I was terrified of cold calling. Showing up unannounced at an office and presenting a pitch felt impossible. I’d always think of their inevitable rejection and the feelings of fear and frustration that came along with it.
I decided to use the power of visualization to change those thoughts, though. Instead, I started imagining my prospects opening the door when I stopped by. I still considered their possible rejection but now countered it with the reasons why our product was the best thing for them. I visualized sitting down with them, showing them the product and all those feelings.
Now there wasn’t some magic, sudden shift after I started using visualization. Over time though, these imagined scenarios started carrying out in my cold pitches at offices. It helped me develop a sense of confidence and conviction in what I was selling. All the time I spent vividly creating this world in my mind now played out whenever I went to a new prospect.
Now that you understand the distraction of fantasies and the power of visualization, what is a goal? There are two main ideas I love when it comes to goals. The first is that the definition of a goal is a dream with a deadline. The second is an acronym you can use to set good, long-term goals: SMART. SMART stands for:
These two ideas establish everything you need to know about setting a good goal. Your goal must be specific, measurable, and achievable. It also needs to be relevant to a greater purpose that you hope to accomplish. Finally, it must be time-based or time-sensitive, which ties into the definition that a goal is a dream with a deadline.
How do you know whether a goal is SMART or not? What does each of these parts of a SMART goal mean? Let’s look back at the idea of “being a baller by 25” again and break down whether that fits with this outline.
A good goal is specific. “Being a baller by 25” isn’t very specific. What does it mean to be a baller? That’s a subjective term, and if you asked five different people, you could get five different answers. To make a more specific goal, you could say, “I want to have a six-figure salary by 25.” That’s a precise number to reach for.
A good goal is also measurable. You must be able to measure your progress towards your goal along the way. “Being a baller” is not a measurable achievement. Again, because being a baller is subjective, there is no single set of steps to “becoming a baller” that applies across the board. If your goal is to have a six-figure salary by 25, though, that’s a measurable goal.
Your goal must be achievable. If you can’t achieve your goal in real life then it isn’t a realistic goal, nor is it a good one. You might be able to achieve “being a baller” by your definition but it might not be the same definition for someone else. Reaching a six-figure salary is an achievable goal, though.
Good goals are relevant. They’re something that gets you closer to your ultimate path you want to follow in life. “Being a baller” might be a relevant goal when you’re a teenager but is it something that will contribute to your long-term dreams? Using the six-figure salary idea; though, is a much more relevant goal. It’s a good benchmark for any man pursuing a career.
Finally, all good goals are time-bound. There’s a certain amount of time you have to complete the goal. The only mark that “Being a baller by 25” has of a good goal is its time-bound component. You have to reach the status of “baller” by 25 to reach your goal. But, again, the goal of making a six-figure salary by 25 is a good goal on all counts.
Setting SMART Goals with Porn Addiction
It’s important to set SMART goals for yourself when it comes to your out of control behaviors, too. A lot of men come into the Porn Reboot program with fantasies about their addiction. They’re convinced they’ll quit in two or three months. They’ll become an instant stud in bed with their partner. They’re going to have a better business than ever.
None of that is going to happen; though, at least not at first. If you come into the Porn Reboot program with fantasies you’re going to be sorely disappointed. But, we aren’t going to leave you to deal with it on your own. We’re going to show you how to create SMART goals not only for your out of control behaviors but for your life as well.
Of course, you want to control your compulsive behaviors. You have to set specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound goals, though. What does that look like for your addiction? Maybe you want to quit masturbating and stop viewing pornography for 90 days. That’s a SMART goal.
You might have issues with other things, too. It might be drugs or alcohol or another mental disorder or illness. You can set SMART goals for every area of your life from your porn addiction to any additional issues you may have.
Joining a brotherhood of men who understand what you’re going through is important. The Porn Reboot system not only provides a pathway back to life but it also provides a strong group of men who support one another. Are you ready to join us?