It’s a common thing for men who start progressing in their porn addiction counseling use past the initial stages. But it creates a lot of confusion when men don’t understand why they’re watching what they’re watching. Until they learn more about porn addiction, some wonder whether they’re bisexual or gay.
I believe that most men who watch these genres of pornography aren’t bisexual or gay. Porn addiction is a progressive condition. This means that you need to seek increasingly intense or stimulating scenes over time to achieve the same effect. Gay and trans porn is oftentimes a part of this porn progression for many otherwise straight men.
A licensed clinical social worker (LCSW) commented on this video, though, with a different take. He said:
“I’m fully aware of and support your work, as well as the notion that pornography and other sexual behaviors are addictive. My theory based on my work, though, is that we live in a society where the majority of people are bisexual and a fringe number of people are either fully straight or fully gay. Many men who watch gay porn are likely part of this larger bisexual category.”
This worries me. I already have my opinions about men with porn addiction seeking help from most traditional therapists. The comment left by this LCSW on my video backs up my concerns and shows how misunderstood porn addiction still is.
Many therapists out there do not understand the concept of porn addiction. They see nothing wrong with men watching porn and masturbating daily. Sure, this might be fine for a normal man but men with porn addiction aren’t like other normal men.
It’s even more serious for men whose porn use progresses past “vanilla” porn. When they start looking for more provocative genres of pornography, insight from an uninformed therapist can be downright dangerous.
For example, some therapists (like the LCSW who commented on my post) will be quick to brand a man watching gay or trans porn as bi-curious at the very least. However, I’ve worked with hundreds of men who delved into these genres but are as straight as they come. Branding men who are already confused and vulnerable as their sexuality only complicates things further.
Professionally speaking, I’ll admit that every human being exists somewhere on the spectrum from straight to gay. I don’t believe that means the number of people who are either strictly straight or gay are the minority, though. Plenty of men can recognize the attractive aesthetics of another man without identifying as gay.
So, again, does watching gay porn make you gay? I’ve seen from my own experiences working with men addicted to pornography that this oftentimes isn’t the case. You need to cut pornography from your life and begin rebooting before you can make an honest appraisal of that, though.
Don’t get me wrong – there’s nothing wrong with seeking therapy. There are hundreds of men in the Porn Reboot program who also see a therapist to work through issues outside my scope of expertise. But they spent time vetting the therapist they now work with and ensured it was a therapist who understands the severity of porn addiction and the directions it can progress.
Seeking help from a therapist who doesn’t understand porn addiction won’t be helpful. They’re more likely to focus on your attraction to men than your issues with porn. From my experience, you need to address your porn issues and let your confused sense of attraction sort itself out during your reboot.
While this is not a Christian system and nor am I a Christian, I do have a lot of Christian clients. I work with men who are ministers, monks, former monks, believers, and even pastors of megachurches. There are plenty of religious men who are part of the Porn Reboot group and I want to help these men today.
A brother asked,
“Hey J.K. I’m a Christian and I want to wait until marriage to have sex because I’m still a virgin and would like to save myself for my spouse. I also believe that masturbation is probably wrong. Is there anything different I should be doing if I plan to have absolute abstinence from all sexual contact before marriage?
“I’m also worried that my future spouse will have a lower sex drive than me. What is a good way to determine whether she and I will match in sex drive? How important is that overall, anyways? Thanks, brother.”
Again, while I am not a religious person and this is not a religious system, I fully support my Christian brothers. If you’re a Christian man who struggles with porn addiction problems, I understand what an overwhelming thing it can be. I hold no animosity or judgment for my Christian brothers and mean no disrespect to any religion here at Porn Reboot.
I want to break down this important question for you if these are some things you’re having a hard time with, too.
Is Masturbation Wrong?
This gentleman mentioned that masturbation is “probably” wrong. I hear that from a lot of my Christian and Muslim clients. They believe that masturbation is wrong but you can almost always hear the hesitation in their voice when they say this.
Here’s the thing, brother. You either believe in something or you don’t. You cannot believe that something is “probably” right or wrong. If you’re in this position, you “probably” don’t believe that’s the truth. Someone may have implied that it’s wrong, suggested that it’s temptation, or even explicitly told you that it’s wrong, but deep in your heart, you may not believe that.
At the same time, this half-belief creates a deep sense of guilt and shame. Once you’re addicted to porn and can’t control your sexual behavior, you’re left feeling like a sinner, like a weakling, like less of a man. You might believe that you’re going to hell for your actions.
In reality, though, you may not be as awful as you think. Your porn addiction might not be an addiction at all, either. You may be so conditioned by your religious beliefs to see yourself as a sick, compulsive, sexual person but realize after talking with us that your behavior isn’t as compulsive as you originally thought.
Sometimes we’ve even talked with Christian men who believed they had a problem when they showed up to the Porn Reboot group. After spending some time around the group, though, they realize their problem wasn’t as severe as they thought. They’re able to go about their lives with a newfound understanding of masturbation and come to terms with their natural, inherent, biological sexual drive.
Abstinence Before Marriage
Abstinence before marriage is a personal decision for every person. While I never recommend complete abstinence, nor is the Porn Reboot system based around it, I’ll never tell a man what he should do when it comes to his personal beliefs.
I have found that complete abstinence works for some men but not for others. We teach control over your sexual behavior and help you learn to manage your sexual urges. We also teach you how to accept yourself as a sexual being and that means we don’t recommend complete abstinence.
If abstinence is part of your religious convictions, though, you may want to leave these aspects of the Porn Reboot system aside. There’s nothing wrong with abstinence before marriage if that’s the path you choose to take but it will mean leaving behind some parts of the system that don’t align with your personal religious beliefs.
Sexual Repression
The biggest problem I notice among my Christian clients is the shift toward sexual repression. A lot of men who remain abstinent end up in the realm of sexual repression rather than rebooting. They believe that being free from porn and masturbation for a few years means they’ve successfully rebooted, but that might not be the case.
I hear from men with these porn-free years who find they still experience porn-induced erectile dysfunction. They haven’t acted out on their behaviors for years but still cannot achieve an erection naturally. Men who are in this position haven’t rebooted, they’ve only repressed themselves sexually.
While having sex isn’t a required part of the Porn Reboot system, we do require that you don’t repress yourself sexually. We need to find out what that looks like for you, especially if you’re choosing to remain completely abstinent until marriage. But when you fall into this space you’re still not fully rebooted and have some more work to do.
Differences in Sex Drive
This is a problem I hear often from men who choose to remain abstinent until marriage. The truth is, there’s no way for you to know what your future wife’s sex drive is like. You’ll never know until the two of you finally have sex.
At the same time, there’s also no way for you to know what your sex drive is really like either, especially at the start of your reboot. You are dealing with compulsive behavior. You do not know the difference between your actual sex drive and the urges you’re medicating with porn, masturbation, and sex.
You’ll only learn what your natural sex drive is as your brain rewires over time. Men who actively have sex during their reboot can learn about healthy sex sooner than men who choose to remain abstinent. You won’t have the opportunity to engage in any sexual behavior when you choose to remain abstinent, though, so you’ll miss out on finding out what your baseline sex drive is until you’re married.
Matching Sex Drives
The final part of our brother’s question asked whether matching sex drives is truly important. In my opinion, finding a partner whose sex drive matches yours is imperative. I think when you’re an individual who has successfully rebooted and wants to have a healthy sex life, your partner should want to have sex as frequently as you do.
Admittedly this is a deeper topic that I could expound upon in another post, the basics of it are the same. I do believe that partners should have similar sex drives otherwise this creates even more problems down the line. But if you choose to remain abstinent until marriage, you’ll never know whether you and your partner have matching sex drives until you get married.
Christians and Porn
Ultimately, brother, being a Christian and struggling with porn addiction recovery doesn’t make you a terrible person. I don’t believe it means that you’re going to hell or that you’re beyond saving. I know many Christian men who have overcome their compulsive sexual behavior and become incredible, stand-up members of society.
The choice to remain abstinent until marriage is yours alone. It’s not something that I recommend but I still know men who have been successful in their reboots while remaining abstinent. If you’re looking for some help with similar struggles, come check out the Porn Reboot Facebook group. You’re guaranteed to find another man who can share his experience with you and support you along the way, whatever you decide to do.
A lot of men come to the Porn Reboot program with severe limiting beliefs.
Many of these beliefs originate in childhood then continue developing as you age. They come from traumatic incidents, unhealthy relationships, repeated failure, and more.
The culmination of these limiting beliefs often results in an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. Men arrive at the program worn out, beaten down, and broken, exhausted after years of self-deprecation and repeated inability to control their behavior.
You probably feel this way to some extent.
Maybe you’re thinking something to the effect of, “There’s no point anymore, I’m going to fail no matter what I do.”
I’m here to reassure you, my brother, that that’s not true. You may feel hopeless now but there is a solution in the porn addiction recovery system that can save you from your porn addiction problems and compulsive sexual behavior. Men who adhere to the system find themselves able to control their out-of-control behavior within 90 days and then continue to build better lives for themselves well into the future.
But you don’t have to worry about the future right now, brother. Let’s focus on the present and work through why you feel so hopeless in your reboot. Hopelessness is a feeling that stems from the belief that you’re stuck. You have no reason to feel positive expectations or move toward the future in your life. These beliefs keep you stuck in the same place, creating a downward spiral.
Four main elements create feelings of hopelessness:
Victim Mindset: Men with a victim mindset view life as happening to them. They believe that you’re standing on the side of the road watching things happen with little say in how they play out, encouraging feelings of hopelessness.
Irresponsibility: Irresponsibility ties into the victim mindset. When a man believes life is happening to him, he’s refusing to take responsibility for the aspects he can control. This refusal to take responsibility further instills hopelessness.
Blaming: A man who won’t take responsibility for his circumstances instead looks for someone or something else to blame. He believes he’s in his present situation because of his parents, partner, politics, or whatever else he can think to blame.
Powerlessness: Men who blame others for their problems put themselves in a position of powerlessness. Those who see themselves as victims, who won’t take responsibility for their situation, back themselves into a corner with no clear way out.
These four elements combine to create an overwhelming, looming sense of hopelessness. It causes men to lose drive, energy, and motivation. They no longer have hope for the future because it feels like there’s nothing they can do that will make a difference.
Does this sound familiar?
Thankfully there’s a solution to that looming sense of hopelessness. It starts with recognizing that you are responsible for your life. You determine how things go. Sure, you might not have control over certain aspects of life but you have full control over how you respond to them.
It’s up to you to make the adjustments necessary to change your life.
Start by asking yourself questions that will shift your thinking and perspective.
“How am I causing this?”
“What am I doing to make this my reality?”
“What am I pretending not to know to keep things the way they are?”
These are far better questions than asking yourself why things are happening “to” you.
These questions also encourage self-reflection and your answers give you actionable steps to take, helping you realize that you’re anything but stuck.
Once you take ownership of your life and begin applying solutions, you start to reclaim the control that you spent years giving away. You’ll experience small wins here and there that encourage you to keep going. You’re going to notice your life taking a new direction and likely find that things play out differently than you always expected they would.
As you take responsibility for your life and recognize the areas you can change, your feelings of hopelessness diminish. You’ll feel hopeful for the future when you see just how much say you have in your life. You’re no longer at the mercy of whatever happens; you take your power back and decide how you’re going to respond no matter what may happen.
I understand that you may feel hopeless now, brother, but those feelings will change. You won’t feel stuck forever. Seeking help on porn addiction counseling asap. It’s difficult to arrive at the Porn Reboot group and recognize how much work there is to do but it’s also empowering to know that you have the power to shift your life.
Today I want to respond to a concern that I receive from time to time.
I get it in responses on my YouTube videos, comments to the group, and even direct emails from time to time. It may be a question you’ve even thought to yourself before. I never want to assume no one else has this thought aside from those few who bring it up so today I want to address it.
The comment in question reads:
“How can we trust you when you take so much money upfront for your training? Is it a classic narcissistic trick to exploit vulnerable people and then blame them if they fail? I’m not trying to be negative or anything but it’s a genuine concern that I’ve had with you.”
Here’s the thing: you don’t have to trust me. You don’t have to trust anyone, honestly. Anyone who’s followed me for a significant amount of time knows that I say assume B.S. with everything. Second-guess all of it. Whether it’s a podcast, a YouTube video, or an email in your inbox, question anything you see until you know it’s proven to work.
Here’s the other thing: my entire system is free. It’s free on YouTube. It’s free on my podcast. It’s free here on the blog, too. I recently wrote an in-depth set of posts on the stages of the Porn Reboot system as an update to the set I wrote a few months ago.
Of course, these things aren’t tailored to your experience or personalized for you; it’s a general outline of how the Porn Reboot system works for any man who wants to use it. It’s the system I used to overcome my out-of-control behavior with porn and masturbation over a decade ago. Since then, I’ve worked with hundreds of men who used this same system to overcome their behavior, too.
You don’t have to join the Porn Reboot intensive group if you don’t want to. You’ll find none of my necessary content hidden behind a paywall. Everything you could need to overcome your porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior is available on my site, my YouTube channel, my podcast, and my free Facebook group. I don’t charge for any of it.
The system doesn’t change whether you’re in the free group or the Porn Reboot intensive group. The path to rebooting remains the same regardless of which avenue you choose to take. The stages of the Porn Reboot program don’t look any different once you become a paying member of the group.
The difference is that the Porn Reboot intensive is for men who want to take the extra step with their reboot. They want ongoing accountability, regular support calls, and access to an exclusive group of high-performing men working to control their out-of-control behavior.
They aren’t the trial rebooters who browse my free content but never truly apply these concepts and practices in their lives. The men in the intensive take themselves and their compulsive behavior seriously and back that intensity with their actions.
We deliver results to men whose behaviors cause them to lose much more than the fees we charge. From the relationships they destroy, the careers they tear apart, the business deals they lose out on, what they have to lose far outweighs the cost of the Porn Reboot program.
I have dozens of high-performing men who come to the program looking for help with little concern for what the cost may be. I work with CEOs on the edge of blowing massive business opportunities. I work with men in line for life-changing promotions that may miss it because of their out-of-control behavior. I work with fathers who are at risk of losing their families because of their behaviors.
Men in these situations think less about the cost of the program and more about the results it will get them. The things they have to lose are worth far more than the price tag attached to the Porn Reboot intensive group. Our program fees are a small price to pay compared to the things on the line for these men.
Here’s another way to look at it: you wouldn’t question why the doctor who treats your cancer charges what he does. Most extensive treatments and surgeries cost more than a person’s life savings. Hospitals charge enormous amounts to provide their services but you wouldn’t hesitate to pay them, you’d seek treatment and then figure it out.
Men who qualify for the porn addiction recovery intensive are looking to treat their porn addiction problems with the same sense of urgency that people with life-threatening illnesses have. They’ve reached a point where their out-of-control behavior is life-threatening in one way or another, whether in terms of their livelihood, their family, or their life itself.
I was at this point when I finally had enough. I knew that if I didn’t do something to get my behavior under control that I was going to destroy everything. I paid the price for a professional intervention because I had reached a place where I was almost gone beyond recall.
If you haven’t reached these types of depths in your porn addiction counseling then you’re a lucky man. There’s a chance you may reach it later on down the road if you don’t find a way to end your behavior. But you might not need to become a member of the Porn Reboot intensive to do that.
Plenty of Porn Reboot brothers never become paying members in the intensive and still overcome their behavior. They use the content I provide for free and do the work without making excuses. They’re the same type of determined men who join the group but didn’t join for one reason or another, yet they still learned to control their behavior with the Porn Reboot system.
So no, I don’t think you need to trust me. I think if you’re even asking yourself that question then the Porn Reboot intensive isn’t for you. I’ve shared plenty of success stories on my YouTube channel and within the Facebook group for you to know that it works. If you don’t think it’s worth the cost, though, then the Porn Reboot intensive group isn’t right for you.
Still, I welcome you to read some more blog posts, listen to the podcast, watch some videos, and join us in the free Facebook group. Even if you don’t trust me I’d love for you to see what Porn Reboot is all about. I want to help men just like you whether you’re paying me or not. Because helping men get their lives back is where I find my true success and purpose.
I’ve often used the word “recovery” when writing here on the blog, speaking in YouTube videos or podcasts, or other Porn Reboot spaces.
I use the term for ease of communication when I talk about overcoming your porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior.
It’s a familiar word that’s now commonly associated with the process of overcoming addictive behavior. This makes it easy for the largest number of people to understand what I’m talking about.
At the same time, I do believe it’s important to distinguish between what happens in traditional recovery approaches and what happens with the Porn Reboot system. What we do here is not the same thing you’ll find in the majority of other recovery modalities.
Recovery takes you back to what is familiar. You’re eliminating your addictions to regain the life you had before. Sure, some might take it further and build a better life than the one they had while using substances. But most people stick within the bounds of what society expects from them.
There’s nothing wrong with this approach. It still leads to a decent life. If you’re not interested in launching yourself to the next level then recovery is the best thing for you. You’re probably well-suited for a traditional rehab program, 12-step group, or religious group.
On the other hand, rebooting is exactly what it sounds like. It’s restarting your entire life. It’s refusing to settle for what you had before and crossing over into a new life. It’s also refusing to limit yourself to what society expects from you but pushing past those confines into what you want to make out of your life instead.
Men who are successful in the Porn Reboot system are men who fall into the second category. They want to step outside the bounds of the traditional. They tend to be high-performing men. These include guys who are artists, business owners, entrepreneurs, and more. They’re men who will not hold themselves back from everything possible.
The porn addiction recovery system requires a lot more from you than a traditional recovery approach does. When you come to the Porn Reboot program we ask you to change your entire life. You’re encouraged to build up areas that you may have never considered pursuing before. We want to trigger a transformation of your entire being, not just one aspect of you.
This means you’re going to have to say yes to the unknown. You must be willing to admit you know much less about yourself than you think you do. You need to be ready to have the truth about yourself revealed and to take action once you discover it.
One of these truths is the understanding that your recovery or your reboot is not part of your identity.
This is something that I see in traditional recovery communities all the time. People embody their recovery as an identity and find themselves wrapped up in something that never ends.
Once an addict, always an addict, right?
Sure, you have a problem with porn and compulsive sexual behavior. It’s a serious problem, too, otherwise, you wouldn’t be here. But you are not your porn addiction. You are not your out-of-control behavior. It’s a problem you deal with but it is not a part of you.
The Porn Reboot system will never ask you to embody your porn problem as part of yourself. We also see ourselves as a tool for you to use but not a crutch for you to rely on. After you reboot successfully, you do not need Porn Reboot anymore. You don’t need to keep coming back week after week to rehash old problems.
That’s the point of rebooting – you reboot and you move on, you don’t reboot and stick around forever. And that’s also what separates Porn Reboot from traditional approaches to recovery. We want to get you reconnected with life and back into the world, not sitting in rooms for the rest of your life talking about your identity as an addict.
You’re welcome to take whichever avenue seems most suitable for you. You might not want to do all the work that’s required for a successful reboot. But those who do decide their problem is severe enough and are willing to do the work will be rewarded with a life far greater than they ever imagined possible for themselves.
After working with men battling porn addiction symptoms for some time, I reached a point where I started working with individuals who are quite successful. I came into contact with a lot of men who had achieved quite a bit in their lives and because of my experience in the sales organization I worked for, I knew how to work with these men.
When I transitioned into coaching full-time and started working one-on-one with clients operating at a high level in their professional lives, it became a balancing act of managing expectations and judgments that come with the territory. Some elite clientele such as CEOs of large companies, pastors of megachurches, and celebrities can put exhausting demands on you.
I’ve always loved the challenge of working with these individuals. I love helping them through their unique situations and challenges because of their particular positions. At the same time, it doesn’t stop me from experiencing impostor syndrome from time to time. I look at the complete loser I was during my early twenties and wonder how it is I arrived where I am today.
Something I’ve noticed while working with my high-level clients, though, is that they feel the same way. They feel like impostors in their realm of work. They believe at times they aren’t smart enough, are insufficient, are lacking, and that they aren’t worthy of their success, too.
It’s difficult for men who either actively live with or who have overcome a porn addiction symptoms to let go of who they used to be and step into the man they can become or have become. This results in men feeling like frauds even long after they’ve overcome their compulsive sexual behavior and pornography addiction. Does this sound like you?
One way men compensate for feeling like impostors is by striving for perfection. They shift their energy into chasing perfectionism in hopes that they will paint over their past imperfections. While this may seem like a logical solution it only makes things worse. Perfectionism is a false ideal. It’s elusive. It’s impossible to achieve because it doesn’t exist.
Trying to outrun impostor syndrome through avenues like perfectionism slaps a temporary solution over the underlying problem. There’s still the little voice in your head that tells you you’re a fake, you’re a fraud, you aren’t good enough, you’re going to relapse, and you’re going to let yourself and everyone you love down.
There are more effective ways to confront and keep your impostor syndrome at bay. The two methods I use most in my own life are mindfulness and emotional behavioral therapy. Like I admitted earlier, I still deal with impostor syndrome from time to time but the feelings are much less intense today than they were when I first started.
If mindfulness and emotional behavioral therapy sound too “woo-woo” for you you can use other approaches. Write out your thoughts and behaviors regarding your impostor syndrome on paper and honestly ask yourself whether the beliefs you hold are rational or irrational. Are you holding yourself to an unrealistic standard or expecting too much from yourself?
Incorporating practices like these alongside your work in the Porn Addiction Recovery Reboot system will slowly erode your impostor syndrome over time. Sure, it may creep back in occasionally but you’ll develop the tools and skills you need to keep that voice quiet more often than not. If I can do it, brother, so can you. And the silence that comes as a result of the work is deeply rewarding.
Today’s topic comes from a few questions brought by a brother to our intensive group.
The Porn Reboot Intensive Group is a group of high-performing men who are serious about controlling their behavior with sex, porn, and masturbation. They aren’t trial rebooters or half-in, half-out – they are dedicated to doing the work required to make a change.
I don’t often share responses to these questions outside of the Intensive Group. It’s a high-level group for only those who truly want to control their behavior. But this brother’s questions are of real importance to our everyday brothers, too, and I’m choosing to share them with you today.
“In opiate addicts, the brain is flooded with external opiates which stop the brain from producing natural opiates. This is part of what causes the extreme withdrawals that these addicts experience when they try to get clean.
“Does the same apply to dopamine and porn addiction? Is recovery partly about satisfying the natural chemical deficit until it reaches its original levels? Is this what defines your timeline of up to two years for a successful reboot? And are there different activities that satisfy specific neurotransmitter deficits?”
Substance Addiction vs. Behavioral Addiction
This brother is comparing a substance addiction (opiate addiction) to a behavioral addiction (porn addiction). While the concept is the same, they’re two different forms of addiction which mean withdrawal is a bit different.
With porn addiction, your brain only has access to natural opiates during the moment you orgasm, but that’s it. It releases some other chemicals in the process too, like dopamine and norepinephrine. But you’re more addicted to the process of reaching that point (porn and masturbation) than you are to the climax at the end.
This is why you do things like run multiple tabs, progress in the genres of porn you watch, and even edge for hours. You’re not as concerned with the orgasm as you are with the process that gets you there. Sure, there’s a mild case of chemical deficit like our brother mentioned but the chemical reaction in your brain isn’t what you’re pursuing.
This is what makes porn addiction a behavioral addiction. Rebooting isn’t about overcoming the addiction to dopamine and norepinephrine, it’s about overcoming your addiction to consuming alarming amounts of pornography. An effective reboot involves breaking the relapse cycle and changing the habits, lifestyle, self-image issues that trigger your addiction in the first place.
Two Years to Reboot Success
He also asks about the two-year timeline for the Porn Reboot process. As may already know, it takes about a year and a half to two years for men to successfully rewire their brains. I say successfully rewire the brain because rebooting is about much more than simply quitting porn and controlling masturbation. If you make no changes beyond this you’ll end up relapsing again.
This is another reason porn addiction differs from substance addiction. For some addicts, eliminating the substance eliminates the problem as a whole. For most porn addicts, removing porn is only a small part of the entire equation. It takes a systematic approach to build the resilience and self-efficacy needed to be successful in your reboot.
The two-year timeline is based on my 10 years of experience working with men who struggle with porn addiction symptoms and masturbation. I have a lot of data gathered from every man’s progression through the different stages of the program. I’ve since used that data to inform the two-year timeline I talk about in the Porn Reboot system.
Neurotransmitter Deficits
Our brother’s final question addressed targeting specific neurotransmitter deficits. Again, his question frames things from the perspective of substance addiction instead of behavioral addiction. While you do experience certain deficits in neurotransmitters, that isn’t the main problem we’re focusing on.
At the same time, the porn addiction recovery system does address the habit and lifestyle changes necessary to reboot. We don’t look at it from the standpoint of addressing particular neurotransmitter deficits, though. The changes you make in the Porn Reboot system address the problematic behaviors that lead you to relapse.
Our system encourages you to change your morning routine, exercise regimen, nutrition, supplementation, relationships, behavior with technology, and more. We offer a curriculum and a pathway to make these changes and over time you’ll notice an incredible shift in your mindset and outlook on life.
The Reboot Recovery Difference
The Porn Reboot system asks a lot more of you than traditional approaches to recovery. At the same time, we deliver a lot more than those traditional approaches, too. Eliminating pornography and compulsive sexual behavior is only the start of the process. Recovery from pornography addiction in the Porn Reboot system dives much deeper than that.
If you follow through with the system, though, you’ll undergo a complete change in your view of yourself, your family, your friends, and the world around you. You’ll eventually lose the drive to view pornography because you realize how much better life can be without it. The quality of recovery you develop through the Porn Reboot system is unlike anything you’ve tried before, brother. Join us and experience it for yourself.
Apathy is something a lot of men run into while working through their porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior. It’s frustrating when it happens because we know the pain that brought us to reboot. We understand the serious impact that our porn addiction counseling had and still has, yet we often reach a point where we don’t give a damn about our reboot.
I want to reassure you that apathy is a very normal part of the process. If you’re at this point you’re not alone. In fact, if a man doesn’t experience feelings of apathy during the reboot process then something is wrong.
A recent question from one of our brothers summed this up perfectly:
“After doing the feelings exercise for a solid while, I’ve observed that a strong emotion I encounter which tends to lead to a slip or an unproductive day is apathy. It’s a very constant factor where I don’t feel like doing anything because it seems like nothing matters.
“Does anyone have any advice on how I can work on dealing with this? How can I snap myself out of the pit of apathy that I tend to fall into now?”
I’ve found that apathy begins the moment you run into a challenge, especially when you realize it might take a while to overcome it.
What are some things you feel apathetic about? Are they things that you don’t actually care about? If you’re honest with yourself, they’re usually things you care a lot about but it’s going to take time and effort to accomplish or work through them.
In reality, apathy is often an avoidance mechanism. This is exactly why apathy is a common part of the reboot process. When you get to the Porn Addiction Recovery – Reboot program and realize how much work it takes to implement the system, apathy kicks in and you try to convince yourself that you don’t really care.
Overcoming apathy is an important part of the reboot process. You need to trust that these feelings are normal and that they will pass so you don’t give in and relapse as a result.
The first step to overcoming apathy is learning to recognize your apathetic thoughts. Maybe you tell yourself that you don’t have enough willpower to be successful with your reboot. It might be the belief that you’ll never control your urges. Perhaps you think you couldn’t possibly do this every day for the rest of your life.
Next, you need to understand that any time you tell yourself you can’t do something you’re really saying that you won’t do it. It’s not can’t, it’s won’t. It’s a refusal to do the things that you know will take work because putting in the effort sounds exhausting.
You always have a choice. Let’s say you need to wake up earlier in the morning to have enough time for your morning routine. Although you’re perfectly capable of waking up early, you probably don’t want to because you already have a set way of doing things. Maybe it’s the journaling or writing exercises that you object to. You don’t want to write for any assignments because it’s not a pleasurable, dopamine-inducing activity.
I’ll never lie to you and tell you that rebooting is easy but I will tell you that the result is worth it. Pushing through the feelings of apathy and doing things you don’t want to do will make you unrecognizable over the coming months.
Remember – you don’t feel apathetic towards something you truly care about. Apathy arises when you’re resistant to doing the work it takes to get there. While apathy is a normal part of rebooting, overcoming those feelings is also a critical part of the process.
You’re not alone in dealing with feelings of apathy. Every man in the Porn Reboot program deals with them at one time or another. You may overcome them now and then have to deal with them again in the future. So long as you’re willing to do the work it takes to move through the apathy, though, you’re still on the right track.
Albert Einstein said, “No problem can be solved from the level of consciousness that created it.”
This quote resonates so deeply with me because it applies directly to compulsive behavior with porn and masturbation. You must evolve your consciousness to free yourself from the shackles of your sexual behavior. You have to move beyond where you are currently to become an expert at yourself if you want to change.
I recently discovered just how effective meditation is for letting go of my deepest attachments, beliefs, and fears. Right now I’m meditating two hours a day to harness the power of that clarity so I can seek relief. I’m not exaggerating, either – I literally sit down for an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening to go deep within myself.
Meditation is the practice that helps me remove barriers standing in my way of becoming an expert at myself. It’s how I cultivate the self-awareness necessary to continue moving upward in life. This in turn gives me the tools to teach you and the rest of the brothers in the program how to remove barriers standing in your way, too.
The problem with most men is that they don’t want to become self-aware. They’re too attached to their current life to evolve. They still want to do things like binge-watch YouTube, scroll Facebook endlessly, or listen to mindless podcasts. They’re not interested in the work and dedication it takes to create deep, lasting change.
This may be the case for you, too. Maybe you’re getting little dopamine hits from Reddit and Twitter. You might prefer going to bed late and eating junk food all the time. Perhaps you consume too much mainstream news and find yourself stuck in a cynical mindset throughout the day.
This also means you’re attached to doubts, irrational beliefs in your willpower, pride, fear of being judged, and ultimately your weakness. Yet you take the easy route time and time, wondering why you’re stuck in this rut of negativity and unable to make any lasting changes.
Freedom from this behavior isn’t gained by visiting a therapist’s office for an hour each week. It’s not found by posting in a Facebook group or Reddit thread. You can’t discover it by sharing with a 12-step group week after week or escaping through fitness or nutrition.
The only way to find freedom from these inner beliefs is through cultivating self-awareness. Self-awareness is the key to your escape from limiting beliefs and, ultimately, your porn addiction problems and compulsive sexual behavior.
So what’ll it be, brother? Are you going to do the work to become self-aware and obtain porn addiction recovery or remain in your prison of mindlessness?
It’s not difficult to understand why addiction is a bad thing.
I’m guessing that you didn’t arrive at the porn addiction recovery program because your life was going great. It doesn’t matter whether you’re addicted to porn or alcohol or cigarettes, addiction in any form is detrimental to your wellbeing.
Pornography addiction and compulsive sexual behavior have the power to destroy your life. They deteriorate your mind, shatter your relationships, break down your career, and more. You don’t have to look very far to see the negative effects of pornography. The same goes for any other addiction you may struggle with.
However, you can’t overcome the porn addiction effectsby only looking at the negative aspects. You must also recognize that there are some positive aspects to your porn addiction. I know this might sound crazy, especially coming from a guy who has dedicated his life to helping men end their compulsive problems with porn but stick with me.
Most men who struggle with pornography addiction started watching porn when they were younger, usually during their teenage years. I know that was the case for me. Pornography became my go-to coping strategy to deal with the difficult emotions of adolescence. It helped me handle stress. It provided me comfort when things felt out of control.
Porn also taught me about sex, albeit in a wrong way, but it helped me understand what sex was. It also allowed me to learn about myself sexually during those formative adolescent years when puberty raged. Porn provided me with all these seemingly wonderful things when I was younger. Looking back, I can accept that some positive things came from it.
After a while, though, my pornography use far outlasted its usefulness. It began causing much more harm than good. Once I crossed over that line there were no more positives left for me. But that doesn’t negate the fact that it was useful at a certain point in my life.
Your brain doesn’t get addicted to something because it likes being addicted to things that aren’t good for it. You didn’t start using porn with the intent to develop a crippling pornography addiction. Your brain enjoyed viewing pornography because there was a positive benefit to using it at one point in your life.
It’s important to acknowledge this positive part of your pornography use if you want to overcome your out-of-control behavior. Understanding why you crave pornography is a key to overcoming it. When you only view your use as a horrible, awful, negative thing, it further instills feelings of guilt and shame that keep you trapped in the porn addiction cycle.
You can’t force yourself to overcome your out-of-control behavior by muscling your way through it with willpower. The brain doesn’t work that way. Trying to bully yourself into quitting pornography and masturbation means you’re fighting against your biology. If there’s one surefire way to fail, fighting your biology is the way to do it.
Instead of trying to force yourself into changing you must work with your brain instead. Too many men overlook this approach because it’s not easy to understand. Learning about the biochemistry and neurochemistry involved in pornography addiction isn’t simple at first but it’s crucial for building a solid foundation in your reboot.
There are biological positives and negatives to your porn use and masturbation. Denying this fact will only delay your healing. Once you’re willing to accept this truth, though, you can begin moving forward. You’re taking another step toward working with your brain instead of against it.
Recognizing the positive aspects of your porn addiction problems and the way it helped you make it to this point in your life is not a bad thing. It’s what you do with that understanding that counts. If you decide to stop there and continue acting out, you’re selling yourself short. But if you take that understanding and use it to your advantage, you will continue on the path to a successful reboot.
