If you’re an entrepreneur, own your own business, or work in a top sales job, you know that your revenue and income depend entirely on your performance.
That’s it. If you’re clear-headed, energized, and motivated, you’ll do well. If you’re foggy, tired, and irritable, your performance deteriorates and so does your income.
When you’re an entrepreneur or sales pro who struggles with out-of-control sexual behavior or pornography addiction, you’re likely in the second category more often than you want to be. It’s exhausting to battle compulsive sexual behavior and porn addiction. These things consume most of your attention and time, leaving you with little time to do much else.
The dollar difference between these two states of mind can be anywhere from tens to hundreds of thousands of dollars for men in these high positions. Think about your situation. How much money do you lose out on because you leave it on the table working at a 6 out of 10 instead of a 9 out of 10?
This segment of men in the Porn Addiction Counseling – Reboot program is important to me because it’s where I came from. I wasn’t a top performer at my sales job for the years I spent trapped in the cycle of porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior. But my performance skyrocketed the moment I finally said no to pornography for good.
I became a top recruiter in the sales organization I worked at within a few months of ending my behavior. A few years later, my company promoted me to a director position. Even with that position, I was still out in the field, selling alongside my team, and making thousands in additional revenue from the commission.
I credit that mindset, the clarity and focus that allowed me to perform at that high level, to the porn-free life I finally found myself living. I wouldn’t have been able to remain focused and maintain the level of intensity and dedication I need to live my life at this level.
The problem with pornography addiction is the secretive nature of the problem. Men who battle alcohol or drug addiction have a harder time hiding their struggles. It’s easier for them to get help because family or friends tend to intervene after a certain point. But that’s not always the case with porn or compulsive sexual behavior.
At the same time, the impact of porn addiction is just as bad, if not worse, especially for high-performing professional men. It can destroy your life before you even realize what happened. I’ve seen it time and time again in men who join our program.
So I have some questions for you. Do you want to perform better? Do you want to skip years of struggle straight to the breakthrough? If you do, it’s time to remove pornography from your life. It’s holding you back from performing at the level you need to be at. You can’t fulfill your potential when you’re wrapped up in watching porn and jerking off. You need to make some changes.
You can start by reading a few more blog posts here or checking out our YouTube channel. We’ve also got a free Facebook group where you can join other men on the path to eliminating porn from their lives and controlling their behavior. You don’t have to deal with your problem alone – we’ve all been where you are and know what it takes to get out.
Most men who are working to overcome pornography addiction and out-of-control sexual behavior are unaware of the role of emotional needs.
They don’t understand that these are the baseline of all successful relationships; they’re too preoccupied with using porn, masturbation, and sex to distract from their negative emotions.
However, emotional needs are an integral part of every romantic relationship, whether you realize it or not. If you want a fulfilling relationship, you must make sure both your and your partner’s emotional needs are met. Problems arise when these needs are neglected because it leaves both parties feeling like the other isn’t interested in or appreciative of them.
You might meet someone who would be a great fit for you in a relationship, but because you’re so caught up in your out-of-control behavior, you’re not going to meet her emotional needs. You’ll miss the opportunity because you lack emotional intelligence when you’re active in your behaviors.
As you start rebooting, though, it’s time to learn about emotional needs. Understanding the roles these needs play and the way they interact is vital if you want to have a successful relationship.
Three Main Emotional Needs
There are three main emotional needs when it comes to dating: connection, status, and security. Every person values these three needs to varying degrees. It’s important to understand what each need consists of and how important each is to you and your potential partner.
Connection refers to the need to feel understood and appreciated, to share values, and to share experiences. Status refers to the need to feel important, superior, or even challenged.
Finally, security refers to the need to feel safe and secure within a trusting relationship.
A person’s willingness to become intimate with someone depends on their needs, how these needs are prioritized, and how the other individual fulfills those needs. For example, if a woman prioritizes security, you must find ways to make sure she feels the relationship is solid.
Keeping Emotional Needs Balanced
Though everyone has emotional needs, it’s also important to keep these needs in check. These needs can either be healthy or unhealthy depending on how well a person maintains a balance with them. It’s easy for needs to expand beyond a reasonable point and become something toxic. Sometimes unchecked emotional needs can cause as many problems as unmet emotional needs.
The need for connection can progress to the point of neglecting spending time with friends or having quality alone time. The need for security can evolve into extreme jealousy or possessiveness. The need for status can reach a point where the person becomes egocentric or self-absorbed.
Unchecked emotional needs are no longer about building a strong relationship. They’re superficial ways to soothe unhealed inner wounds. Left unchecked, these surface-level demands lead to depression and loneliness, not fulfillment and contentment. And when you struggle with porn addiction or compulsive sexual behavior, it’ll only drive you deeper into that.
Needs Change Over Time
Another thing to understand is the way that emotional needs change over time. Things that were important to you in your 20s don’t seem as pressing in your 40s. Priorities in your 50s were the furthest thing from your mind in your 30s.
Major life events like getting married or having kids can also alter your emotional needs. They shift your understanding of what’s important in life and create a change in the way you prioritize each need.
If you’ve been with the same person for a long time, both of your needs will shift as time goes on. It’s good to know what those changes are so you can communicate them with your partner and continue building a relationship that withstands the test of time.
If you’re single, it’s still good to know when your needs change. Recognizing the emotional needs you bring to the table helps you build more solid relationships from the beginning. But how do you know which needs have the highest priority in your life?
Recognizing Your Needs
As you learn to control your behavior with pornography, you’ll start to recognize your emotional needs. Acknowledging the needs that motivate you is an important part of your reboot. But you won’t develop sudden clarity on the things that are important to you; it takes some work to decipher how you prioritize your emotional needs.
I’ve got a quick assignment for you today. I want you to write out how you prioritize your emotional needs in life right now. If you’re in a relationship, look at that relationship and figure out which needs are important in it. If you’re single and looking for a relationship, find out which needs are important for your potential partner to meet. If you’re single and not looking for a relationship, analyze your past relationships and look for patterns in your needs.
Once you’re finished writing, I want you to share your findings with the Porn Addiction Counseling – Reboot Facebook group. There are hundreds of guys, some in the Porn Reboot intensive and some who stick with the free group, who share their findings from the assignments. I think it’s an important way to connect with other men and to follow through on actions in your reboot.
If you aren’t part of the free Facebook group yet, you can join us here. It’s a private group so none of your friends or family will know you joined. It’s a great way to stay accountable, to find support, and to get you through any lulls you may experience. Come join us today and let us know where you’re at in the ways you prioritize emotional needs in your relationships!
Do you remember when you were a kid and your imagination allowed you to visualize an amazing life?
I remember watching movies with my friends as a kid and pointing out the fast cars that the heroes and villains in the movies were driving and claiming their cars as mine when I grew up. I remember the beautiful actresses that I would marry one day and the physiques of those on-screen action heroes that I would one day possess.
The funny thing was that I really believed everything I said!
Have you ever wondered why none of the wonderful things you imagined as a kid ever happened to you?
Like, as kids it wasn’t as if all our dreams were impossible. In fact, for the majority of people living in a first world or developed country, things like creating wealth, dating or getting married to a certain type of person, driving a specific car, living in a certain type of neighborhood aren’t goals which are out of our reach.
Yet, for many men, as they go into their twenties, thirties, and forties, these things just completely slip off of their grasp. When you add porn, masturbation or sex addiction to the mix, you find yourself stuck in a hole of mediocrity with no way out.
Let’s talk about that.
Do you feel sick and tired of the endless monotony of your life?
Are you frustrated and unsatisfied with the direction things are headed, but still believe you could live a more satisfying life if you had a chance?
Is there an area of your life that you struggle with that you can’t seem to shake no matter how hard you try?
Seriously, how many of you ride in your cars, and when a high energy song comes on you begin to daydream about the awesome life you could have had then wondered why the fuck your life is so shitty right now?
You wanted to:
Find a purpose in life and follow it till the very end, but now you are stuck in a 9-5 job which you are not satisfied with, and trying to figure out if your 401k will be enough for you to survive on when you are an old man full of regrets.
You thought you’d have it all figured out by your mid-twenties, but now you are not on track to be where you hoped you’d be and you have NO IDEA if you’re even on the right path.
Maybe you’re one of those highly motivated success minded hustler types.
You read books like the 4 Hour Work Week, or Rich Dad Poor Dad, or Think and Grow Rich, decided to become wealthy, but ended up in debt up to your eyeballs, payment plans till infinity, and becoming wealthy is only a dream because you are always in survival mode…always.
You dreamed of seeing the world with the gorgeous woman of your dreams by your side, but now all you get in life is two weeks vacation and an average girl whom you don’t have the balls to leave because you’re afraid you can’t do better.
You spend more time watching porn than having sex with her.
So what went wrong?
You did the reasonable thing. You followed the right path, but how come your life sucks?
This is not a YOU problem. It’s a MAN’s problem.
Men today are no longer striving for greatness- even though we live in the best time in history to achieve all our dreams.
We’re numbing our minds with porn, video games, TV and whatever else technology has to offer us.
In the meantime, did you know that Men are and 9x more likely than women to be addicted to sex or pornography?
Women initiate 70% of all divorces, leaving us devastated, broke, and at the mercy of a court system which prioritizes women.
Men are 4x more likely to commit suicide
Men are more likely to be sexually abused as children and adults ( thanks to the prison system)
Heres the interesting thing. With all these stats against men, you’d think they would reach out for help- but no.
Men are far less likely to reach out for help and support than women. Women have numerous support communities online which help them overcome addictions, abusive relationships and help them start businesses which is one reason why women start businesses at a much higher rate than men.
Let me make one thing clear:
Having a recovery coach or a mentor does not imply that you are a weakling, or that you are not capable of doing something for yourself. Instead, recovery coaching and mentorship allows you to grow faster by taking advantage of the experience and point of view of a person who is already where you want to be.
A person with training and a background in addiction recovery who will hold you accountable, call you out on your bullshit and give you the straight truth without sugar coating it.
Someone who is not afraid to offend you and cares more about your success than your feelings.
If you think you can make it not just past porn, but on to greater things in your life without a coach, you’re fighting a losing battle.
No one does this on their own.
Show me a man who has successfully recovered from his addiction and I will show you a mentor hiding somewhere within his self-made story.
If you aspire to a great life, you’re going to need help getting there. More than anytime in history, men need mentors to guide them towards achieving greatness in life, relationships, and business.
Here’s why a recovery coach is so useful and necessary to you today.
1) Serious Accountability
Anyone can tell a therapist they will do something, then not do it. It’s an entirely different story with a strong, masculine mentor and recovery coach.
It’s about being a man. You develop a bond based on mutual respect with a mentor.
Men keep their word- especially to other men whom they respect. The greatest shame you will feel is when you have let another man down.
Many men have formed a habit of casually not keeping their word. They have no idea what masculine accountability is. Being around strong men who demand accountability is a requirement to grow as a man.
When you have a masculine mentor keeping you accountable, you’re not a weak person. You are a smart man for investing in yourself with a man who will help you become your greatest self.
Weakness is shying away from help because you think it makes you look silly or like a pussy. True strength is asking for help where it is needed.
2) You need a person who doesn’t just listen but challenges you to step up
A good recovery coach will call you on your bullshit before your story even begins.
A counselor, therapist or psychiatrist will do three things:
a) Listen to you, which is great
b) Give you a prescription for a drug
c) Work with you in a group with other men and encourage you to share your feelings.
These are all fine, BUT a lot of men have therapists even though deep down they KNOW they aren’t accomplishing anything. All they have is an allotted time to unload their guilt to someone who will listen, then go right back to the behavior that’s destroying their life.
Come on!
You know you can bullshit your therapist and the reality is that you actually like doing that because it takes away responsibility from you and you feel like you are doing something.
With a recovery coach, with a mentor, you have to step up.
With a counselor, therapist or psychologist, you can keep acting like a little child and manipulating them and they’ll let you get away with it.
A recover Recovery Coach/Mentor will tell you:
“I see your challenge. Instead of dwelling on the past, let’s move forward and grow with this challenge. I’ve been where you are and I feel your pain. I overcame that very issue without sitting on a therapists couch for years, taking medication, or spending a fortune.”
A recovery coach listens to you- but deeply, beyond your words. He only speaks the truth and is only concerned with actions that get you specific results. Results that lead to growth.
During the process, you will discover that overcoming all the challenges you faced in the past are the very things that make you a strong, complete man.
A recovery coach will not allow you to run or hide from your challenges. He will guide you towards battling them face to face and in the process, you will grow in strength and resilience.
It certainly won’t be easy. But it will be worth it.
3) Discussing dating, relationships, and women with your friends and family is always a failing move
If you are aiming to overcome your porn addiction and create great relationships with women – relationships bursting with deep intimacy and connection, your friend who has been in a relationship and is now engaged to marry his high school sweetheart is not your best go to.
Your friend who has been a “natural” with women from day 1 has no idea what he is doing- he just does it and women love it. Your female friends can only tell you to just be yourself and the right woman will show up. But you know that your relationships with women are nowhere close to where you wish it to be.
Some of the best men’s recovery coaches have a background in dating, pickup and some sort of formalized dating training. Over time, that approached usually evolves into a healthier method of working with men.
A good mentor will start from the inside. He will teach you that being accepted by women, being attracted to the women you deserve begins with loving yourself. It begins with developing healthy self-esteem.
After that, you’ll know for the first time, the exact sort of woman that you desire. He’ll coach you into finding out where this woman hangs out, what she enjoys, and the specific aspects of your personality and lifestyle that she finds attractive. Many men can picture their ideal woman, but they are simply searching for her in the wrong places.
4) Didn’t have strong masculine role models while growing up
Perhaps you grew up without a father or, more likely you grew up with a father who wasn?t emotionally present for you. Maybe your father was a great man and did his very best, giving all he knew how to give.
Maybe your struggle with dealing with conflicts and you always try to avoid them, because you don’t want any problems. Maybe you have no idea what to do with attractive women.
Maybe you’re a submissive nice guy who always finds himself seeking men and women’s approval.
Maybe you’re the driven alpha male- always hustling, always struggling to validate yourself through hard work, financial and career achievement, nice cars, brand name item, and sexy women to mask your deep-seated pain.
Maybe you’ve even been described as feminine. There is nothing wrong with that. The masculine must eventually balance it out.
A masculine mentor will take your masculinity to the next level or several levels. He has demonstrated (not tell you) the healthy way to be authentic, respected and have all your physical, emotional and spiritual needs met without compromising your values.
5) Women subdue your masculinity
Everywhere today, women are wondering: “Where are all the real men??”
The real men are out there they just don’t know how to bring forth their masculinity.
To you, Women have become mere objects to be conquered sexually. Every time you are in the presence of an attractive woman, you are sexualizing her, wondering what she looks like naked or what it would be like to have sex with her.
The more attractive she is, the higher on a pedestal you place her. Women know this, and as result, they emasculate you and treat you like a kid.
You have only yourself to blame for this behavior as a result.
A recovery coach will not only show you how to maintain your masculinity with women, but how to magnify it so that there is no doubt in her mind that she is in the presence of a real man.
6) You are stumbling through the wilderness with no purpose
When was the last time you ask yourself:
Who the fuck am I??
What do I truly want for my life??
You work for someone else whom you don’t like and who dictates your hours and even your finances.
You keep your opinions to yourself even when your boundaries are crossed.
You drink, watch porn, smoke weed, browse facebook and watch sports to numb the pain of having no idea who the fuck you are.
You buy houses, cars, clothes, and electronics to make you feel good. Two weeks later, that new device isn’t making you as happy as it did initially- it’s just another object.
You are a fucking MAN.
Men need a mission. Men need something to conquer, something greater than them.
A recovery coach reignites the fire that died within you. He guides you towards your unique mission – One that you are willing to give your heart and soul to.
7) Emotional Freedom
Men are conditioned to keep their emotions bottled up. Crying is for little bitches. Showing emotion is seen as weakness.
The reality is that true strength in a man comes from vulnerability. Keeping your emotions deep inside you only cause pain and eventually leads to you releasing them in unhealthy ways.
Men process emotions differently from women. A mentor does not fear emotions- neither his nor yours and he will teach you how to handle emotions in a masculine way.
8) Going through life without close male friends.
Close male friends are not your boys that you grab drinks with, but real men who are supportive of you.
Men are afraid to approach other men and tell them they have a fear or problem because they are afraid that they will be told to shut up and Man up.
I GUARANTEE you that ANY man who cannot connect with other men is a sad, sometimes depressed and most definitely lonely man.
As a human being, you have a need for connection- without it, you are incomplete and you will wither. Men are literally killing themselves because they have no outlet. No one talks about it because society does not care to broadcast the statistics of men who take their lives.
That’s why you are sitting alone in your room with your escalating porn addiction, your loneliness, your shame, guilt and lack of self-confidence. That’s why the male suicide, domestic violence, and sexual assault rates are at an all-time high and you will never hear of it.
No One Is Coming and men die because of that.
Where are other men you can share your truth with? Do you have men who will listen and not judge you?
Your close male friends are often the only people you can count on. Yes, even after your family, spouse and even children have deserted you, you close masculine male friends will be the only ones standing by your side in brotherhood.
This is such a powerful fact, yet many men neglect this all-important part of their life.
9) You believe that strength means being a lone wolf
What makes you a man is NOT your ability to figure life out on your own, but instead seeking the help and companionship of others on your journey. So many men stay hooked on porn because of the feel that they can figure it out on their own.
You can’t!!
Our egos will cause us to spend time, money and incredible amounts of energy trying to make it on our own because we are afraid of looking weak in the eyes of other men.
Issues that could be solved in moments by seeking the help of someone more experienced go on for years unsolved as you scour the internet, credit card in hand, searching of the magic pill that will solve your problem.
There is nothing in the world that another masculine, experienced man somewhere doesn’t already know.
This is why in ancient times, there were Masters and Disciples. There were craftsmen and apprentices. When men were men, they knew that they had to learn from one who had gone before them. These days, Google is most men?s recovery coach and mentor.
When you seek help from a mentor, you are not weak. Your mentor will not judge you or make fun of you. Instead, you gain another man who is serving out HIS purpose, which is- getting you back in touch with your true masculinity – your true power.
10) You are no longer going all out
All we have is this one life and all we do is look at what others are doing and try to keep up.
At one point, maybe you did go all in. Now you’re comfortable. You’re playing small. Maybe you’re waiting for the benefits of not masturbating to kick in…maybe you’re waiting to quit porn.
When you are going all out and playing the game of life for real, life PLAYS BACK.
Life charges up the masculinity in you. You find yourself getting respect from other men, becoming less tolerant of your addictions, you get more attraction from women and most importantly, you respect yourself.
Finally:
You may not know it, but there are recovery coaches- mentors out there who live to support other men.
Porn Addiction Counseling lead men to their authentic selves and empower them to experience freedom, love, and fulfillment in their relationships businesses and in their lives
Recovery Coaches keep you in integrity. They make you a man who loves women vulnerably, and shamelessly. They help you regain and maintain that fighting spirit that is every mans genetic right. They unleash the true masculine man within you.
You have two options.
This can be just another blog post to you. You can lie to yourself and tell yourself that this is just more motivational, rah-rah feel-good bullshit. Or you can take the difficult path. You can put your ego aside and ask for the support you need to become the Man you know you really are.
Yes, it’s scary.
It’s scary to go all out, to decide to make something of our lives. It’s not a journey you have to take alone, though. There are men out in the world who will help you achieve your greatness.
Are you ready to become the greatest man you are capable of becoming?
It isn’t too late to late gain control of your out of control sexual behavior and bad habits to become the hero, the movie star of your own life.
Personally, There is nothing you have experienced when it comes to porn addiction that I haven’t, so don’t feel any shame or hesitation about finding out if you need a mentor.
Do NOT put in an application if you are not 100% ready to change your life.
I’m J.K, your brother in this struggle and I wish you the best in your recovery from your porn addiction. If you found this helpful share it a few other men, and don’t forget to subscribe. I release two every week.
Porn Addiction and compulsive behavior can affect anyone regardless of their socioeconomic background. Unfortunately, many highly successful individuals struggle with their addictions in silence and are unable to get help for a myriad of reasons. …
There is quit a bit of confusion around the effects of pornography on sexual health. Some guys email me asking about porn induced erectile dysfunction (PIED), others worry about when they will regain “morning wood” which refers to the erections men with healthy testosterone levels experience when they wake up in the morning.
Gary Wilson, from YourBrainOnPorn developed a simple test for guys to find out if their sexual performance is directly related to porn or instead, comes from performance anxiety.
I’ve modified his this test based on my surveys with over 300 of my one on one clients as well as my personal experience with PIED.
As you know- recovery from porn addiction changed my life in every way- my health, finances, relationships and mindset become better through recovery. For the underachieving, below average guy who isn’t hitting his potential, recovery is self improvement. My life is a testimony to that.
I believe that men who suffer from PIED should recover and have even better sexual health than what they experienced prior to addiction. If you’ve never had sex,no worries- my method of recovery will put in you a position to not just perform well sexually, but to constantly improve over time. The truth is, if you suffer from PIED, are a virgin and plan on being sexually active, you don’t really have a choice.
Lets begin:
1) Visit a Urologist and get some tests done. Urologists are physicians who specialize in the genitourinary tract. This includes the bladder, adrenal glands, reproductive organs, kidneys and urethra. They also specialize in male fertility with the training to medically and surgically treat any diseases that affect these organs.
A good portion of my clients have visited a urologist only to find that they have severely low testosterone levels, which is a common problem in most men today.
Processed food, personal care products containing parabens (over 90% of mens deodorants and lotions contain testosterone destroying chemicals), and lifestyle choices among other factors contribute to low testosterone levels.
Low testosterone zaps your motivation, leaves you feeling constantly fatigued and eliminates your desire for sex .
Understandably, not everyone had access to a urologist or the insurance to cover a visit. An affordable alternative is to have all your tests done at home. Personally, during extended stays away from my physician, either for business or out of the country working with a client, I use EverlyWell. This company provides affordable in-home tests, which can be mailed back to them. You receive your test results and an analysis back within a in a few days.
The best part? They work with a physician network to ensure that your test requisition is authorized by a board-certified physician in your state and that your results are reviewed and released by a physician prior to you receiving them.
In fact, I get my hormone levels checked with them three times a year and I’m about to take their Testosterone test right now.
To see the variety of affordable tests EverlyWell offers, click on the image below. At checkout, use the PornReboot code “MY2017” for 10% off your test of choice.
2) Imagine your favorite porn scene and masturbate to it ONCE. Do not watch porn. If you are in recovery and haven’t slipped, this doesn’t apply to you for now. Your recovery and reboot takes priority over potential ED. Skip #2 & #3 and go straight to your urologist or pick up a kit from EverlyWell
3) At another time- a few days later, for instance, masturbate without fantasizing to porn or without a fantasy. Simply masturbate with no visual or mental aids- just pure stimulation.When you are done, compare two things:
How long it took you to achieve orgasm each timeThe strength of your erection in both situations
If you are sexually healthy, you shouldn’t experience any problems with achieving orgasm in both occasions
If you are unable to masturbate or orgasm without a fantasy, but have no problems when you vividly replay a porn scene, you most likely suffer from Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction.(PIED)
If you don’t have any issues with your erection or orgasm without the aid of a fantasy, but when having sex you have trouble maintaining or getting an erection, you most likely have Erectile Dysfunction brought about by anxiety.
If you suffer from PIED, your porn habit has got to stop immediately.The recover time for Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction varies, but it is something that can cause you significant worry.
2) Immediately install a filter and get accountability. The best and most advanced filter with built in accountability comes from Covenant Eyes
3) If you suffer from PIED and can’t seem to control your behavior of watching porn, schedule a call with me to get expert help on your specific situation.
