It’s a bright Tuesday morning in Rome and I’ve finally got the best sleep I missed in weeks- seven hours. I’m excited for a solid morning routine.

 

As I drink my coffee and write out my gratitude list, a warm feeling of safety and contentment fills my chest.

This always happens when I’m alone-early mornings, writing goals, reading , meditating…

 

I’m reminded that one of the best forms of self-care is solitude.

 

As a former porn addict, being alone was uncomfortable. When you have low self-esteem and can only “act” confident in front of others, being alone forces you to face your insecurities… the nagging self-critical voice inside your head .

 

I didn’t know it then, but I had conditioned myself to avoid the discomfort of BEING ME by watching porn.

 

Porn took me to a magical place of taboo pleasures. An escape into the secret body parts of strangers, the more bizarre the better. It consumed my being. Being alone slowly evolved into being with porn.

 

Eventually, it escalated into sex. Now, fueled by alcohol, abs, and some confidence, I could actually experience these pleasures. The internal statement was “I’m a man. I GET to do these things”

 

It’s a sobering realization, you know? Recognizing that as a tee,n I only wanted to be a man so I could do what I saw in porn.

 

That my identity was as “sex and pleasure obtaining being”. That everything- money, relationships, conversations was a means to an end – sex. That no goal was worthwhile unless the reward could be in some way tied to sex.

 

Have you become that way, too?

 

Secretly linking every goal to sex?

 

I broke free by first relearning to be alone with myself.

 

Slowly, I learned to love myself.

 

Solitude gives you space to focus on what you want to achieve in life.

 

Who you want to be. And you have to care about YOU to do any of it.

We care about the futures of those we love. We want them to experience peace and happiness.

 

We motivate them to make better decisions- we take care of them and protect them.

 

Solitude allows you to do all of the above for YOU.

 

YOU must be your number 1 fan.

 

YOU must love, motivate, and plan for peace, happiness, and abundance in your life.

 

It cannot happen unless you learn to love being alone. To love yourself.

 

Solitude is not selfish. It demonstrates that you are dedicated to yourself and to those you serve.

 

I came to see that by focusing on myself, on what I want to achieve in this life and why, I came to love myself.

 

This meant embracing ALL my flaws.

 

We spend so much time highlighting ( and hiding our flaws) that we rarely give ourselves time to nurture- even celebrate our strengths.

 

Slowly from a place of self love, my purpose became clear.

 

Anytime we neglect solitude, life gets a little foggy- even in the company of others.

 

Speaking of which, it’s time to return to the solitude of my morning routine.

 

I hope you have a good one as well.