Discover 7 Secrets To Eliminate Porn Addiction Forever


Sharing Fetishes with Accountability Partners

Sharing Fetishes with Accountability Partners

Today’s post comes from a great question our brother brought to the group recently. He asked:

“I’ve been struggling with relapsing lately and notice that I get triggered in my day-to-day public life due to my fetishes. I’ve been mostly open with my accountability partners about where I am. A week ago, I broke out of relapse by being open and speaking about feeling overwhelmed with urges and negative thinking. 

“So far I’ve not felt comfortable sharing details about my fetishes and what triggers me because it leaves me with deep feelings of shame. Is it important to be explicit about my fetishes or behaviors with my accountability partners? Is this the same as being vulnerable? What is your advice regarding details I should or shouldn’t share?”

This is a great question. I know that all of us are familiar with the feeling of shame. We spent months, years, or decades consumed by overwhelming amounts of shame. It’s difficult to end your out-of-control behavior and still feel some level of that shame about your normal, natural sexual behavior.

Personally, I don’t believe that fetishes are a bad thing. Unless it’s a porn-induced fetish that you aren’t truly aroused by, fetishes are a normal part of sexuality. In all my years of talking to men about their out-of-control behavior, I haven’t once heard of one that made me think a brother is weird or disturbed. Human sexuality is a fascinating thing and fetishes are a natural part of it.

However, I also don’t believe that you need to share your fetishes with everyone. They are a private part of your personal life that not everyone gets to know about. You must build trust first before sharing more intimate details about yourself and your life. You don’t have to tell everyone about everything; that’s not honesty or vulnerability, that’s oversharing caused by a lack of boundaries.

Vulnerability means courage. It involves doing or talking about something that you aren’t completely comfortable with. Not everyone deserves your vulnerability right off the bat, though. You want to strongly consider the people who you choose to share deeper things like this with.

I think this brother needs to share about his fetishes with his accountability partners especially if they put him at risk of relapsing. It’s good to have a few people you can turn to and talk with about these parts of your life. However, just like it takes time to develop trust with anyone in your life, it takes time to develop trust with your accountability partners. 

Shame is a powerful feeling that keeps many of us living in mental or emotional isolation. Thinking on how to stop porn addiction and Breaking through that shame barrier takes time but I guarantee that your accountability partners have things they want to share, too. If you reach a place where you feel comfortable sharing, I bet your accountability partner will share a thing or two himself.

I think it’s important to have a small group of trusted men whom you can be vulnerable with. This includes sharing your fetishes with these brothers once you’ve built enough trust in one another. Having a primary group keeps you from feeling like you have to move through the world by yourself, or like you can’t relate to or connect with anyone. 

If you don’t have any accountability partners yet, I invite you to join us in the free Porn Reboot Facebook group. The group is filled with hundreds of men who understand the struggles of living with an out-of-control sexual behavior as well as the feeling of finding freedom from it. Plenty of guys are willing to talk with you and step up as accountability partners.

One of the best things about the Porn Reboot program is that you never need to feel alone again. The moment you join us and get in the middle, you’ll find yourself surrounded by a brotherhood of incredible men. I look forward to seeing you in the group!


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Overcoming Porn-Induced Fetishes: Reclaiming Natural Arousal

Overcoming Porn-Induced Fetishes

“Hey J.K., how do we get rid of porn-induced fetishes? In my case, I have fantasies of being dominated. Things like femdom, face-sitting, edging, and even pegging are a turn-on. When I hear or read the word dominant or domination, it involuntarily makes me think of femdom. And sometimes I even get a soft erection from just hearing the word.

“It makes me disgusted and yet I still find pleasure in it. I’ve started to meditate to increase my awareness of these thoughts and emotions, but every time my mind thinks of pornography it fantasizes about domination. Will this go away with time as I abstain from pornography or do I have to address it in a specific way?”

Porn-induced fetishes are a common experience for plenty of men who deal with porn addiction. I’ve written and talked about them in the past, offering various techniques for overcoming them. As you get deeper into your compulsive porn use, you must seek out more extreme genres to achieve arousal. This usually means finding yourself watching increasingly questionable types of pornography, things you may not have imagined yourself interested in.

Over time, these varying kinds of pornography can affect your arousal template. You might find yourself stimulated by acts that you were never intrigued by in the past. This is exactly what this brother is experiencing now with his femdom fantasies. 

Before I go further, I want to point out that there’s nothing wrong with fetishes. Human sexual behavior covers a vast range of interests, fantasies, and fetishes, and you’ll learn to be comfortable with your preferences as you reboot. Today I’m talking about those that are strictly porn-induced, not those that are a genuine part of your sexuality.

I also want to reassure you that you can overcome porn-induced fetishes. More often than not they aren’t a permanent thing. Time away from porn should help you return to your normal arousal template. If you commit to the reboot process you’ll find that you can overcome a lot more than you ever imagined.

Developing awareness is the primary way to work through your unwanted porn-induced fetishes. Self-awareness is key to separating your natural sexual interests from those that arose as a result of your porn addiction. Learning to recognize feelings you experience when thinking about different sexual experiences is key to this process.

For example, porn-induced fetishes cause feelings of shame, regret, and disgust. If you notice any of these arising, you’re likely dealing with one that’s porn addiction problems. The more you learn about yourself and the more you remove porn from your life, the easier it will be to separate the two.

This awareness comes as part of the reboot process. It takes time to figure out what parts are leftover from your porn addiction and what parts are your natural arousal template. As you stick with the system, though, you develop clarity of mind and body. You recognize what is and isn’t for you. And it’s not because you’re fighting your brain; it’s because you’re working with it.

Once you’re fully rebooted, you’ll find that fetishes that left you feeling disgusted with yourself are no longer a part of your life. You won’t feel that small bit of excitement like our brother does when he hears the word “dominant.” Those old fetishes will no longer have power over you and you’ll get to walk the world a free man. This incredible gift is only one of the many things you’ll find as part of the process in Porn Reboot.

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Top 10 Porn Addiction Symptoms: Unusual Porn Fetishes

Top 10 Porn Addiction Symptoms: Unusual Porn Fetishes

Porn addiction is a serious problem for thousands of men around the world. I know this is true because I’ve worked with many of them in my almost 15 years of building the Porn Reboot program. It’s something that can destroy a man’s life and strip him of everything worth living for when it gets bad enough.

Pornography is a growing issue, especially for men who are exposed to it during their younger years. Excessive porn use alters natural brain chemistry and causes a wide range of negative effects. Are you wondering whether your pornography use might be a problem? Over the next few weeks, I want to cover 10 of the most common porn addiction problems I see among men seeking help in the Porn Reboot program. These include:

If you’re like the rest of us in the Porn Reboot program, I know you’ve asked yourself at least a few times why you’re watching certain types of porn. Over time you’ve likely stumbled into some odd genres that you never imagined finding arousing. You might feel ashamed or embarrassed about the things you watch, yet you come back to them night after night.

Unusual porn fetishes are a huge part of porn addiction symptoms. Any guy who watches porn for a long time knows it’s fairly normal to progress from one genre to another. Similar to drugs or alcohol, your brain develops a “tolerance” for your usual porn genre. Once your go-to videos don’t do it for you anymore, you have to move on to another type of scene.

Most of the time we start with straight porn but that becomes boring after a while. Then we move into varying genres, from lesbians to interracial to gay men to transgender people and so on. Eventually, you may progress into watching more intense, aggressive, and hardcore scenes. Some men reach the point of watching illegal material, too.

The shock and excitement of taboo sex tend to be the thing that causes you to orgasm. Unfortunately, you send a signal to your brain that says, “Hey, this feels good and I’m totally cool with getting off on this,” each time you orgasm to one of these fetishes. Oftentimes they aren’t things you would ever participate in in real life, but you continue watching them play out on the screen day after day.

The most important thing I want to stress is that the kind of porn you masturbate to isn’t an indicator of your sexual orientation. I know it’s something that lots of men worry about when they find themselves watching gay porn. Watching these genres of porn doesn’t necessarily mean you’re gay or even bisexual.

I’ve talked with many gay men who, through repeated exposure to porn, developed a sexual attraction to females. They were never interested in women before in their lives yet the porn they watched altered their arousal template. The same applies to straight men who watch gay porn. 

Still, this doesn’t keep men from fearing that porn changed their sexual orientation. Again, this isn’t true. If you’re concerned about this, you may be dealing with something called a homosexual obsessive compulsive disorder, or HOCD. It’s the persistent fear that you may have a different sexual orientation than you imagined. Men who watch porn genres opposite to their sexuality often struggle with it but they do so in silence.

Ultimately, any unusual porn fetishes you consume may alter your arousal template for the time you’re watching porn. However, once you eliminate porn, sex, and masturbation from your life, those compulsive fetishes dissipate. You’ll learn what really arouses you and what was porn-induced. And it’s not something you have to handle alone because nearly every man in the Porn Reboot program understands this symptom from personal experience.

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