Discover 7 Secrets To Eliminate Porn Addiction Forever

how to stop porn addiction

Using Your Morning Routine to Eliminate Negative Emotions

What does a typical morning look like for you?

Do you get up on your first alarm or do you hit the snooze button a few times? Do you leave yourself time to settle into the day or do you hustle straight from bed to the car to the first thing on your schedule? Do you have a morning routine in place or is each morning a haphazard attempt to get your day started as quickly as possible?

Be honest.

If you’re like most men at the start of their reboot, you probably sleep as late as possible and rush out the door. You don’t use your mornings to set the pace for your day; you’re hardly even awake and intentional with them in the first place.

Morning routines may sound a bit played out at this point. It seems like everyone worth anything has at least some sort of morning routine in place. But perhaps that’s the case because there’s something to be said about morning routines.

I believe that starting your morning intentionally with a set routine is one of the most effective ways to have a good day. Over time I’ve found that they’re a powerful tool for a successful reboot, useful for improving mindfulness, eliminating negative emotions, and more. A reboot routine is specifically designed for you to control your day and get the most out of each one.

If you’re intentional about your mornings, you can start every day with a blank slate in your mind. It takes practice and consistency but it’s the most effective way to operate. Here are some tips to get you started as you start developing a morning routine.

No Electronics

I avoid my phone entirely when I first wake up. No texting, no emails, no social media, not even my calendar app. If you’re the type of guy who wakes up in the morning and scrolls through Instagram, Facebook, or the news first thing, you need to stop. All this does is transform your blank slate into an ever-expanding to-do list. Additionally, any negativity you consume in the morning can set the pace for the remainder of your day. Electronics are strictly off-limits for me for the first hour of the day.

Meditate in the Morning

Meditation is a crucial part of the reboot process for many men. One of the best tips I have to offer is to practice meditation in the morning before the day has a chance to get away from you. Consistent morning practice will contribute to that blank slate we’re hoping to achieve from the morning routine process. If you want to incorporate meditation into your day, I recommend you do it in the morning just like I do.

Start Your Days Quietly

Other than my alarm, I don’t listen to anything during the earliest part of my day. I don’t put on music or podcasts or even white noise. I allow myself to sit in the silence of the morning as I move through the first few aspects of my morning routine. It’s not until those things are completed that I take my phone out, and even then it’s only to put my headphones in and listen to affirmations. Those affirmations are the first thing I hear each morning before I head to the gym.

Recognize That Your Routine Is an Investment

How to stop porn addiction?

Martin Luther, a famous Protestant reformer, said something that I’ve always remembered: “I have so much to do that I shall spend the first three hours of the day in prayer.” I’m sure that sounds insane and counterproductive when you first hear it, but it’s true. The more time you set aside to get your mind right in the morning, the less time you’ll waste throughout the day. 

I find that to be true for my morning routine. Every minute I invest pays itself back as I move smoothly and successfully through my day. If you haven’t taken the time to establish and follow through on a morning routine, I highly recommend you try it. 

Take a few of these tips and find some practices that work for you. Make adjustments until you find a combination that sends you into the most effective day possible. There’s power in a morning routine, brother; harness it and use it to your advantage.

80-Hour Workweeks and Working Out

If you’ve been around the Porn Reboot program for any length of time, you know that I often stress the importance of working out. I believe that regular exercise is a necessary part of a healthy life and a successful reboot. Lifting weights was a huge part of my early reboot and I believe it’s vital for every man to incorporate it as well.

However, a lot of men also work long hours as they try to advance their careers once free from their out-of-control sexual behavior. I did the same thing, too. I think it stems from wanting to make up for lost time and recoup from poor financial decisions during our active addiction.

A brother asked a question regarding these two things recently. He said:

“J.K., I’ve been working 60- to 80-hour weeks lately. My workout routine has taken a serious hit because of it, so I switched to morning workouts to make things at least a little more consistent. What other hacks can I use to have killer workouts when I’m working this much?”

While this is a great question that addresses one of the most vital aspects of the reboot process, it’s also rather vague. I opted to lift weights because my goal was to put on muscle, but many different outcomes can come from working out. What does this brother mean by a “killer workout”? Is he trying to get his heart rate up? Is he trying to improve his endurance? Is he trying to build muscle? Is he trying to lose body fat? 

You also need to ask yourself the same question if you’re wondering how to optimize your workout time while working long hours. Once you have some clarity about your workout goals, it’s much easier to determine the best ways to optimize your workouts.

If you’re trying to improve your endurance or lose fat, focusing on cardio is likely your best bet. If you want to build muscle or gain strength, spending your time lifting weights will be the most productive approach. If you’re interested in something like mixed martial arts, dedicating time to a few classes per week will be worth it.

You must get clear on what you want to accomplish with your fitness if your workload is as heavy as you say it is. If you can’t outline your workout goals, then working out isn’t as big of a priority as you believe it to be.

If you’re working 60- to 80-hour weeks and still wanting to build other areas of your life, I suggest you start with an activity inventory. Spend a week writing down everything you do throughout the day from the moment you wake up until the moment you go to bed. How much time do you spend working? How much time do you spend engaged in personal activities? How much time do you spend on your phone? How much time do you spend screwing around?

You need to get honest with yourself about where your time goes each day. Taking an activity inventory makes it nearly impossible to fool yourself about what you’re doing. If you find that more time is spent goofing off than actually working, perhaps you can consolidate your work hours and leave more time for yourself at the end of the day.

I know that it’s possible to get workouts in when you’re working long weeks because I did it myself. I’ve also watched dozens of brothers manage it in all the time I’ve spent working with men as they rebuild their lives in the Porn Reboot program. Anyone can have effective workouts if they get clear on their goals and prioritize their fitness.

You hear plenty of people make excuses for why they can’t make time to work out, even with only a 40-hour workweek. But we’re not like everyone else. Asking the question on how to stop porn addiction, The men in the Porn Reboot group are determined to make the most out of every moment of life. From family to fitness to career and more, we won’t settle for anything less than the best of ourselves. And if we can do it, I know that you can, too.

Sharing Fetishes with Accountability Partners

Today’s post comes from a great question our brother brought to the group recently. He asked:

“I’ve been struggling with relapsing lately and notice that I get triggered in my day-to-day public life due to my fetishes. I’ve been mostly open with my accountability partners about where I am. A week ago, I broke out of relapse by being open and speaking about feeling overwhelmed with urges and negative thinking. 

“So far I’ve not felt comfortable sharing details about my fetishes and what triggers me because it leaves me with deep feelings of shame. Is it important to be explicit about my fetishes or behaviors with my accountability partners? Is this the same as being vulnerable? What is your advice regarding details I should or shouldn’t share?”

This is a great question. I know that all of us are familiar with the feeling of shame. We spent months, years, or decades consumed by overwhelming amounts of shame. It’s difficult to end your out-of-control behavior and still feel some level of that shame about your normal, natural sexual behavior.

Personally, I don’t believe that fetishes are a bad thing. Unless it’s a porn-induced fetish that you aren’t truly aroused by, fetishes are a normal part of sexuality. In all my years of talking to men about their out-of-control behavior, I haven’t once heard of one that made me think a brother is weird or disturbed. Human sexuality is a fascinating thing and fetishes are a natural part of it.

However, I also don’t believe that you need to share your fetishes with everyone. They are a private part of your personal life that not everyone gets to know about. You must build trust first before sharing more intimate details about yourself and your life. You don’t have to tell everyone about everything; that’s not honesty or vulnerability, that’s oversharing caused by a lack of boundaries.

Vulnerability means courage. It involves doing or talking about something that you aren’t completely comfortable with. Not everyone deserves your vulnerability right off the bat, though. You want to strongly consider the people who you choose to share deeper things like this with.

I think this brother needs to share about his fetishes with his accountability partners especially if they put him at risk of relapsing. It’s good to have a few people you can turn to and talk with about these parts of your life. However, just like it takes time to develop trust with anyone in your life, it takes time to develop trust with your accountability partners. 

Shame is a powerful feeling that keeps many of us living in mental or emotional isolation. Thinking on how to stop porn addiction and Breaking through that shame barrier takes time but I guarantee that your accountability partners have things they want to share, too. If you reach a place where you feel comfortable sharing, I bet your accountability partner will share a thing or two himself.

I think it’s important to have a small group of trusted men whom you can be vulnerable with. This includes sharing your fetishes with these brothers once you’ve built enough trust in one another. Having a primary group keeps you from feeling like you have to move through the world by yourself, or like you can’t relate to or connect with anyone. 

If you don’t have any accountability partners yet, I invite you to join us in the free Porn Reboot Facebook group. The group is filled with hundreds of men who understand the struggles of living with an out-of-control sexual behavior as well as the feeling of finding freedom from it. Plenty of guys are willing to talk with you and step up as accountability partners.

One of the best things about the Porn Reboot program is that you never need to feel alone again. The moment you join us and get in the middle, you’ll find yourself surrounded by a brotherhood of incredible men. I look forward to seeing you in the group!

 

How to Stop Porn Addiction

Pornography is a touchy topic to talk about.

It’s something that you engage with during private times. Millions of people view porn to varying degrees, with tens of thousands accessing porn sites every second. Not everyone believes watching porn is problematic, but problems do arise for some people who view it.

Porn addiction is a serious problem for an estimated 3 to 6% of the population in the United States.1 Exact numbers are difficult to come by because high-speed internet pornography took off faster than researchers could keep up. People are also hesitant to talk about porn addiction problems because of the stigma surrounding them.

But you’ll never learn how to stop porn addiction if you aren’t able to ask for help. Still, the guilt and shame that people feel about their porn use make it almost impossible to reach out. Is there hope for people with pornography addiction? It may feel like compulsive porn use and masturbation will never go away, but there are tools you can use to overcome porn addiction.

What is Pornography Addiction?

Plenty of people view porn occasionally and the wide range of internet browsing data available backs that up. Use has skyrocketed over the last few decades, spurred by a few factors. Public opinion regarding porn has relaxed significantly. Additionally, the evolution of the internet has placed high-speed internet porn into the hands of anyone with a smartphone.

While not everyone who uses porn develops a problem, some become dependent on the images and videos they consume. Pornography addiction is the compulsive and uncontrolled use of pornography. Porn addiction has become a serious problem alongside the skyrocketing rates of pornography use among the population.

Some clinicians suggest that porn addiction problems are not a “real diagnosis.” They misunderstand the impact that porn has on men, especially as it has evolved over the last few years. Porn addiction causes difficulties in relationships, careers, families, and society as a whole.

How Porn Addiction Starts

Porn addiction problems are serious and often progressive. It typically begins during adolescence, often as an accidental exposure. With the incredible amount of pornography available on even the most common of sites, it’s difficult for children to avoid it entirely.

Young boys often seek out porn to learn more about sex or to explore themselves sexually.2 The sudden rush of dopamine from porn and masturbation becomes appealing to some of these young men and they continue engaging with it.

Most don’t realize they have a porn addiction problem until it’s too late. Oftentimes it starts during adolescence and progresses during their teenage years. When most or all sexual experiences occur on a screen, though, it severely affects sexual development. This lack of experience carries into adulthood and becomes a serious and ever-increasing problem.

Porn Addiction Symptoms

How do you know when porn addiction becomes a problem? There are some porn addiction symptoms you can look for to determine whether your use has crossed the line. Symptoms of pornography addiction include things like:

  • Losing interest in sex
  • Using porn to manage or cope with difficult emotions, such as sadness, anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues
  • Experiencing relationship problems with your spouse or partner because of your pornography use
  • Watching porn in risky situations, such as at work, in your car, or another public place
  • Ignoring responsibilities to watch porn
  • Having trouble focusing on tasks and activities because of preoccupation with thinking about porn
  • Viewing progressively more intense or extreme genres of porn to feel the same sense of arousal
  • Feeling ashamed, guilty, or frustrated for watching porn but continuing to watch it
  • Spending lots of time either watching porn, thinking about porn, or feeling tired from watching it for long periods
  • Spending lots of money on pornography, chat sites, or cam sites, even at the expense of necessities
  • Watching illegal genres of pornography after “vanilla” porn is no longer engaging
  • Progressing to real-life enactments of taboo or illegal acts seen in preferred genres of porn
  • Wanting to stop using porn but finding yourself unable to

If you notice any of the signs above, you may want to reconsider your relationship with pornography. It’s easy to convince yourself that you don’t have a problem. If you aren’t able to control your use, though, and it continues to get worse, it’s time to reach out for help.

How to Stop Porn Addiction

Learning how to stop porn addiction starts with asking for help. The Porn Reboot system offers a simple, straightforward solution to your problem with porn addiction. We understand that porn is not a moral problem and it doesn’t mean you’re worthless. There is a biological explanation for your preference for porn but it’s long surpassed its usefulness.

Instead, the Porn Reboot program equips you with the tools and skills necessary to overcome porn addiction. It starts right here with you. Make the decision to reach out today and begin your journey to freedom from the grips of porn addiction.

References

  1. Journal of Clinical Medicine. (2019). Online Porn Addiction: What We Know and What We Don’t.
  2. Enough is Enough. (2021). Pornography.

 

Managing Your Weekends As a Porn Addict

Weekends are a tricky time for men in the porn addiction counseling or our Porn Reboot program.

It’s easier to get through the week because your time is likely scheduled already. You have your full-time job, your gym routine, and other things you need to handle throughout the week. There isn’t much time left for you to act out because much of your week is already set up.

However, weekends can feel like a free-for-all. You don’t have 8 hours of the day accounted for by your job. Your kids aren’t in school. Many men keep their gym days to weekdays so they can use the weekends to rest. Having all this free time is a recipe for disaster for men who struggle with out-of-control sexual behavior.

If you find that weekends are especially difficult for you, you may need to adjust how you rest on the weekends. You set yourself up for failure when you work yourself ragged Monday through Friday and completely let go on the weekends. You’re more likely to slip when you’re exhausted, which is inevitable after a full week.

I find that too much free time isn’t a good thing for me, though, weekends included. I schedule every day of my life because I find it’s a more effective approach for me. At the start of my porn addiction recovery , the idea of leaving a day completely open was appealing to me, especially after a long week. But porn inevitably found its way into that lazy day so I had to do something different.

Most men do not have a schedule during the weekends. I see that a lot when I talk to men who are new to the system. I’ve found that creating a schedule on Saturdays and Sundays, just like I do Monday through Friday, is the best way for me to manage my weekends.

I’m not saying that you need to be busy all of Saturday and Sunday, too. You can still rest on the weekends without letting them go completely. I find that men in the Porn Reboot program need to adjust the way they rest. Rest doesn’t have to mean lying on the couch watching football all Sunday. I find that active rest is the best way for me to use my time on the weekends.

Active rest involves some form of mental or physical stimulation that doesn’t break your body down. This could include things like going for a walk, taking a hike, reading a book, or playing board games with friends. You can even schedule dates during your weekend afternoons or evenings if you’re at that stage of your reboot.

There are plenty of ways to fill your weekend without being busy for the sake of being busy, and without lazing around all day. Both of these extremes are harmful because they aren’t sustainable. But the best approach is to find enjoyable activities to fill your weekends with. These should be things that are fun to do that don’t leave you feeling exhausted on Sunday night.

It will take some time to get used to active rest on the weekends but it’s the best way to manage them during your reboot. The best way to start this process is to outline your plan with your accountability partner. Let them know what your schedule is for the weekend and ask that they hold you accountable for it. 

If you don’t already have an accountability partner, come join us in the Free Porn Reboot Facebook group. You can connect with men working on various stages of their reboot and find some who will help keep you accountable. The two of you can support one another in your reboot process and ensure you both stay on track!

How to Stop Edging

I recently made a video talking about why edging is worse for your brain than masturbating. It led to a lot of dialogue in the Porn Reboot groups as brothers shared their experiences on how to stop porn addiction. Some understood my point while others seemed to miss it. One brother asked: 

“If I find myself edging, would it be beneficial to add a time limit so I can prevent the brain damage it causes? At what point can I reverse course or am I already past the point of no return? Is it a good thing if my slip is of a lesser duration? Thanks for your thoughts.”

Unfortunately, this brother didn’t seem to understand what I was getting at with that video. I don’t believe that slips and edging are “bad things”. I’ve talked about this many times before. Viewing them as “bad” only attaches emotion to an event. They are neither good nor bad. Instead, I believe you should simply view these experiences as data.

When you don’t treat slips or edging as data you begin treating them as an obstacle instead. But what happens when you come up against an obstacle? You must stop it. And how do you stop internal obstacles? You deploy willpower.

However, willpower does not work when it comes to the reboot process. Trying to exert willpower against your out-of-control behavior only works against your biology. But if you continue labeling things as “bad”, you’ll continue struggling with a willpower-based approach to rebooting. 

Here’s the thing, brother. If you find yourself edging as a way to avoid actually masturbating, there’s something else going on. There’s no point in just edging without finishing. If you’re already edging then you should just complete the job. There is no “reversing course”. The slip happens once you start the process.

Porn addiction, sex, and masturbation addiction is a behavioral addiction. You’re more addicted to the process of the experience than the orgasm itself. When you’re edging you’re still participating in part of the process. Looking for any other way around it is just looking for a way to justify your slip.

Instead of making excuses for your behavior, look at what caused it instead. Why did you get to a place where you felt the need to edge? Which area of your reboot capital is lacking? Are you bored? Are you getting enough sleep? Are you carrying out your morning reboot routine? Where are you going astray?

Once you understand where things are wrong, take action to fix them. Employ some of your tools and skills to strengthen the area that you’re struggling with. You’ll never stop edging if you don’t have the discipline and take the time to develop an awareness of your patterns and get to the bottom of the behavior. 

Hold yourself accountable to your accountability partner or the group and get back on track. You don’t need to attach emotional words to objective experiences. The longer you continue that, the longer it will take to overcome your behavior. 

If you’re still having trouble eliminating your behavior and don’t have an accountability partner yet, join us in the free Porn Reboot Facebook group. Hundreds of men in the group understand the struggle and have experiences to learn from. You don’t need to deal with your compulsive behavior alone – there’s an entire brotherhood here to help.

 

 

 

 

 

7 Skills To Master When Dating During Your Reboot

pexels anna tarazevich

Learning to how to quit porn addiction, sex, and masturbation isn’t easy. It’s a big challenge after struggling with your behavior for years. But there’s something that might be an even greater challenge: dating during your reboot.

Years of porn addiction problem destroy your humanity and affect how you view women. It keeps you from building true, authentic, intimate relationships with the women you date. Learning to have healthy relationships after overcoming compulsive behaviors with porn addiction problems, sex, and masturbation can be difficult.

However, I’ve got some skills that you can master while dating during your reboot. These will get you on the right track as you start getting back out into the dating world. Take time to implement each of these skills into your life and I guarantee it will make a noticeable difference.

1. Starting and maintaining interesting conversations

Lots of men don’t know how to hold interesting conversations. We are logical creatures and can keep things very surface level. We don’t need to dive too deep into our conversations with other men because we don’t find it necessary. Shooting the breeze is good enough for us.

However, conversing with women is different. You can’t take the bad habits you have from conversing with other men (speaking too fast, keeping things too surface level, talking about yourself too much, etc.) and expect a woman to be interested. Talking to her in this way is a massive turn-off and she won’t want to stick around.

You must learn to have interesting conversations by asking the right questions, listening, and  framing things in a funny way. You don’t have to be hilarious or exceptionally intelligent to have an interesting conversation. All you need to do is show some general interest in things outside yourself. Ask her questions about things that interest her and dig into her answers.

2. Demonstrate high social value

No woman wants to go out with a guy who is quiet and meek all the time. She’s interested in a man who holds his own, keeps his head up high, and interacts well with others. How do you interact with others when you’re out on a date? How do you converse with the server while you’re out to dinner? What do you do when someone approaches you on the street asking for money?

You shouldn’t talk about your high social value, you should show it. For example, confident men don’t need to parade around looking for assurance; they simply command it by the way they interact with people around them. Developing the ability to demonstrate high social value is crucial.

3. Ability to handle rejection

Dating is a numbers game, brother. You’re not going to land every single woman you talk to. You must get comfortable with being rejected. It shouldn’t be a big deal if a woman flakes on you or ghosts you. There’s no reason to get angry; it’s part of the game.

You must learn to handle rejection without having a big emotional response to it. The more you react when you experience rejection, the less interesting a woman will find you. The less you let it faze you, the better you will fare in the dating world.

4. Killer instinct

Killer instinct is a term I coined myself. It means learning to recognize when a woman is ready for you to make a move. When is it time to get her number? When is she ready for a kiss? When is it time to take her to your place? When is the time to initiate sex?

When you develop a killer instinct you’re no longer second-guessing yourself, you just know it’s time to make a move. You aren’t making them too early or waiting too long. Instead, when you have a killer instinct, you’re more forward and confident which makes you more attractive to women.

5. Developing stances and opinions

It’s in a woman’s nature to test a man’s opinions. She may test you by throwing out a statement to see if you’ll agree with her. She wants to see if you blindly agree with everything she says or if you have your own thoughts and opinions on matters.

Men who are afraid of having strong opinions or saying something contradictory are a turn-off to women. You’re not challenging her if you simply agree with everything she says. How is that interesting at all? Instead, develop your own stances and opinions and stick to them when a woman challenges your thoughts.

6. A sense of empathy

Just like dating isn’t the only thing going on in your life, dating shouldn’t be the only thing going on in her life either. You don’t want a woman who has no friends or hobbies because she won’t allow you the space and time to enjoy yours. 

This means she won’t have a schedule that’s completely open and ready to spend time with you. This also means she may have things that come up. An empathetic man will understand that she has things outside of dating that are also important. He doesn’t take it personally if she isn’t able to meet up at the drop of a hat.

However, don’t confuse empathy with being a doormat, either. If she bails on you regularly or consistently doesn’t have the time you’re looking for, it’s time to move on.

7. The ability to end an interaction

You must know when and how to end a text message thread, a phone call, a date, or a relationship the moment she crosses the line of what you find appropriate. You should already have a solid set of values, standards, and boundaries in place before starting to date. Once she oversteps too many of these things, it’s time to end your interaction.

You should respect yourself enough to end the interaction when it no longer serves you. You shouldn’t hang around simply because you want some attention or want to get laid. Recognize that there are more women out there and get back in the game. Don’t sit around waiting on this one girl who has shown you that she isn’t worth your time.

These Are Only the Start

These skills are just some of the skills that will help you develop a confident air while dating. They are some of the primary things your behavior with porn and masturbation took away from you. And bringing them back into your life will make a massive difference when you begin dating again.

If you have any other ideas about necessary skills while dating during your reboot, come share them with the Porn Reboot Facebook group. You’ll find plenty of brothers getting back into the dating game who you can learn from, and who you can share your tips with as well. Come join the conversation today!

Can I Quit Cigarettes, Weed, and Porn Altogether?

Today’s topic comes from a question a brother brought up. He says:

“Hey, J.K. I feel like I might be trying to do too much at one time and it’s making it hard to focus on my reboot. I’m trying to quit smoking cigarettes, quit smoking marijuana, and quit porn, all while trying to navigate my feelings about separating from my partner. 

“How can I navigate all of this and remain successful? Am I trying to do too much at once? How do you avoid falling into the trap of, ‘I’m not looking at porn so it’s okay to masturbate as long as I don’t use it’?”

Porn addiction problems are devastating for men to overcome. It leaves you consumed with shame and guilt for your behavior and separated from the people around you. When you struggle with more than one addiction, though, the problem becomes even harder. Plenty of men deal with other addictions alongside their porn problem. What is the best way to approach these issues? How to stop porn addiction along with other addictions?

First of all, this is probably more common than you think. A lot of brothers feel ending their out-of-control behavior creates a great opportunity to turn a new leaf in life. While it is a great opportunity to make some changes, it’s not a good idea to end every single compulsive behavior you have at once.

I’m not saying it’s impossible but it does make it much more difficult. It’s not the most realistic way of approaching a successful porn addiction recovery. You run the risk of overwhelming yourself by doing everything at the same time. In my experience, men who tackle these problems one at a time rather than all at once are far more successful in the long run. 

You can still take on too much at once during your reboot even if you don’t struggle with other addictions. I see it all the time. Men in the Porn Reboot group are talking about doing 75 Hard, about reading a book a week, about losing weight, and about starting a business, all while trying manage their erectile dysfunction and end their out-of-control behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation.

Unsurprisingly, the wheels fall off at some point and they end up in a bigger rut than before.

I’m all for becoming a stronger man and building a better life. But that doesn’t happen by sending yourself into a tailspin by trying to juggle multiple major changes simultaneously. Instead, I believe that taking on changes one at a time and committing them to your new lifestyle is a far more effective approach.

This brother also mentions that he’s trying to quit all of these behaviors while processing the feelings of a breakup. This adds another layer of difficulty to the problem because he’s removing every coping mechanism he’s built over the years. Eliminating all these ways of dealing with his emotions at once will only lead to a harder relapse.

Handling emotions is difficult for anyone in the Porn Reboot program. It’s not something that comes easily; it takes time, practice, and dedication. You may think that ripping the band aid off all at once is the best approach but you’re only making things harder on yourself.

Unless your substance use is putting you in dangerous situations or poses an immediate threat to your physical well-being, I recommend starting with your porn addiction. There’s a reason you’re here at the Porn Reboot program, after all. Start by implementing the Porn Reboot system in your life and fully embrace this approach to life.

Once you’ve gained control over your compulsive behavior, then you can shift your focus to other struggles. There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to wellness. You must determine which approach is best for you. But taking them on all at once is the least effective approach, brother. I’ve seen it time and time again. Choose one, master it, and then move on to the next.

Social Reboot Capital

We’re in the middle of a small series on the concept of reboot capital.  Just like a business needs capital to grow, your reboot needs capital to be positive and productive. There are five areas of your life where you need to build up reboot capital: 

  • Spiritual
  • Mental
  • Emotional
  • Physical
  • Social

Next up in our reboot capital series, brothers, is social reboot capital. Social reboot capital consists of activities that promote wellness within your interpersonal relationships. This includes your family, your friends, and your colleagues.

Human beings are social creatures and naturally seek the comfort and support of healthy relationships with others. However, as men who struggle with out-of-control behavior with porn addiction problems and masturbation, most of us do not have healthy relationships. We isolated ourselves because of the shame and guilt we felt

When we did have to spend time with others, more often than not we were irritated. Being around people took time away from what we really wanted to be doing: acting out. It drives a gap between us and those around us, making us more frustrating and difficult to be around.

A pivotal part of the reboot process involves learning to reintegrate with people. Building social reboot capital means building caring relationships with others while engaging in positive social interactions and behaviors.

I remember early in my reboot realizing that, while the friends I had around me were good people, they lived a lifestyle that could have easily led to me slipping. They went out to the bars every weekend, occasionally smoked weed, and were an overall party-oriented crowd. There’s nothing wrong with living life this way for normal people but you and I are far from normal, brother. We can’t balance that kind of lifestyle with a successful reboot.

Take stock of your friend group and consider how you all spend time together. What is the focus during your interactions? Where do you guys go? What is the driving force behind these relationships? Is there substance to them or is it all surface level with no depth?

Building social reboot capital requires looking at these things. Men who are successful in the porn addiction recovery Reboot Program consider every aspect of their lives. Consider whether your friends are helping you move toward the kind of man you want to be or further from it. Does spending time with them support your reboot practices or make them more difficult to follow through on?

If you find your friendships don’t strengthen your life in any way, it may be time to take a step back from some of them. I had to recognize which friendships were building me up and which were bringing me down. It doesn’t mean you have to cut out every single one of your friends but it does mean you need to expand your friend group.

The thought of spending time with new people triggers a lot of anxiety in many men, though. You’ve spent so many years isolating yourself from people around you and trying to scrape by with the relationships you already have. You likely feel some social anxiety whenever you do get out of the house and into social situations.

Addressing and working through this social anxiety is the first part of building social reboot capital. You can’t find new friends if you struggle to spend any time outside of your comfort zone. Overcoming social anxiety takes work but it is possible. And I say this as an introvert, brother!

Joining a class, group, or club is a great way to face your social anxiety head-on and begin building reboot capital. Join a small gym instead of a large box one, look for a hiking group in your area, or consider taking a class at the local community college. These will all surround you with people who share similar interests and give you something in common right away.

I chose to join a dance class when I first started building my social reboot capital. I know, can you believe that? I’m not a dancer, per se, but had a friend who invited me to check out a swing dancing class. I never would have checked it out on my own but because that friend invited me to go I was willing to try it.

He ended up not showing for the class and I remember feeling so uncomfortable and awkward at first. I felt silly for joining in and berated myself for even considering such a ridiculous thing. But by the end of it, believe it or not, I had a great time. I danced with a few girls as we learned and rotated partners which was more female interaction than I’d had in over two years.

Getting out and joining a group is a far cry from living in front of a computer screen the majority of your day. It brings you into the real world, encourages you to interact with real people, and teaches you real skills in the process. I believe participating in groups, classes, and clubs is by far the most effective way to build social reboot capital in the beginning.

As you build confidence through your activity of choice, expand your social practice into other areas of your social life. Once you become comfortable in the class, invite some of the people to hang out outside of the group. Go out to dinner, watch a movie, check out a museum. This builds more social reboot capital and allows you to engage outside of the structured environment.

Family is the most challenging part of building social reboot capital. Family members know which buttons to press and how to frustrate us the most. You may think the things they say don’t bother you too much but oftentimes they pick at our deepest insecurities. 

If your family is particularly difficult to interact with, I recommend keeping them at a comfortable distance until you develop more reboot capital. As you learn to reconnect with others, redevelop your sense of self, and maintain boundaries, you can let your family further into your life.

In the meantime, lean into brothers in the Porn Reboot group. Talk with men who have similar difficulties. Connecting with them keeps you from feeling alone in your struggles. Building relationships with your Porn Reboot brothers solidifies your social reboot capital, too. Join us in the free Porn Reboot Facebook group and find someone to connect with if you need it!

Anger and Emotional Reboot Capital

We’re in the middle of a small series on the concept of reboot capital. Just like a business needs capital to grow, your reboot needs capital to be positive and productive. There are five areas of your life where you need to build up reboot capital: 

  • Spiritual
  • Mental
  • Emotional
  • Physical
  • Social

Today I want to continue last week’s post on emotional reboot capital. Getting in touch with your emotions and learning to identify them is one of the greatest challenges of your early reboot. 

There is one emotion, in particular, that tends to stand out as men start feeling their feelings again: anger.

Anger is one of the most common emotions in men dealing with out-of-control sexual behavior. Oftentimes therapists will teach men to “let out their anger” as long as they again learn to “manage it.” 

Sure, this may be true, but encouraging that early in your reboot is like handing a hand grenade to a child. You have no experience controlling strong emotions. Leaning into an emotion as intense as anger can lead to an explosive and even dangerous outcome.

Anger is a normal experience. You’re not a bad person because you’re walking around feeling angry most of the time. Many men who had no experience with anger issues before find that they feel incredible rage when they first start the reboot process. You’re not to blame for the anger that swells up during the early days of your reboot. 

You are, however, responsible for learning to control it. If you want to be successful in your porn addiction recovery you must not let your anger control you. It’s one of the most powerful relapse triggers, right after fear, shame, and doubt. Controlling your anger begins with understanding the causes of it and how it works.

Most men use porn and masturbation to suppress anger issues early in life. They pushed this emotion down deep instead of allowing it to run its course. Like all suppressed emotions, the anger comes out tenfold when it’s finally given some space. 

Anger is like any other emotion, such as joy. It’s neither good nor bad. What makes anger bad is the poor ways that people tend to handle it. When you use it as an excuse to fly off the handle and end up in a rage, anger is bad. When you add on the internal challenges of guilt, depression, burnout, loneliness, and paranoia, it only adds fuel to the fire.

Some of the main causes of anger include:

  • Fear 
  • Irrational beliefs
  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Uncommunicated needs

Every time you have an expectation that goes unmet or a false belief that you seek proof for, it triggers the anger deep within you. As you progress through your reboot you’ll naturally work through each of these areas. You’ll learn to face your fear. You’ll learn to challenge your irrational beliefs. You’ll learn to drop your unrealistic expectations. You’ll learn to speak up about your needs.

In the meantime, though, incorporating some things can help you avoid and work through anger. You spent years anesthetizing your emotions with porn, sex, and masturbation. Now that you no longer have these “tools”, what can you do instead?

I recommend starting with exercise. Regular exercise is an effective way to free yourself of pent-up frustration through the natural release of endorphins. When you feel that anger rise inside, go for a long walk, lift weights at the gym, shoot some hoops at the basketball court. Find a form of exercise that works for you and implement it – it will make more of a difference than you can imagine.

Next, keep a journal of the things that trigger you. What are the events, situations, people, and circumstances that cause the anger? What are some other feelings that come up during these moments? Writing is a crucial tool to use when learning to work through anger and other emotions, not only at the start of your reboot but throughout it.

Mindfulness meditation is another helpful practice to incorporate when you’re starting to work through your anger. The practice of mindfulness involves being present in the moment and paying attention to what’s going on around you. It also involves not sinking into or dwelling in your feelings. Instead, you observe them and then let them pass by.

Anger is a normal part of life, brother, and learning to live with it will make your porn addiction counseling much more successful. These three practices, exercise, journaling, and mindfulness, are each an antidote to your anger. The more often you incorporate each one, the easier it will be to work through anger when it arises. 

However, if you choose not to involve practices to address your anger it will contribute much distress and unhappiness in your life. You leave yourself more at risk of relapse, you’ll treat others poorly, and you’ll continue to struggle. If you want to find freedom from your out-of-control behavior, finding freedom from anger is a vital part of the process.

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