Discover 7 Secrets To Eliminate Porn Addiction Forever

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How to Stop Porn Addiction: Overcoming Compulsive Use

How to Stop Porn Addiction: Overcoming Compulsive Use

Pornography is a touchy topic to talk about.

It’s something that you engage with during private times. Millions of people view porn to varying degrees, with tens of thousands accessing porn sites every second. Not everyone believes watching porn is problematic, but problems do arise for some people who view it.

Porn addiction is a serious problem for an estimated 3 to 6% of the population in the United States.1 Exact numbers are difficult to come by because high-speed internet pornography took off faster than researchers could keep up. People are also hesitant to talk about porn addiction problems because of the stigma surrounding them.

But you’ll never learn how to stop porn addiction if you aren’t able to ask for help. Still, the guilt and shame that people feel about their porn use make it almost impossible to reach out. Is there hope for people with pornography addiction? It may feel like compulsive porn use and masturbation will never go away, but there are tools you can use to overcome porn addiction.

What is Pornography Addiction?

Plenty of people view porn occasionally and the wide range of internet browsing data available backs that up. Use has skyrocketed over the last few decades, spurred by a few factors. Public opinion regarding porn has relaxed significantly. Additionally, the evolution of the internet has placed high-speed internet porn into the hands of anyone with a smartphone.

While not everyone who uses porn develops a problem, some become dependent on the images and videos they consume. Pornography addiction is the compulsive and uncontrolled use of pornography. Porn addiction has become a serious problem alongside the skyrocketing rates of pornography use among the population.

Some clinicians suggest that porn addiction problems are not a “real diagnosis.” They misunderstand the impact that porn has on men, especially as it has evolved over the last few years. Porn addiction causes difficulties in relationships, careers, families, and society as a whole.

How Porn Addiction Starts

Porn addiction problems are serious and often progressive. It typically begins during adolescence, often as an accidental exposure. With the incredible amount of pornography available on even the most common of sites, it’s difficult for children to avoid it entirely.

Young boys often seek out porn to learn more about sex or to explore themselves sexually.2 The sudden rush of dopamine from porn and masturbation becomes appealing to some of these young men and they continue engaging with it.

Most don’t realize they have a porn addiction problem until it’s too late. Oftentimes it starts during adolescence and progresses during their teenage years. When most or all sexual experiences occur on a screen, though, it severely affects sexual development. This lack of experience carries into adulthood and becomes a serious and ever-increasing problem.

Porn Addiction Symptoms

How do you know when porn addiction becomes a problem? There are some porn addiction symptoms you can look for to determine whether your use has crossed the line. Symptoms of pornography addiction include things like:

  • Losing interest in sex
  • Using porn to manage or cope with difficult emotions, such as sadness, anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues
  • Experiencing relationship problems with your spouse or partner because of your pornography use
  • Watching porn in risky situations, such as at work, in your car, or another public place
  • Ignoring responsibilities to watch porn
  • Having trouble focusing on tasks and activities because of preoccupation with thinking about porn
  • Viewing progressively more intense or extreme genres of porn to feel the same sense of arousal
  • Feeling ashamed, guilty, or frustrated for watching porn but continuing to watch it
  • Spending lots of time either watching porn, thinking about porn, or feeling tired from watching it for long periods
  • Spending lots of money on pornography, chat sites, or cam sites, even at the expense of necessities
  • Watching illegal genres of pornography after “vanilla” porn is no longer engaging
  • Progressing to real-life enactments of taboo or illegal acts seen in preferred genres of porn
  • Wanting to stop using porn but finding yourself unable to

If you notice any of the signs above, you may want to reconsider your relationship with pornography. It’s easy to convince yourself that you don’t have a problem. If you aren’t able to control your use, though, and it continues to get worse, it’s time to reach out for help.

How to Stop Porn Addiction

Learning how to stop porn addiction starts with asking for help. The Porn Reboot system offers a simple, straightforward solution to your problem with porn addiction. We understand that porn is not a moral problem and it doesn’t mean you’re worthless. There is a biological explanation for your preference for porn but it’s long surpassed its usefulness.

Instead, the Porn Reboot program equips you with the tools and skills necessary to overcome porn addiction. It starts right here with you. Make the decision to reach out today and begin your journey to freedom from the grips of porn addiction.

References

  1. Journal of Clinical Medicine. (2019). Online Porn Addiction: What We Know and What We Don’t.
  2. Enough is Enough. (2021). Pornography.

 

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Using Your Morning Routine to Eliminate Negative Emotions

Using Your Morning Routine to Eliminate Negative Emotions

What does a typical morning look like for you?

Do you get up on your first alarm or do you hit the snooze button a few times? Do you leave yourself time to settle into the day or do you hustle straight from bed to the car to the first thing on your schedule? Do you have a morning routine in place or is each morning a haphazard attempt to get your day started as quickly as possible?

Be honest.

If you’re like most men at the start of their reboot, you probably sleep as late as possible and rush out the door. You don’t use your mornings to set the pace for your day; you’re hardly even awake and intentional with them in the first place.

Morning routines may sound a bit played out at this point. It seems like everyone worth anything has at least some sort of morning routine in place. But perhaps that’s the case because there’s something to be said about morning routines.

I believe that starting your morning intentionally with a set routine is one of the most effective ways to have a good day. Over time I’ve found that they’re a powerful tool for a successful reboot, useful for improving mindfulness, eliminating negative emotions, and more. A reboot routine is specifically designed for you to control your day and get the most out of each one.

If you’re intentional about your mornings, you can start every day with a blank slate in your mind. It takes practice and consistency but it’s the most effective way to operate. Here are some tips to get you started as you start developing a morning routine.

No Electronics

I avoid my phone entirely when I first wake up. No texting, no emails, no social media, not even my calendar app. If you’re the type of guy who wakes up in the morning and scrolls through Instagram, Facebook, or the news first thing, you need to stop. All this does is transform your blank slate into an ever-expanding to-do list. Additionally, any negativity you consume in the morning can set the pace for the remainder of your day. Electronics are strictly off-limits for me for the first hour of the day.

Meditate in the Morning

Meditation is a crucial part of the reboot process for many men. One of the best tips I have to offer is to practice meditation in the morning before the day has a chance to get away from you. Consistent morning practice will contribute to that blank slate we’re hoping to achieve from the morning routine process. If you want to incorporate meditation into your day, I recommend you do it in the morning just like I do.

Start Your Days Quietly

Other than my alarm, I don’t listen to anything during the earliest part of my day. I don’t put on music or podcasts or even white noise. I allow myself to sit in the silence of the morning as I move through the first few aspects of my morning routine. It’s not until those things are completed that I take my phone out, and even then it’s only to put my headphones in and listen to affirmations. Those affirmations are the first thing I hear each morning before I head to the gym.

Recognize That Your Routine Is an Investment

How to stop porn addiction?

Martin Luther, a famous Protestant reformer, said something that I’ve always remembered: “I have so much to do that I shall spend the first three hours of the day in prayer.” I’m sure that sounds insane and counterproductive when you first hear it, but it’s true. The more time you set aside to get your mind right in the morning, the less time you’ll waste throughout the day. 

I find that to be true for my morning routine. Every minute I invest pays itself back as I move smoothly and successfully through my day. If you haven’t taken the time to establish and follow through on a morning routine, I highly recommend you try it. 

Take a few of these tips and find some practices that work for you. Make adjustments until you find a combination that sends you into the most effective day possible. There’s power in a morning routine, brother; harness it and use it to your advantage.

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Managing Your Weekends As a Porn Addict

Managing Your Weekends As a Porn Addict

Weekends are a tricky time for men in the porn addiction counseling or our Porn Reboot program.

It’s easier to get through the week because your time is likely scheduled already. You have your full-time job, your gym routine, and other things you need to handle throughout the week. There isn’t much time left for you to act out because much of your week is already set up.

However, weekends can feel like a free-for-all. You don’t have 8 hours of the day accounted for by your job. Your kids aren’t in school. Many men keep their gym days to weekdays so they can use the weekends to rest. Having all this free time is a recipe for disaster for men who struggle with out-of-control sexual behavior.

If you find that weekends are especially difficult for you, you may need to adjust how you rest on the weekends. You set yourself up for failure when you work yourself ragged Monday through Friday and completely let go on the weekends. You’re more likely to slip when you’re exhausted, which is inevitable after a full week.

I find that too much free time isn’t a good thing for me, though, weekends included. I schedule every day of my life because I find it’s a more effective approach for me. At the start of my porn addiction recovery , the idea of leaving a day completely open was appealing to me, especially after a long week. But porn inevitably found its way into that lazy day so I had to do something different.

Most men do not have a schedule during the weekends. I see that a lot when I talk to men who are new to the system. I’ve found that creating a schedule on Saturdays and Sundays, just like I do Monday through Friday, is the best way for me to manage my weekends.

I’m not saying that you need to be busy all of Saturday and Sunday, too. You can still rest on the weekends without letting them go completely. I find that men in the Porn Reboot program need to adjust the way they rest. Rest doesn’t have to mean lying on the couch watching football all Sunday. I find that active rest is the best way for me to use my time on the weekends.

Active rest involves some form of mental or physical stimulation that doesn’t break your body down. This could include things like going for a walk, taking a hike, reading a book, or playing board games with friends. You can even schedule dates during your weekend afternoons or evenings if you’re at that stage of your reboot.

There are plenty of ways to fill your weekend without being busy for the sake of being busy, and without lazing around all day. Both of these extremes are harmful because they aren’t sustainable. But the best approach is to find enjoyable activities to fill your weekends with. These should be things that are fun to do that don’t leave you feeling exhausted on Sunday night.

It will take some time to get used to active rest on the weekends but it’s the best way to manage them during your reboot. The best way to start this process is to outline your plan with your accountability partner. Let them know what your schedule is for the weekend and ask that they hold you accountable for it. 

If you don’t already have an accountability partner, come join us in the Free Porn Reboot Facebook group. You can connect with men working on various stages of their reboot and find some who will help keep you accountable. The two of you can support one another in your reboot process and ensure you both stay on track!

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Can Porn Addiction Be Cure: Myths and Realities

Can Porn Addiction Be Cure: Myths and Realities

I’ve got another great question from a brother in the Porn Reboot Facebook group for you today. He asks: 

“J.K., do you think that you can ever be cured of porn addiction problems? When it plays such a pivotal role in your life from adolescence into adulthood, do you always have to fight urges? Do you have to be careful about relapses for the rest of your life?

“Let’s use you as an example. You feel that you’ve recovered from your porn addiction. Do you ever get urges still? Do you occasionally watch pornography once a month, every six months, or even once a year? Do you have to tiptoe around relapses? Is it a constant battle every day?”

I’m hesitant to use the term “cure.” Con artists have been hucking quick cures since the dawn of time. I believe the only cures you should seek are those from a medical professional. Since I’m not a doctor, nor am I a con artist, I prefer not to view myself or my clients as “cured” of their porn addiction problems.

However, I do know for a fact that you can rewire your brain to no longer need pornography. The Porn Reboot system is designed for that exact purpose. From developing healthy coping mechanisms; to understanding the driving forces behind your behavior; to whatever else pushes you to lean on porn, sex, and masturbation; that’s what Porn Reboot helps you do.

Something in this brother’s question stuck out to me. He asked: “Do you ever get urges even now? Do you still occasionally watch pornography once a month, every six months, or a year?” It’s something that a lot of brothers wonder about at the start of the porn addiction recovery process.

In my case, as well as the cases of many of our brothers, I do not need to. Why? Because I simply do not have the self-image of a man who needs pornography. I’m not interested in watching porn occasionally as a “treat”. I have no reason to.

Most men cannot conceptualize a life free of pornography when they first arrive at the program. They’ve spent years consumed by compulsive porn use. Porn was an everyday thing. The idea that you can go a day, week, month, or year without using porn, not because you have to but because you don’t want to, is unfathomable.

Look at it this way. Why would you want to engage once a month, every six months, or a few times a year, in something that may have ruined your marriage? Something that destroyed your career? Something that shattered your self-esteem? Why would you still want a taste of that? What about that sounds enticing to you?

I know the answers to those questions because I spent years trapped in the cycle myself. And that’s the point of the Pornography Addiction Treatment. I’m not here to “cure” men of their porn addiction. I don’t concern myself with the thought of whether it’s something that can be or should be cured. Instead, I focus on helping men completely rewire their brains so that they never feel the need to go back to that behavior again.

That may sound like you’ll fight a constant battle for the rest of your life from where you’re standing right now, but I promise that it’s not. If you implement the Porn Reboot system, over time you’ll build a life that leaves you with no need for porn or compulsive sexual behavior. You’re going to find yourself immersed in a life far more incredible than you ever imagined, wondering why you ever bothered with porn in the first place. 

If quitting porn still feels like a fight, you haven’t fully committed to the process. There’s still a part of you that believes you can use porn normally. You haven’t accepted that you’re not like other men, a “civilian” as I like to call them. You have a problematic relationship with pornography and you need to replace that neural pathway with something new.

That means joining us here in the Porn Reboot program. We developed a system that has helped thousands of men over the last decade. We’re an ever-expanding network of brothers who know the struggle of porn addiction and know the freedom that can come after it. I invite you to join us, brother, and see for yourself what a porn-free life can be.

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80-Hour Workweeks and Working Out

80-Hour Workweeks and Working Out

If you’ve been around the Porn Reboot program for any length of time, you know that I often stress the importance of working out. I believe that regular exercise is a necessary part of a healthy life and a successful reboot. Lifting weights was a huge part of my early reboot and I believe it’s vital for every man to incorporate it as well.

However, a lot of men also work long hours as they try to advance their careers once free from their out-of-control sexual behavior. I did the same thing, too. I think it stems from wanting to make up for lost time and recoup from poor financial decisions during our active addiction.

A brother asked a question regarding these two things recently. He said:

“J.K., I’ve been working 60- to 80-hour weeks lately. My workout routine has taken a serious hit because of it, so I switched to morning workouts to make things at least a little more consistent. What other hacks can I use to have killer workouts when I’m working this much?”

While this is a great question that addresses one of the most vital aspects of the reboot process, it’s also rather vague. I opted to lift weights because my goal was to put on muscle, but many different outcomes can come from working out. What does this brother mean by a “killer workout”? Is he trying to get his heart rate up? Is he trying to improve his endurance? Is he trying to build muscle? Is he trying to lose body fat? 

You also need to ask yourself the same question if you’re wondering how to optimize your workout time while working long hours. Once you have some clarity about your workout goals, it’s much easier to determine the best ways to optimize your workouts.

If you’re trying to improve your endurance or lose fat, focusing on cardio is likely your best bet. If you want to build muscle or gain strength, spending your time lifting weights will be the most productive approach. If you’re interested in something like mixed martial arts, dedicating time to a few classes per week will be worth it.

You must get clear on what you want to accomplish with your fitness if your workload is as heavy as you say it is. If you can’t outline your workout goals, then working out isn’t as big of a priority as you believe it to be.

If you’re working 60- to 80-hour weeks and still wanting to build other areas of your life, I suggest you start with an activity inventory. Spend a week writing down everything you do throughout the day from the moment you wake up until the moment you go to bed. How much time do you spend working? How much time do you spend engaged in personal activities? How much time do you spend on your phone? How much time do you spend screwing around?

You need to get honest with yourself about where your time goes each day. Taking an activity inventory makes it nearly impossible to fool yourself about what you’re doing. If you find that more time is spent goofing off than actually working, perhaps you can consolidate your work hours and leave more time for yourself at the end of the day.

I know that it’s possible to get workouts in when you’re working long weeks because I did it myself. I’ve also watched dozens of brothers manage it in all the time I’ve spent working with men as they rebuild their lives in the Porn Reboot program. Anyone can have effective workouts if they get clear on their goals and prioritize their fitness.

You hear plenty of people make excuses for why they can’t make time to work out, even with only a 40-hour workweek. But we’re not like everyone else. Asking the question on how to stop porn addiction, The men in the Porn Reboot group are determined to make the most out of every moment of life. From family to fitness to career and more, we won’t settle for anything less than the best of ourselves. And if we can do it, I know that you can, too.

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How to Stop Feeling Bad About Relapses

How to Stop Feeling Bad About Relapses

Relapse is a common concern for men when they begin their reboot.

Most come from past programs with abstinence-only approaches that make you feel like you’ve failed if you have a slip. I see it differently, though. When you’re learning how to stop porn addiction, relapses are part of the process. 

If you’re like the majority of men early in the Porn Reboot system, you likely attach a lot of emotion to relapses. You feel a lot of guilt and shame if you start watching porn again, even if only for an evening. You might find yourself trapped in a negative thought spiral that keeps you stuck for longer than you should be.

I prefer men in the Porn Reboot program to remove all emotion from the relapse experience. You don’t need to assign big feelings to it when it happens; simply recognize that you made a mistake and determine how you can best avoid it moving forward. In this way, I like to see the process of viewing slips as data. This makes it easier to get back on track instead of digging yourself into a hole.

Men who are prone to feeling big emotions after a relapse will struggle with this at first. Learning to detach emotions from slips feels like a huge challenge. But when you start to rationally view slips as data, it becomes easier to not feel guilt, shame, or anger because you’re busy processing the experience.

For example, when you experience a slip you can immediately dissect what happened. Maybe you didn’t get enough sleep because you stayed up too late watching YouTube videos on your phone. You watched the videos because you felt frustrated that work took longer to complete than usual and you wanted to feel a bit of relief from that stress. 

This gives you multiple points to adjust so that you don’t have to slip in this same manner again. If you finished your work in time, you wouldn’t have felt as stressed or frustrated. If you recognized that sometimes you’re going to have bad days at work, you might not have sought relief from YouTube videos. If you still needed some time to de-stress, you could have achieved it by reading a book or meditating for a few minutes instead.

Breaking down your relapse in this way makes it almost impossible to feel bad about it. Sure, the goal of the Porn Reboot program is to eliminate your out-of-control behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation. But expecting it to go away immediately is only a recipe for disaster. Assigning big emotions to something that’s almost guaranteed sets you up for failure, too.

Viewing slips as data is a far more efficient approach to your reboot. If you haven’t already, I recommend practicing it as you learn how to stop porn addiction. You’ll become more effective not only at avoiding slips, but you can apply this reasoning to other troublesome areas of your life. You don’t need to feel bad about relapses when they simply offer you more information on how to avoid them in the future!

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Opportunity-induced Pornography Addiction

Opportunity-induced Pornography Addiction

Brother, addiction to pornography is a big problem in our society today. Many people are developing a pornography addiction as a result of easy access to pornographic content on the internet. It’s crucial to realize that not everyone who views pornography develops an addiction to it. Pornography addiction can occur for a number of reasons, but one of the most important causes is opportunity-induced addiction.

When someone develops a pornography addiction as a result of having easy access to pornographic content, this is known as opportunity-induced addiction. For those who struggle with poor self-control, unstable emotions, and humiliation, this is frequently the case. We shall delve into these three aspects of pornography addiction in more detail.

 

Low Self-Control

You’ve probably heard of self-control before. It’s the ability to regulate your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to achieve long-term goals. However, some of us struggle with low self-control, and that can make us more vulnerable to addiction.

When it comes to pornography addiction, low self-control is a big factor. People who struggle with self-control are more likely to indulge in pornography when given the opportunity. They might not set any boundaries for themselves or have any moderation in their behavior. As a result, they can quickly become addicted to pornographic material.

If you find yourself struggling with self-control, it’s important to know that you’re not alone. Many people struggle with this, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. However, it’s crucial to take steps to strengthen your self-control and prevent addiction.

One way to do this is to set clear boundaries for yourself around pornography use. Try to limit your viewing time and avoid using pornography when you’re feeling vulnerable or emotional. It’s also helpful to find alternative ways to cope with stress and negative emotions, such as exercise or meditation.

 

Emotional Instability

Emotions are a big part of being human. We all experience sadness, frustration, grief, loss, loneliness, or anger at some point in our lives. It’s important to have healthy ways to express and deal with these emotions. But sometimes, we might not know how to handle them in a healthy way, and that’s where emotional instability comes in.

People who struggle with emotional instability may not know how to express or deal with their emotions in a healthy way. They might bury their emotions and try to ignore them. This can lead to emotional distress and even mental health problems.

In some cases, people turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with their emotions. Pornography addiction is one of these coping mechanisms. When people experience negative emotions, they might turn to porn or other sexual activities to distract themselves from their emotions and feel better. Unfortunately, this can lead to addiction and make things worse in the long run.

That’s why it’s important to learn healthy ways to deal with our emotions. Talking to a therapist or Reboot coach can be a great way to start. They can help you identify your emotions and teach you healthy coping mechanisms to deal with them. Exercise, meditation, and spending time with loved ones are also great ways to deal with negative emotions in a healthy way.

Remember brother, emotional instability is a common factor in pornography addiction. By learning healthy ways to deal with our emotions, we can avoid falling into unhealthy coping mechanisms and addiction.

 

Shame

Shame is a difficult emotion to deal with, especially when it comes to addiction. It’s understandable why people turn to pornography to distract themselves from the shame they feel. But it’s important to remember that there are healthier ways to deal with shame.

One common cause of shame in pornography addiction is secrecy. When people keep secrets, it can create a pattern of behavior where they feel like they have to lead a double life. This can lead to feelings of worthlessness and shame. If you’re feeling ashamed of your addiction, it’s important to remember that you’re not alone. There are resources available to help you overcome your addiction.

Another cause of shame in pornography addiction can come from discrimination. If you grew up in a household where your parents discriminated against certain groups of people, you may have internalized those beliefs. This can lead to shame if you find yourself attracted to someone outside of those beliefs. It’s important to challenge those beliefs and remind yourself that love knows no boundaries.

Shame can also come from past traumas or experiences, such as sexual abuse or assault. People who have experienced trauma may feel intense shame and guilt, even if they were not at fault for what happened to them. This shame can lead them to turn to pornography as a way to cope with their emotions and feelings of worthlessness.

In addition, shame can also arise from religious or cultural beliefs. Many religions and cultures view sexual activity outside of marriage or certain norms as sinful or shameful. Individuals who grew up in such environments may feel deep shame and guilt for engaging in pornography or other sexual activities, even if they do not necessarily believe it is wrong.

It’s important to recognize that shame is a complex emotion and can arise from many different factors. However, dealing with shame is an important step in overcoming pornography addiction. This can involve seeking therapy or counseling to address underlying issues and learning healthy ways to cope with difficult emotions.

By addressing the root causes of shame and developing healthy coping mechanisms, individuals can work towards breaking free from the cycle of addiction and living a happier, more fulfilling life.

Pornography addiction is a big problem, but understanding the causes of opportunity-induced addiction can help people take steps to prevent addiction and seek help if necessary. If you struggle with low self-control, emotional instability, or shame, it’s important to talk to someone about it. Addiction can be overcome, but it takes effort and support. Remember that you’re not alone, brother. There’s help available, and you can break free from addiction.

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Honesty in Relationship Recovery: Balancing Transparency for Successful Reboot

Honesty in Relationship Recovery: Balancing Transparency for Successful Reboot

I want to bring you a question from one of our brothers in the Porn Reboot group today. He asked:

“My girlfriend and I decided that to protect her heart, I don’t share anything about my reboot slip-ups unless she specifically asks exactly what she wants to know. Sometimes when we’re catching up about our days, though, I’ll have acted out that day. Like she’ll ask how my midday nap was but I watched porn instead of taking a nap. I feel horrible lying to her but I want to keep our agreement. How do I handle this?”

This is a fantastic question because it’s something many men in committed relationships deal with during their reboot. Many spouses and partners of men with a porn addiction problem experience extreme betrayal trauma. 

When a man first ends his out-of-control behavior with porn, sometimes his spouse wants to know where he is going and what he is doing at all times. She wants to know whether he’s still watching porn, what type of porn, or what the women he’s watching look like. These women feel unbelievably hurt and for good reason. 

This brother’s question means he and his girlfriend are in a good position given the situation. She is aware of his out-of-control behavior and he understands how his behavior hurts her. It sounds like she’s allowing him enough space to work on his reboot without her getting too invested or involved.

However, it also sounds like this brother is someone trapped by the idea that he needs to be honest at all costs. I don’t hold to this belief, especially when it comes to the reboot process. I don’t believe you should lie to your partner but I also don’t think you need to tell her about every slip that occurs.

I think you should have a conversation with her upfront instead. Let her know that slips are often part of the reboot process but you don’t want to put her in the middle of things. Explain that you have a coach, a therapist, and accountability partners to work through those slips with. Tell her you understand that she didn’t sign up to be your accountability partner, nor did she sign up to be hurt. Acknowledge the damage you’ve done and help her see how talking with her about any future slips will only do more harm than good.

If you’re honest about the possibility of slips from the beginning, it eliminates the need to feel like you’re lying by omission. You shouldn’t drag your partner through the weeds every time you slip; it’s your responsibility to fix it and keep her from dealing with the repercussions of your behavior.

Find a way to discuss situations like the one our brother outlined above without bringing up the slip. For example, he could tell her that he had a lot on his mind when he laid down so he wasn’t able to go to sleep. 

He doesn’t need to bring up watching porn because it’s ultimately irrelevant. He should talk about the emotions that led up to the slip instead. Perhaps he was tired from the gym or stressed about an intense workload. He could bring these things up and talk them through with his girlfriend so he is honest without needing to talk about his slip.

I recommend you do the same in your relationship, brother. It’s not your partner’s burden to bear, it’s yours. You must find a way to work on your behavior without stringing her along through the process. You don’t need to be completely transparent about every slip but you do need to let her in on what’s going on.

Knowing the fine balance of how much to share is something you learn during the reboot process. Over time you won’t deal with slips as frequently, either, so you won’t have to keep skirting around the topic. The Porn Reboot system works, brother, and both you and your partner will benefit from the work you do.

 

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Moderate Masturbation: Navigating Urges in Your Journey

Moderate Masturbation: Navigating Urges in Your Journey

About twice a month, I have conversations with different brothers in our intensive program who ask about masturbation in moderation.

It’s a common curiosity that many share. They’re usually men in the middle to late stage of their reboot who are starting to differentiate between normal, healthy sexual urges and urges caused by their out-of-control behavior. These men usually are not in a relationship but they are casually dating. 

You might have found yourself wondering the same thing at one point or another in your reboot: “Can I masturbate in moderation?”

Personally, I’m not an advocate for masturbation in moderation. When you have a history of pornography addiction, there’s a slim chance that you can masturbate without taking it too far. Some brothers are capable of it but you cannot find out in the early stages of your reboot, anyways. You won’t know whether your attempts are successful until your brain rewires. 

Men who are in the later stages of their reboot have a bit more leeway here, though. While masturbation in moderation doesn’t work for me, nor does it work for plenty of other men, I still try to handle the question on a case-by-case basis.

Typically I find that there’s something deeper at play when a brother brings this question up in our conversation. He might say, “I’m dating but I’m going through a dry spell right now,” or, “I’m in a long-distance relationship and she hasn’t been in town in a long time.” On the surface, this seems fine, but dig a bit further and oftentimes the real question is, “I’m afraid of being vulnerable with or risking rejection from a woman, so can I mask that pain with masturbation?”

Oftentimes brothers use the excuse of seasons when they ask me this question. They insist it’s a season for advancing their career or building their physique, and they don’t have time to dedicate themselves to finding a woman. However, it’s usually that they aren’t willing to risk getting vulnerable or being rejected so they would rather take the easy way out.

I hate to inform you, brother, but life doesn’t work the way that it does in porn. You don’t have instant access to hundreds of beautiful women whenever you want them. That sense of instant gratification instilled by your porn addiction symptoms takes time to overcome, but masturbation in moderation isn’t a technique that will help you get there.

I recommend learning to put yourself out there. I know it isn’t easy given the state of the dating world today. The apps are exhausting and women ghost left and right. It’s tiresome to feel like you’re trying all the time yet getting rejected constantly, but you must learn to experience pain without turning to pornography or masturbation to soothe it.

When you’re feeling like you want to masturbate in moderation, I suggest finding an alternative solution. Go hang out with some friends, join a club, sign up for a class at your local community center, participate in a rec league, get to the gym, read a book, or some other form of entertainment. 

Turning to masturbation as a way to self-soothe or pass the time is not an option for you anymore. You also must learn that you don’t have to submit to every sexual urge you experience. You shouldn’t give your urges that much power over you; your urges do not control you.

Once you learn to identify and handle your emotions properly, though, occasional masturbation may become an option for you. Some brothers are married or in serious relationships and their partner gets sick, is pregnant, or has some mental health struggles. Masturbation may be okay if it’s not within his morals to go out and have sex with another woman.

Again, I ultimately believe this is best considered on a case-by-case basis. Masturbation is not for men in their early reboot. It’s not for men looking to avoid emotional pain or vulnerability or the possibility of rejection. It’s not a way to pass the time or let off some steam. And if you’re not in a position to recognize why that’s the case, then masturbation in moderation probably isn’t for you yet, either.

 

Moderate Masturbation: Navigating Urges in Your Journey Read More »

How to Be Happy: Finding Fulfillment In Problem-Solving

How to Be Happy: Finding Fulfillment In Problem-Solving

Early in the reboot process, you might find yourself wondering when things get better. You’ve spent years trapped in the vicious cycle of porn addiction problems and masturbation addiction. It’s no wonder you want to finally feel some relief. But at the same time, achieving that point of relief and happiness probably seems impossible some days.

I’ve spent 15 years working at my reboot now and I understand the rush to feel “happy.” When I first started ending my out-of-control behavior it had been so long since I felt truly happy. I had no idea what true happiness was, though, because I developed a false sense of fulfillment through porn, sex, and masturbation.

Too many men focus on achieving happiness as an end goal, not recognizing that their understanding of happiness will shift over time. I’ve found that the benchmark for happiness is arbitrary and fleeting and always changing. Things that you think will make you happy may not be what you thought they would be once you achieve them. 

At the start of my reboot, I believed that things would be perfect once I had my finances together, once I had the woman, once I had a social life, and once I controlled my sexual behavior. However, I realized as time went on that my belief that the elimination of problems would bring happiness wasn’t true. It’s almost as if problems are a prerequisite for happiness.

If there’s one promise in life it’s that problems will always arise. You can’t experience life to the fullest without also experiencing your fair share of problems. The elimination of all your problems isn’t the pathway to happiness because more will always crop up sooner or later. 

Also, think about how you feel when you solve a problem. It may be difficult at the moment, whether that’s a few days, weeks, or even years, but once you work through it you’re likely left feeling incredibly fulfilled. The sense of accomplishment that comes with solving a problem runs deeper than any fleeting sense of happiness ever could.

In my experience, pursuing this deep sense of fulfillment is far more meaningful and lasting than the pursuit of happiness. And I also find that over time, the fulfillment eventually becomes happiness. This means I believe that accepting the inevitability of problems is the first step to happiness.

Recognize the reality that you will never fully escape your problems. You’re always going to have them to some extent. Instead of fighting them, though, try accepting each one as it comes. Shift your perspective and see them as an opportunity to challenge yourself and grow.

The shift won’t happen overnight and it won’t happen easily. Men who struggle with compulsive behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation are always looking for an easy fix. I know that because I spent most of my early life doing the same thing. But quick fixes are not lasting fixes; they only put a bandaid over a wound that needs intensive care.

If you commit to shifting your beliefs about problem-solving, I guarantee you’ll find happiness much faster than the way you’re approaching it now. Sure, things like promotions, raises, having children, and going on trips are great ways to experience happiness. At the same time, once the excitement wears off you’ll find yourself back where you started.

Learning to appreciate the fulfillment of problem-solving and use it as my primary source of happiness has completely changed my life. I welcome the problems I know will inevitably arise and use them as an opportunity to better myself. There will always be a problem to solve; why not use it as the pathway to happiness?

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