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The First Step to Leveling Up Your Reboot

The First Step to Leveling Up Your Reboot

I want to spend the next few posts sharing some tips on how to level up your reboot. I’m going to break my three-step process down into three separate posts and cover each step in-depth. These three steps are crucial in ensuring I follow through on whatever I set my mind to. Each is an imperative part of the process when I accomplish the goals I set for myself. 

Before I start, I first want to make it clear that there are plenty of things I start and fail at. I don’t accomplish every single thing I set out to do. But when I fail at something it isn’t because I suddenly quit on it and give up. If I fail at something it’s because the timing wasn’t right, I wasn’t well-prepared, or something along those lines. I never fail because I run out of motivation, give up, and throw in the towel. 

Giving up is not something I do anymore. This is a value I aim to pass along to every brother in the Porn Addiction Recovery – Reboot program. Sure, you may have to quit things or fail from time to time, but it’s not because you’re lazy or lack the willpower to succeed. Learning when to let go of something instead of falling victim to the sunken cost fallacy is a crucial part of success.

Plenty of brothers waste precious weeks, months, or even years not knowing when to let go of a failure and move on to the next endeavor. Knowing when to quit is a skill, but quitting something because you lack motivation or ran out of steam is no longer an option.

You’re here because you want to succeed. You want to be successful in your reboot. You want to rewire your brain and end your out-of-control behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation. I hope these three steps help you take another step in the right direction.

First Step: Make a Decision

The first step I use when setting out to accomplish something is to make a decision. I actively decide what I’m going to do based on the reality of my present circumstances. I can’t succeed at something if I don’t make an unwavering decision to move forward in that direction. So a decision is the first step.

Let’s say the big decision you’re facing right now is taking the necessary steps to end your out-of-control behavior with porn, sex, and masturbation. You need to honestly assess where you currently are. What is your baseline at this point? How much are you acting out? What level of porn addiction are you at?

It seems easy on the surface but I find that many men, especially those early in their reboot, struggle with decisions. They trip themselves up and can’t make a decision because of two common mistakes I notice often.

Mistake #1: Comparing Yourself to Others

Continuing with our example of ending your out-of-control behavior, I often see men start comparing themselves to others. You might hear some stories on the podcast or read some on the blog and think you’re either not as bad as those guys or way worse. Maybe you think the vanilla porn you watch isn’t that bad, or the illicit material you watch makes you the worst guy in the group.

In reality, making comparisons is a huge mistake in either direction. You can’t decide to do something when you’re busy measuring yourself against others’ behavior. If you know something is right for you to pursue, you shouldn’t look around at what someone else is doing to decide whether you should take action. You already know you want to take action, so do it.

Mistake #2: Comparing Stories

The second common mistake is comparing your story to someone else’s. Say you hear about someone experiencing some big wins in their reboot. Maybe you join a coaching session and there’s a guy in the group who seems much further ahead of you. He’s only been part of the program for a month but he’s already quit entirely without a single slip or relapse.

Comparing stories puts you on the fast track to feeling down. It’s a dangerous thing to let yourself do. And once you start comparing stories, usually you’ll progress into making excuses for why you believe you’re further behind. You tell yourself you had it harder than he did, that if you only came from where he did then you could be that successful, too.

I hear things like this all the time. Guys tell me about growing up in poverty, being committed to a psych ward, spending time in foster care, having alcoholic parents, or whatever their particular experience consisted of. 

Here’s the thing, brother: everyone has a story. Every guy has a reason to point at for why he is the way he is. And while your experiences are important, using them this way immediately puts you behind, but not for the reason you believe. 

Wearing your negative experiences as a badge of victimhood is you giving yourself permission to be less successful.

And oftentimes you aren’t even aware of it.

Strip Away the Excuses and Decide

I want you to recognize whether you’re in the habit of comparing yourself and your story to others. If you find yourself doing it, it’s time to stop. Again, making a decision is the first step, but you must do it without considering others. You know what is best for you; decide, move forward, and quit second-guessing yourself. 

It isn’t easy at first but the Porn Reboot system is designed to equip you with the self-confidence you need. You’ll learn to make decisions and trust them. But a decision is only the first step. A decision lays the groundwork but it doesn’t get you very far. The next step is even more important.

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The Second Step to Leveling Up Your Reboot

The Second Step to Leveling Up Your Reboot

I want to spend the next few posts sharing some tips on how to level up your reboot. I’m going to break my three-step process down into three separate posts and cover each step in-depth. These three steps are crucial in ensuring I follow through on whatever I set my mind to. Each is a crucial part of the process when I accomplish the goals I set for myself. 

The first step I use when setting and following through on goals is making a decision based on my current reality without comparing myself to others. I can’t make any progress if I’m constantly using others as a measuring stick to determine what move to make next.

The second step is developing resolve. Resolving is a vital skill for any man who wants to succeed. I recommend you resolve to transform any challenge you experience into an opportunity. Developing this mindset will help you succeed at anything you decide to do, even if that means making a calculated decision to pivot away from your current goal.

Roadblocks are a part of life. Things don’t always go according to plan. Sometimes we have to adapt to circumstances as they arise. If you have no resolve, you’ll find yourself giving up before the challenges ever really begin. And we already covered the fact that giving up is no longer an option in your new approach to life.

Say you’re in a committed relationship with a woman who knows about your out-of-control sexual behavior. However, she doesn’t know that you relapsed and are struggling to get your behavior under control again. You’re keeping it a secret and hoping she doesn’t find out, but what if she does? Are you prepared to deal with the obstacles that arise?

What if you join the Porn Addiction Recovery – Reboot program and stay off pornography and masturbation for a few months, but eventually you relapse? What would you do if you threw away seven porn-free months? Or what if your behavior escalated to a more severe degree than before? Do you have enough resolve to keep going and try again?

Ultimately, brother, you cannot stop just because you hit an obstacle. If I stopped every time I ran up against an obstacle I would never get anything done. That’s why resolving is the second step in this process. Try to remember that every obstacle you face is simply training for the next stage of your reboot and your life.

I have a few tips to help you along the way to embodying this practice of resolve, and a few action steps to help you bridge the gap between the first and second steps.

  1. Decide if this is a journey you’re willing to commit to. 

I define commitment as continuing to do something you said you were going to do long after the emotion of making the decision passes. Everyone wants to quit their out-of-control behavior when their life is falling apart, but what about when it starts coming back together? You must be willing to stick with this long after the desperation wears off. This isn’t an overnight process; it takes 90 days to end your behavior but up to two years to rewire your brain. Are you willing to commit no matter how many tries it takes?

  1. Start thinking about what winning in your reboot looks like.

Define what your reboot looks like to you. What do you want it to feel like? What do you want to accomplish after you end your out-of-control behavior? Where do you hope to be in six months or a year? Start thinking about these things and use them to propel you forward. There’s an important caveat, though; you need to think about what winning looks like for you, not for anyone else. Don’t define it by what I think it should look like, or your wife, your pastor, or your friends. Define it for YOU.

  1. Start taking small actions toward your goal.

You don’t need to take on the entire goal at one time. Break it down into smaller steps. Achieving small wins helps you build momentum so you can keep going once the excitement dies down. The action steps are what separate the people who are willing to work for success from those who only stick around for as long as desperation holds.

  1. Schedule regular reminders to get inspired.

Not taking your reboot seriously is a primary way to kill your inspiration, but another way is to let go of your resolve. For example, say you’re going through an extremely challenging experience that takes a lot of effort to overcome, but you’re negative throughout it and resistant to the process. Sure, you might make it through the obstacle, but you didn’t take anything from it. Remember that every obstacle is an opportunity to grow, and sometimes you need to schedule reminders to keep your perspective in check.

  1. Surround yourself with people on the same journey as you.

I’ll never miss an opportunity to stress the importance of community on your journey, especially the one we’re on. Accountability is a critical part of the reboot process. While your reboot is a very personal journey, none of us have to do it alone. It’s so much easier to commit to the process and keep moving forward when you’re surrounded by other people doing the same thing.

So the first two steps: decide and develop resolve. Both of these lay the groundwork for the third step that I’ll share with you in the next post.

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The Third Step to Leveling Up Your Reboot

The Third Step to Leveling Up Your Reboot

I want to spend the next few posts sharing some tips on how to level up your reboot. I’m going to break my three-step process down into three separate posts and cover each step in-depth. These three steps are crucial in ensuring I follow through on whatever I set my mind to. Each is an imperative part of the process when I accomplish the goals I set for myself. 

Over the last few days, I wrote about the first two steps to leveling up your porn addiction recovery reboot and progressing in life as a whole. First, I covered the importance of making a firm decision without comparing yourself to others. Second, I covered how crucial it is to develop resolve, mentally prepare yourself for inevitable obstacles, and turn those obstacles into opportunities.

Today I bring you the most important step in the process. Without this you’ll never make the progress you so desperately hope to achieve. The third step to leveling up in your reboot, brother, is taking action, and you must take this step quickly. Speed is critical. 

You can’t say I’ll start tomorrow. You can’t say I’ll start once I install a filter on my device. You have to start NOW. Immediate action is vital because your limiting beliefs and habit patterns will keep you trapped in the same cycle you’ve been in for months or years. You cannot give those beliefs and behaviors a chance to pop up; they are powerful and will sabotage you every time. You have less than five seconds to act before your unconscious mind comes up with all sorts of reasons and excuses for slowing down.

I’ll use a simple example for this three-step process. Let’s say you decide you are going to start waking up early at 5:00 AM. Step one is done. Then you resolve to wake up despite any obstacles that arise, such as a late night with your kid, feeling very tired, your bed being too comfortable, whatever it is. This is a new opportunity for you to learn discipline and deal with resistance. Now you’ve done step two. 

Step three is to take action. What do you do when the alarm clock goes off the next morning? Your eyes should open and you should immediately jump out of bed. But lots of guys hit the wall when they reach this point. They decide to hit snooze just once and lay in bed for a few more minutes to gather their thoughts.

Boom. They’re already done for. They set the pace for their day with that one small decision.

Immediate action is crucial, brother. You need to jump out of bed immediately when your alarm goes off. You have five seconds to make that decision, resolve yourself, and take action, or your habit patterns that are years in the making will take over every single time.

Procrastination is not part of the routine of any successful rebooter. Men who end their out-of-control behavior with porn and masturbation and successfully rewire their brains are men who take action. That isn’t to say it’s something that happens overnight; you spent years building up this behavior and it will take at least a few weeks to break it back down. But that means weeks of immediate contrary action in the face of instant gratification.

Maybe you’re asking yourself right now, “What if I don’t have enough time to take action right now?” Perhaps it’s a big project that requires some serious man-hours. But here’s the thing: I don’t care. It doesn’t matter. You’re overthinking it. There is always at least one small action you can take to push back against your ingrained habits and move forward. You just need to do something to get started. 

For example, I always suggest new brothers in the group introduce themselves within the first 24 hours of joining. All it takes is a quick introduction to get yourself in the middle of the pack. But brothers who choose not to introduce themselves immediately are less likely to participate in the future. 

Your mind must receive the message that the task you’re working towards is so important that you must do it immediately. And you can’t tell me you aren’t used to taking immediate action, you just do it in the wrong direction. You’re probably great at taking immediate action toward distracting yourself. I’m sure you’re quick to jump on YouTube or some other website or app that you enjoy when you’re feeling a bit unmotivated. 

You apply these three steps but toward something that drags you backward. You decide to watch some videos or scroll on your phone. You resolve yourself to the idea that nothing will derail you from pursuing this relaxing distraction. And then you take immediate action.

See? You’re already using this three-step process. Now you need to use it to take action that will help you level up in your reboot, not down. Make a decision, resolve yourself, and take action. It’s that simple, brother. It takes time to develop this new habit but I’ve seen countless brothers do it, I know you’re more than capable of it, and the results that come from it will amaze you.

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