And I have decided that this will be my last year coaching.
Before I explain what that means, please allow me to share some basic data.
I’ve been porn free and rebooted for 16 years now.
I’ve been coaching for 12 years.
There are many stats I can share – but the most important one is the men who ended their out-of-control behavior.
In all honesty, my tracking of rebooted clients was sloppy till 2020, when I actually hired someone to track rebooted brothers.
All men were full-time members of our program. This data does not include the hundreds of men who ended or controlled their behavior using our free resources, nor does it include those still in the program who have yet to reboot.
2020: 282 men
2021: 238 men
2022: 264 men
2023: 323 men (out of those who enrolled in Dec 2022)
I don’t know if those numbers are “impressive” or not because I don’t give a sh*t what any other program or therapist accomplishes.
What I do know is that these men were done with this behavior inside of a year; their behavior was tracked, and their lives were transformed.
I love reboot coaching. It changed my life, the life of the Elevated Recovery team, and that of thousands of men.
However, as you can see from the numbers above – my impact is limited.
If we could add a “0” to the end of those numbers every two years or so, the world would be a much better place.
Growing older has me thinking of the impact I can make and HOW I can make it.
Right now – it isn’t through coaching. And let’s keep it real – 16 years is a long time. I don’t know what’s out there these days in terms of porn. I just know how to free men from its bondage.
The world is rapidly sexualizing and morally rotting.
You see it.
Sex trafficking, Onlyfans, AI girlfriends, normalization of child s*xual abuse…
It’s disgusting.
It is time for PornReboot to become a movement.
A force beyond me. Something which every rebooted man can teach other men.
That’s why 2024 will be my last year coaching men in groups.
I will still coach select clients one-on-one on a limited basis. You can learn more about that here.
I will remain the CEO of Elevated Recovery, but coaching in Elevated Recovery will be carried by our Certified Reboot Coaches – men who have been my personal clients and trained with me for 2-4 years while demonstrating mastery of their reboot.
Remember, we have coaching 7 Days a week in the Implementation program – sessions also run by Coach Milan, Dr. Eastman, etc. Personally, I will continue to coach my a$$ off until the end of this year.
Our goal is 700 men rebooted. More than double last year.
You can still catch me group coaching in the Implementation Program and every week in the Intensive program (which includes 1-1 coaching every Wednesday afternoon) through December 2024.
If you’d like to be coached by me during this last year of coaching to end your out-of-control behavior, schedule a call with my team here: https://elevatedrecovery.org/survey.
In today’s digitally interconnected world, where explicit content is just a click away, the issue of porn addiction has become increasingly prevalent. While the primary focus is often on the individual struggling with addiction, it’s equally important to recognize the significant ripple effect that porn addiction symptoms can have on relationships. This article will explore how porn addiction affects relationships and shed light on the often-overlooked consequences for partners and loved ones.
Porn addiction, also known as Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder (CSBD), is characterized by an individual’s inability to control their consumption of explicit sexual content, leading to negative consequences in various aspects of their life. It’s crucial to remember that porn addiction is a behavioral addiction, similar in many ways to substance addictions like drugs or alcohol.
The symptoms of porn addiction are not always immediately apparent and can vary from person to person. However, recognizing these symptoms is essential for understanding how they impact relationships.
The Impact of Porn Addiction Symptoms on Relationships
Betrayal and Trust Issues: One of the most significant impacts of porn addiction on relationships is the sense of betrayal experienced by partners. Discovering that a loved one has been consuming explicit material secretly can shatter trust. Partners often feel deceived and wonder what else their significant other might be hiding.
Emotional Distance: Porn addiction symptoms can lead to emotional distance in a relationship. The individual struggling with addiction may become emotionally detached or distant as their focus shifts towards pursuing explicit content. This emotional disconnection can leave their partner feeling isolated and neglected.
Communication Breakdown: Open and honest communication is the foundation of a healthy relationship. However, porn addiction can hinder communication between partners. Individuals struggling with addiction may avoid discussing their behavior, fearing judgment or confrontation. This lack of communication can lead to misunderstandings and frustration.
Intimacy Issues: Porn addiction can lead to intimacy issues in a relationship. The unrealistic portrayals of sex in pornography can create unrealistic expectations and fantasies that may be difficult to fulfill in a real-world connection. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy, frustration, and dissatisfaction for both partners.
Loss of Connection: As addiction deepens, individuals may spend more time seeking explicit content, leaving less time and energy for meaningful interactions with their partner. This loss of connection can result in a growing emotional chasm between partners.
Diminished Self-Esteem: Partners of individuals struggling with porn addiction may experience a decline in self-esteem. They may compare themselves to the idealized and unrealistic depictions in pornography, leading to feelings of insecurity and inadequacy.
Sexual Dysfunction: Porn addiction symptoms can lead to sexual dysfunction within a relationship. The individual struggling with addiction may experience difficulties achieving or maintaining arousal and struggle to engage in sexual activity with their partner.
Impact on Mental Health: The emotional toll of discovering a partner’s addiction can be significant and may lead to anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues for the affected partner. The secrecy and betrayal associated with porn addiction can exacerbate these mental health challenges.
Recognizing the Impact: How to Identify Porn Addiction Symptoms in a Relationship
Recognizing the signs of porn addiction symptoms within a relationship is essential. Here are some indicators to look out for:
Secrecy and Hiding Behavior: Partners who are secretive about their online activities or make efforts to hide their consumption of explicit content may be exhibiting signs of addiction.
Neglect of Relationship: If your partner increasingly prioritizes pornography over spending time with you or engaging in meaningful activities, it could be a sign of addiction.
Emotional Distress: Sudden changes in your partner’s emotional well-being, such as increased irritability, anxiety, or mood swings, may indicate an underlying issue, such as porn addiction.
Decline in Intimacy: A noticeable decline in physical intimacy or a lack of interest in sexual activity with you can be a sign that your partner’s sexual desires are being primarily fulfilled through pornography.
Communication Breakdown: If your attempts to discuss the issue or express concerns are consistently met with defensiveness, avoidance, or hostility, it may be a sign that your partner is grappling with addiction.
The Road to Recovery
Recognizing the impact of porn addiction on a relationship is the first step towards addressing the issue and seeking help. Here are some steps couples can take to navigate this challenging journey together:
Open and Honest Communication: Encourage open and non-judgmental communication between partners. Create a safe space where both individuals can share their feelings and concerns.
Seek Professional Help: Consult a therapist or counselor specializing in addiction and couples therapy. Professional guidance can help both partners understand the addiction and develop strategies for recovery.
Support Groups: Joining a support group for individuals dealing with addiction and their partners can provide a sense of community and understanding.
Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries and expectations within the relationship. Discuss what is acceptable and what is not regarding pornography and other forms of explicit content.
Empathy and Patience: Both partners should practice compassion and patience throughout recovery. Recovery can be a long and challenging journey, and supporting each other through ups and downs is essential.
Self-Care: Partners should prioritize self-care and well-being. Caring for mental and emotional health is crucial during this challenging time.
Conclusion
The ripple effect of porn addiction symptoms on relationships is profound and often underestimated. By recognizing the impact on trust, communication, intimacy, and emotional well-being, couples can take steps to address the issue together. Remember, seeking help and support is a positive and courageous step towards healing and rebuilding a healthy relationship. Let’s break the silence surrounding the impact of porn addiction on relationships and promote understanding and empathy in the journey to recovery.
In the digital age we live in, where access to explicit content is easier than ever before, the phenomenon of porn addiction has become a growing concern. While it often begins innocently as a mere curiosity, it can quickly progress into a full-fledged compulsion that affects an individual’s mental, emotional, and even physical well-being. Recognizing the signs of porn addiction symptoms is crucial in effectively understanding and addressing this issue. In this article, we will trace the path from curiosity to compulsion, shedding light on the evolving nature of porn addiction and the warning signs.
Understanding Porn Addiction
Porn addiction, clinically known as Compulsive Sexual Behavior Disorder (CSBD), refers to the inability to control the consumption of explicit sexual content, leading to negative consequences in various aspects of life. It’s essential to note that porn addiction is a behavioral addiction, similar in many ways to substance addictions like drugs or alcohol. The journey from curiosity to compulsion often unfolds subtly, making recognizing the early signs of porn addiction symptoms challenging.
Curiosity and Initial Exposure
The path to porn addiction typically begins with curiosity. It might start innocently, with a teenager stumbling upon explicit material online or an adult’s interest in exploring new experiences. The initial exposure to pornography is not necessarily problematic. It’s a natural curiosity about human sexuality that most people experience at some point.
However, this initial curiosity can lead to more frequent consumption if not managed responsibly. As access to explicit content becomes more accessible, the line between curiosity and regular consumption can blur.
Escalation in Consumption
One of the earliest signs of potential porn addiction symptoms is the escalation in consumption. What begins as occasional viewing out of curiosity can quickly progress to regular, even daily, consumption. This shift often occurs due to the powerful allure of explicit material, which can lead to increased interest and time spent engaging with it.
Individuals experiencing this escalation may prioritize porn over other activities, including work, social interactions, and personal responsibilities. This can be the first indicator that curiosity is turning into compulsion.
Emotional Impact
As porn consumption becomes more frequent, individuals may experience emotional changes. They might feel guilt or shame about their growing interest in explicit content, especially if it conflicts with their values or beliefs. This emotional turmoil is a significant red flag for potential porn addiction symptoms.
Moreover, individuals struggling with porn addiction may find it increasingly challenging to manage their emotions. They may use pornography to cope with stress, anxiety, or loneliness, leading to a cycle of emotional dependence on explicit material.
Neglecting Responsibilities
A hallmark sign of porn addiction symptoms is the neglect of responsibilities. As consumption escalates, individuals may find it challenging to balance their obligations at work, in school, or in their personal lives. This neglect can result in decreased productivity, missed deadlines, and strained relationships with friends and family members.
When the pursuit of pornography begins to interfere with one’s ability to meet their responsibilities and fulfill their commitments, it becomes evident that curiosity has evolved into something more problematic.
Escalation of Content
Another concerning aspect of porn addiction is the escalation of the content being consumed. What started as curiosity about human sexuality can evolve into a search for more extreme or explicit material. This can lead to an individual seeking out content that they once found shocking or unacceptable.
This escalation in content consumption indicates that curiosity has transformed into a compulsion to find increasingly stimulating material, a classic sign of porn addiction.
Failed Attempts to Quit
Individuals who realize their consumption of explicit content has become problematic may attempt to quit or reduce their habit. However, one of the defining features of addiction is the repeated failure to quit or control the behavior. Those with porn addiction symptoms often make sincere promises to themselves or loved ones to stop but return to the same behavior shortly after.
These failed attempts to quit can be demoralizing and contribute to a sense of helplessness, as the compulsion to consume pornography appears beyond their control.
Isolation and Secrecy
As the addiction deepens, individuals may become increasingly secretive about their behavior. They might clear their browsing history, use private browsing modes, or create separate email accounts to hide their activities. This secrecy is a way to protect the addiction and avoid judgment or intervention.
Simultaneously, individuals grappling with porn addiction symptoms may withdraw from social activities, preferring to spend more time alone. This isolation often stems from shame or embarrassment about their behavior.
Impact on Relationships
One of the most devastating consequences of porn addiction is its impact on relationships. Partners of individuals struggling with porn addiction often feel betrayed, hurt, and inadequate due to their loved one’s excessive consumption of explicit material. This can lead to strained relationships and, in severe cases, separation or divorce.
Recognizing that addiction is not just a personal struggle but also affecting one’s relationships is a significant turning point in acknowledging the depth of the problem.
Seeking Help for Porn Addiction Symptoms
Recognizing these subtle porn addiction symptoms is a critical first step toward addressing the issue. It’s essential to remember that addiction is treatable, and seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
If you or someone you know is struggling with porn addiction symptoms, consider taking the following steps:
Self-reflection: Reflect on your behavior and its impact on your life and relationships.
Professional help: Consult a therapist or counselor specializing in addiction for personalized support and guidance.
Support groups: Joining a support group for individuals dealing with porn addiction can provide a sense of community and understanding.
Open communication: If you suspect a loved one is struggling with porn addiction, approach the topic with empathy and open communication to encourage them to seek help.
Digital detox: Consider limiting access to explicit content using website blockers and filters.
Conclusion
The journey from curiosity to compulsion in the realm of pornography addiction can be a perilous one. By recognizing the subtle porn addiction symptoms along this path, we hope to encourage open conversations about this issue and provide support and resources for those in need. Remember, you are not alone; help is available for those seeking it. Let’s break the silence surrounding porn addiction and help individuals find their way back to a healthier, more balanced life.
In the vast expanse of the digital world, where information and entertainment are just a click away, a darker concern looms beneath the surface – the signs of porn dependency. While technology has undeniably reshaped our lives for the better, it has also paved the way for addictive behaviors to take root, often unnoticed. Navigating these shadows and understanding the signs is vital for those affected and society as a whole.
The Digital Dilemma: Unveiling the World of Porn Dependency
The internet has revolutionized how we interact with information, each other, and the world. It brought convenience, connectivity, and endless possibilities. Yet, alongside these advancements emerged a new challenge – porn dependency. This hidden struggle revolves around the compulsive consumption of explicit content fueled by the ease of access and the allure of anonymity.
At its core, porn dependency is an addiction that can grip individuals of all backgrounds, ages, and genders. The signs of porn addiction symptoms can be elusive, often camouflaged by societal norms and shame. However, the consequences of this dependency can reverberate through personal lives, relationships, and mental well-being.
To truly navigate the shadows of porn dependency, we must first understand the signs that mark its presence. Recognizing these signs is essential for early intervention and support. Here are some common indicators:
Escalating Consumption: One of the most prominent signs of porn addiction symptoms is the escalation of consumption. What may begin as occasional exploration can quickly become a daily compulsion, consuming increasing time and energy.
Secretive Behavior: Individuals grappling with porn dependency often engage in mysterious behavior. This includes isolating themselves to indulge in explicit content constantly feeling guilt and shame afterward.
Neglecting Responsibilities: As porn dependency tightens its grip, individuals may neglect their responsibilities at work, school, or home. The time invested in consuming explicit content begins to eclipse other essential aspects of life.
Diminished Intimacy: A significant impact of porn dependency is the strain it places on personal relationships. Individuals may struggle to maintain genuine emotional connections, leading to feelings of isolation and disconnection.
Distorted Perception: Extended exposure to explicit content can distort an individual’s perception of sexuality, intimacy, and relationships. This distortion can impact real-life interactions and expectations.
Breaking the Silence: Confronting Porn Addiction Symptoms
Confronting the signs of porn addiction symptoms requires a willingness to break the silence. Shame and stigma often shroud these struggles, preventing individuals from seeking help or acknowledging the issue. Fostering an environment where open discussions can occur without judgment is essential.
Seeking Help: A Critical Step Towards Recovery
Recognizing the signs of porn dependency is only the first step toward recovery. For those facing this challenge, seeking professional help is paramount. Mental health professionals specializing in addiction can provide tailored strategies, coping mechanisms, and support to address the root causes of the dependency.
Support Network: A Source of Strength
While navigating the shadows of porn dependency, having a support network can make a difference. Friends, family, and partners are crucial in offering understanding, compassion, and encouragement. Creating a safe space for individuals to share their struggles can empower them to seek help and embark on recovery.
A Journey to Liberation: Embracing Recovery
Understanding the signs of porn dependency is pivotal to paving the way for recovery. Recovery isn’t merely about abstaining from explicit content; it involves addressing the underlying emotional and psychological triggers. It’s a journey of self-discovery, healing, and rediscovering healthier ways to navigate the digital landscape.
In conclusion, navigating the shadows of porn dependency is an endeavor that requires collective awareness and empathy. We can shed light on this hidden struggle by understanding the signs of porn addiction symptoms, fostering open conversations, and supporting those in need. Ultimately, the journey towards recovery is a testament to the strength of the human spirit, reminding us that liberation from dependency is possible with the right resources, guidance, and unwavering support.
In the era of rapid technological advancement, our lives have become intricately intertwined with digital devices and online platforms. From communication and education to entertainment and work, technology has undoubtedly transformed the way we interact with the world around us. However, as we embrace the conveniences and opportunities that technology offers, we must also confront the potential risks it poses, particularly when it comes to sensitive issues like porn addiction symptoms.
Unveiling the Digital Landscape: A Blessing and a Challenge
The digital landscape has revolutionized how we access information, connect with others, and navigate daily tasks. With a tap of our fingertips, we can explore new horizons, engage in global conversations, and indulge in a myriad of entertainment options. This transformation has undoubtedly brought numerous benefits, but it has also ushered in challenges, including easy access to explicit content such as pornography.
In recent years, concerns about pornography addiction symptoms have gained momentum. The digital age has ushered in a new era of accessibility, where explicit material is available at the click of a button. While not everyone who consumes explicit content will develop an addiction, the risk is pronounced for individuals susceptible to addictive behaviors.
The Conundrum of Pornography Addiction Symptoms
Pornography addiction symptoms, like any form of addiction, can profoundly impact an individual’s physical and mental well-being. The easy availability of explicit content on digital platforms has contributed to the escalation of this issue. What begins as casual curiosity can evolve into a compulsive behavior that consumes an individual’s time, energy, and mental health.
The fine line between technology use and abuse becomes evident in pornography addiction symptoms. Technology acts as both the enabler and the catalyst for this addiction. The anonymity it provides allows individuals to engage in compulsive behavior without immediate accountability, exacerbating the symptoms of addiction.
Escalation Amplified by Technology: The Role of Dopamine
Technology’s role in escalating pornography addiction symptoms is closely tied to the brain’s reward system. When exposed to explicit content, the brain releases dopamine—a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward. With the vast and varied explicit content available online, the brain’s reward system can become dysregulated, leading to an increased craving for more intense material.
Furthermore, the digital environment creates a continuous cycle of anticipation and reward. Frequent exposure to explicit content can lead to desensitization, causing individuals to seek even more extreme material to achieve the same level of satisfaction. This cycle perpetuates the symptoms of addiction, making it increasingly challenging for individuals to regain control.
Strategies for Navigating the Fine Line
Given the complex interplay between technology and pornography addiction symptoms, how can individuals navigate this fine line between responsible use and potential abuse?
Education and Awareness: Knowledge is the first line of defense. Educating oneself about the signs and symptoms of pornography addiction is crucial. Open discussions about the potential risks of explicit content can raise awareness and encourage responsible digital behavior.
Mindful Consumption: Practicing mindfulness while using technology can help individuals make conscious choices. By being aware of their intentions and emotional responses, individuals can reduce the risk of falling into compulsive behavior patterns.
Setting Boundaries: Establishing boundaries with technology is essential. Setting screen time limits, using website blockers, and creating technology-free zones in living spaces can help mitigate the risk of excessive exposure to explicit content.
Seeking Support: For individuals struggling with pornography addiction symptoms, seeking professional help is paramount. Therapists, counselors, and support groups can provide the guidance and strategies needed to overcome addiction and regain control.
The Path Forward: Embracing Responsible Technology Use
The role of technology in our lives is undeniable, and its impact on sensitive issues like pornography addiction symptoms cannot be ignored. As we tread the path of the digital age, we must strike a balance between harnessing the benefits of technology and safeguarding our mental and emotional well-being.
We can create a healthier digital environment by fostering open conversations, promoting awareness, and implementing strategies for responsible technology use. Navigating the fine line between technology use and potential abuse requires vigilance, self-awareness, and a commitment to maintaining a harmonious relationship with the digital world.
Is that hard for you to believe? If so, you aren’t alone. A brother in the free Porn Reboot Facebook group heard it on another YouTube channel and brought it to our group. He was having trouble wrapping his head around the idea that sex isn’t necessarily the thing to strive for. The way he sees it, men strive to work and generate wealth so they can attract women into their lives.
I notice this a lot with men who are still early on in their reboot. If you’re thinking this way you’re not the only one, but it also indicates where you’re at in your reboot. When men first start their reboot, they believe they need to experience a lot of novelty relationships with different women in order to feel satisfied.
Now don’t get me wrong – you’re biologically wired to think this way. At the same time, your pornography addiction destroyed your natural biological functioning over the years and left you thinking that sex is the end goal. It creates the false idea that your whole purpose as a man is to have sex with women. This seems to be especially true if you are a man who isn’t particularly successful with women to begin with.
I want to make it clear that I don’t believe having sex with a variety of beautiful women is a bad thing. In fact, I think it’s a wonderful thing and it’s something that I experienced and enjoyed before my committed relationship. If you don’t have any cultural or religious beliefs holding you back from that, go ahead and explore that aspect of life as a man if you would like to.
At the same time, don’t think that simply generating wealth and becoming a high-value man will automatically give you opportunities to have sex. There are plenty of men with little to no capital who can still pull women because they’re high-value in their own way. You don’t have to be a wealthy man to sleep with women.
As you progress in your reboot, you’ll start realizing that sex for the sake of sex isn’t necessarily success. Porn wants you to think that sex is the greatest thing you can get but there are far more important things to work for. But once you’re free from your porn addiction symptoms you can create your own definition of what success is.
Instead of building wealth to pull women, why don’t you build wealth to pursue freedom? Wealth provides you with freedom to live where you want, freedom of time, freedom from depending on others, freedom to pursue things you’re truly interested in, and more.
Success doesn’t necessarily mean wealth, either. Plenty of men define success by the quality of the family they have, by keeping their relationship strong, and by raising confident, independent children. Others view success through the lens of their spiritual or religious pursuits and draw a great sense of joy and purpose from them.
Another great definition of success is giving back and being of service. I’m one of those people who finds deep fulfillment in helping others. Now that I’ve overcome my compulsive sexual behavior, there are plenty of times I’m interested in being of service than I am in having sex.
Sure, sex will come as a byproduct of your success and there’s nothing wrong with that. But pursuing sex as the end goal or the definition of success will leave you feeling empty and hollow. Sex for the sake of sex is a biological need but it’s far from fulfilling when it’s the only pursuit in your life. Pursue things that interest you instead and you’ll find much more contentment in life. After that, sex will simply be an added bonus.
If you’ve read our blog for a while you’ll know this isn’t the first time I’ve written about the stages of the Porn Reboot system.
I like to cover the topic often, though, because it’s something that men ask a lot of questions about. Many brothers want to know which stage of their reboot they’re in and when they pass from one stage to the next.
We’ve had some changes in the system since I last wrote about the Porn Reboot stages so it’s time for an update.
Stage One: Pre-Reboot
The Pre-Reboot stage occurs when you’re still realizing that you struggle with out-of-control sexual behavior. You’re motivated to find something that will help you change your habits and behavior that you’ve struggled to control on your own. But you’re still not sure whether the problem is truly as serious as you think.
There are three primary goals during the Pre-Reboot stage. First, you need to fully recognize your compulsive behavior. You must understand that you have a problem with pornography and out-of-control sexual behavior and that it’s negatively impacting your life.
Second, you need to agree to behavior control. This doesn’t mean you have to decide to quit for good from the very first day but you do have to acknowledge that something needs to be done about your behaviors.
Third, you need to prepare yourself for dealing with the current crises in your life and the inevitable withdrawal that occurs. Maybe your marriage or long-term relationship is breaking down. You might feel stuck in your career or business, held back by your compulsive behaviors. Or worse, your porn use may be progressing into illegal material.
Finally, you need to allow others to help you. You’ll feel a lot of fear and resistance during the Pre-Reboot stage. Your limiting beliefs will crop up and try to convince you that you can’t fully commit to the process. But you’ll also begin to develop the trust and hope you need to move forward with your reboot when you open up and let others help you along the way.
Mastery of Stage One happens when you fully trust the Porn Reboot system with no excuses. You have no excuses to backtrack, quit, procrastinate, wait for the right time, speak to the right person, or even the old, threadbare idea that you can do it on your own. Once you have no more reservations left and are ready to commit, you’ve completed the Pre-Reboot stage.
Stage Two: Early Reboot
Stage Two is the Early Reboot stage. You’ve accepted that you have a problem with porn and compulsive sexual behavior and are ready to do something about it. You’re part of the Porn Reboot system now, whether that’s our free group or the implementation group, and know that it’s time to do some work.
The first goal of the Early porn addiction recovery stage is to finish processing the crises that brought you to the Porn Reboot system. Whether you lost your family, drove your business into the ground, ruined your career, or simply had a “come to Jesus” moment when you realized you couldn’t keep going doing what you were doing.
The second goal is to overcome any distractions that might arise and derail you from rebooting. You must be ready to deal with the strong emotions, the unresolved issues, and the stress that arises once you remove your coping mechanisms. Stage Two is when you recognize and eliminate these distractions without turning to porn and masturbation to do so.
Think about how many times you jerk off during the day. Wake up in the morning? Masturbate. Come back home after a heavy day at the gym? Masturbate. See a hot girl at the grocery store? Masturbate. Finish up a long day at the office? Masturbate. Get into an argument with your wife? Masturbate.
This is exactly what we’re trying to combat during Stage Two. You’re going to learn skills to handle these situations without masturbating. You will set goals, develop routines, cultivate strong motivation, generate discipline and diligence, and learn to be fully present in each moment of your day.
Each of these skills is a win. You want to begin working to reach a place where you rely on these skills instead of pornography to make it through difficult moments. Developing them and experiencing these early wins is critical to building back your self-esteem. As self-esteem grows, you gather motivation and momentum that pushes you further along in your reboot.
The dangers of Stage Two include resistance, procrastination, fatigue, impatience, boredom, and apathy. You might find yourself feeling like you want to move through the process faster or bored with the routine of your new behavior-free life. If you choose not to apply your newfound skills and instead give in to these feelings, you’ll relapse before you even realize what’s happening.
Erectile dysfunction is a problem that lots of men deal with when they first arrive at the Porn Reboot program. Years of compulsive pornography use and masturbation can impact your ability to achieve a natural erection. Eventually, the problem often reaches a point where you have to watch porn if you want to get hard.
Left untreated, porn-induced erectile dysfunction can progress into ED that lasts even after you’ve controlled your sexual behavior. It can be very disheartening to learn that you still have erectile dysfunction after you’ve invested money, time, and energy to end your behavior. That’s why it is crucial for you to address your PIED as soon as possible.
I want to preface this by saying you may not find some of this information in academic journals or publications. That doesn’t make what I have to share on the matter any less significant, though. I’ve developed this understanding over my 10 years of working with men and helping them control their porn addiction problems and out-of-control sexual behavior.
So, what exactly is the root cause of erectile dysfunction?
Cialis and Viagra Are A Crutch
I want to address this before I get too far into the topic. Some guys think their ED is under control because they can always turn to Cialis or Viagra to get them going. Sure, it might work as a temporary solution but do you really want to rely on pills for the rest of your life? What happens if you reach a point where the pills don’t work, either?
Ultimately, Cialis and Viagra are only a crutch. They’re a temporary solution. They may work for now but they’re only making it harder for you to gain control over the problem and work through your erectile dysfunction. Three are too many guys who really believe in them but the truth is these pills only hold them back.
Cialis, Viagra, and other erectile dysfunction medications do nothing to solve the problem. They only put a bandaid over the issue and delay your seeking a true, lasting solution to your ED. If you put these pills to the side and focus on your reboot, you will more than likely regain your ability to achieve natural erections.
Mental Causes of ED
Achieving an erection is oftentimes a huge mental game. Your mindset often determines whether you’ll be able to get hard or not. There are plenty of mental things that can keep you stuck in a cycle of erectile dysfunction.
Fight or Flight Response
Human beings evolved to have a fight or flight response in situations where we feel anxious or threatened. Remember that survival ranks higher than sex in the hierarchy of human needs. This means if your nervous system is in a state of fight-or-flight, you’re not going to get or maintain an erection.
Let’s say you haven’t had sex in a while and you’re on a date. Everything is going well and it’s clear that the two of you are going to have sex later on. If you start freaking out because it’s been so long since you’ve been intimate with someone, you’re likely to send yourself into a state of fight or flight mode and keep yourself from getting hard.
Lack of Sexual Arousal
If you’ve never had sex before or it’s been a while since you’ve had sex, the only recent experiences you have are through porn. I want to remind you, brother, that sex in real life is much different than what you see on the screen. Things may not look, sound, or smell the way you’ve imagined they would and could keep you from feeling aroused.
One solution to this problem is to notice attractive things about the woman you’re with from the beginning. If you have trouble feeling aroused when you start to get intimate, think about whatever it is you find attractive about her and focus on it. Bring that thing front and center in your mind so you can maintain your arousal throughout the experience.
Not Being Present
It’s almost impossible to achieve an erection when you can’t be present in the moment. If you’re nervous and thinking about different things it’s going to make it much more difficult to get hard. Maybe you’re thinking about the next move you’re going to try, maybe you’re worried about the size of your penis, or maybe you’re concerned about your ED.
Obsessing over these things pulls you out of the moment and will make it impossible to get an erection. You must work on staying present in the moment if you want to overcome your erectile dysfunction.
Physical Causes of ED
Achieving an erection isn’t only a mental game, it’s a physical one, too. There are various physical aspects that affect your ability to get hard. You have to address these physical causes, too, before you can overcome your PIED.
Low Testosterone Levels
Low testosterone levels are at the center of a lot of problems for men. Decreased energy, lack of focus, and reduction in sex drive are only part of the equation. Low testosterone levels are also oftentimes responsible for erectile dysfunction.
If you’re struggling with ED or PIED, you need to go to your doctor and get your testosterone levels checked. I recommend it for every man who comes to the porn addiction recovery – Reboot program. Getting your testosterone levels right will make a massive difference not only for your ED but for your overall quality of life.
Weak Pelvic Floor
Having a weak pelvic floor will make it difficult for you to get an erection. You spent more time viewing pornography, edging, and masturbating than you did having actual sex. This resulted in weakened pelvic floor muscles after years of you misusing them.
You can strengthen your pelvic floor muscles with an exercise called Kegels. You may have heard of them as an exercise for females but Kegels work for men, too, and they’ll result in a more enjoyable sexual experience for you.
Low Nitric Oxide
Nitric oxide is responsible for relaxing your blood vessels, resulting in relaxed penile muscle tissue. If your blood vessels are too constricted, there won’t be enough blood flow for you to achieve an erection.
While you can use ED pills like Viagra or Cialis to solve low nitric oxide levels, there are better ways of fixing the problem. Proper diet and supplementation are two vital ways to restore your nitric oxide levels instead of relying on temporary fixes from pills.
Poor Lifestyle Choices
You have two main arteries in your penile region and not caring for your physical health can cause a plaque buildup in them. Making poor choices such as living a sedentary lifestyle, drinking too much alcohol, or smoking can create difficulties when it comes to achieving an erection.
Changing your choices can have a massive impact on your erectile dysfunction. There are different things you can do to improve your physical health that will carry over into your sexual health. This is crucial if you’re struggling with erectile dysfunction.
Addressing the Causes of Erectile Dysfunction
Now that you understand the causes of erectile dysfunction and porn-induced erectile dysfunction, you need to know how to address them. I’m going to turn this blog post into a series so I can get more in-depth with these solutions. ED and PIED are serious problems for many men in the program and I want to dedicate the proper time and attention to the solution.
In the meantime, why don’t you join us in the Porn Reboot Facebook group? If you’re having a hard time with erectile dysfunction, you’ll find many men who are in the same boat as you. Let us know who you are and get into the middle of the group and you’ll find many guys ready and waiting to support you along the way.
If you’ve read our blog for a while you’ll know this isn’t the first time I’ve written about the stages of the Porn Reboot system.
I like to cover the topic often, because it’s something that men ask a lot of questions about. Many brothers want to know which stage of their reboot they’re in and when they pass from one stage to the next.
We’ve had some changes in the system since I last wrote about the Porn Reboot stages so it’s time for an update. A few days ago I wrote about the first three stages of the porn addiction counseling – Porn Reboot system. Today I’m going to write about Stage Four and Stage Five.
Stage Three: Middle Reboot
You reach Stage Three once you’ve committed to the process of long-term rebooting. You’re starting to overcome the lack of motivation, distraction, negativity, and impatience that arose when you first experienced withdrawals. You may not notice any immediate results but are willing to stick with the system for the long run.
Porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior shrink your life down to a very small, isolated existence. You’re not as concerned with things like going to the gym, having an active social life, or connecting with your spirituality. You neglect and abandon these different areas of your life as your compulsive behaviors take over.
Now that the Pre-Reboot and Early Reboot stages set your healthy habits firmly in place you can shift your attention to your lifestyle. You can focus most of your time and energy on your mindset and behaviors. Stage Three is when you start to build these forgotten but crucial areas of your life back up.
The Middle Reboot stage is also when you begin to develop a new identity. Since you’re not as consumed by porn addiction problems and masturbation, you have time to engage in activities that you enjoy. You no longer see yourself as hopeless or too far gone; you finally see that you have a chance to eliminate and overcome your compulsive behavior.
Skills you need to develop during Stage Three include increased awareness and not taking your reboot for granted. The second one is especially important because you’re starting to make progress now that you’re maintaining a consistent routine. This progress may lead you to believe that you can let off the gas a bit, but doing so will put you in the headspace for a relapse.
One of the significant dangers at this stage of your reboot is the feeling of being stuck. At this point some men find themselves overwhelmed with guilt that keeps them from taking further action. The guilt stems from remembering the things they have done, behaviors they engaged in, or people they have hurt.
The overwhelming guilt is something that most men experience at one point or another during Stage Three. If you experience it during the Middle Reboot stage you’re far from alone. This is why it’s so important to have a guide that’s been through the process before you. You have someone who can walk you through these challenging emotions that begin to arise.
Another danger of Stage Three is finding yourself distracted by other self-improvement strategies. Now that you’re no longer acting out you may feel the need to look in other areas for additional paths to improvement. While there’s nothing wrong with finding complementary approaches, you want to make sure that nothing takes precedence over your reboot.
Stage Four: Late Reboot
One of the major parts of Stage Four is addressing and working through the problems that brought you to porn addiction recovery in the first place. Stages One through Three keep most of the focus on you from overcoming your behavior to setting your new habits firmly in place.
The Late Reboot stage is when you can begin to tackle these external circumstances. Maybe you’re a man who is separated from your wife because of your behavior. You might not have the right to see your children because of your behavior. Perhaps you’re a single guy who’s avoided dating due to your porn-induced erectile dysfunction.
Whatever your particular circumstances are, Stage Four is when we start working through these. Part of this process involves changing your self-image and learning to develop true intimacy. You’ll only develop stronger relationships with healthy intimacy once you feel comfortable with yourself.
The skills you’ll build during the Late Reboot stage are self-trust, relationship skills, learning to live with pain, and asking people to meet your needs. Most men in the program never learned how to do these things because we shied away from the discomfort and sunk into our compulsive behaviors to self-medicate. However, each of these is a critical component of establishing strong relationships with people in your life.
Dangers of Stage Four include the fear of venturing into the unknown. You’re in situations that you’ve either never experienced or haven’t been in in years. You will feel worried about making a mistake or making the wrong decisions. This is a normal part of the process but allowing these fears and worries to completely consume you puts you at the risk of a relapse.
Another danger of this stage is the belief that you have no control over your life. Stages One through Three were about setting new habits in place. Now that you operate in the confines of these new routines, you’ll find there are certain things you can’t do anymore. Recognize that things like staying out late, binge drinking, or sleeping in aren’t the most conducive activities to building the life you want. You might slip if you allow resentment to take over instead.
The biggest danger of the Late Reboot stage is letting your attention stray from your reboot. Everything you’ve done up to this point, your routine, learning skills, and building reboot capital, all of it is necessary to be successful. If you neglect to keep working on these things, relapse is inevitable. No matter what happens in your life, keep your reboot the primary focus and everything else will work itself out.
Stage Five: Maintenance Stage
Stage Five is the Maintenance Stage. At this point your routine is in place, you’ve developed the skills you need, your relationships are stronger than ever before. You’ve built up a good amount of reboot capital, feel better about yourself, and are in the process of mending the situations that brought you to your breaking point.
Your focus during the Maintenance State is fixing the long-term neurological damage caused by your porn addiction and compulsive behavior. This is the stage where the true rewiring of your brain takes place. You’re removing old thought patterns that took years to establish and replacing them with newer, healthier patterns.
The goals in the Maintenance Stage are further growth and development. This is where you learn how to sustain your emotional control. When you deal with highly stressful situations that most normal people would crack under, you’re reaching a point where they no longer phase you.
You’ll come up against situations that you would have medicated with porn and masturbation in the past but realize that you don’t even consider these behaviors an option anymore. Pornography isn’t something you think of using to combat discomfort; you’ve learned to face and handle situations without hiding.
Stage Five is when you begin experiencing long periods of happiness, joy, and contentment that last. This is an important distinction: you’re no longer chasing short stints of false happiness through dopamine release; you’re now in a place where happiness is your state of being.
Sure, life will still happen. You’re going to have moments where you’re upset or angry, but these feelings are temporary now. They don’t consume you the way they used to in the past. You return to your state of contentment and peace without needing to act out on your compulsive behavior.
Overconfidence and complacency are the two most dangerous threats to Stage Five. While you no longer necessarily need the Porn Recovery Program once you’re at this stage, taking it easy is not an option. Being in the Maintenance Stage doesn’t mean you’re “healed” or “cured.” It means exactly what it says, that you need to maintain your success through continued action.
Overconfidence will have you thinking that you’ve got this, that maybe you were making a big deal out of nothing. You might convince yourself that you can go back to your old stomping grounds or spend time with buddies from before. Getting into this mindset is a slippery slope that will put you on a path to relapse faster than you realize.
There is never a time where you’ll be able to watch porn “normally”, brother. Even when you’re in the Maintenance Stage and no longer need the Porn Reboot program, you must remember what brought you to this program in the first place. You were crushed by a crisis you couldn’t overcome alone. Don’t take yourself back to that space. Stay the course and continue forward in this beautiful life that you’ve built back up.
Finding Support at Every Stage
The Porn Reboot program consists of two groups: the paid intensive group and the free Facebook group. If you’re new to the porn addiction recovery program and wondering whether the intensive is right for you, come check us out on Facebook. We’re a strong group of men in varying stages of our reboots and ready to offer support wherever you might be in yours.
You never need to handle your reboot alone, brother. Join us and find yourself immediately surrounded by a group of brothers who understand your struggle and are actively working to overcome their behaviors. It doesn’t matter whether you’re in Stage One or Stage Five; there’s a place for you among us.
They can be a helpful way to keep you off of and away from sites that you know will send you right back to relapsing. You can use them to block the websites you usually use to watch porn and are useful for some people.
On the other hand, porn filters are also easy to get around. There are so many sites that contain pornographic content that you couldn’t possibly filter all of them out. And I also see far too many men put the responsibility for their recovery on these filters. If the filter fails they blame it for their relapse instead of looking at their behavior.
Are porn filters reliable or are they a waste of time? Is placing that power into the hands of a computer program the right way to approach your reboot?
If you’re serious about ending your behavior with pornography, porn filters only act as a band-aid over the real problem. Most men in the Porn Reboot program are past the point where it’s about pornography; it’s about the rush of feel-good chemicals released by the entire process of their compulsive behavior.
Slapping a porn filter on your web browser isn’t a long-term solution. It may keep you away from porn for a few days or a few weeks but it’s not going to keep you away for months or years. Staying off of porn requires a shift in your entire mindset and lifestyle, not just a computer program that blocks you from “bad sites.”
If you truly want to control your out-of-control behavior, you’ll do the work it takes to overcome your problem. Things like NoFap and semen retention are the same type of approach. Sure, they solve the porn problem for a short period but they don’t address what your problem actually is. They won’t lead to any lasting change.
There’s nothing wrong with using a filter in the beginning stages of your reboot when you’re still learning to control your behavior. They can be a great tool to keep you away from those tempting sites. But they can’t be the first and last line of defense against your pornography addiction. If you have a serious porn problem then they will not make any long-term difference.
However, if you use them as part of a comprehensive approach to ending your behavior with porn and masturbation, then you’re using them for the right reasons. Porn filters aren’t a waste of time when you know they aren’t the true solution to your problem. If you’re going to install a porn filter and think that’s the end of things, then they’re not worth it for you.
