Discover 7 Secrets To Eliminate Porn Addiction Forever


Sharing Fetishes with Accountability Partners

Sharing Fetishes with Accountability Partners

Today’s post comes from a great question our brother brought to the group recently. He asked:

“I’ve been struggling with relapsing lately and notice that I get triggered in my day-to-day public life due to my fetishes. I’ve been mostly open with my accountability partners about where I am. A week ago, I broke out of relapse by being open and speaking about feeling overwhelmed with urges and negative thinking. 

“So far I’ve not felt comfortable sharing details about my fetishes and what triggers me because it leaves me with deep feelings of shame. Is it important to be explicit about my fetishes or behaviors with my accountability partners? Is this the same as being vulnerable? What is your advice regarding details I should or shouldn’t share?”

This is a great question. I know that all of us are familiar with the feeling of shame. We spent months, years, or decades consumed by overwhelming amounts of shame. It’s difficult to end your out-of-control behavior and still feel some level of that shame about your normal, natural sexual behavior.

Personally, I don’t believe that fetishes are a bad thing. Unless it’s a porn-induced fetish that you aren’t truly aroused by, fetishes are a normal part of sexuality. In all my years of talking to men about their out-of-control behavior, I haven’t once heard of one that made me think a brother is weird or disturbed. Human sexuality is a fascinating thing and fetishes are a natural part of it.

However, I also don’t believe that you need to share your fetishes with everyone. They are a private part of your personal life that not everyone gets to know about. You must build trust first before sharing more intimate details about yourself and your life. You don’t have to tell everyone about everything; that’s not honesty or vulnerability, that’s oversharing caused by a lack of boundaries.

Vulnerability means courage. It involves doing or talking about something that you aren’t completely comfortable with. Not everyone deserves your vulnerability right off the bat, though. You want to strongly consider the people who you choose to share deeper things like this with.

I think this brother needs to share about his fetishes with his accountability partners especially if they put him at risk of relapsing. It’s good to have a few people you can turn to and talk with about these parts of your life. However, just like it takes time to develop trust with anyone in your life, it takes time to develop trust with your accountability partners. 

Shame is a powerful feeling that keeps many of us living in mental or emotional isolation. Thinking on how to stop porn addiction and Breaking through that shame barrier takes time but I guarantee that your accountability partners have things they want to share, too. If you reach a place where you feel comfortable sharing, I bet your accountability partner will share a thing or two himself.

I think it’s important to have a small group of trusted men whom you can be vulnerable with. This includes sharing your fetishes with these brothers once you’ve built enough trust in one another. Having a primary group keeps you from feeling like you have to move through the world by yourself, or like you can’t relate to or connect with anyone. 

If you don’t have any accountability partners yet, I invite you to join us in the free Porn Reboot Facebook group. The group is filled with hundreds of men who understand the struggles of living with an out-of-control sexual behavior as well as the feeling of finding freedom from it. Plenty of guys are willing to talk with you and step up as accountability partners.

One of the best things about the Porn Reboot program is that you never need to feel alone again. The moment you join us and get in the middle, you’ll find yourself surrounded by a brotherhood of incredible men. I look forward to seeing you in the group!


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Top 10 Porn Addiction Symptoms: No Attraction to Real-Life Partners

Top 10 Porn Addiction Symptoms: No Attraction to Real-Life Partners

Porn addiction is a serious problem for thousands of men around the world. I know this is true because I’ve worked with many of them in my almost 15 years of building the Porn Reboot program. It’s something that can destroy a man’s life and strip him of everything worth living for when it gets bad enough.

Pornography is a growing issue, especially for men who are exposed to it during their younger years. Excessive porn use alters natural brain chemistry and causes a wide range of negative effects. Are you wondering whether your pornography use might be a problem? Over the next few weeks, I want to cover 10 of the most common porn addiction problems I see among men seeking help in the Porn Reboot program. These include:

Pornography functions by constructing a false world. It’s one where people (mostly women) exist solely as objects for the pleasure of those watching the videos. The vapid, shallow “storylines” serve as a vehicle for the entire point of porn: sex. There is nothing romantic, loving, or intimate about pornography. It’s an imaginary illusion that holds little to no weight in the real world.

But compulsive pornography use puts you in this false reality day in and day out. Your constant consumption of these videos warps your perception of how relationships and sex work in real life. Most women aren’t actually interested in doing the things you see depicted frequently in porn.

Frequent pornography use also exposes you to unrealistic standards of physical beauty. Most women in porn pump themselves up with implants and fillers, sculpting bodies that don’t typically exist in the real world. When you see video after video and image after image of these Barbie doll bodies, though, you begin to think that every woman should look this way. 

Losing interest in real-life partners is a telltale sign of pornography addiction. This was the biggest indicator that porn was a problem for me. As my porn use escalated, I completely lost all sexual interest in the woman I was with at the time. The more I sunk into my porn addiction symptoms, the less I found myself aroused by any of the women I saw in real life.

It also warped my expectations of what women should look like and the types of women that I deserved to be with. Never mind that I had no dating skills or much to offer; I believed that I needed to be with women like those I saw in the pornography I watched at home.

I see this a lot in men I work with in the Porn Reboot program. They develop unrealistic standards for the women they date while bringing little or nothing to the table. If you find yourself holding these high standards or wholly losing interest in real-life women, your porn use may be a problem.

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